I will dream?

 

Will I dream?

That line is from 2010: A Space Odyssey” where Dr. Chandra is shutting down HAL, in an effort to see if he can reactivate HAL 9000 (2001).  HAL allows this process, only after asking that question.

 

At that time of the 1970s, computers were bulky machinery that filled a gymnasium. Then my computer seemed unfathomable and certainly something unattainable.

But here its relative sat, on my desk in front of me.  It did not have independent, self-created-as far as I knew.  But it sure had strong will, destructive will, as I discovered back in mid-December.

Have you ever seen that dreaded black screen with squared white letters telling you that your computer has inexplicably shut down?  Over and Over?  If you have, then you are nodding your head at this very minute. 

 

That happened to me on December 20, 2012.  So long ago.

My computer had been in the shop, and then returned to me clean and humble.  Will it last?  I don’t know.  But I wonder, as it sat on the work table with other broken computers, did it dream?

If it did, it had nightmares, terrible destructive nightmares.

 

 When my brothers died, I dreamed of them.  Odd dreams mind you, but I was close to them.  Robert was my age, born in January 1951, and I was born in December 1951. He died in 1997 from a horrible brain tumor.

 

Bill died in in 1999, at age 44. His death was the result of septic poisoning after back surgery.

 

Their dreams were about faith and death. Mom said that Robert told them as they drove him to the hospital that he was going to see Jesus that day. I know that he did, God confirmed that to me.

 

Bill? The day before his surgery he called me. He told me that he was ready to die, if that was what God willed for him.  

 

Trust, faith, eternal life and believing is what we were promised. God always keeps His Promises.

 

 

 

 

 Even to a computer?

 

Then and then

 

Source

Life is a chain of events, I know that is true.  These happenings link up to form the past.  That is how it works, and wonderfully so.

What I desire for a while is a period of time in which the weeks are filled with simple day-to-day activities:  laundry, going to a movie, reading, and such. 

This past few years have been labeled “…And Then…” years.

When my mother started to decline, “…And Then…” started.  Each phone call and each visit always led to something more.  When Mom died in April 2011, I thought life would resume the laundry and movie routine.  But, it didn’t.

All those “…and then…” events occurred:  A broken ankle.  A fall/sprawl (broken ankle betrayed me).  Trips to far-off places.  Christmas and birthdays.  Serious illness and surgery (for my husband’s mother).  Subsequent care following. 

Then...my daughter fell, broke bones in her foot, had surgery, was ‘laid up’ for two months.  Then…my other daughter had a baby boy!

More trips to far-off places.  And then…

Maybe I am whining about life in general.  Maybe I am like my wee grandson who cries when he needs something, and it is up to his parents to figure out what that is. And then I would like to be picked up and cuddled by Mom. 

If I could push a “pause” button, I would. Should I?  Would you? 

 

When it falls....

 

 

The timbers felt strong, even though the boards were fading from red to gray.  The tin roof had held up for decades, but even it was starting to doubt its integrity.  

 The weeds around the outside appeared to be holding the barn up, with so many vines and creepers.  The silent dust-mote interior spoke of cows, hay, empty feed sacks, and hidden bottles.  

 How much longer can it stand?  Even it doesn’t know.

 

 

 

Our old barn was built in the 1860s in Nebo, Illinois. In the 1950s, we raced and climbed in it, doing scary and dangerous things.  So much fun. In the 1980s it was starting to sway so it had to be taken down. So sad. This photo is one taken in the 70s.