Complexion Confection: Matte as a Pancake

Shoes: Chase & Chloe, Zulily

I was going through my shoes the other day when I found these spectator T-straps and thought, Oh, they look like pancakes.  No, there isn't a different color for each foot (because I'm not Helena Bonham Carter; although that would be badass, wouldn't it?); I have two pairs, one yellow and one tan.  But together they reminded me of butter and maple syrup and made me miss the days when you could go out to brunch without fear of catching, not just ptomaine from a gross griddle grill, but the plague.  Yet they didn't make me miss it enough to make breakfast (let's not get crazy now).  Instead, they inspired me to unearth my old Fabulous Felt Pancakes barrette and build a new outfit around it.  

Fabulous Felt Pancakes Barrette

This barrette, as you may recall, started an argument between a mother and son (hashtag barrette brawl) in A.C. Moore back before that store became just another brick and mortar casualty and, consequently, a playground for rats.  Their dialogue went something like this:  Mom: "They're flowers!"  Son: "No, they're pancakes!"  Mom: "They're flowers!  Me (but only after they asked for my intervention): "They're pancakes."  Insert self-deprecating smile.  

Anyway, this sweater is one of my favorites (so cozy and yellow!), and the scarf all but screams Hershey's Kisses. 

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Clockwise (starting with amber): Cloud Nine, Ocean City; B Fabulous; Mixit, JCPenney; Target; So, Kohl's

Sweater: LC Lauren Conrad, Kohl's

Skirt: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Breakfast pancakes, by the way, make me think of the other kind of pancake (lots of trains of thought going off the rails here), namely pancake makeup.  And the very best pancake powder on the market is Coty Airspun.  I've been wearing it since high school (except for a brief period when my stuck-up sophomore self would cover my zits with only Elizabeth Arden), and it's never steered me wrong.  Although light and airy (it's right there in the name: airspun), it provides incredible coverage, concealing blemishes so that my skin looks as matte and flat as, well, a pancake.  But then, Coty knows what it's doing.  The company's been cranking out this miracle makeup since 1935.  The big powder puffs on the canister even mimic those on the original cardboard packaging.  Which is so glam and retro.  And also kind of endearing.   

So, the next time I go out for a big stack of buttery pancakes, even if it's forever and a day from now on account of COVID, I'll be wearing a thick coat of this precious powder.  (Also, probably a colorful winter coat, but that's less relevant.)  

Because as many a wise and vain person has said, it's better to have pancake on your face than egg.

Send in the Gowns: Three Ring Sumo Circus

Fabulous Felt Clown Barrettes

Dress: David's Bridal
Shoes: Guess, DSW
Bag: Xhilaration, Target
Sunglasses: Michaels

There are few things as paradoxically creepy-cute as clowns.  So, I thought it'd be fun to make some in barrette form this week -- and even more fun to clip their colorful, madcap mugs (which, according to the husband, bare a striking resemblance to Mr. Bill) to the uber sleek and formal bridesmaid dress I wore in my sister's wedding.  The result is a look that would make anyone the belle of the Barnum and Bailey ball, right down to the mismatched shoes a la Helena Bonham Carter, who, come to think of it, looks more than a little clownish in those Alice in Wonderland movies.  These triple clowns are large and in charge and come in a rainbow of seasonal colors, spanning the palettes of fall, spring, and summer.  But not winter, because winter's the worst (and also because no one wants to see Bozo go down in a toboggan).

Clowns aren't the only characters cartwheeling through my personal circus.  I'm also sweet on sumo wrestlers.  Or whatever it is that's circumnavigating this satin box kumbaya-style.  Maybe they're acrobats, strange and smiley in their bright leotards.

I got this box on a sixth grade class trip to some now-forgotten Egyptian museum.  It stood out among the stickers and tee shirts, beckoning me with its exotic glamour.  I've always loved unusual trinket boxes.  They're weird and they store stuff; what more could a kooky collector want?  Knowing this, my mother recently rescued this one from the attic.  I was thrilled.  Even if it smelled funny and had become a coffin for crunchy critters.  Also, the "wrestlers' " leotards had partially disintegrated, shamelessly exposing the crude gray stuffing of their shoulders and rumps.  But to me they still seemed magical, a band of homegrown superheroes (sorry, Sailor Moon ad Pokemon) that had battled the attic's wilderness to emerge (mostly) intact decades later.  Bravery like that deserves to be rewarded, which is why I embellished their poor exposed innards with rhinestones.  I think the winking gold and purple add an exciting new dimension to this already kitsch-tastic keepsake, and I look forward to enjoying it for years to come.

On that note, I can just see some snooty-accented "Antiques Roadshow" appraiser a hundred years from now, turning it around in his hands and murmuring, "Ah yes, a novelty piece most likely sold at a museum gift shop in the Northeast in the early to mid-1990s.  It's a pity it's been altered.  Although the rhinestones add a sense of whimsy, they'll significantly lower the value at auction."  This is the part where the caftannned Midwesterner who brought it in snatches it away in a tizzy, huffing, "It looks better next to my velvet Elvis!" before flouncing off to have another expert examine her set of Ronald McDonald drinking glasses.

From one clown to another, this ring's come full circle.

It's Only a Paper Shoe

Every Christmas I get a Workman Publishing shoe calendar.  And every year (well, every year later), I cut out the pictures because they're too exquisite to throw away.  Here's a sampling of my stash:

So, some weeks ago, in the spirit of my recent use-every-part-of-the-pig crafting ethic, I decided to make some of them into brooches.  At first, I was pretty excited.  I glued and rhinestoned and ribboned, all the while thinking, "Hey, I'm on to something!"  But, then, without warning, the whole enterprise began to seem kind of doomed, the pieces shaping up to be -- for lack of a better word -- wonky.  It was all very disappointing, kind of like spotting the perfect pair of pumps on a far-off department store riser only to find out that they have kitten heels.  But such is life, so often trampled by the foibles of footwear.  I'll either wear them myself or add them to my free gift grab bag, but I won't list them.

Dress: JCPenney

(No need to adjust your monitor; those are indeed two different shoes that you're seeing.  Although I've never braved the look myself [too much uneven pavement out there] it's my nod to Helena Bonham Carter, who's done just that on more than one red carpet.)

Pink T-strap: Payless
Blue leopard pump: Ami Clubwear
Black scarf: JCPenney
Belt: B Fabulous
Bow scarf: Gifted
Fuchsia scarf: Express
Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's
Bag: Fred Flare

On an unrelated note, I may have given Halloween candy short shrift last week.  Since then I've been scarfing down the leftover fun-sized snacks, an experience that reintroduced me to the joys of Twizzler-tinged Milky Ways and Snickers-scented Dots, flavor mash-ups that could come only from the fragrant fracas of a Halloween candy bowl.  Chocolate and fruit, delightfully artificial and all up in each other's grill -- it doesn't get any sweeter than that.