Like most Saturday Night Live fans, I assumed that Colin Jost was 1) spawned from the spotless teak of a yacht anchored at a Connecticut country club, an idea that was only fueled by those Izod ads he did with Aaron Rodgers, and 2) a bro. But it turns out that he's 1) a fat kid from Staten Island, and 2) a guy who got beat up by bros. That's right. He's from New York City's most undesirable borough, i.e., Pete Davidson's brother from another mother. In retrospect, I should've seen this coming. Because bros don't become comedians. They become fry cooks or investment bankers. I learned these tidbits and others about Jost after reading his book, A Very Punchable Face. And that's when I began to really like him.
Because I didn't -- like him, that is -- when he first appeared on Weekend Update. I was like, "Who is this clown? He's no Seth Meyers!" And the husband was like, "Um, he's exactly like Seth Meyers, only not blond." But I wasn't alone in my rage disappointment. In Face, Jost parodies the bad press he received after landing the gig (196):
"I rarely use the word 'hate' and I rarely put words in boldface and underline them and italicize them, but I hate Colin Jost." -- USA Tomorrow
"I'm finding out where Colin Jost lives and I'm going to murder him." -- That Stalker Who Came to My House and Tried to Murder Me
"Two Stars." -- My Aunt in Her Annual Christmas Letter
Still, I began watching Update more closely. Maybe the husband was right; maybe Jost wasn't as pompous as he seemed. And his subtle, admittedly wry wit was reminiscent of Meyers's. Over time, I grew to laugh with him instead of at him, and after a couple of seasons, I couldn't imagine Update without his boyish charm (or without Michael Che's snarkiness). But it wasn't until I read Face that I found out what was really going on behind the man mask. He's just a regular guy who just happens to have the perfectly coiffed hair of a Ken doll. What's more, he wasn't some rent-a-rando who crashed SNL to oust Meyers. He was good friends with Meyers and had been writing with him for years. Which just goes to show that even after reading countless showbiz autobiographies, including several by SNL alumni, I still don't know how anything works.
A Very Punchable Face is very funny. And not just because it's a book-long joke about the scrappy yet eager-to-please, never-say-die bookworm behind Jost's tennis-anyone? kisser. But because it includes an entire chapter about an adult Jost pooping his pants. (See? I told you he was regular.) Jost also shares his travel adventures, revealing himself to be a bit of an adrenaline junkie. Then again, you don't get your mug punched without seeking thrills and, intentionally or not, provoking the locals.
Here's a passage that I particularly liked, partly because of my own past phone phobia, partly because I get the giggles whenever anyone mentions Omaha Steaks:
"I even get scared when the phone rings because I think, I'm not ready to speak yet. I haven't figured out what to say. But when I push through that fear and start saying words, I'm instantly relieved. That's why answering the phone and talking to another human still feels like a huge psychological accomplishment. (And that's why I currently have 254 un-listen-ed to voicemails. The oldest is a call from Omaha Steaks in 2007!*)
*My credit card was declined for the "Surf and Turf Sampler" I bought my grandparents for Christmas." (5)
It's hard to imagine the seemingly sophisticated Jost WHO SPEAKS FOR A LIVING as tongue-tied. Or spending his years at Harvard consorting with cape enthusiasts. Or getting kicked out of a Russian nightclub, then leaving his host family their requested teddy bears before slinking back to the States. Or routinely ordering a cheeseburger and nuggets as side dishes for his McDonald's Extra Value Meal. And those are just the wholesome parts. But it's all true (despite the husband's belief that every word in celebrity memoirs is fiction).
As for his relationship with wife Scarlett Johansson, Jost doesn't spill much (way to keep it classy). But he does say that he and Scarlett first met on the set of SNL when he was just twenty-three and she twenty, which was more than a decade before they'd start dating. Awwww!
So, yeah. I liked this book. And I can't wait to watch Weekend Update again. Because how can you not laugh with a guy who's so willing to laugh at himself?
Still, I don't think I'll ever be able to see Jost without thinking, Get this guy a Porta-Potty!