Dread

An assortment of things 

1. I am absolutely dreading going back to school.  It was like I had no break because I had to spend all my time focusing on applying for graduate school.  Bummer!
   
2. I have seen a couple of Ellen Page movies lately and they are really disturbing.  Hard Candy and An American Crime, the worst part is the latter is a true story.  
3. My final semester of undergraduate course work begins on Wednesday.  I am taking: Walt Whitman, my senior seminar for English it's called Poetry, Performance, and some other "P" word I can't remember, Deviance a Sociology class, We Like to Watch: Surveillance and information science class, and Children's Literature and information science class.  I have never used any of my pass/fail "coupons" so I feel myself using some this semester.  
4. In December it will be a year and a half since I started at UT and in that year and a half I will have taken 65 credit hours.  
5. And I wonder why I'm so tired all the time.  
6. Please, God, where ever you are, please, let me get into graduate school.  I don't want to have to go through this again.   
7. In this wonderful year and half I have discovered an interesting tid-bit about myself.  When I get really stressed (I never knew stressed until UT) I get the runs.  Thanks body, because when I'm stressed out it is so much better when my ass hurts too.  (Over share, I know, but it is kinda funny.) 

Done

I'm finally done with school. I thought it would never end. What is it about unpleasant things that makes time drag. Whatever it is, it blows. Good news people: as of 11 o'clock today I will never, and I mean never, have to diagram another sentence as long as I live. It brightens my day just thinking about it.

Along with finishing school I also finished the beast of a project I had going known as a Kyle's sister's scrapbook.

Look at the pictures. Here are my three favorites.

The End is Near

I hate the end of the semester. I do tons of work to watch my A's slip away. Apparently I need to work harder all semester long to be absolutely sure I will get an A and stop this incessant worrying. That is the worst solution ever. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Today I took a test I needed to make an 86 on to make an A in the class. If I missed everyone I wasn't sure on I made an 87.5. That is too close for comfort.

I also turned in a paper I needed to make an 87 on to make an A. I have no idea how that will turn out, but I'm not expecting anything magnificent.

Thursday I have a test I need to make a 100 on to make an A. I might be able to miss one question and he will still probably give me the A. Never the less, 100? can I do that? At least 2 people have made a 100 every test so there is hope. I have been studying since Saturday.

An allostatic load

Oh dear me!

• I just now was able to sit down and read blogs.
  
• Christ on a cracker! I am tired!
• Taking classes isn't really fun.
  
• Taking 17 hours is so, so not fun.
• Because of the weight of my backpack and the fact that I walk two miles home from the bus stop I have a swollen bruise larger than a quarter right above my ass crack.
• Those hard plastic chairs are going to be fabu tomorrow!
• I am so tired of blackboard. Not familiar? UT website in which readings for classes are posted, grades, assignments, announcements, etc.
  
• It feels nice to sit on the computer and not do school work.
• I have decided that I hate Spanish. The language bothers me so. Just have two words for God's sake! Why have the same word mean 14 things. Does no one see how that could be confusing.
• Reading Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence and really quite liking it.
  

Summer Shit Storm '07

Why does the shit always have to hit the fan when I am totally stressed out about school? Why? These are bad things. I would tell you about them, but they are other people's bad things. It wouldn't be right. I can't fix them or contribute to the problem I can only get stressed out by it. It would be really easy to say that they are just effecting me because I'm already stressed. That may very well be the case, but they would sort of through me for a loop on a regular day. When there are big nasty fights over money and there are so many fuck you's flying around in between family members that is bad. Isn't that a fun situation to be in. I have one more fucking week people can we hold off just 7 days before we start killing people or going to jail? Really, I'm serious. I just don't think I can take much more bullshit AND school in a five and half week period. I have never had a summer that was so full of drama. I loathe drama. I have been shaking since about 2:00 this afternoon, because of my nerves. Isn't that a nice feeling.

Since I can't tell you about all the bullshit I will tell you about school. On Tuesday I have a six to eight page first draft that has to be done. I also have my third test in my Biology class. On Friday I have my final draft due and a comprehensive final in my Biology. Hooray for two tests in one week in the same class!

I just keep thinking, maybe I will get all my studying and my editing done on the fourth of July. I probably won't, but it makes me feel better to make things up.

I'm very busy.

Ode to my mother

My mom had the good sense to buy me a Texas Tomorrow Fund account 11 years ago when we came into a little money. It works like this, whenever you put money into the account your college tuition rates are locked in for that year. So I sign up for classes and confirm my attendance. No money exchanged, no nothing. From a $2,000 balance (for 6 hours for 51/2 week session) to $0 just like that. They needed a copy of my Texas Tomorrow Fund id card once. It is like magic. What a genius! She paid for 4 years of college to any public Texas University for $9,000. What a deal!

I'm nervous

I don't have a job. That hasn't happened for a very long time. In between jobs sure, but no job? When it is right down to it, I'm not sure I can manage. It is really scary.

Orientation starts on Tuesday. I have to check in between 7 and 8 AM (we all know how I love the mornings) and I don't get to register until 4:30pm. As I really don't feel up to top speed it will be a long day. I don't feel good enough to walk a block and I can take about 5 minutes of standing before I need to sit down. It is making me a little nervous.

Plus, that "I haven't done this before" nervousness that is totally irrational and will sometimes stop you from doing new things.

Did I mention....?

Orientation is on May 29th. I will be able to register for classes then. Classes start on May 31st. Can you image the vast sum of classes I will be able to choose from, not to mention times, only TWO days before summer classes start. The choices right now are slim to none, and I still have a whole month.

I already gave notice at my job.

I still don't know where I will be living come school starting and beyond.

I was going to ride the bus everywhere, not just the UT clean, college kid bus, but the weirdo, stinky bus too. Gas is expensive and with no job I can't drive a car all over tarnation, plus there is negative parking at UT. I don't know how that is possible, but I swear it has gone past good, old No Parking and gone into the negatives. This will prove hard if we are in Georgetown. Since there is no bus into Austin. I will have to drive to north Austin and park just to ride the Capital Metro. That is half way to school.

So, in light of the bus riding I have decided to invest in a Mp3 player. I want something cheap. I don't necessarily want and ipod. But I do want something good quality. With 2-4gb. Any suggestions?