Little Cigars (1973)

What is it about little people that makes people laugh? I know the answer is obvious; their height. However, it makes me wonder why them playing a pivotal role in a film (mainly headlining one) makes that film jump to the top of viewers’ must-see list. I hadn’t heard of “Little Cigars” until yesterday. Immediately upon discovering it, I let it jump over other films on my list to be my next review here.

There was something about the poster and premise that caught me. A mob filled with midgets (don’t mean to offend anybody, just calling it as the film does) who assist a beauty in what appears to be a “Snow White” send-up was highly appealing. Though the film is not even close to being a send-up of “Snow White” (though there is a joke regarding said film), it does play up the mob factor. Just not in the way one would expect.

For many, referring to the Little Cigars as a mob is misleading. They’re a traveling circus act of sorts that purposely perform cheap routines to distract patrons and steal from them. The first time we see them performing, two members of the group sneak into the parking lot and rob civilians. Later, they not only convince patrons to buy an average candy bar with the promise of a better sex life (just go with it), but they snatch their wallets when they’re not looking.

Cleo (Angel Tompkins) gets involved with the gang when she steals from a gangster and hightails it. When Slick Bender (Billy Curtis) offers her a position on his traveling attraction, she initially turns it down (with a barrage of midget jokes). It’s not until the gangster’s cronies catch up with her that she takes Slick’s offer and becomes his mistress, so to speak.

It’s not until the halfway point that the film kicks it into high gear. For the first half, we’re drowned in midget jokes (albeit some funny) and lame carny acts. It’s not until Cleo and Slick decide to start elevating their thievery that the film becomes engaging. They stop hustling drunken hicks and begin robbing bars and banks. The midget jokes still exist, but they become a bit more fleshed out (such as the cops mistaking the Little Cigars for children).

What holds this film back from being a memorable film starring midgets (I know, not a huge class, but you get my point) is the direction of Chris Christenberry. As slow and monotonous the first half can be, he was at least setting the characters and story up. The gangster plot which drives the film may be dry, but it was serving a purpose. It was the catalyst that brought Cleo and the Little Cigars together. Too bad it becomes an afterthought. Once Christenberry remembers to bring them back into the story, he quickly dispatches of them.

Thankfully, he does replace them with entertaining sequences of Cleo and the Little Cigars partaking in heists. The two standouts being the aforementioned bar and bank stickups. The bar one is plagued with rudimentary midget jokes, though them being dispersed by drunken rednecks makes them tolerable. When the entire gang robs them clean of their illegal gambling money, they cheerily escape, but not before stating, “If gambling wasn’t illegal in this state, you could call the police!”

The more successful heist, in terms of humor, would be when they rob the bank. The citizens being held up initially believe the gang is using toy guns, as they refer to them as toy people. Once one of them shoots their gun into the ceiling, the crowd grows quiet down and shows sign of fear. This mostly makes up for the more ludicrous midget jokes, as the perpetrator’s finally got their comeuppance.

If Christenberry had focuses his attention solely on the Little Cigars and their heists, the film would have been more successful. The gangster subplot drags the film down and has it crawl through mud before finding it’s niche. The vastly superior second half does it’s best to make up for this, making “Little Cigars” a slightly above average film. It could have been much more, though.

MVT: Billy Curtis as Slick Bender. Though all of the Little Cigars are enjoyable, he is easily the standout. His tough exterior coupled with his stature and role are fun to watch. He doesn’t shy away from hamming it up, which makes the character work.

Make or Break: Their first true heist. This was the turning point of the film, converting “Little Cigars” from a slightly laborious task to an enjoyable heist comedy.

Final Rating: 6/10

Dead End City (1988)

I would only recommend “Dead End City” to two groups of people. The first being those who have run the gamut on the thugs taking over subgenre. The others being those who have devoured the tastier Robert Z’Dar projects. Both are utilized here, but not to their full potential. There are delicious nuggets of both, but a lot of vanilla content in between.

The film starts out very promising. Gangs have overtaken the town with the police force not being able to strike back. Their solution is to simply give up their property to the gangs and ship the victims off to a refugee camp. Jack Murphy (Greg Cummins) doesn’t want to give up his factory due to it being a family heirloom. Begrudgingly, his coworkers (including a blind man who constantly forgets he’s blind) stick with him to defend the factory.

The gang that wants to overthrow Jack is The Ratts, led by Maximum (Robert Z’Dar). Despite him being the leader, it’s clear he’s not running the whole show. I won’t spoil who is, but it’s pretty obvious. This limits Z’Dar’s screen time, which is a huge deficit. Despite him seemingly phoning in his performance, he still brings the Z’Dar charisma that is entertaining to watch. Nobody will mistake Z’Dar for a splendid actor, but he has tremendous screen presence!

More time is devoted to Jack and his crew, which gets beefier with the arrival of Opal Brand (Christine Lund), a television reporter who brings along her crew. They’re plan is to get a quick, biased story on Jack and his coworkers, framing them to be another gang. When a real gang demolishes their car (it looks like a wrecking ball hit it), they’re stranded in the abandoned factory, as well. There’s also a hyperactive gentlemen who drops by to hide out, but he’s disposable (enough that I don’t even care to look him up).

The first action sequence, which takes place before Opal’s arrival, is extremely entertaining. Jack and company have a shootout with The Ratts that’s a little different from the norm. Our heroes stay locked up in the factory, poking holes in the walls to shoot out of. The walls themselves can be easily shot through, which poses a problem for Jack and the rest, but it obscures them from the Ratts’ view.

Once this scene ends, the film goes downhill. It never reaches the depths of drudgery, but it becomes very rudimentary. Jack and Opal fall in love, despite having no chemistry; we get to learn about the rest of Jack’s crew, who aren’t that interesting (outside of the aforementioned blind man); we learn who’s really behind the operation (which is about as surprising as a hooker having venereal diseases); Z’Dar gets limited screen time to plot with his cronies. We still get the occasional action sequence, all of which are good. They just go from diverse to average.

One compliment I must give director Peter Yuval is in the scene where Jack, having learned who’s behind the operation, goes back to the factory. When he enters, all of the dead bodies from earlier are still strewn about the building. He tiptoes over them to get to his destination. This is a small blip on the radar, but one that I really enjoyed. It was a nice, tiny touch that Yuval made that showed he was trying to be creative.

“Dead End City” isn’t a bad film. It’s definitely entertaining in spots. However, it plays by the book too heavily after the first act and has some serious dry spots. Using Robert Z’Dar a bit more would have helped, as he was his charismatic self as Maximum. He may have seemed a bit less energetic, but still fun. If you haven’t explored most of his catalogue, I suggest starting with “Trained to Kill”, “Maniac Cop” and “Tango & Cash”. If you haven’t seen many gang films, I suggest starting with “Vigilante” and “The Warriors”. If you have seen those, then seeing “Dead End City” is at least worthwhile. Just not something you need to rush out and find.

MVT: Despite not being featured as heavily as I’d hoped, I’ll still choose Robert Z’Dar. He may be phoning it in, but he’s still a lot of fun as Maximum and gives Jack a good foil.

Make or Break: I almost want to say the first action sequence made the film for me, but the arrival of Opal Brand (which is a terrible name, by the way) broke the film for me. She didn’t add anything outside of a bland love interest and led the way in dragging the film down with lame character exposition.

Final Score: 5.5/10