Play Like a Girl: Peacock Rocks

Clip: Buffalump, Etsy; Necklace: Betsey Johnson, Amazon

Peacock rocks, but I'm not talking about "Peacock" by Katy Perry (although I do like that tune).  I'm talking about NBC's streaming platform and its not one but two new comedies about all-girl rock groups, Girls5eva and We Are Lady Parts.  

Girls5eva follows four forty-something New Yorkers trying to resuscitate their defunct '90s pop group.  The players include Dawn (Sara Bareilles), the sensible one; Summer (Busy Phillips), the dumb one; Wickie (Renee Elise Goldsberry), the crazy one; and Gloria (Paula Pell), the workaholic one.  It's wacky and witty and reminds me of 30 Rock, which tracks because Tina Fey is one of the producers and also cameos as a faux Dolly Parton.  Indeed, Dawn is like the Liz Lemon of the gang, which is to say that she's no-nonsense yet put-upon and the glue that holds them all together.  The songs are hilarious, and the fashion is fierce.  As a bonus, Stephen Colbert, Bowen Yang, and Vanessa Williams guest star.  Girls5eva is a snarky-yet-feel-good treat for anyone who grew up in the '90s or appreciates Fey's brand of humor. 

We Are Lady Parts is the coming-of-age tale of Amina (Anjana Vasan), a twenty-six-year-old Muslim Londoner academic torn between tradition and joining a Muslim punk rock band.  Amina is my favorite kind of heroine, which is to say earnest, awkward, and always getting in her own way.  She has such a severe case of stage fright that she always vomits -- and also sometimes has diarrhea.  Yet We Are Lady Parts frontwoman Saira (Sarah Kameela Impey) is looking for a guitarist and is convinced that Amina is it, barf bucket notwithstanding.  Passionate and serious about her music, Saira spends the greater part of the series resisting her bandmates' pleas to take to social media, insisting that We Are Lady Parts "is not about being famous; it's about being heard."  Being true to yourself and your art, even when it's hard, especially when it's hard, is a major theme in We Are Lady Parts and one that will resonate with artists and misunderstoods everywhere.  

So, two girl power anthems and two ways to rock add up to heart and limitless laughs.  

Peacock, you've got something new to strut about.

One Climb at a Time: Lisa Turtle Power

Top to bottom: Chase & Chloe, Zulily; Worthington, JCPenney; Chase & Chloe, Zulily

It's not unusual for shoes to be the first thing you see here at The Tote Trove.  But this time, they're not just about style -- they're about making strides -- while in style.  Because March is Women's History Month, and March 8 is International Women's Day.  Which, I'm aware, was yesterday (insert joke about women always being late.  What, no girl-on-girl crime, hashtag Mean Girls, when promoting gender equality?  Okay, Tina Fey, duly noted.)  A few years ago, Stephen Colbert did a bit on The Late Show about this special day, which I remember in a degree of detail because I logged it in my "Stuff to Write about Someday" Word file (most of which is flagged "do not publish until in witness protection").  Colbert was talking about a new Barbie-esque doll that was something worthy but boring, like an ambassador or a crossing guard who moonlights as an accountant.  And he was like, isn't it enough that little girls have to deal with all the issues that come with being female?  Why, in the name of proving themselves, do they have to play with lame toys too?  No one makes boys do that.  They get to play with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!  

This really resonated with me.  Because wouldn't the truly feminist move be to encourage girls to play with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles too?  Or the frilliest, glitziest Barbie?  Or whatever they want, not for the optics, but for the fun of it?  

So.  In celebration of all things shamelessly -- no, proudly -- frivolously feminine, here's a simply red (cue "Lady in Red") grouping of some of my more photogenic cosmetics.  

Body butter: The Body Shop, Zulily; Elizabeth Arden Red Door, Marshalls; Clinique lipstick: Boscov's; Mulan compact, Zulily

Note the Mulan compact, which is truly badass in terms of girls slaying it, whether on the battlefield or in the bathroom.  

Also, there's a turtle tee!  

Tee shirt, Macy's

Girls, hands off Leonardo; he's mine!  (Sorry, Tina.  I backslid into competitive mean girl mode there.)  

