Legends of the Mall: Patch Madams

Trendy Transport Charm Necklace

Top: Modcloth

Jeans: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Shoes: Christian Siriano for Payless

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

Trendy Treats Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Skirt: Celebrity Pink, Macy's

Shoes: Payless

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Trendy Tropics Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Skirt: Mossimo, Target

Shoes: Chinese Laundry, DSW

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: JCPenney

Trendy Trinkets Charm

Top: City Streets, JCPenney

Skirt: Mossimo, Target

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Marshalls

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Claire's

Trendy Travels Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Jeans: Mudd, Kohl's

Shoes: Not Rated, Journeys

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

 Trendy Tunes Charm Necklace

Dress: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Vest: Lisa Frank for XOXO, Macy's

Shoes: Betseyville, Macy's

Bag: Glamour Damaged, Etsy

Sunglasses: Michaels

This is just the right movie mash-up pun to kick off a post about shopping for fall trends.  (Although it should probably say "mademoiselles" instead of "madams" because all of these clothes came from the juniors department.  Also, because of the whole lady-of-the-night association thing).  The theme of these outfits is patches.  And the mall with it all has got plenty.  It's patches, patches, and more patches, enough to make an overzealous Girl Scout green with envy (no Thin Mint hustling necessary!).  Some are in the old-school collegiate and military designs; others mirror our favorite foods, text shorthand, and emojis.  Stylish and silly, they make us smile, like wearable stickers of the digital age.  Which may seem like a random (albeit whimsical) comment if it weren't for this Lisa Frank vest!  That's right, 1990s design icon Lisa Frank has joined forces with juniors giant XOXO (and also someone named "Doe" that I've never heard of) to create a clothing line as bubblegum bright as the iconic school supplies of the 1990s.  Now, I've never owned a denim vest.  Not even in the 1990s, when it seemed like every girl, tween, and teen was throwing one on over a daisy-print slip dress to watch "90210" and practice Hacky Sack.  But I couldn't help but be drawn to this one.  I don't know if it's the heart, the unicorn, or the fuzzy pink bear hidden by the collar (Who decided to put that there?!  Probably Doe . . .), but I instantly knew that I had to have it.  It has a campiness that just sort of screams mall, boardwalk, or any other nostalgic retail attraction where you can get an Icee and an ice blue pair of jellies (this being a mall-slash-boardwalk located at the intersection of 1989 and 1990).

Browsing the mall is still thrilling.  I purchased every single one of these patchy pieces in department stores mere feet away from hair extension kiosks and combination Cinnabon-Auntie Anne's.  Yep, the mall is a fixture of American culture.  It offers a range of adventures as diverse as its stores, a universal truth immortalized by everyone from Kevin Smith in Mallrats to Kevin James in Paul Blart: Mall Cop.  Which just goes to show that you don't need to buy anything at all to make your trip memorable -- although I'll admit that bringing home a souvenir helps to elevate the experience.  Board game creators of the 1990s seemed to know this, too.  When we were kids, my sister had two such games: Mall Madness and Meet Me at the Mall.  Meet Me at the Mall was more realistic because it featured real stores like Casual Corner and Nine West (hey, this was the 1990s), but Mall Madness was more fun because it had two levels and talked (Attention shoppers, secret sale at Perfume Palace!  I repeat, secret sale at Perfume Palace!).  Still, both were pretty rad, and not just because their names showcase the alliteration that I so love.  Ten-year-old me, by the way, had one of those grow your own crystal kits.  Despite my best efforts (and craving for sparklies), it never yielded anything except sad, stunted piles of lurid green powder, a sure sign that I was right in abandoning science for making accessories.

Which brings us to this fresh influx of Flash Charms.  It's no secret that I find these quirky little pieces of plastic addictive.  Like shopping.  And collecting folders emblazoned with kittens eating lollipops and sliding down rainbows.  

Who am I kidding?  My favorite part of that vest is clearly the unicorn.

Movie Moment: The Dilemma

Martin Luther King Day found my mom and I shopping and going to the movies, as per usual. We settled on The Dilemma, which had opened that weekend, the only competition having come in the (weak) form of Country Strong.

The movie began promisingly enough. Two couples, Ronny and Beth (Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Connelly) and Nick and Geneva (Kevin James, Winona Ryder) are hanging out in a bar when Ronny asks, "How long does it take to really get to know someone?" (Ronny and Beth aren't married, Nick and Geneva are, and they've all known each other a long time). Nick says ten minutes because that's how long it took him to realize he wanted to marry Geneva. But Ronny disagrees, insisting that you can know someone for years and think you've got him or her figured out only to learn something new that changes everything. It's a compelling question. Nick and Geneva hit the dance floor, spurring Beth to ask Ronny to dance. He points out that great men don't dance, then recites a list that includes Martin Luther King in a well-timed holiday shout-out.

Unfortunately, the whole thing goes downhill once Ronny sees Geneva kissing a tattoo-riddled young punk named Zip (Channing Tatum) and begins obsessing over whether or not to tell Nick. Ronny is also trying to get up the nerve to propose to Beth but is confronted by commitment issues that are compounded by what he learns about his best friend, a scenario that made me think of that "Family Guy" episode where Stewie pokes fun at Vince Vaughn: "Oh, Vince Vaughn is on the cover of Entertainment Weekly. Here's my summary of every Vince Vaughn movie: Oh, I'm incapable of loving another person. Oh wait, no I'm not. The end."

For some reason, Ronny decides to spy on Geneva and Zip, which leads to a string of gratuitously violent events. (At one point, Zip brandishes a gun, all the while insisting that he's the "sensitive type." To be fair, he is pretty broken up when Ronny shatters his fish tank.) Clearly, this wasn't the light, romantic comedy I'd been expecting. It was dark. And not in the good, indie-flick kind of way, but in the potentially funny story gone horribly wrong kind of way. For a movie about honesty, it was awfully dishonest in its marketing. At some points I was so bored that my mind wandered to the metallic pink chain-strapped Guess handbag and metallic bow-adorned Paris Hilton pumps I'd left behind in Marshalls. (After the movie, I went back for the bag, but not the shoes. I just couldn't own something being peddled by Paris.)

The plot finally culminates in Beth staging an intervention for Ronny. Apparently, all his covert activity has made her think he's gambling again (He's a gambling addict; I forgot to mention that). The scene is nail-bitingly awful. (To give you an idea, Zip shows up as Ronny's presumed bookie.) As you'd predict, all hell eventually breaks loose and all the secrets come tumbling out. Despite some gloomy aftermath, Ronny finally proposes to Beth, rather inelegantly by hiding the ring in a takeout bag.

Nick and Geneva, however, don't make it.

In the final scene, Ronny, Beth, and Nick are at a hockey game, the bookend to a scene from the beginning of the movie. Nick is chosen from the audience to shoot a goal and makes it, winning a dream vacation. As my mom put it, you just know he's taking Ronny as his guest in a perfect end to this fraternity-esque who-needs-women-anyway bromance. Not that she used the phrase fraternity-esque who-needs-women-anyway bromance, but the sentiment was there.

All in all, I don't regret seeing The Dilemma, if only because I like to collect movie-going experiences the way I like to collect shoes. Because even when your shoes pinch, you're (mostly) still glad you made the journey. Which reminds me, I'd better hop to it and get the Jack Handey quote of the week up here . . .