Detecting Deadly Sins: Moths and Sloths

I've said it before, and (hopefully!) I'll say it again.  Just when I think I've read my last Agatha Christie mystery, another one comes out of the woodwork.  This time it's a collection of short stories called While the Light Lasts.  And although it includes two stories I read in other compilations (always a danger with collections), the rest are as fresh as a just-killed corpse.  That said, they aren't so much whodunits as mysteries of the mind.  Which are, in some ways, more frightening.  Because it's all well and good to find out who killed Professor Plum in the conservatory with a candlestick (I know that's Clue and not Christie, but if mixing murder metaphors is wrong, I don't want to be right).  Yet sometimes envy, greed, and/or vanity can poison the well between a husband and wife even more potently than cyanide.  Because Christie's not just the crème de la crème of crime writers.  She's a master of human nature, spinning stories around the seven deadly sins with the supernatural skill of a sorceress. 

Which brings us to something else that's not human, namely the moths on the cover.  Their dark beauty reflects the macabre allure of the tales within, proving that sometimes you can judge a book by its cover.  Also, they remind me of my own moths.  No, I'm not keeping the winged things as pets.  We just have a real influx of them this year, with at least one clinging to the wall in each room, looking as lifeless as a pinned specimen.  As everyone knows, they're famous for eating fabric (hence those malodorous moth balls beloved by octogenarians).  So, I've been annihilating them with my Dyson.  Now you know my secret.  Not only am I not one of those people who insists on shuttling offending insects outside; I'm a willing murderess when it comes to preventing crimes of fashion.  

And with that we come full circle to my favorite sin: vanity, with a side of sloth.    

Who wouldn't want to live the life of such a carefree cutie?

As for Christie, my quest for new-to-me titles continues.  But even if I plumb the depths of the obscurest book shop, I don't expect to find any about an outfit-obsessed shut-in who sleeps until noon.   

Sleuth Spoof: Deserts and Daheim: A Case of Killing It

' "What could be more fun than discussing the brutal murder of a friend?" '

So trilled Beverly (Wendi McLendon-Covey) during this week's episode of The Goldbergs.  Adam (Sean Giambrone) had just dragged her to see Clue, and she loved it so much (not, she's quick to point out, the mystery, but the fancy food and clothes), that she wastes no time in planning her own murder mystery party.  The result, of course, is as hilarious as any of the beloved Jenkintown family's hijinks.  But Bevy's not the only one to get caught up in the excitement of a good thriller (whatever her motivations).  

As you know, I'm into whodunits.  These days, I'm reading my way through Mary Daheim's Emma Lord mysteries.  (Daheim, as I've mentioned, also writes the zany bed-and-breakfast books featuring sleuthing cousins Judith and Renie.)  Emma traded city life at The Oregonian for The Advocate in backwoods Washington.  As such, she's an outsider in a small, as she calls it, mountain "aerie," even once she's lived there for years.  People trust her, but she's not one of them.  Despite dabbling in romance with sheriff Milo Dodge, she remains haunted by the one that got away.  Essentially, she's alone, pitting her against her most formidable adversary -- herself.   Although the Emma Lord series is still categorized as "cozy" -- it's seldom gory, it's set in a small town, and the heroine is a small business owner -- it's darker than its bed-and-breakfast counterpart.  But it's every bit as funny.  And although the crimes are compelling, they're not what really draw me.  That honor goes to Daheim's irreverence and offbeat wit, both of which are machete-sharp.  Her descriptions of the local yokels -- foibles, family trees, and all -- create characters that are layered and familiar.  They keep me coming back to this crime-ravaged corner of the Pacific Northwest -- even if I never want to meet these weirdos in person.

Anyway, getting my hands on every Emma Lord title means sometimes buying used (these started coming out in the '90s), which I'm not normally into.  But now when these gently thumbed missives arrive in the mail, I look at them with fresh eyes.  I wonder if the person who read them before me also questioned how one small logging town could be hit with so many homicides.  Or how Francine's Fine Apparel could survive in a place with such high unemployment.

Here I am reading one of them!  Truth be told, this is a staged shot (but then, aren't they all?).  Because this (Colonel Mustard, ha ha) chair, lovely though it is, isn't the most comfortable for reading.  Same goes for the jeggings and jewelry.  But I decided not to show you how I really read, all sprawled out on the couch with unspackled skin and wayward hair.  That wouldn't be fair to you.  Or me. :)    

As for the necklace, it's one I restrung recently.  When I first made it, I used yellow silicone beads, which I'd bought without knowing what they were made of.  They were sticky and, after a few wears, attracted as much dust as a lollipop in a lint trap.  So I made a mental note -- silicone: bad for breasts, bad for beads -- and started again with hard plastic.  I'm happy with the way the "new" necklace turned out.  I especially love how it blends in with my leopard sweatshirt like a camo cactus (the charms are western, even if there isn't a saguaro in sight).