It isn't lost on me that the color scheme of the makeup and the tee is Red Hat Society-approved red and purple.  Because nothing says female empowerment like a posse of post-menopausal, chapeau-domed women commandeering an Applebee's.

Unless it's Lisa Turtle killing it in a  -- what else? -- red hat!

I knew I'd use those Saved by the Bell cards again.

That said, Lisa Turtle Power, although a sick pun if I do say so myself, is too close for comfort to Lisa Turtle Powers.  As in Screech Powers (Dustin Diamond, RIP).  I blame Mattel for starting it all by forcing Lisa to share a card with Screech.  It's not very Women's History Month of them, especially as the birthplace of Barbie.  I smell another comic Colbert exposé.  

Until then, sorry, Lisa.  

And, as always, Tina Fey.

Clean Food, Cool Dude: Inside Voices, Please

Enchanted Eats Necklace

Tee: Macy's

Skirt: POPSUGAR, Kohl's

Shoes: Cape Robbin, Ami Clubwear 

Bag: Betsey Johnson, gifted

Sunglasses: Michaels

Red Belt: Tahari, Macy's Backstage

White Belt: Belt is Cool, Amazon

Barrette: The Tote Trove

The coronavirus quarantine might have slowed the globe down.  But that doesn't mean we're not still moving.  Still life?  More like chill life -- if this wayfarer-wearing pineapple has anything to say about it!  And he does.  Most notably, pass the sunscreen and salsa.

This too-cool-for-school tee is another member of my super elite, never-worn-it-in-real-life club.  I ordered it from Macy's a while back, along with the one that says Fanta.  I can see myself rocking it with a hoodie and sweatpants while I slather my Fage with Softsoap.

I don't know about you, but I'm getting a lot of emails from stores pushing the whole "look hot at home" angle.  As in, don't stop buying our products just because the world is on lockdown.  And I think, well, I'm one of those people who dresses up all the time, but even I don't wear heels to do dishes.

I am getting a new perspective on clothes and the role they play in my life, though.  For example, it's weird how they can both expose and protect, kind of like a Madonna cone bra.  Or, for the non-icons among us, something as seemingly simple as a day-glo pink sweater.  The color exposes me/you as someone who's out there, but it protects me/you from others, too.  As in, don't-mess-with-this-mama, she's out there; leave her be with her out-there thoughts.   

In other words, like Colbert and those snarky sweatshirts, I was social distancing before it was cool.

Here's hoping that you go the distance too, whatever it means, whatever you do.

And also, in these days of isolation, that you don't morph into Dr. Seuss.

Cherries and Berries and Mushrooms: A Walk in the Woods With a Fungi

 Fabulous Felt Cheery Cherries Brooch

Fabulous Felt Magic Mushroom Brooch 

Fabulous Felt Sweet Strawberry Brooch

Top: Candie's, Kohl's
Skirt: H&M
Shoes: Ami Clubwear
Bag: Betsey Johnson, Boscov's

Or perhaps I should say "fun girl."  Because when I see these brooches, I think mushrooms, and when I think mushrooms, I think woods.  And when I think woods, I think The Lady Who Lives in the Woods (also, Smurfs, but this is not about them).  The Lady Who Lives in the Woods is Ruth, a recurring character on truTV's At Home with Amy Sedaris.  Remember Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People?  Well, this is the live action version, complete with guest stars (Stephen Colbert!  Justin Theroux!  Chris Elliot!  Did I mention Steven Colbert?).  To be accurate, the show is more like a dysfunctional marriage between Simple Times and I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence, but being a borderline hermit uninterested in entertaining, I never read that one.  Anyway, The-Lady-Who-Lives-in-the-Woods Ruth is a seemingly laidback yet controlling naturalist who lives in a lodge and is always picking passive aggressive fights with her long-suffering, mime-like, live-in girlfriend.  Distinguished by her long, red Earth Mother hair and loden green poncho, Ruth says things like, "Moss -- that's nice" in a soothing yet grating voice that's a cross between Martha Stewart and half of the duo from SNL's "Delicious Dish." (Both of which, fun fact, were played by Ana Gasteyer.  So maybe I'm just saying that Ruth sounds like Ana, in which case, Ana, you're welcome.)  But that's Red -- I mean, Ruth -- for you, bursting the bubble of the myth that the forest is peaceful.  Which is just one of the reasons, I suppose, that she seeks solace in her pet bird, Artemis.  

