Dread

An assortment of things 

1. I am absolutely dreading going back to school.  It was like I had no break because I had to spend all my time focusing on applying for graduate school.  Bummer!
   
2. I have seen a couple of Ellen Page movies lately and they are really disturbing.  Hard Candy and An American Crime, the worst part is the latter is a true story.  
3. My final semester of undergraduate course work begins on Wednesday.  I am taking: Walt Whitman, my senior seminar for English it's called Poetry, Performance, and some other "P" word I can't remember, Deviance a Sociology class, We Like to Watch: Surveillance and information science class, and Children's Literature and information science class.  I have never used any of my pass/fail "coupons" so I feel myself using some this semester.  
4. In December it will be a year and a half since I started at UT and in that year and a half I will have taken 65 credit hours.  
5. And I wonder why I'm so tired all the time.  
6. Please, God, where ever you are, please, let me get into graduate school.  I don't want to have to go through this again.   
7. In this wonderful year and half I have discovered an interesting tid-bit about myself.  When I get really stressed (I never knew stressed until UT) I get the runs.  Thanks body, because when I'm stressed out it is so much better when my ass hurts too.  (Over share, I know, but it is kinda funny.) 

The End is Near

I hate the end of the semester. I do tons of work to watch my A's slip away. Apparently I need to work harder all semester long to be absolutely sure I will get an A and stop this incessant worrying. That is the worst solution ever. It makes me tired just thinking about it.

Today I took a test I needed to make an 86 on to make an A in the class. If I missed everyone I wasn't sure on I made an 87.5. That is too close for comfort.

I also turned in a paper I needed to make an 87 on to make an A. I have no idea how that will turn out, but I'm not expecting anything magnificent.

Thursday I have a test I need to make a 100 on to make an A. I might be able to miss one question and he will still probably give me the A. Never the less, 100? can I do that? At least 2 people have made a 100 every test so there is hope. I have been studying since Saturday.

Oh, dear, sweet weekend! How I love thee!

Friday through Monday are pretty smooth sailing. By Tuesday I'm tired again.

The adviser from the English department sent me an email this week about the Honors program. Seeing as I'm brilliant and my "outstanding academic" something or another I'm eligible for the honors program. I didn't believe it at first. I literally thought, "Oh, that was probably a mistake." Then I got a second email from a sorority asking me to join. It was an honors sorority.

My life just took a turn for the nerdy. Apparently , I'm on list somewhere that says I'm smart. How do you like that?

Not like I'm going to apply for the Honors program. I don't really see the benefits. I definitely see the drawbacks. More work. I don't need a star by my name when I graduate to feel validated.

On the movie watching agenda this weekend: Farewell, My Concubine and Jacob's Ladder.
On the listening agenda: Ray LaMontagne "Empty" on the album "Til the Sun Turns Black"
(I especially like the lines, "well I looked my demons in the eyes, laid bare my chest, said do your best, destroy me. You see, I've been to hell and back so many times, I must admit you kind of bore me.")

You can see a small clip of "Jolene" sung "Live at Abbey Road".

I kinda feel like if he were to shave he would look somewhat like Stephen Colbert. Do you get that feeling?

Or you can watch this clip of part of "Empty"


I never said it was a happy song.

An allostatic load

Oh dear me!

• I just now was able to sit down and read blogs.
  
• Christ on a cracker! I am tired!
• Taking classes isn't really fun.
  
• Taking 17 hours is so, so not fun.
• Because of the weight of my backpack and the fact that I walk two miles home from the bus stop I have a swollen bruise larger than a quarter right above my ass crack.
• Those hard plastic chairs are going to be fabu tomorrow!
• I am so tired of blackboard. Not familiar? UT website in which readings for classes are posted, grades, assignments, announcements, etc.
  
• It feels nice to sit on the computer and not do school work.
• I have decided that I hate Spanish. The language bothers me so. Just have two words for God's sake! Why have the same word mean 14 things. Does no one see how that could be confusing.
• Reading Sons and Lovers by D.H. Lawrence and really quite liking it.
  

