I Spy Cat's Eye

Some people dread the dentist.  But my nemesis is the eye doctor.  And I use the term doctor loosely.  Because optometrists and ophthalmologists have about as much in common as Milli Vanilli and Adele.  You'd think that knowing this would calm me down to near cockiness.  But last Sunday, when it was time for my yearly eye exam at a Visionworks shoehorned between Moe's and David's Bridal, I still felt pressure to pass all those tests.  Not as much as I used to, mind you.  But I hadn't achieved that coveted cool as a cucumber status.  Or maybe I should say cool as a carrot status because carrots are supposed to be good for your eyes.  

Anyway, you know the kinds of tests I mean. What's the smallest line you can read?  Which line is clearer, one or two?  Two or three?  How many aliens are in front of the farmhouse?  (I made that last one up.  But I think that the tests should be more entertaining, especially the air puff one for glaucoma.  Hearing a Mario Brothers storming the castle sound effect when you get punched would make it less scary.)  I was even more on edge because my nearsighted self wears glasses only to drive, a behavior that compromises my ocular integrity, making the kindly optometrist (for he is kindly, despite his choice in profession) suspicious.  This, I realize, makes me, not him, the Milli Vanilli.  His questions went something like this: So, you don't wear your glasses when you go to the movies?  Or when you watch TV?  Or use the computer?  No, no, and no.  But wouldn't things be clearer if you did?  Well, sure.  But I'm not blind (despite what that guy at the DMV once said).  And seeing every wrinkle on Brian Austin Green's face while I watch "BH 90210" isn't something I want in my life.  

Nor is being known as someone who wears glasses.  Not that there's anything wrong with glasses.  Daria rocked them like the badass she was, and "The Big Bang Theory's" Bernadette wouldn't be Bernadette without them.  It's just that they're not me.  

  

That said, fun and funky sunglasses like these are the only lenses I want on my face.  And yes, these pics do get slightly smaller as you make your way down.  Which Tote Trove lady is clearer, daisy cat's eye or red hearts?  Red hearts or purple hearts?  Purple hearts or invisible alien?  

Guess what?  After all that angst, it turns out I didn't even need new glasses.  

Which was just as well because everyone knows that Mr. Green doesn't have wrinkles.

Photo Shoot Reboot

These days, reboots are old hat.  From "Fuller House" to "The Conners" to "Will & Grace" to "BH 90210," everything old is new again and there's no such thing as closing the door.  So I decided to crack my own open.

Years ago, I used to regularly post pictures of myself in a -- segment?  column?  feature?  Let's just be honest and say vanity piece -- that I called Photo Shoot Friday.  And then I felt weird about it and stopped.  I even went so far as to delete (almost) all those posts.  Afterwards, I felt as if a weight had been lifted -- no more hanging around in my outfit until the husband got home to take the pictures, no more worrying that the outfits weren't good enough.  Then, this past winter, I gradually started getting back into it.  I'd be wearing an outfit I really liked and think, I want to be able to look at this years from now -- and, yeah, maybe let the world look at it, too.  So I did and it's been more fun this time because 1) I'm in a house and have more space to work with (although this first pic was taken at my parents'.  You know I can't keep flowers like those!)  and 2) I'm more relaxed.  I don't post the pics on a schedule (or any at all that I'm not reasonably happy with!), but instead just when I feel like it.  And I try not to obsess that they're not polished enough or high res enough but instead accept all their imperfections -- real or imagined -- because they're mine. 

Also, maybe the outfits are getting better, or maybe I am.  Or maybe it's a little of both.  If there's one thing I've learned in the ten years that I've been doing this, it's that the older I get, the wiser I get, and the more like myself I become.

I hear that Tori Spelling feels the same.