From Pond to Bay: A Tall Tale of Turtles

T is for Turtle Necklaces 

 Fabulous Felt Sea Turtle Barrette

Dress: Marty's, Ocean City

Top: Material Girl, Macy's

Shoes: Christian Siriano for Payless

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: JCPenney

No tribute to 1980s-1990s toys would be complete without a shout-out to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (not that this post is a toy tribute, but when did I ever let such details stop me?).  As a girl (and a girly one at that) growing up during these decades, I was, as I've many times mentioned, a devotee of Rainbow Brite, My Little Ponies, and Strawberry Shortcake.  But there was something about the Turtles too, something dark and gritty and, dare I say, dangerous, that captured my usually cotton candy-clogged imagination.  So, naturally, I watched the cartoon and saw all of the movies, including the originals in the early 1990s and Michael Bay's recent reboots.  Each was enjoyable in its own way, but it wasn't until I caught the 1990 version again on TV (starring Judith Hoag as April O'Neil, more recently known as the departed "Nashville's" Aunt Tandy) that I realized just how much the aesthetic of our heroes in a half shell had changed.  Way back when, they were cute claymantion-like crime-fighters, life-size carbon copies of their cartoon counterparts.  But under Bay's manly tutelage, they've morphed into bona fide warriors, their hulking shells intimidatingly tank-like.  A more subtle difference is the shift in the color of Leonardo's mask; once upon a time it was a cool, cheerful turquoise; now it's dulled to a no-nonsense cobalt.  My first thought was, oh, I'm getting old, recognizing the same righteous indignation I'd felt upon watching Andrew Garfield in The Amazing Spider-Man after years of the aw shucks charm of Tobey Maguire.  Kids -- the audience, I reminded myself pointedly, for whom this face-lift of a franchise was meant -- would pass no such judgments, mesmerized by these anthropomorphized amphibians much as I had been at the age of eight.

Change is never easy, not even in the sheltered world of toy company-aggrandized characters.  That's why I kept my own turtle trinkets simple, using good old-fashioned felt and pony beads instead of the more worldly and weathered bohemian pendants. Just think of me as your keeping-it-real jewelry crafter, a pliers-wielding Splinter dispensing pearls - er, rhinestones - somewhere high above the sewer.   

Martial arts meet masquerade in these iconic turtle masks I embellished.  The guy at the movie theater handed them to me with amusement when I bought two adult tickets.  Little did he know that the husband and I would fight over Leonardo.

One of many turtle crossing signs here in Brigantine.  If only real turtles had super powers.

Going Green

 Green Fantastic Plastic Necklace

Tunic: she said, J. C. Penney's

Tee: Kohl's

Skirt: Boscov's

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Worthington, J. C. Penney's

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

 Flash Florals Necklace

Tee: Kohl's

Skirt: Kohl's

Shoes: Betseyville, Macy's

Bag: Marshalls

Belt: Izod, Marshalls

Sunglasses: Target

Blue Fantastic Plastic Necklace

Dress: XOXO

Cardigan: Mossimo, Target

Shoes: Charles Albert, Alloy

Bag: Worthington, J. C. Penney's

Cyan scarf: Gifted

Teal scarf: Express

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Contrary to its title, this isn't going to be a post about eco-friendly living.  Indeed, if the husband is a friend of the universe, then I am its enemy.  Oh, I recycle all the normal stuff like juice bottles and pickle jars and old magazines.  But cereal boxes?  Toilet paper rolls?  Empty face wash tubes?  It's in the sludge of such murky territory that I draw the line.  It's not that I don't think recycling is important.  It's just so time-consuming when carried out with a full social conscience.  Also, I have an interest in preventing the growth of the refuse mountain that holds court in my kitchen, the summit of which sometimes looks like a crown if the Cool Whip containers and jewel-toned plastic wrap lean together just right.  

So, if this isn't going to be an ode to the environment, then what is it?  A tribute to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, that's what!  I saw the movie reboot this weekend (sorry, Begin Again), so I have the brothers on the brain.  Although they're no Jem or My Little Ponies, the nunchuck-wielding New Yorkers have always held a special place in my heart.  Choosing to think of them as more cute than cutthroat, I often forget that they're not only turtles, but ninjas, a fact handily hammered home by Vanilla Ice in that Kraft macaroni and cheese commercial.

I grew up on the cartoon incarnation, and Leonardo was always my favorite.  I preferred his steadfast, serious ways to Michelangelo's carefree, what's-up? tude.  Sure, Michelangelo would be more fun at parties (and as such claimed the movie's best one-liners despite cameraman Will Arnett putting up a passable fight), but Leonardo was the kind of true-blue terrapin that you wanted with you for the long haul.  The other character that made an impression on me was that villainous brain Krang, probably because he was just so disgusting.  I still think of him every time I eat strawberry yogurt and some of it dribbles off of my spoon.  Until recently, I thought Krang's name was Craig.  The discovery was kind of a letdown.  Craig was much funnier; he sounded like the kind of kid who would steal your pudding and then sit in it.  Krang didn't make an appearance in the reboot, but I'm sure Nickelodeon and Michael Bay will wheel him out of the Technodrome for the inevitable sequel.

All in all, the movie was a good time.  Even moments of lukewarm levity were heightened by the squeals of laughter from the mostly ten-and-under crowd filling the theater.  The husband and I were a little surprised by the lack of fellow nostalgic thirty-somethings in attendance.  Where else could you relive the magic of pizza; larger-than-life, sewer-dwelling reptiles; and Renaissance painters all in one tidy package, except for maybe in an Italian-Japanese fusion restaurant with a Godzilla-takes-Venice theme?  My only complaint is (of course) fashion-related.  I was disappointed that Megan Fox's April O'Neill had swapped her iconic yellow jumpsuit for a rather pedestrian tan leather jacket.  Although I understand that a jumpsuit is, well, laughable, I can't help but feel that a bright yellow leather jacket would have been a nice modern twist, not to mention a fitting homage.  Still, she did rock green nail polish.

Now I've said everything that I have to say about our heroes in a half shell (you had to know that one was coming) except for the most obvious, which is the perhaps even more groan-inducing but nonetheless necessary (say it with me) Cowabunga, dude! 

You're still number one, Leonardo, but dreamboat or not, you can't beat a good catchphrase.