First day of school

I had the worst classroom experience ever. Before my Oceanography class I have an hour break so I was there early and these three girls sitting right next to me were going on and on about their sororities. The intellectual stimulation of their conversation was the culinary equivalent of eating cardboard. One girl repeatedly asked, "Is this class about waves?" Not even her sorority sisters would touch that one. So she kept on and on until finally the other girl says, "It's about a lot of things." The the wave girl text messages the whole class. TWO HOURS. Then the first thing she says when the lights are up and class is done? "I'm dropping this class. I'm a journalism major. I will never need to know any of this in my whole life."

What if you were writing an article about the ocean? Pollution? Warming? All things that are in the news.

One of the girls said, "I hope this class isn't hard because I HATE science!" about 3 or 4 times.

It was like someone only gave them 4 sentences to use all day long. Boy did they ever use them.

Fairy Tales

Today in class we got to see a lot of art work done by Hans Christian Andersen. He did these paper cuttings along with sketches and things like that, but the paper cuttings are really, really cool.

This is the only image I could find of my favorite one.

Most are incredibly small and intricate.


And he did it all with a regular old 8 inch pair of scissors!

I have to stop dicking around and revise my paper. I won't have time this weekend, and here I am posting this bullshit just so I won't have to do it right now. I could scream. I want to scream. I won't.

Riot anyone?

I can not tell you how glad I am that the week is done. Five days straight is just to many. What do you say to a friendly riot? You know in protest? To get the work week to four days and not five? Any takers?

Saturday, Kyle and I will be going to San Antonio. There simply is no rest for the weary. We are escorting his 18 year old cousin. He has Asperger syndrome. So in other words he is autistic. He also loves heavy metal. So we are taking him to a heavy metal concert. He also knows every animal genus and species on the face of the earth, plus dinosaurs. He has a photographic memory and puts it to use working in the library.

But first I am going to have to wake up and do some homework. A lot of homework.

My Hans Christian Andersen teacher chewed the whole class a new asshole today for not reading. We had taken two reading pop quizzes this week and apparently most of the class hadn't been reading. If I were him I would be really pissed too. The longest story we have had to read was like 20 pages. Everything else has been about 5. One night 5 pages I wouldn't say that is overloading us. He started telling us people who don't read devalue other people's education, which I think is true, but he just went on and on and the whole time I'm just smiling away. Well, he is cute. What can I say? Plus he wasn't mad at me.

I'm ....

-Taking a class on Hans Christian Andersen which I am really enjoying even though it has only been two days. My teacher is adorable. And Danish. And hopelessly nerdy, and a natty dresser. And loves literature. So obviously I'm in love.

-Watching Kinsey. It took me two days. But I finished it. God, to have that kind of passion. I have to stop watching movies when Kyle is in the room. He insists on talking to me or commenting on the movie the whole way through. Eventually, I feel like ripping his throat out with my teeth. So I stop the movie and wait until later.

-Riding my bike in a lightning storm. It had rained just minutes before, so everything was wet and smelled incredible. The air was cool and who doesn't love a good lightning storm? Oh, Texas, how I love you.

-Making a decision. I have decided to cut my hair. Not right this minute, but when I think the black has grown out sufficiently to have a nice hair cut. I want all the black gone. So send pictures of short hair cuts. Though I may wait until after Kyle's little sister's wedding. Maybe not. Here are some things I was thinking about. I may even be willing to go this short. (the one on the right. Tell me what you think.

-Watching Crash. Think ill of me if you must, but I love this movie. (The first Crash with the weird sex and car crashes and David Spader. Not the pretentious, everyone is a racist Crash. Just clarifying I don't want anybody to think I love that movie. ) It is THE weirdest movie I have EVER seen. And I'm no stranger to weird movies. I love David Spader. He must be so strange. His body of work is like no other. He'd have to be crazy to play all those parts.

Ode to my mother

My mom had the good sense to buy me a Texas Tomorrow Fund account 11 years ago when we came into a little money. It works like this, whenever you put money into the account your college tuition rates are locked in for that year. So I sign up for classes and confirm my attendance. No money exchanged, no nothing. From a $2,000 balance (for 6 hours for 51/2 week session) to $0 just like that. They needed a copy of my Texas Tomorrow Fund id card once. It is like magic. What a genius! She paid for 4 years of college to any public Texas University for $9,000. What a deal!