Scotty was always pragmatic about things in his life. Lose a favorite car? Oh, well. It'll turn up somewhere. Dropping a slice of pizza? Oh, well. Things happen.
So when Squeaky's little ancient heart stopped beating, we both thought about how to give him a send off.
Scotty had been into Vikings after watching "How to train your Dragon" for the twentieth time. "Let's throw a Viking funeral!"
He retrieved a canoe/barge made of popsicle sticks at church camp last summer. We put Squeaky on a pile of twigs layered in the water craft. After pushing the funeral barge out in the swimming pool, Scotty used the "Hunger Games" bow with a burning marshmallow at the point of the arrow aimed at the barge.
Again and again.
When the canoe finally caught fire, it initially went up in flames and the thing burned before hisssssing out and sinking, leaving a singed Squeaky floating on the top of the water.
Oh, well.
I managed to scoop Squeaky from the failed Viking send-off with the pool skimmer. What now?
Scotty had watched some warrior movie where the slaughtered hero was placed on a funeral pyre. "Let's do that, Dad!" So we did.
We lay out some sticks criss-crossed and carefully placed Squeaky on it. Scotty again used the Kingsford wand lighter to get a good burn going on the bottom layer. But, with us being novices at funeral pyres, the whole pyre thing collapsed, leaving Squeaky lying on the concrete surrounded by embers.
Oh, well.
I didn't know how we were going to give Squeaky a big send off. But, Scotty, being the boy scout he is, had an idea which made me wince and cringe. It made sense, but man....really?
I pulled out the old rusty Coleman barbecue and built a pyramid of Kingsford guaranteed-to-light charcoal briquettes. Scotty placed Squeaky in the center above the coals, using my brand new set of BBQ tool set. Then he used the Kingsford lighter and got the coals going.
At first, it seemed that Squeaky was finally heading to his fiery hamster Valhalla. I could already see him rolling up the Rainbow Bridge. But Noooo.
Squeaky had some sparks here and there, but clearly the charcoal was not enough. It developed a nice white ash like briquettes do. But that was it. Instead, the odor of grilled Squeaky told us the truth.
Oh, well.
By this time, Scotty had had enough. "Let's just bury it." He retrieved a shovel from the garden and quickly dispatched the hamster with minimum effort.
"Dad?"
Oh now, what will he ask? What do I say?
"Dad? Can we go to Wild Wings tonight? Mom has a coupon for free appetizers." He wiped a charcoal streaked hand across his nose. "I'm kinda in the the mood for ribs, aren't you?"
Well, then.
Saturday, 22 March, 2014 first posting
Sorry about the lengthy story; just got going on it, I guess.
My daughter's hamster Max died on the first day of middle school. My son, in an unusual act of kindness, placed it in a shoe box and buried it. Nothing elaborate, mind you. She has never recovered from the loss, she says (at age 32).
Scotty had been into Vikings after watching "How to train your Dragon" for the twentieth time. "Let's throw a Viking funeral!"
He retrieved a canoe/barge made of popsicle sticks at church camp last summer. We put Squeaky on a pile of twigs layered in the water craft. After pushing the funeral barge out in the swimming pool, Scotty used the "Hunger Games" bow with a burning marshmallow at the point of the arrow aimed at the barge.
Again and again.
When the canoe finally caught fire, it initially went up in flames and the thing burned before hisssssing out and sinking, leaving a singed Squeaky floating on the top of the water.
Oh, well.
I managed to scoop Squeaky from the failed Viking send-off with the pool skimmer. What now?
Scotty had watched some warrior movie where the slaughtered hero was placed on a funeral pyre. "Let's do that, Dad!" So we did.
We lay out some sticks criss-crossed and carefully placed Squeaky on it. Scotty again used the Kingsford wand lighter to get a good burn going on the bottom layer. But, with us being novices at funeral pyres, the whole pyre thing collapsed, leaving Squeaky lying on the concrete surrounded by embers.
Oh, well.
I didn't know how we were going to give Squeaky a big send off. But, Scotty, being the boy scout he is, had an idea which made me wince and cringe. It made sense, but man....really?
I pulled out the old rusty Coleman barbecue and built a pyramid of Kingsford guaranteed-to-light charcoal briquettes. Scotty placed Squeaky in the center above the coals, using my brand new set of BBQ tool set. Then he used the Kingsford lighter and got the coals going.
At first, it seemed that Squeaky was finally heading to his fiery hamster Valhalla. I could already see him rolling up the Rainbow Bridge. But Noooo.
Squeaky had some sparks here and there, but clearly the charcoal was not enough. It developed a nice white ash like briquettes do. But that was it. Instead, the odor of grilled Squeaky told us the truth.
Oh, well.
By this time, Scotty had had enough. "Let's just bury it." He retrieved a shovel from the garden and quickly dispatched the hamster with minimum effort.
"Dad?"
Oh now, what will he ask? What do I say?
"Dad? Can we go to Wild Wings tonight? Mom has a coupon for free appetizers." He wiped a charcoal streaked hand across his nose. "I'm kinda in the the mood for ribs, aren't you?"
Well, then.
Saturday, 22 March, 2014 first posting
Sorry about the lengthy story; just got going on it, I guess.
My daughter's hamster Max died on the first day of middle school. My son, in an unusual act of kindness, placed it in a shoe box and buried it. Nothing elaborate, mind you. She has never recovered from the loss, she says (at age 32).
Hah! In the mood for wings, that's funny after all that burning and barbecuing.
ReplyDeleteI hate wild wings or whatever "wings" in the advertisement.
DeleteNow there, I could see me as a boy wanting to have a big send off for Squeaky, Somethings just need a little extra to make them right. ;-)
ReplyDeleteEnjoyed the read
We buried two cats, two hamsters out there. When me moved, they stayed to fall apart. Oh, well.
Delete"the odor of grilled Squeaky" That made me lol. As I read this I kept thinking, "Just bury him!"
ReplyDeleteYou must have interred some hamsters in your time.
DeleteCeremonies for dearly departed animals are a part of the life cycle. You reminded me of a send-off for a rabbit. I am going to re-post it right how.
ReplyDeleteOh, please do!
DeleteOh my gosh. That was so funny. May I send readers on over to you as well?
DeleteOf course you may. It was a hilarious thing to experience.
DeleteThat's too funny. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteLaughter is something I needed, so Squeaky had to be resurrected.
DeleteI suppose this is why cremation is so expensive ;)
ReplyDeleteI don't know. Every method is big $$. Hamsters are nothing.
DeleteAlways difficult when a pet dies.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
Scotty handled his grief well.
DeleteI think my daughter just flushed her dead hamster down the loo....
ReplyDeleteDown the loo? How heartless.
DeleteIt's always difficult when a pet dies they are so much part of the family.
ReplyDeleteAll the best Jan