Big Apple Bites and Lean Cuisine Nights: Death Never Takes a Vacay

Most people go on vacation to relax -- or at the very least sightsee.  But Lucy Stone has other ideas.  When she leaves Tinkers Cove, Maine for The Big Apple, it's to track down her childhood bestie Beth's killer.  Which means stalking -- um, interviewing -- Beth's four ex-husbands, a motley crew that includes a crooked tycoon, a gang-member-turned-artist, a handsy chiropractor, and a cult leader.  In between narrow escapes, Lucy unplugs in her Airbnb studio with a Lean Cuisine from the corner bodega.  Well, except for the night she steps out of the shower to find a stranger hovering over her suitcase.  

Depressing -- not to mention scary -- isn't the word.  Worst of all, Lucy doesn't even tell anyone what she's up to.  Her husband thinks she's just getting back in touch with her NYC roots, taking in a show or two to unwind from the daily grind of housewifery and part-time journalism.  (Not that I blame her for wanting some time off from Bill; he can be a bit of a caveman.)  Yet knowing that I would never do any of these things is what entertained me as I devoured Leslie Meier's twenty-fifth Lucy Stone novel, Silver Anniversary Murder.  The humor hooked me too, especially this bit about the crooked tycoon:

"Even hardened New Yorkers were horrified by Beth's gruesome end, and her friends were deeply shaken, coping with guilt as well as grief.  But not Jeremy, once her nearest and dearest, who was happily bopping around the city collecting awards and consorting with call girls." (124)

Because sometimes reading about characters who are different from you can be as comforting as reading about characters who are you (but with better cars and haircuts).  They make you thankful that you're not squandering your hard-earned money, vacation time, and safety to play detective.

Which, I suppose, explains why I was always more of a Bess Marvin than a Nancy Drew.

Oodles of Noodles and, Yes, a Caboodle

One of the good things about this quarantine is getting lots of time to read.  And as you know, there are few things I find more comforting than a good old-fashioned murder mystery.  The cozier the better.  And when it comes to gimmicks?  Bring 'em on!  That's why I was so happy to stumble upon Vivien Chien's noodle shop series when browsing books on Target.com.  In them, Cleveland-based heroine Lana Lee is fueled by a main course of managing her family's Chinese restaurant with a tasty side order of sleuthing.  The other characters almost always call her by her full name, which makes her sound like a superhero and/or Dave Kim from The Goldbergs.  Before you ask, yes, she's dating a detective, and, yes, she's smarter than he is.  Oh, and also, her family drives her nuts.  But whether she's dyeing her hair a new crazy color or scarfing down her beloved doughnuts, Lana doesn't let them -- or Detective Trudeau -- get her down.  I don't even like Chinese food, but I've gobbled up three of these books so far, and they've been chockful of chow fun.  Here are some of my favorite parts, most of which don't involve murder:

Death by Dumpling

"Jasmine's great.  She gets me.  And she gets my hair.  Hair's important to me.  It's a statement.  Hair and shoes.  If you have those two things going on, you're pretty much solid." (68)

"As I stepped inside, I stopped and took a deep breath, closing my eyes and taking in the intoxicating smell that is the Modern Scroll.  This was my favorite store of all.  It was a small slice of heaven, and I came in any chance I got just to be around the books.  Books were my solace, my escape." (97)

Egg Drop Dead

"Saturday evening should be spent either doing something incredibly fun, or doing something very relaxing.  It should not be spent talking about murder suspects with your significant other while you binge-eat cheesy popcorn and doughnut holes." (199)

Murder Lo Mein

"The bathroom was immaculate and might have been nicer than my apartment.  At times, I wished there was such a job as restroom connoisseur.  I would have a blast rating all the bathrooms in the city . . . and there were quite a few that would make it on the . . . well, you know what list I'm talking about." (192)

"He was the professional, and I was just a gal with an overactive imagination and a ratty notebook." (238)

Most of these are about the kind of human interest minutiae and humor that I find so delightful.  Except for the last one.  That's about Lana Lee questioning her whodunit prowess thanks to Trudeau, who, under the circumstances, I feel compelled to call a private dick.  Thankfully, Lana rises above this nonsense, proving herself to be more than, as Gwen Stefani put it, "just a girl."

