Chore Bore No More, Good Times in Store

Ugh.  Grocery shopping.  I hope we don't get that chatty checker who always asks what's up with all that yogurt.

Ooh, what awesomely packaged dried fruit snacks . . . that I'll never eat.

Ugh, grocery shopping again.  I just inhaled a hot fudge sundae, so it's all about those heart healthy hint of salt Triscuits.

Yay!  Grocery shopping!  Slightly elevated cholesterol be damned; time to gorge on Oreos!  

I'm going to go out on a limb and say that most people don't like grocery shopping.  There are so many obstacles: lumbering, muttering, sputtering crowds; big ass displays of gravy-flavored potato chips; and "balance what you eat and do" stickers reminding you that you should be buying kale instead of Ben & Jerry's.  For me, the necessary evil of procuring foodstuffs lands somewhere between doing crunches and scrubbing the toilet.  But for the husband it's an adventure.  He loves to cook and loves to eat (I feel honor-bound to mention that he's nowhere near being a three hundred pounder) and never fails to marvel at what's new on the shelves.  Mug cakes?  Tiny bananas?  Stout-flavored cheese?  He's there.  When we first moved in together, I found these trips to be a trial.  We always went on Sunday, and I always wished I was sleeping or reading or watching TV.  Once and a while I'd go by myself after work.  Which seemed like a great solution because I was so much quicker -- until I'd get to the checkout and realize that I had to lug all that stuff, case of water and all, by my lonesome.  Then, somewhere along the line, I realized that stockpiling produce and, yes, empty carbs, as a twosome could be kind of  fun.  I stopped focusing on the downside and began seeing the aisles through the husband's eyes, bursting with flavor and possibility.  Not to be a cheese ball (although Herr's cheese balls are super tasty), but now I appreciate that our weekly pilgrimage isn't just about crossing something off the to-do list, but about doing everyday stuff together.  You know, going on that great big yet oh so ordinary date that is life.  Kind of like that Mallrat (not to be confused with the Kevin Smith movie) song:

"I just wanna get groceries
I'll pray that you wanna get close to me
I'll give it some, give it some, give it some time
But I think that we're supposed to be
And if you wanna get groceries
And if you wanna get close to me
Just gimme some, gimme some, gimme some sign
I think that we're supposed to be"

In other words, you haven't looked into someone's soul until you've seen them buy toilet paper.  Also, a plunger.

Somehow it all comes back to toilets.

Animal Charm: Win, Lose, or Mall and Cock-a-Doodle Zoo

 Extra Big Elephant Necklace

 Razzle Dazzle Rooster Necklace

Tee: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Skirt: So, Kohl's

Shoes: City Streets, JCPenney

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: Claire's

Normally, you wouldn't see a rooster and an elephant together.  Because a rooster roams on a farm, whereas an elephant chills at the zoo -- or, more optimistically, on the Serengeti.  Still, you certainly wouldn't see either one at the mall.

Or, would you?

Because malls are kind of like zoos.  First off, you've got your mall rats (although, sadly, never Jeremy London look-a-likes).  Then there's feeding time at the food court.  And of course, the good and bad smells.  For instance, at my mall, there's the floral-sweet scent of Macy's Backstage and the mildew musk of the new, no-name furniture store.  And finally, there's the sea life-themed merry-go-round (this being the Jersey shore) in front of Forever 21.  The point is, anything can happen at the mall.  And apparently did, considering the flash mob-esque food court fight that broke out the night before I went Backstage.  Seriously; it was on the news and everything.  

And you thought I was kidding about feeding time.

Macy's Backstage, by the way, is a new Macy's venue.  It's a floor of the store that's all discount stuff, displayed in that fashiony flea market way that we bargain hunters love.  As soon as I walked in, I thought, it's like Macy's and Marshalls had a baby.  A mini Marshalls, if you will (not to be confused with Mega Marshalls, which is a whole other thing).  My instincts weren't wrong; once I started scoping the racks, I saw a top and a smiley-faced succulent there that I'd recently bought at the actual Marshalls (thankfully, at the exact same low prices)!  Anyway, I picked up some makeup brush cleaner, and the cashier gave me a free shopping tote and a $10 off coupon for being one of the first 200 customers.  So, after doing a lap around the mall to peruse its other offerings, I went back and used the coupon on this sunglasses-wearing Luv Betsey watermelon purse.  It was priced at $20, so I got it for $10!

