Showing posts with label Kevin Sorbo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Kevin Sorbo. Show all posts

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Paradox (2010)






Directed by: Brenton Spencer
Run time: 86 minutes

This movie should have been entertaining.  It has a noir police story,  weird alternative history,  and Kevin Sorbo.  Instead it uses famous movie lines to poor effect,  the plot staggers around like it's drunk,  and the comic book ascetic feels out of place.  Paradox was based on a comic book but I am guessing that everything of interest was left out.

The plot revolves around  Detective Sean Nault played by Kevin Sorbo. Sean is a hard nosed cop who plays by his own rules. He also believes in a new age cult that most of society has written off as superstition at best. He is a practitioner of the scientific method. The Earth that Sean lives on developed magic in stead of science. So lots of spells and crystal machinery and not a lot of metal tools and common sense.

A series of unexplained murders have occurred and the weapon that is killing people is small metal objects that can move fast enough to pierce the body. One of the people murdered is Sean's partner. giving him more motivation to bring this killer to justice and to bring respect to forensic science. This investigation brings to light another Earth where magic doesn't exist, a drug ring that imports drugs from the other Earth so narcotic spells can't detect them, a conspiracy with dire consequences, and that Sean is a Paradox. Paradoxes are people who do not have a twin on the science Earth.

Sean uses the scientific method, his intuition, and lazy writing to solve the mystery of who is bringing non-magical drugs and guns into the world.  He also goes to the non-magical Earth with Lenore, she runs a vaguely explained science store,  in order to find how the illicit items are making it back to their world. While there, the two of them fall in love with the non-magical world and each other. They also find enough evidence to pull apart the sinister conspiracy and lead to the end of the movie.

This is a movie full of great ideas that are never carried out well. Nothing is fully explained, the setting is interesting but never explored, and there is lots of lazy writing to make the protagonists look better. Also the rotoscoped comic book transitions did a lot to force me out of the movie. Cast a Deadly Spell and Witch Hunt are better films in the genre that tis movie is going for.

It's a struggle to find a positive note to end this review on. It's not that Paradox is a bad movie,  it is just too much was thrown at the screen and what stuck was a wandering mess. If it a slow week or you are looking for a comic book movie that is off the Marvel and D.C. beat and path this might be a film to watch.

MVT: I have nothing.  Normally I can find something that stands out but with this movie it's either ok or crap.

Make or Break: Two things broke this movie for me making background characters dumber so the heroes could show off how awesome their science skills are and the references to better movies. After hearing for the third time that a magnum 44 is powerful hand gun and a obligatory assault rifle "Say hello to my little friend" line makes it hard to stay invested the movie.

Score: 4.1 out of 10





Friday, June 19, 2015

Kull the Conqueror (1997)


Directed by: John Nicolella
Runtime: 95 minutes

If you ever wanted a movie where Kevin Sorbo is shirtless most of the time this is the movie for you. This 1997 sword and sorcery film was originally to be a Conan reboot but Kevin Sorbo did not want reprise Arnold Schwarzenegger's role. So it was rewritten using another Robert E. Howard character Kull, an Atlantean pirate who becomes a introspective ruler. Thought in this film he is less introspective and more believes in prophecy, armed combat, cracking jokes, and liberty for all.

The movie opens with the history lesson about how demons used to run the world and world was covered with flames. Then the god of ice came, put an end to the demons, and left one burning flame to remind humans of godless times. Of course this flame will never be used to create conflict in this movie, really.
We then shift focus to our hero Kull and he is taking part in the worst job interview ever. Please do not get me wrong, I have been in a lot of job interviews where if they replace the questions with let's see how well you can beat the hell out of other people with a weapon would be fun. But in Kull's case he is unable to get the job because he is not of noble birth.

This awkwardness is interrupted by news that the king has lost his mind and is killing all his heirs. So Kull follows the general of the noble born guard and ends up killing the king. As thanks for mortally wounding him his last act is to make Kull king. This annoys the general and a foppish noble as thanks to the previous king's murder spree they were the last two in the line of the crown. So Kull moves quickly to annoy even more people before be crowned king and frees a priest of the ice god. He also allows the people to worship what gods they will and pisses off the head priest of the order of dicks.

In between an assassination attempt and scenes where Kull learns that he can't change the law carved in stone there is a love story. Kull and the court fortune teller slowly be come a couple and give away most of the plot with tarot cards. With is weird because, as I understand it, Robert E. Howard's characters tend to avoid the supernatural and rely more on their wits and massive muscles. But enough of that for now let get back to the people upset with Kull and are clueless as to how to kill him.

Enter burned wizard guy and his silent ape monster helper. He has a way to take out Kull in a way that his muscles and wit will not be able stop. He will reawaken a long dead demon sorceresses who will marry and kill Kull. The plan goes off more or less as expected. She seduces Kull, marries him, and then she changes her mind and drugs him instead of killing him. As a bonus, she sets up the court fortune teller as Kull's murderer.

This forces the plot to speed up from crawling to crawling with an energy drink. In short, the demon reveals to Kull she wants him as her sexy consort as turn the world into a hell on Earth. He says no and escapes with the help of the priest of the ice god, who is also the fortune teller's brother. The two of them sneak back into the city, find that a minor character, who they couldn't be bothered to give a name to, is killed and is taking Kull's place at the funeral.

So the plot throws out an action scene where the fortune teller is saved, the high priest of the order of dicks is killed, and the trio escape to find the lost island of the ice god. Kull knows of an old pirate friend who somewhat willing to give him a ship for this quest. However, once they get out to sea the pirate drugs the trio and is about to turn around and sell Kull to the demon. So Kull escapes, steals the ship, and they find the lost island of the ice god.
 
Back in the kingdom, the demon torments the wizard for forgetting his place. She also kills the foppish noble for being annoying and charges the general with finding Kull and the lost island of the ice god. She knows where the island is and gives the general the ability to catch up. Oh and the general is now trying to find a way to kill both Kull and the demon so he can be king.

Thanks to plot convenience the lost island of the ice god is found. Kull and friends go looking around a cave blasting cold air and find a statue of the ice god. The fortune teller consults her tarot cards and is told to go topless before the god statue and becomes the bearer of the ice god's breath. The general shows up because it has been five minutes since the last action scene and kills priest of the ice god and the ship's crew. After beating Kull in a sword fight, he kidnaps the fortune teller and leaves Kull to die in an easily escapable situation. However the general does not know Kull and makes his escape by drowning himself in freezing water because it is more heroic to escape while suffering hypothermia.

This brings us to the end of this fantastic adventure romp. The general claims the fortune teller and Kull are dead. The demon becomes more demonic as the solar eclipse approaches and forgets to kill the general when Kull sails up for the end of the movie.

Despite my petty complaints this is not a bad movie. It is also not a great movie either. If you are a Robert E. Howard fan and you haven't seen this yet go hang your head in shame. For everyone else, it is a great movie if it comes up on cable or streaming movie services and you have some time to kill.

MVT: The sound track for this movie is amazing and is one the only reasons why I have re-watched this movie.

Make or Break: Break, a lot of things in the movie that need to be explained like who characters are and what the hell is the ape monster thing is.

Score: 4.1 out of 10