Showing posts with label The Oregon Trail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Oregon Trail. Show all posts

Sunday, April 23, 2023

Dying of Dysentery and Laughter: Finally Found My Rodeo Clown




Exactly one week ago (because I'm nothing if not consistent when it comes to being untimely), the husband and I went to the farm stand and the secondhand store, in that order.  But I had to post the pic of the clown first!  Because circus folk always get top billing.  Also (as many of you know), I'm drawn to clowns.  This one is from the 1970s and cost $795!  So yeah, I was good with just the picture.  

This was also the first day I wore my new Wrangler tee, which I ordered from (where else?) Kohl's for just $5.  I was geekily excited about it.  It made me think of the Old West, which made me think about a book about The Oregon Trail I read years ago.  (I may also have recently seen something Trail-related in my Instagram feed.)  If you were around in the '80s and '90s, then you know all about this popular -- and morbid! -- 8-bit computer game.  If not, then here's the premise: In the mid-1800s, your family sets out from Independence, Missouri in hopes of making it to Oregon.  I say "hopes" because more often than not, each person is killed off by cholera, typhoid, or some other deadly disease before glimpsing the Emerald City that is the Willamette Valley.  My family played The Oregon Trail a lot, and we were always so sad when one of us died and had our name typed across a tombstone.  It made me super grateful that I was born when I was and not fording some river only to then tumble in and die of dysentery.  

Speaking of which, the book (because yep, that's what we were talking about!) is called And Then You Die of Dysentery: Lessons in Adulting from The Oregon Trail, by Lauren Reeves.  I use the word "book" loosely, because this is a "gift book" as opposed to a tome on the history of the game.  I say this only so you don't think I'm trying to pass myself off as the kind of person who reads super serious books and wants you to know it.  Not because it's not brilliant.  Because it is.  Hats (bonnets?) off to you, Lauren Reeves. 


On that note, Reeves has a lot to snarkily say about the not-so-old-timey, tough love lessons imparted by the Trail.  But my favorite part comes from the intro:

"I must've logged ten thousand hours on this thing, making me one of the world's leading Oregon Trail experts.  I didn't just play the Oregon Trail, no . . . I studied it.  And now I want to share some of the important lessons I learned and applied to my everyday life.  Like how watching the pioneers migrate from Missouri to Oregon for a better life motivated me to move from Alaska to New York City.   . . . Hell, it even taught me that dying builds character, especially when you do it over and over and in so many different ways.  And I bet it taught you something, too.

If this book teaches you just one thing, it's that the Oregon Trail didn't just show you how to die.  It also taught you how to live.  And I hope that inspires you to upgrade your life from a lowly Greenhorn to an Adventurer.  Swipe this page left to continue along the trail." 

Sigh.  I'm a sucker for sentimentality, especially when it masquerades as satire.  Which makes me eager to crush my own outdoorsy challenge:

Keep these flowers alive.

Friday, July 17, 2020

From the Oregon Trail to a True Fairy Tale: Sweet Stuff for Spilling the Tea


May Berry Charm Necklace

Dress: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's
Shoes: Penny Loves Kenny, DSW
Bag: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's
Sunglasses: Wild Fable, Target


Whimsical Watermelon Necklace

Top: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's
Skirt: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's
Shoes: Shoe Carnival
Bag: Glamour Damaged, Etsy
Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon
Sunglasses: Wild Fable, Target
Bangles: B Fabulous
Cherry charm: Carole, JCPenney
Pompom charm: A.C. Moore
Plate barrette: The Tote Trove
Bow barrette: Carole, JCPenney


Blossom Bunch and Rambling Rose Barrette Brooches

Dress: ELLE, Kohl's
Shoes: Ami Clubwear
Bag: Macy's Backstage
Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon
Sunglasses: Wild Fable, Target

When this floral, prairie-style, LC Lauren Conrad dress arrived from Kohl's, I was as excited as a pioneer saddling up on a Saturday to stock up on sarsaparilla at the general store.  Still, something was missing, and when I noticed the ladders climbing the dress's bodice and hem, I knew what it was.  Ribbon!  Luckily, I just happened to have roll upon roll of it in the perfect shade of scarlet satin.  Over the course of several days (it was a tedious task), I worked to weave it through the ladders like old-timey licorice (stay alive, general store simile).



Embellishing this dress felt very homey and reminded me of that scene in Cinderella where Gus and Jack remake Cinderella's mother's old dress into a beautiful pink and blue confection.  I always thought that dress had much more personality than the frosty frock that her fairy godmother bibbidi-bobbidi-booed.

Still, it wasn't without a little fairy dust -- or perhaps I should say tea leaves -- that I poofed up this post.  Yep, I started this journey on the Oregon Trail, then slid down a rainbow into Disneyland, and am now hosting a one-woman tea party.  And why not?  Tea is a timeless and restorative elixir designed to cure everything from torn gowns to broken hearts and all the evil stepsisters in between.  It's as cozy as it is civilized and has inspired many a cute expression: high tea, spot of tea, and tea for two to name a few, as well as "I'm a Little Teapot."  If it were an animal, then it would be a cat.  As in tea is to tabby as coffee is to corgi.  Oh, analogies!  I've abandoned my finger sandwiches only to flail in the viscous veggie soup that is the SATs.  I'd rather take my chances in the covered wagon.

Standardized tests notwithstanding, I've put together the kind of girly getups, right down to the fruit and flower accessories, that one can wear where they pour the Earl Gray.  Not, mind you, that they're for second bananas or shrinking violets.  I had so much fun making these necklaces and barrette brooches, and I made them to stand out.  I like to think of them as pretty and proper but laced with lemon zinger.  A little salt and citrus never hurt anyone.  Especially sailors.  Which are the opposite of pretty and proper, but then, where there's a will, seamen find a way.

May Berry Charm Necklace

Blossom Bunch Barrette Brooch

Whimsical Watermelon Necklace

Rambling Rose Barrette Brooch

And so our voyage concludes, predictably or not, on a pirate ship.  Because similes and analogies and metaphors are like Jell-O: there's always room for more.

Speaking of the wiggly one, make mine orange to stave off the scurvy.  

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Naturally, Neon



 Feather Fest Necklace

Top: So, Kohl's
Skirt: Macy's
Shoes: Alloy
Bag: Apt. 9, Kohl's
Jacket: Blue Asphalt, Wet Seal



Mellow Metal Necklace

Dress: Mossimo, Target
Shoes: Guess, DSW
Bag: Bisou Bisou, JCPenney
Scarf: Gifted



 Far Out Feather Necklace

Pink tank: Worthington, JCPenney
Tan tank: Old Navy
Skirt: Xhilaration, Target
Boots: Charles Albert, Alloy
Bag: Nine West, ROSS Dress for Less
Jacket: Candie's, Kohl's
Belt: Marshalls

This post's pieces (and the outfits that love them) are a mix of old and new styles, a rustic renaissance reignited by neon. Kind of like a pioneer wandering, awestruck, along the Vegas strip in search of a watering hole. You know. If pioneers wore pink and didn't die of cholera while chugging along the Oregon Trail.

But on to lighter things.  Like the Mellow Metal Necklace's focal point of an industrial pendant.  I spied it on the clearance rack during one of my many visits to Michael's and plotted to purchase it the next time I returned.  When I later relayed this to the fiance, he shook his head and uttered something about the sad, stalkerish shopping habits of women.  Why, he asked, don't we just buy everything we want all at once?  I explained that this would never do.  After all, what could be less sad than saving a little something for later, a kind of rainy day treat snatched from life's candy dish to be enjoyed on some spinach-filled Monday?

Shop on, pioneer princesses.