Which was much better than some dancing rhino-themed souvenir cup or jumping frog toy from the gift shop.

I guess malls aren't always like zoos.

Legends of the Mall: Patch Madams

Trendy Transport Charm Necklace

Top: Modcloth

Jeans: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Shoes: Christian Siriano for Payless

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

Trendy Treats Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Skirt: Celebrity Pink, Macy's

Shoes: Payless

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Trendy Tropics Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Skirt: Mossimo, Target

Shoes: Chinese Laundry, DSW

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: JCPenney

Trendy Trinkets Charm

Top: City Streets, JCPenney

Skirt: Mossimo, Target

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Marshalls

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Claire's

Trendy Travels Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Jeans: Mudd, Kohl's

Shoes: Not Rated, Journeys

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

 Trendy Tunes Charm Necklace

Dress: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Vest: Lisa Frank for XOXO, Macy's

Shoes: Betseyville, Macy's

Bag: Glamour Damaged, Etsy

Sunglasses: Michaels

This is just the right movie mash-up pun to kick off a post about shopping for fall trends.  (Although it should probably say "mademoiselles" instead of "madams" because all of these clothes came from the juniors department.  Also, because of the whole lady-of-the-night association thing).  The theme of these outfits is patches.  And the mall with it all has got plenty.  It's patches, patches, and more patches, enough to make an overzealous Girl Scout green with envy (no Thin Mint hustling necessary!).  Some are in the old-school collegiate and military designs; others mirror our favorite foods, text shorthand, and emojis.  Stylish and silly, they make us smile, like wearable stickers of the digital age.  Which may seem like a random (albeit whimsical) comment if it weren't for this Lisa Frank vest!  That's right, 1990s design icon Lisa Frank has joined forces with juniors giant XOXO (and also someone named "Doe" that I've never heard of) to create a clothing line as bubblegum bright as the iconic school supplies of the 1990s.  Now, I've never owned a denim vest.  Not even in the 1990s, when it seemed like every girl, tween, and teen was throwing one on over a daisy-print slip dress to watch "90210" and practice Hacky Sack.  But I couldn't help but be drawn to this one.  I don't know if it's the heart, the unicorn, or the fuzzy pink bear hidden by the collar (Who decided to put that there?!  Probably Doe . . .), but I instantly knew that I had to have it.  It has a campiness that just sort of screams mall, boardwalk, or any other nostalgic retail attraction where you can get an Icee and an ice blue pair of jellies (this being a mall-slash-boardwalk located at the intersection of 1989 and 1990).

Browsing the mall is still thrilling.  I purchased every single one of these patchy pieces in department stores mere feet away from hair extension kiosks and combination Cinnabon-Auntie Anne's.  Yep, the mall is a fixture of American culture.  It offers a range of adventures as diverse as its stores, a universal truth immortalized by everyone from Kevin Smith in Mallrats to Kevin James in Paul Blart: Mall Cop.  Which just goes to show that you don't need to buy anything at all to make your trip memorable -- although I'll admit that bringing home a souvenir helps to elevate the experience.  Board game creators of the 1990s seemed to know this, too.  When we were kids, my sister had two such games: Mall Madness and Meet Me at the Mall.  Meet Me at the Mall was more realistic because it featured real stores like Casual Corner and Nine West (hey, this was the 1990s), but Mall Madness was more fun because it had two levels and talked (Attention shoppers, secret sale at Perfume Palace!  I repeat, secret sale at Perfume Palace!).  Still, both were pretty rad, and not just because their names showcase the alliteration that I so love.  Ten-year-old me, by the way, had one of those grow your own crystal kits.  Despite my best efforts (and craving for sparklies), it never yielded anything except sad, stunted piles of lurid green powder, a sure sign that I was right in abandoning science for making accessories.

Which brings us to this fresh influx of Flash Charms.  It's no secret that I find these quirky little pieces of plastic addictive.  Like shopping.  And collecting folders emblazoned with kittens eating lollipops and sliding down rainbows.  

Who am I kidding?  My favorite part of that vest is clearly the unicorn.