Romper Room Vroom: Three's Company Hue

Blues Cues Charm Necklace

Pretty Parfait Whistle Purse Charm

Top: Liz Claiborne, Marshalls
Skirt: Modcloth
Shoes: Christian Siriano for Payless
Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's
Belt: Apt. 9, Kohl's
Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Prehistoric Princess Necklace

Top: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Shorts: Merona, Target

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Betsey Johnson

Sunglasses: The Tote Trove

Brenda Bow Necklace 

Pretty Parfait Elephant Purse Charm 

Top: Wet Seal
Skirt: Stoosh, Macy's
Shoes: Ami Clubwear
Bag: Princess Vera, Kohl's
Sunglasses: Mudd, Kohl's

I said I'd never wear a romper.  Not only do they present a bathroom conundrum, but they kind of sort of scream three-year-old (a demographic that is, incidentally, no stranger to potty problems).  And yet, there's still something about them.  I blame this on my childhood fascination with "Three's Company" reruns (really, every six-year-old should be so invested in the antics of Santa Monica singles).  So, I found myself trying on two in the past week: a candy striped confection from Kohl's and a floral affair from JCPenney.  And each time it was, as I predicted, a very bad scene.  Ladies (and gentlemen; I'm not here to judge), if you've ever been in a fitting room struggling to squeeze into a garment and have heard the heart-stopping sound of seams ripping, then you know exactly what I mean.  Needless to say, I went home empty-handed.  And promptly ordered this ice cream truck from Amazon:

Ice cream means summer, and summer means shorts.  Which is why I have a cute flowered pair (ice cream!) sandwiched between two skirts in this week's ensembles.  Of course, in this post, ice cream also means purse charms.  I had the best time recreating the same colorful parfaits I used to make my Sherbet Shenanigans Necklaces.  Only this time I paired them with -- you guessed it -- Flash Charms!  Despite my recent lament that I'd soon be out of these totally 1980s treasures, they've proved themselves to be the bottomless pasta bowl of my craft supply collection (not sure if I'm ripping off the Olive Garden or beloved children's book Strega Nona here, but I'm a happy camper as long as crafts and carbs are in abundance).  I even had enough charms left over to make my Blues Cues necklace, which fit in so well with its non-Flash Charm school companions.  I'm talking to you, Brenda Bow and Prehistoric Princess.  I don't know about you (you the reader, not you the necklaces), but I love living in a world where ribbons and reptiles can peacefully coexist.  Also, mythical rompers.

Perhaps somewhere out there in syndication Suzanne Somers is rocking a terry cloth number.  Even though Suzanne played Chrissy, not, ahem, her successor Terri.  That honor went to Priscilla Barnes.  Who, by the way, is now a paunchy villainess on "Jane the Virgin."  These days she favors caftans . . . and, more recently, an orange jumpsuit.  

Which is, when you think about it, just another kind of (oh so wrong) romper.

Charm Alarm: Flash Flood Warning

 Bicycle Bites Charm Necklace

Sweater: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Jeans: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Shoes: a. n. a., JCPenney

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's

Bugging Out Charm Necklace

Sweatshirt: Bongo, Sears

Skirt: H&M

Shoes: Worthington, JCPenney

Bag: Nahui Ollin

Sunglasses: Party City

Panda Excess Charm Necklace

Top: Lily Star, Target

Jeans: Princess Vera, Kohl's

Shoes: Guess, DSW

Bag: Nordstrom

Sunglasses: JCPenney

Will these Flash Charm puns ever get old?  Probably, if the ever-dwindling clearance rack at Michaels is any indication.  Last year at this time, Flash Charms were the new kid on the jewelry making block, and I, awestruck and smitten, started buying them up like an extra on Hoarders.  Now there are a precious few relegated to an endcap between the American Girl doll clothes and the googly eyes, shamefaced in the glare of those perky new pompom charms.  Sure, I dedicated a whole post to the wonder of the pompom trend just two months ago and have since even purchased one (in case you're wondering, it's from JCPenney and looks like cherries), but that won't stop me from rolling those scene stealers under the bus if Flash Charm shelf space is threatened.  

So here's (perhaps) the last and latest Flash Charm trio.  You've met the critters and takeout under other names and incarnations, but the bicycles are first timers.  When I bought them, I thought that they were bicycle repair kits.  I thought that the box with the bicycle picture on it was for storing tire patches and -- well, honestly, I don't know what else -- and that the cylinder thing was a pump.  Then the husband told me that they were lunchboxes and thermoses.  And I realized that that made more sense.  Still, I think a bicycle is a weird choice for a lunchbox when there are so many cooler things like ponies and rainbows and cupcakes.  At least a cupcake is something you could put in a lunchbox. 

