On Thursday, June 6, I got up at 3:30 a.m. to pee. When I finished, I looked down at the bathroom floor and was surprised to find it covered in water. At first, I thought the toilet had overflown. But then I realized that what had overflown was me.
My water had broken.
I was strangely calm as I shouted to tell the husband. Then, still gushing, I threw on the leggings, T-shirt dress, and flip flops I'd set out and dialed my OB-GYN. The doc on call asked if I was having contractions. I said I wasn't. She responded that I could "labor at home" for the time being. Um, no. I was coming in.
The husband dumped our bags into the car, and off we went into the night. It was all so surreal. The evening before, I'd called the hospital to get my induction time for the next day, and they said they didn't have one yet and would call me when a slot opened up. Which had made me angry and anxious. There I was, gearing up for the biggest, scariest thing I'd ever have to do, and they weren't sure they had a bed?!
Clearly, baby girl had other ideas. One way or another, she was making her debut.
An hour later, I checked into the eerily quiet hospital. Still, by the way, gushing, which would continue until I delivered. The husband was there the whole time, and then my parents arrived, and my mom was there, too.
When they did bloodwork, I opened my trusty book, this time The Magic of Found Objects by Maddie Dawson. The nurse said, "I've never seen a woman in labor read," and I muttered that I needed the distraction while my mom replied, "Oh, she's a big reader from way back."
I still couldn't feel any contractions, although they said I was having them. They moved me to my room and gave me Pitocin to speed things up. Once I started feeling a little pain, I asked the husband to fire up my playlist, which was '80s and '90s tunes. I stood it as long as I could (the pain, not the music, which was, Cars pun intended, "just what I needed"), then thought maybe it was time for the epidural. When I wondered if it was too soon, the husband said, no, go for it. So I did, reading again as the anesthesiologist inserted the needle.
Before long, I was feeling no pain but could still move my legs, which I learned was rare. It seemed I'd gotten the Cadillac of epidurals.
Things went on like this until a bunch of nurses appeared. Baby girl had dropped very quickly, I was almost completely dilated, and my doc was in the OR. I also started violently shivering, which scared me. But the nurses said it was a normal hormonal response.
Then my doctor appeared and it was time to push. He instructed me to grab my legs and was surprised when I was able to do it. (Like I said, Cadillac of epidurals.) Then he told me how to push, and suddenly, I was doing it. And guess what? It didn't even hurt! I'm told this went on for about an hour and a half, but it felt much shorter. Then my doc, who was phenomenal, said just a few more pushes, and there she was! The nurse laid her on my chest, covered in white stuff that I now know is vernix. And I said, in wonder, "She's here!"
Charlotte Rose Johnson entered the world at 2:40 p.m. She weighed 5 lbs. and 5.7 oz. and measured 19 in. She has my hair and size (I was 5 lbs. and 9 oz.) and the husband's face, including his big blue eyes. I'm told she pooped upon arrival.
Way to make an entrance, kid.
I'm so incredibly grateful that Charlotte was born in the best way possible and is safe and healthy. I worried about all of that for so long, so I truly feel that someone was watching over us.
Not that there wasn't or isn't hard stuff. I was a little shell-shocked when I realized that I had to feed and change her from go and had no idea how to do either. The night nurses would give me reports about her spitting up with stern warnings about choking hazards. That first night, I just held her as she slept, terrified that something would happen to her if I didn't. I know it sounds crazy, but at one point she smiled at me, as if to say she was okay.
Most of the nurses also told me that I didn't look so good and was very pale. One even tested my hemoglobin levels only to begrudgingly admit they were fine. I wanted to say, yes, it was an easy delivery, but I still just gave birth! When I vented to my mom, she told me to take a shower, put on my pajamas, and do my makeup to show them who I really was. So I spruced myself up. And when the nurse who'd tested my hemoglobin came back, she said that I looked great and no longer needed the IV. And that's when I realized that life continues to be a series of tests, endlessly pushing you to prove yourself. I'd done it so many times in so many situations, and now I'd done it again, convincing those Nurse Ratcheds that I was okay.
Speaking of being okay, I wouldn't be if I didn't have the husband. He's amazing with Charlotte, and I melt when I watch them together. He instinctively knows how to angle a bottle and elicit a burp (Charlotte's a reluctant burper) and calm her down when she's fussy. Of course, he knows how to calm me down too, which is worth its weight in the expensive cabbage cream I'm using to dry up my milk. My specialty? Changing diapers! It was the thing I obsessed over the most, but it turns out that my meticulous nature means I'm good at eradicating every stray spot of poo. On a less gross note, I love to sing to Charlotte (The Golden Girls theme song has recently entered the rotation) and tell her all about our family and house and the fun things we'll do someday.
She's an angel of a little girl, just like it says in the poem I hung in her room:
Charlotte Rose, you're meant to be,
Our little miracle baby.
Charlotte Rose, how sweet you are,
Our gift from God, our shining star.
I'm not usually one to drag God into things, but this time it felt right.
So now we're on an adventure, our little family of three, Charlotte and the husband and me. And it makes me happier than I ever thought I could be.
Yep, I can't seem to stop rhyming. Nevertheless, I'll be blogging less, at least for a while. Keeping a human alive is exhausting, even when she's the sweetest human ever and the husband's down in the trenches with me.
So until next time, I wish you the best of luck on your adventures, wherever they may take you.
And one day Charlotte Rose and I will be back to read all about them.