But enough heaviness.  Chien's books, along with Jewel Divas Style and Pinterest, made me want to take this picture of elbow macaroni in a Caboodle:  

Elbows may not be lo mein, but they're what I had on hand (see above about me not eating Chinese food), and I figured that one weirdly staged carb is as amusing as another.  Just think of the pompoms as meatballs.  Also, that's my elbow in the mirror, so happy pic pun accident.  Anyway, Jewel Divas is a blogger who loves -- and writes -- about Caboodles more than anyone ever.  And Pinterest has provided me with many a Caboodle pic to add to my Righteously Retro '80s and '90s Childhood board.  Pinterest is also where I learned about Violet Tinder Studios, which photographs everyday objects in unexpected and glamorous ways.  My pic in no way reflects the sophistication of that outfit's output.  But Violet's spirit still shines through my effort, and so I must give credit where credit is due. 

So, that's lo mein (sort of) and Lana Lee.  She's a Nancy Drew disciple (she said it, not me) who rocks takeout and taking out bad guys. 

And who sure knows how to use her noodle.

Just Plucky: Sleuthin' and Stylin' With Stella Ducktropolis

 You Quack Me Up Necklace

Dress: Modcloth

Shoes: Charles Albert, Alloy

Bag: Nine West, Marshalls

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Michaels

Hat: Modcloth

It's no secret that I love books, lipstick, and stickers.  So I got a real kick (or should I say quack?) out of Charlotte Barnes's children's book Stella Ducktropolis, which I bought as a gift for a baby girl named (what else?) Stella. Stella (the duck, not the baby) is a web-footed wonder who lives in the enchanting town of Pondsylvania.  A sticker factory inspector by day and crime-fighter by night, Stella has a passion for fashion, pink, and the word "fabulous."  Barnes sets the scene with a delightful mix of fun and humor (signs saying "Quality is Fabulous!" and "Crime is Not Fabulous!" pop up in the charming illustrations), relaying how Stella was inspired to become a crime-fighter when she set out to catch the thugs who stole her niece's lollipop:

"Stella had been shocked by the unfabulousness of such behavior.  "Taking candy from a baby!  Those cads!" she exclaimed.  That's when the idea of becoming a Fabulous Crime Fighter had sprouted like a little seed in the fabulous garden of her mind."

Soon Stella embarks on a new mission, namely to nab the nefarious Blue Bandit.  Armed with style and savvy, the glamorous gumshoe gives new meaning to the term fashion police while protecting her beloved Pondsylvania from punks and pond scum alike.  Her red lipstick is laced with truth serum, her compact blinds bad guys, and her high heels squirt baby oil to give unsavories the slip.  This is one duck with skills (so watch out, Liam Neeson).  In Stella, Barnes gives us a heroine who's both cute and clever, showing her femininity to be not only an asset, but the source of her ingenuity.  To be sure, female vigilantes are no strangers to fiction, what with Nancy Drew, Veronica Mars, and the new estrogen-infused Ghostbusters kicking butt across traditionally male territory.  Still, Stella has a special something, a kind of fierce sweetness and courage that run deeper than her feathers suggest.  Stella Ducktropolis is an endearingly quirky treat with a message, teaching little girls to fight for themselves and the people they love.

So, in the spirit of Stella, I made this You Quack Me Up Necklace.  Lipsticks dangle next to rubber duckies and one (modified) Flash Charm flamingo.  I had a blast styling it with my favorite dress and my yellow feather Kentucky Derby-meets-Big Bird fascinator, making for an unexpected but whimsical combination.  Kind of like super sleuth Stella.

Shiny Things

I have lots of jewelry.  Stored in lots of boxes.  Each box has a theme.  Sort of.  This one's is rhinestones. 

Most of this stuff comes from JCPenney or Kohl's (big surprise there), but there's some Macy's and Cloud Nine thrown in too. 

Back in the day I read a lot of Nancy Drew mysteries, some of which were about jewel theft.  Fake jewels were inevitably used to imitate real ones, and they were always described as being made of the horrifically inferior "paste."  Which honestly didn't sound all that bad to me.  I rather thought I'd love a big old box of sparkling paste jewelry.  Another thing about Nancy Drew books is that the villainesses were always described as being garishly dressed, as if bright lipstick and flashy prints somehow equaled moral turpitude.  That never sat well with me.

Now for a bit of randomness.  I may not be able to blog as regularly as usual during the next month because I'll be working on a large wholesale order that will require most of my attention.  I'll be sure to blog about it around Christmas, though.