Kristian Hanson, The Craptastic Writer, Makes Our New Year

In this business, true friends are hard to come by. There's a shit ton of bullshit out there and you get fed it by the heaping spoonfuls if you're not careful to recognize it early on.

When my hetero life mate, Sylv, started trash talking a Black Hawks fan, I never suspected in the least it would build into one of the truest and greatest friendships we've ever had. Kristian Hanson, the Craptastic Writer, and father/creator of my now betrothed and beloved Assly (Assly.tv), is a profoundly talented writer, reviewer, and friend. He is one of those rare people who refuses to settle and chases after his dreams despite all the nay sayers out there and we respect the hell out of him for it.

We met in the flesh this past October in LA during the Aliens To Zombies Convention (seriously, if you missed that insanely awesome weekend chalk full of the most talented effects artists to ever crawl the Earth make DAMN sure you'll be there next year, I know we will be). Not only did he take us around LA, which is something, believe it or not, we never get to do as we're always booked solid with business, he and his beautiful now missus, Fernanda, brought us to meet Clive fucking Barker and Bryan 'Tate' Steinsiek. We got to see the Universal Walk, chug Duff energy "beers", eat at Bubba Gump Shrimps, and see the outstanding New Bev Cinema , owned by everyone's favorite stylish badass film genius Tarantino, where DHIAT got to rock.

Totally selfless, supportive, and never one to give you a "where-have-you-been-I-don't-care-if-you're-filming-you-have-to-see-what-my-cat-did-today-you're-such-a-shit-friend" message, we love him and Fernanda and ALL the Craptastic Puppets that each deserve a place in a horror history museum more than words can say. Even if he IS a Black Hawks fan. Let's face it, no one's perfect ;)

He's started our New Years off with a happy explosion of awesome-y awesome-ness with this gore~geous Examiner article. Read the full meal deal right HERE.

Thank you, Kristian. We cannot wait to share AMERICAN MARY with you.

Happy fucking New Year, you wicked awesome bastard, you~!!

Bloody Best!
Jen

Two People We Love Got Married Today

The world can be a fucked up place and life can be quite the battlefield. It's made that much better when you find wonderful people to share your life with. People who are true friends. People who see you and are genuinely happy to rather than saying, "where the fuck you been?"

Today, two of the most kind, giving, selfless, and all around outstanding people we have ever had the pleasure of calling friends have married. Kristian Hanson wed the beautiful Fernanda Lins today in gore~geous California. They are the very best of the best and it fills us with so much happiness to see that two such phenomenal people have found one another. Never being one to believe in marriage or happy ever afters, these two have changed my mind.

Kristian, Fernanda. All our very bloody best to you both. You deserve all the happiness in the world and we cannot tell you how much we love you guys.

Blood Soaked Best!
Jen and Sylv

Jen Soska and Assly's Hollywood Date

Assly and Jen have been writing to one another for a long time. She finally came to Hollywood and they got to go on their date to Bubba Gump Shrimp Company along with a meeting with Clive Barker and a walk down The Hollywood City Walk by Universal Studios. It was a magical night ruined by The Douche aka Kristian when he would not allow Assly to go up to Jen's Hotel Room. Enjoy for some laughs and a magical night in the life of Jen and Assly. For pics and more Assly videos go to assly.tv

I must admit, from the moment I laid eyes on Assly's big, beautiful, brown eyes, I was way beyond smitten. I'm a sucker for the dark hair and dark eyes combo, throw in an accent and some foul language and I'm a grrl in love. I dreamed of having my date with Assly for ages it seemed and when The Aliens To Zombies Convention brought us to beautiful Hollywood, but bet your sweet ass that I locked that shit down. What followed was a true classic Hollywood romance.

A very special thanks to the man with his hand up my beloved Assly's ass, Kristian Hanson and his beautiful lady Fernanda for double dating with us. It was an unforgettable day.

Please enjoy and stay tuned for the EPIC Craptastic Puppets Halloween Special~!!



And, baby, once you go Puppet, you don't go back ;)

Bloody Best!
Jen

Tweeting About Hooker, Chirp Chirp!

A Touching Moment with Assly & the Craptastic Writer

In collaboration with Anythinghorror.com and CraptasticHorror.com Assly reviews The Canadian Indy Film Dead Hooker In A Trunk. It is honestly a fun movie and the Twisted Twins Jen and Sylvia Soska are amazing along with CJ Wallis who is hilarious. To check out there site and be directed to their OFFICIAL PRESS RELASE GO HERE http://www.twistedtwinsproductions.net/ since Assly Made a Mistake! It is .NET not .COM like the dumb puppet said in the video.Also you can go here and see the Trailer for the Movie http://www.deadhookerinatrunk.com/ Yep, assly is now pissed for the name calling, gotta go fight him talk to you all soon!
-Craptastic Writer

I'm going to tell you the truth - a puppet named Assly had Jen and I laughing our asses off this morning. With his hand up the puppet's ass is good friend, Kristian J Hanson the Craptastic Writer - you may remember him from this earlier post - is funny as fuck. A horror writer with a specialty for putting in lol-inducing comedy when eviscerations run high - if you dig a something rad with teen angst that won't embarrass you while you read it, do check out his book - Fat Kid's Wolfy Revenge.


It was an extreme honor to hear that Kristian and Assly would be doing a video review of DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK! I don't want to spoil anything, but it is very fucking entertaining. Please enjoy --



Assly & Kristian, you two are so rad - even though you're Blackhawks fans. Thank you for going through all the trouble to get your own DEAD HOOKER and bring her home! Thank you for pimping out the big release!

Holy fuck - it's today. Which means you can watch DEAD HOOKER IN A TRUNK on VOD today before the limited theatrical release. Call your folks, your buddies from work, random people off the street, and that dude that laughs at the most inappropriate times - they're gonna love it!!

~Sylv