Showing posts with label The Simpsons. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Simpsons. Show all posts

Monday, December 9, 2019

Hello, JELL-O: I've Got a Bone to Pick With You



Top: Macy's
Skirt: Modcloth
Shoes: Cape Robin, Ami Clubwear
Bag: Xhilaration, Target
Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon
Purse charm: Staples
Red bangle: XOXO, ROSS 
Orange bangle: Mixit, JCPenney
Yellow bangle: Silver Linings
Green bangle: B Fabulous
Turquoise bracelet: Cloud Nine
Purple bracelet: Etsy



Shooting Star Earrings 

Blouse: Candie's, Kohl's
Top: Candie's, Kohl's
Shoes: Betsey Johnson, DSW
Bag: Luv Betsey, Boscov's
Orange belt: Marshalls
Chartreuse belt: Izod, Marshalls



Top: Vylette, Kohl's
Skirt (a dress!): Ruby Rox, JCPenney
Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney
Bag: Dancing Days by Banned, Modcloth
Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon
Turquoise bracelet: Cloud Nine
Royal blue bracelet: So, Kohl's
Frosted blue bracelet: Burlington Coat Factory

I just finished reading JELL-O Girls, by Allie Rowbottom, and it was not at all what I expected.  


I guess I was hoping for some wholesome, nostalgic fluff fest about this kitschiest of treats.  Because I've always been a fan of JELL-O.  Not just for its artificially fruity flavor, but for its wild, crystalline colors and ability to suspend pieces of fruit -- or, if you dare, luncheon meats -- in midair.  Moreover, the very nature of JELL-O is playful.  It speaks of childhood and out-there yet unpretentious culinary creations.  But I should have known that I wasn't in Kansas anymore when I took a look at this book's cover.  It features a doll trapped inside an eerie red JELL-O mold under the endorsement: "A story of wild insights and deep music --Nick Flynn, Author of Another Bullshit Night in Suck City."  Alas, the truth was as clear as, well, gelatin.  JELL-O Girls would not go down easy.

JELL-O Girls is partly a history of the product, partly a biography of Rowbottom's mother, Mary.  Mary was the heiress to the JELL-O fortune, a distinction that ruined her life.  Not because she went around spending all the money and ending up bankrupt like MC Hammer.  But because, for her, JELL-O and its slimy, far-reaching tentacles equaled the evils of patriarchy.  (Damn you, books -- destroying everything that we love.)  Apparently, the JELL-O corporation (like all domestic enterprises) was run by men to profit from keeping women in the kitchen.  Rowbottom explores JELL-O's beginnings, starting with how her ancestor swindled the formula from its inventor at the end of the 1800s, then following its wiggly way through the twentieth century, from its multi-tiered reign in the 1950s to its sad slump into the current Wholefoods gilded age.  (To be fair, although most people now think of Jell-O as retro at best, tacky at worst, it wasn't always that way.  Back in the days of kings and queens, the dessert was considered a delicacy.  Kind of like white bread.  Which is also now pantry persona non grata.)  According to Rowbottom, not only is the stuff not nutritious, it's a symbol of women's oppression, and of the way they were forced to conform to the mold of the American housewife.  Who knew that something so sweet could be so deadly?  The horses, that's who.  JELL-O being made from -- among other things -- hooves.

Speaking of which (oppression, not hooves), back to Mary.  Mary is deeply troubled.  She loses her mother as a girl and spends her twenties in rehab.  She's violated by various men in her life and has her heart broken, and then, when it finally seems like she's found peace, she gets sick and never really recovers.  Curiously, she attributes this misfortune to the family curse.  Her cousin (not a good dude) once told her that the curse affects only the men.  But as the years unveil one dark chapter after another, Mary begins to see that he was wrong and that it's the women who suffer.  Rowbottom draws parallels between Mary and the women who endured the Salem witch trials.  She also notes similarities between her mom and the girls of LeRoy.  LeRoy, New York is Mary's and JELL-O's hometown, and around 2010, many of the girls who lived there began to report unusual body tics.  It's a mystery that not even science can solve.  Rather, the source of the girls' "hysteria" is the trauma of being female.  Of having to prove themselves day after day, of having to show that they're more than less than.