Wild West Wynona Necklace

Sweatshirt: Zulily

So it's no -- surely, you knew this was coming -- mystery why I heart crafts or crafty pseudo-detectives.  Creating something from nothing (or an old something) is a thrill, and sitting back while someone else solves an (entirely different kind of) problem is the ultimate lazy river of vicarious living.  Whether the murder takes place on the side of the road or in a gilded conservatory, it coaxes me out of my humdrum existence -- and then, once the body bag hits, makes me grateful for it all over again!  In the case of Clue, the genre injects a dose of Agatha Christie-level gravitas and glamour.  After all, what little -- or grown-up -- girl doesn't want to be Miss Scarlet?  

Bananas or not, Bev was on to something.

Ketching Up With Mustard

Tops: Self Esteem, Zulily

Pumps with turquoise interior: Delicious, Zulily

Other pumps: Worthington, J. C. Penney's

Top necklace: Colors, Kohl's

Middle necklace: Wet Seal

Bottom necklace: Mixit, J.C. Penney's

French's, Gulden's, Grey Poupon, 

They're all so sharp,

You can't go wrong . . .

. . . unless you're building a sandwich instead of an outfit.

I've never liked mustard the condiment.  But in recent years, I've developed a taste for mustard the color.  As someone who hates ketchup but loves red, I should've seen this coming (and probably did, as I sense I've already blogged about this.  Just think of me as your aunt who never stops asking if that's your real nose.)  Anyway, I like the way it makes other colors -- especially its stepsister, yellow -- pop.  Also, it has a warm, retro feel.  Like the harvest gold stoves of the '70s (including the one my parents had in the '80s).  So of course I purchased two nearly identical tops in this nostalgic hue.  Both have sweetheart neckline lace insets, both are made by Self Esteem, both come from Zulily, and both cost $12.99.  I bought the one on the left last year (I wore it a ton), and the one on the right just last week.  Both go great with lots of things, including this piping hot pretzel.

Betsey Johnson, Macy's

By the way, the runner-up title for this post was Colonel Mustard in the Conservatory With a Candlestick.  Not because I like the game Clue (I don't).  But because I used to have a pair of sweatpants in this oh-so-special shade, and when I wore them, the husband would refer to me as that esteemed-yet-murderous (or should I say Self-Esteemed?) military man.  Which I, wanting to be Miss Scarlet, wasn't crazy about.        

These days he steers clear of candlesticks.    

Calling Colonel Mustard Back into Battle

Dress: Macy's
Shoes: Candie's, Kohl's
Bag: Gap
Jacket: Candie's, Kohl's
Scarf: Marshalls
Tights: Marshalls

Every now and then when I put on one of the outfits I've photographed on Tammy, something goes awry.  For instance, this morning I found that the lines of the Queen for a Day Necklace didn't quite jibe with the neckline of this dress, and that the belt didn't work at all (literally, as it was falling off of me!).  So, I switched tactics and appealed to the considerable charms of this yellow scarf. (It looks a little chunky here but is much more attractive in person.)  Not only did it provide a more flattering backdrop, but the yellow really made the jewels pop.

Calling Colonel Mustard

Tee: Mudd, Kohl's

Jeans: So, Kohl's

Boots: Jessica Simpson, Barefeet Shoes

Bag: Marshalls

Blue scarf: Express

Red scarf: Boscov's

 Queen for a Day Necklace

Dress: Macy's
Shoes: Candie's, Kohl's
Bag: Gap
Tights: Marshalls
Belt: Wet Seal

You may have noticed that I've dispensed with the Something New and Sparkly tagline (because let's be honest, these days I'm always writing about something new and sparkly).  Even so, it's glitz that radiates from the root of this post (and why not, with this Queen for a Day Necklace).  Because if there's one consolation for the cool-down of summer's hot hues, then it's the celebratory burst of pre-holiday sparkle.    

This morning when I photographed the mustard jeans outfit, I thought I'd struck gold.  But then a stop at Macy's led me to this jauntily jewel-toned dress.  A pair of striped tights and one be-bowed belt later, and the condiment-inspired jeans had a run for their money.

It's little indulgences such as these that make me feel like queen for a day :)          

Something New and Sparkly: Games and Goodies

Every now and then I like to make some jewelry that's just for me. I've always loved necklaces made from kawaii erasers (I can still remember how amused and dazzled I was when I first saw them for sale in several Etsy shops) and felt the urge to add some more to my collection.

I made the first necklace with a bunch of fruit- and dessert-themed erasers I've been sitting on since my birthday. I applied a coat of clear nail polish to each one for shine and protection from dirt. Then I stabbed each with what I can only imagine are earring findings (metal rods topped with loops), fed a jump ring through each loop, and hung each charm from a chain.

The second necklace is made from - believe it or not - a miniature Candy Land game that doubles as a key chain. The "box" actually opens into a magnetic board, complete with tiny cards and two tiny gingerbread men playing pieces! (I apologize for not taking a picture of this and will be sure to do so the first time I wear it :) I found the key chain at Five Below (it was one of the pricey $5.00 items) among a collection of others featuring such other classic board games as Sorry!, Trouble, Clue, and Twister.

Speaking of Five Below, I found the key lime pie eraser charm that stars as the pendant for the last necklace there also (another $5.00 item). It was already packaged in the plastic case, complete with a hole at the top, which was ideal for adding a jump ring.