Anyway, I think Amy would like the brooches.  Because they're weird and retro and could have easily been made by a tree-dwelling seven-year-old.  (No disrespect to tree dwellers.  Or seven-year-olds.)  Also, her show logo is a mushroom.

From one toadstool fool to another, I say: I'm talking to you too, Smurfette. 

Book Report: Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People by Amy Sedaris

You know how people say something's laugh-out-loud funny and you think, oh sure, that's what they all say? Well, Amy Sedaris's Simple Times: Crafts for Poor People really is. I first heard of it when Sedaris was a guest on "The Colbert Report" just before Christmas. (She showed Stephen how to make a stuffed snake out of neckties and dryer lint.) Shortly afterwards, my sister mentioned that she'd seen it also, so I bought her a copy, and then the bf ended up surprising me with one too. I can honestly say that Simple Times is the only coffee table book I've ever been compelled to read cover-to-cover. And I'm glad I did, as doing so made me privy to every zany, irreverent, and outlandish morsel. In fact, I'm so enamored of Sedaris's screwball wit that I'm posting her entire intro to the book here:

"Hello, fellow crafters! What a wonderful opportunity for us to get to know each other, but be forewarned, this will be the only opportunity, because after this introduction, there will be little time for frivolous cordialities. It's going to be all about cutting, gluing, and hammering. So let's take a moment now, shall we? Obviously you know me, my name is stitched on the cover. Still unsure? Perhaps this will help; I am the adorable best-selling author of the thoughtfully hard-hitting tome on hospitality, I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence. I'm guessing that information has cleared some cobwebs. As for me knowing you, why don't we make things easy, and call you "Twinkles." So, Twinkles, what's all this then about me writing more books when we both know I should be resting on my laurels? Well, after I changed the way the world entertains, I figured why not do the same for crafting?

Crafting, or "making things," has always been a delightful pastime of mine because it requires putting common elements together in order to achieve a lovely something that nobody needs. But is it okay to make things?

It's natural for humans to suppress urges, for when our desires are left unchecked they lead to broken relationships, prison time, and forest fires. But there is one urge that should always be encouraged to blossom -- the creative urge! Yes, it is healthy to want to make things, but that desire without guidance can lead to foreclosure and forest fires. Too often instruction for crafting is gutter-learned. Convoluted half-baked lessons picked up from street corners, back alleys, and scouting. Simple Times will provide crafters with the proper guidance, much like a parole officer. But this book is much more than a supervisor for crafting offenders; hopefully it will also inspire you, helping to spark or trigger new creative thoughts leading to a vast array of hastily constructed obscure d'arts.

Although this book is marketed toward sane, intelligent adults - frankly, that's where the money is - should it fall into the hands of the mentally challenged, it will do them no harm. Conversely, it will speak to them directly, addressing their special needs. For any educated, well-adjusted adult can glue Popsicle sticks together to create a cold plate trivet, but try the same simple task while hampered by a defective brain, and you will understand the full breadth of crafting.

This book includes an infinite* assortment of projects that utilize a wide range of skills and are inspired by many cultures, spanning from a Mexican Knife Sheath to a Mexican Sombrero. But most importantly, these projects will engage everybody: the sane, the not so sane, those hobbled with disabilities, those on the lam - anybody who's looking for a simple, creative way to kill a lot of time. And let's face it, we all have some time that needs to be killed."

*actual number of projects determined by amount of space and author's level of fatigue.

See? I told you. I have to say, though, one thing about this book confused me. I couldn't figure out if Sedaris was trying to motivate crafters by making fun of them, or . . . just making fun of crafters. (Not that I'd blame her if it was the latter; goodness knows we're a weird breed, brimming with quirks to be ridiculed.) It's especially hard to tell because most of the projects aren't the kind that anyone would willingly attempt (mouse ghetto, hobo fire in a can, or crafty candle salad, anyone?). But then, as per usual, I'm probably reading into it all too much . . .