Painting the Patriarchy Pink: This Barbie is a Blogger

Tee: Kohl's

I finally saw Barbie yesterday, and it was every bit as fabulous as I expected.  The clothes, the colors, the dance routines.  But also, the message.  Because if there's one thing that director Greta Gerwig makes clear, it's that being a woman is complicated.  To paraphrase America Ferrera's Gloria, all we really want at the end of the day is to "wear a flattering top and feel okay."  Yet sometimes the world -- and more to the point, the patriarchy -- makes that more difficult than it should be.  So it's no wonder that Barbie -- both the "stereotypical" one played to perfection by Margot Robbie and all the others who share the same name -- would rather stay in Barbie Land where women are always in power and cellulite is a myth, than venture out into the real world only to be arrested for rollerblading.

It's no surprise that it's Weird Barbie (Kate McKinnon) who convinces Stereotypical Barbie to hang with the humans.  After all, it doesn't get much more real than having a toddler yank your hair out by the roots and tattoo your face with Jem-style graffiti.  McKinnon kooks it up brilliantly, pouring every ounce of SNL alien abductee energy into channeling the discarded doll.  As for her aesthetic, it's excellently edgy, a kind of warped candy cute.  Her outfit and house are my favorite. 

But this isn't about Weird Barbie.  It's about Stereotypical Barbie.  And what she learns is what we all learn at some point -- that things aren't always perfect.   Also, that sometimes it's better to have an Allan (Michael Cera) than a Ken (Ryan Gosling).  Finally, not to trust men in charge. (I'm looking at you, shades-of-Mugatu Mattel CEO Will Ferrell.)  Yet however imperfect, it's still okay.  Because being human is a beautiful mess, and the only way to clean it up is to muss your hair and snag your stockings.  Authenticity is better than plastic.  

And that, Barbie girls, is nothing to toy with.

Caving in to Cute

What Mattel muse for hire sparks creative fire?  Endure the wait no more -- it's Emberly!  A punkier version of The Flintstones' Pebbles, Emberly comes from the Cave Club (and okay, Amazon).  But now she dwells in the cave of my craft room.  With her flame-colored hair, she fits right in.  As does her coordinating sidekick Flaire, who sidled right up to my succulent-sprouting dinos.  Emberly's as stylish as she is savage, rocking her '80s ensemble (complete with purple club!) in a way that's just plain, well, fierce.  

Then again, I'd expect nothing less from the brain trust that gave us Barbie. 

One Climb at a Time: Lisa Turtle Power

Top to bottom: Chase & Chloe, Zulily; Worthington, JCPenney; Chase & Chloe, Zulily

It's not unusual for shoes to be the first thing you see here at The Tote Trove.  But this time, they're not just about style -- they're about making strides -- while in style.  Because March is Women's History Month, and March 8 is International Women's Day.  Which, I'm aware, was yesterday (insert joke about women always being late.  What, no girl-on-girl crime, hashtag Mean Girls, when promoting gender equality?  Okay, Tina Fey, duly noted.)  A few years ago, Stephen Colbert did a bit on The Late Show about this special day, which I remember in a degree of detail because I logged it in my "Stuff to Write about Someday" Word file (most of which is flagged "do not publish until in witness protection").  Colbert was talking about a new Barbie-esque doll that was something worthy but boring, like an ambassador or a crossing guard who moonlights as an accountant.  And he was like, isn't it enough that little girls have to deal with all the issues that come with being female?  Why, in the name of proving themselves, do they have to play with lame toys too?  No one makes boys do that.  They get to play with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!  

This really resonated with me.  Because wouldn't the truly feminist move be to encourage girls to play with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles too?  Or the frilliest, glitziest Barbie?  Or whatever they want, not for the optics, but for the fun of it?  

So.  In celebration of all things shamelessly -- no, proudly -- frivolously feminine, here's a simply red (cue "Lady in Red") grouping of some of my more photogenic cosmetics.  

Body butter: The Body Shop, Zulily; Elizabeth Arden Red Door, Marshalls; Clinique lipstick: Boscov's; Mulan compact, Zulily

Note the Mulan compact, which is truly badass in terms of girls slaying it, whether on the battlefield or in the bathroom.  

Also, there's a turtle tee!  

Tee shirt, Macy's

Girls, hands off Leonardo; he's mine!  (Sorry, Tina.  I backslid into competitive mean girl mode there.)  

It isn't lost on me that the color scheme of the makeup and the tee is Red Hat Society-approved red and purple.  Because nothing says female empowerment like a posse of post-menopausal, chapeau-domed women commandeering an Applebee's.

Unless it's Lisa Turtle killing it in a  -- what else? -- red hat!

I knew I'd use those Saved by the Bell cards again.

That said, Lisa Turtle Power, although a sick pun if I do say so myself, is too close for comfort to Lisa Turtle Powers.  As in Screech Powers (Dustin Diamond, RIP).  I blame Mattel for starting it all by forcing Lisa to share a card with Screech.  It's not very Women's History Month of them, especially as the birthplace of Barbie.  I smell another comic Colbert exposé.  

Until then, sorry, Lisa.  

And, as always, Tina Fey.

Stripe Up the Brand: 2 Lips Too, Too Much, Nice Clutch

 Darling Deco Bow Necklace

Top: Bisou Bisou, JCPenney

Skirt: Xhilaration, Target

Shoes: 2 Lips Too, JCPenney

Bag: Fred Flare

Belt: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Sunglasses: JCPenney

No doubt about it, this post title is a mouthful.  But then, how else to laud labels that have got the gamed licked?  Yes, it's mid-priced mainstays 2 Lips Too and Bisou Bisou (French for "kiss, kiss!") puckered up into one puckish package.  Both brands hail from JCPenney.  Well, the online version anyway, which is often much snazzier than its stuck-in-the-1990s brick and mortar mother.  Failing department store chain or not, JCP still has an appetite for awesome, yet enough restraint to maintain its girlish figure.  That's right; this retailer has returned to the discount game.  Thanks to a clearance sale and a $10 rewards certificate, I got three pairs of these stripey stilettos for the price of one.  I'd been stalking them for what seemed like forever, waiting for just such an opportunity.  Who could blame me?  They're so distinctive and different and doll-like. 

I especially love their clear plastic inserts in contrasting colors.  They're like little slabs of stained glass in the windows of what I imagine to be Barbie's Disco Dance Party play set.  The disco ball would descend to the (mirrored!) dance floor and open up into a vanity for those sweaty, post-Hustle touch-ups.  (Are you listening, Mattel?  I'm sitting on a goldmine here.)

What I'm really (okay, always) saying is, accessories make the mood/party/outfit.  Which is why this Merry Berry Cherry Necklace, with its lipstick-red rhinestone cherry pendant, is such a fun, fruity finishing touch for this loudmouth ensemble.  What's that?  This isn't the Merry Berry Cherry Necklace, but the Darling Deco Bow Necklace?  Well, you caught me; it turns out that the cherry necklace didn't go with this outfit after all.  That sort of snafu sometimes happens here at the Trove.  Good thing I have a never-ending supply of sparkly subs to step in.

Cherries or no cherries, it would be really rad if Mattel could come up with an enchanted forest called the Ornate Orchard.

Hey, a squirrel can dream.