Take note, Flash Charms CEO.  It's gaffes like this that made room for the pompoms.           

Legends of the Mall: Patch Madams

Trendy Transport Charm Necklace

Top: Modcloth

Jeans: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Shoes: Christian Siriano for Payless

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

Trendy Treats Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Skirt: Celebrity Pink, Macy's

Shoes: Payless

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Rampage, Boscov's

Trendy Tropics Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Skirt: Mossimo, Target

Shoes: Chinese Laundry, DSW

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: JCPenney

Trendy Trinkets Charm

Top: City Streets, JCPenney

Skirt: Mossimo, Target

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Bag: Marshalls

Belt: Wet Seal

Sunglasses: Claire's

Trendy Travels Charm Necklace

Top: Macy's

Jeans: Mudd, Kohl's

Shoes: Not Rated, Journeys

Bag: Betsey Johnson, Macy's

Sunglasses: So, Kohl's

 Trendy Tunes Charm Necklace

Dress: Arizona Jeans, JCPenney

Vest: Lisa Frank for XOXO, Macy's

Shoes: Betseyville, Macy's

Bag: Glamour Damaged, Etsy

Sunglasses: Michaels

This is just the right movie mash-up pun to kick off a post about shopping for fall trends.  (Although it should probably say "mademoiselles" instead of "madams" because all of these clothes came from the juniors department.  Also, because of the whole lady-of-the-night association thing).  The theme of these outfits is patches.  And the mall with it all has got plenty.  It's patches, patches, and more patches, enough to make an overzealous Girl Scout green with envy (no Thin Mint hustling necessary!).  Some are in the old-school collegiate and military designs; others mirror our favorite foods, text shorthand, and emojis.  Stylish and silly, they make us smile, like wearable stickers of the digital age.  Which may seem like a random (albeit whimsical) comment if it weren't for this Lisa Frank vest!  That's right, 1990s design icon Lisa Frank has joined forces with juniors giant XOXO (and also someone named "Doe" that I've never heard of) to create a clothing line as bubblegum bright as the iconic school supplies of the 1990s.  Now, I've never owned a denim vest.  Not even in the 1990s, when it seemed like every girl, tween, and teen was throwing one on over a daisy-print slip dress to watch "90210" and practice Hacky Sack.  But I couldn't help but be drawn to this one.  I don't know if it's the heart, the unicorn, or the fuzzy pink bear hidden by the collar (Who decided to put that there?!  Probably Doe . . .), but I instantly knew that I had to have it.  It has a campiness that just sort of screams mall, boardwalk, or any other nostalgic retail attraction where you can get an Icee and an ice blue pair of jellies (this being a mall-slash-boardwalk located at the intersection of 1989 and 1990).

Browsing the mall is still thrilling.  I purchased every single one of these patchy pieces in department stores mere feet away from hair extension kiosks and combination Cinnabon-Auntie Anne's.  Yep, the mall is a fixture of American culture.  It offers a range of adventures as diverse as its stores, a universal truth immortalized by everyone from Kevin Smith in Mallrats to Kevin James in Paul Blart: Mall Cop.  Which just goes to show that you don't need to buy anything at all to make your trip memorable -- although I'll admit that bringing home a souvenir helps to elevate the experience.  Board game creators of the 1990s seemed to know this, too.  When we were kids, my sister had two such games: Mall Madness and Meet Me at the Mall.  Meet Me at the Mall was more realistic because it featured real stores like Casual Corner and Nine West (hey, this was the 1990s), but Mall Madness was more fun because it had two levels and talked (Attention shoppers, secret sale at Perfume Palace!  I repeat, secret sale at Perfume Palace!).  Still, both were pretty rad, and not just because their names showcase the alliteration that I so love.  Ten-year-old me, by the way, had one of those grow your own crystal kits.  Despite my best efforts (and craving for sparklies), it never yielded anything except sad, stunted piles of lurid green powder, a sure sign that I was right in abandoning science for making accessories.

Which brings us to this fresh influx of Flash Charms.  It's no secret that I find these quirky little pieces of plastic addictive.  Like shopping.  And collecting folders emblazoned with kittens eating lollipops and sliding down rainbows.  

Who am I kidding?  My favorite part of that vest is clearly the unicorn.