It's heavy stuff, an irony that Rowbottom is quick to point out in contrast to JELL-O's light, near-weightlessness.  It's also a little like this year's "Simpsons" Thanksgiving episode in which an amorphous cranberry sauce monster hunts children to satisfy its blood lust for bones.  Because it's, you know, made of them (see the above reference to hooves).  I found this disturbing, especially because I look forward to Turkey Day as a time to eat gobs of the sugary stuff shaped just like its ridged, cylindrical can.  No wonder that my parents once blacklisted Bart.

Cranberry sauce monster or not, Rowbottom tells Mary's story with sensitivity, courage, and love.  Her writing is beautiful and serves as a tribute to her unbreakable bond with her mother.  It must have been very difficult -- yet cathartic -- for her to write it.   

But enough gloom and doom.  Bring on the crafts.

Never one to judge my self worth from something I took from the oven (or, in this case, fridge), I made this Fabulous Felt Gelatin Bowl Barrette instead of something edible.  Although, if you're a goat, then that might not be true. 


So, am I going to stop eating JELL-O because it's a tool of The Man?  No, sirree -- I mean, ma'am.  If its alleged carcinogenic properties haven't scared me off, then a little misguided testosterone doesn't stand a chance.  Because JELL-O, like everything else in this world, is what you make it.  One person's sadness can be another's salvation.  Or at the very least, another's sorry-not-sorry guilty pleasure snack. 

No bones about it -- JELL-O is my jam.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Something New and Sparkly: The Vacation of a Lifetime



 Fabulous Felt Hibiscus Barrette

Dress: Nicole by Nicole Miller for JCPenney
Shoes: Bucco, Kohl's
Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's
Hat, Candie's, Kohl's



 Fabulous Felt Parrot Barrette

Blouse: Merona, Target
Skirt: Boscov's
Shoes: Qupid, Ami Clubwear
Bag: Loop, Marshalls
Sunglasses: Cloud Nine, Ocean City



Fabulous Felt Iris Barrette

Tee: So, Kohl's
Jeans: City Streets, JCPenney
Shoes: Journeys
Bag: Chinese Laundry, Bloomingsales Florist



Fabulous Felt Seashells Barrette

Tee: Wet Seal
Skirt: Necessary Objects, Annie Sez
Bag: Krystala Creations, Etsy
Shoes: BCBG, Macy's

The other day I saw a rerun of The Simpsons in which Bart is so disenchanted with the seemingly pointless  drudgery of everyday life that he decides to escape it all via a cruise.  Such a vacation is, of course, too expensive, so the whole family pitches in by selling old stuff to pay for it.  The Simpsons are soon having the time of their lives.  Homer and Marge are having "before you [the kids] were born" fun, Lisa connects with kids who are just as intellectual as she is, and Bart is so happy that he makes a phony broadcast about a crisis on shore, forcing the cruise to keep on cruising.  Just as in the classic Christmas Every Day, bliss quickly turns to battle as people fight for food and other resources.  Bart is finally forced to fess up, and everyone returns to the daily grind.  The episode ends with an old Bart in a hospital bed surrounded by pictures of his carefree younger self.  Bart looks at the pictures and smiles, showing us that, however fleeting, it's the good times that define our lives.  

So, what's the link between all that and these barrettes?  On the surface, not much save for the vacation factor (if seashells, parrots, and exotic flowers don't scream getaway, then I don't know what does).  Beneath the surface, a nod to cutting through the red tape of laundry and grocery shopping and other such trials to pursue something that makes you happy.

Who knew that Bart could be so deep?