Carnival Meats and (Un) Savory Treats: Food Fight or Flight on the Midway

 Fabulous Felt Cotton Candy Barrette

Dress: Modcloth

Blouse: Kohl's

Shoes: Charles Albert, Alloy

Bag: Xhilaration, Target

Sunglasses: Michaels

Carnival Candy Bag

Merry Cherry Necklace

Tee: Marshalls

Shorts: ELLE, Kohl's

Shoes: Betseyville, Macy's

Belt: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Orla Oval Necklace

Dress: Modcloth

Top: XOXO, Macy's

Belt: Marshalls

Shoes: Not Rated, DSW

Bag: Eleven Peacocks, Etsy

Sunglasses: Relic, Kohl's

 Dandy Candy Bag

Sailor's Sweetheart Necklace

Tee: Merona, Target

Shorts: ELLE, Kohl's

Shoes: Ami Clubwear

Belt: Apt. 9, Kohl's

Sunglasses: Mudd, Kohl's

Ah, the carnival.  That bastion of horror and glamour catered by corn dogs and deep-fried everything.  I was inspired by its strange, seedy splendor when I made this week's stuff, buoyed up by some leftover summer snack wagon (for this was no hallowed hipster food truck) photos.  My favorites are the two bags, castoffs from my closet that I prettied up with paint and rhinestones.  The Carnival Candy one reminds me of the Gravitron because its rows of rhinestones look like the Grav's lights against the stark white of that flying saucer-like vessel.  (Not that I'd ever ride such a beast, the Tilt-a-Whirl being far more my speed.)  To really seal in those carnival juices, this bag and its pastel twin also each sport an explosion of -- Flash Charms!  Yes, it's Flash Charms, Flash Charms, and more Flash Charms, now enough to open a shop up on Ebay.  But enough about that; time to get to the meat of the matter.

Last week, I referenced the classic and dignified novels of Agatha Christie.  This week . . . I'm going to talk about Sausage Party.  An animated raunch-fest from the minds of Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg, it's about what happens when anthropomorphic supermarket items discover their fate when someone buys them -- which is to say, that instead of going to paradise as they've been told, they get eaten.  As premises go, it's kind of a jarring one, so much so that I was thankful not to be chomping on popcorn or Junior Mints at the time.  Luckily, the voice-over cast is entertaining and helps to take the edge off.  It includes Jonah Hill, James Franco, Micheal Cera, Bill Hader, Danny McBride, Craig Robertson, Paul Rudd, and . . . Ed Norton?  What's he doing slumming it here?  Apparently, playing the Hulk back in 2008 was his gateway drug to more lowbrow fare.  Also puzzling, Selma Hayek.

No, this ain't no Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, a title, incidentally, I find much more offensive than Sausage Party, what with its balls of sauce-covered meat falling out of the sky and ruining everyone's outfits.  This one's not for the kiddies, a message my local theater sought to drive home with hand-written signs just in case the movie poster of a hot dog grinning under the words "a hero will rise" didn't send the message.  That having been said, there's a good, old-fashioned boy-meets-girl story sandwiched somewhere deep in here.  Seth Rogen and Kristen Wiig reprise their roles as star-crossed lovers in yet another bizarre what's-the-meaning-of-life-anyway movie (I refer, of course, to Paul, which was headlined by an extraterrestrial instead of foul-mouthed food).  Rogen is Frank, the aforementioned hot dog, and Wiig is Brenda -- what else? -- a hot dog bun.  Now, this movie is weird.  Like, weirder than Vanilla Sky weird, and that starred Tom Cruise.  For one thing, it employs a strange juxtaposition of cute and grotesque imagery.  Like Garbage Pail kids or Inside Out Boy from "PeeWee's Playhouse" -- only X-rated.  Also, you know how we all sometimes wonder if aliens will take over the world and eat us?  Well, this is like that, only with cartoons and cursing.  

As ever, a high point for me was Michael Cera.  (Sorry Paul Rudd, but your mean geek grocery store cashier just didn't do it for me.)  Ever the self-deprecating beta in a crowd of crude alphas, he plays Barry, the runty and misshapen hot dog who -- spoiler alert -- not only defies death, but gets the girl -- or, in this case, the smushed hot dog bun.  

Gross-outs and nihilistic worldview aside, it cannot be denied that Sausage Party asks some of life's most probing questions: What happens when we die?  Is anarchy ever the answer?  Will my Twinkies ever talk to me?  And, of course, is Sausage Party a trenchant social satire or just the by-product of a hallucinogenic spree?  

The movie plays at answering this by sending Frank and friends through a magic portal at the end, making us think, wait, maybe there is something out there after all.  Then, before we can start reading too much into it, Frank cheerfully reminds us, hey, it's just a cartoon!

I've heard they say the same about SpongeBob.