Drunky McDrunk Falls Into Trash Can At Dart Night. Whipping It Out.

So last night my wife was taking a walk around the block around 9. At about 10 she calls from Calhoun's house where we play darts on Thursdays sometimes. She saw the garage open so she walked in.

So she calls me to come up and I walk up there. I wasn't really in the mood because I wanted to get to bed early.

Well I'm glad I went because a few of us were throwing darts and my neighbor Bill walks in. He had been "at the Club". So he's good and liquored up. So he's leaning over trying to talk to my wife and when he stands up, he loses his balance and swirls around and falls into Calhoun's lawn mower - almost falling INTO the trashcan.

I swear it was one of the funniest things you ever saw. Of course I whip around and try to snap a picture while he's still on the ground but the lighting was terrible so it didn't turn out. Damn it!
Here's a teaser as to what it kind of looked like:



The other memorable thing was when Calhoun said he was wearing cartoon character underwear. So my wife and Bill's wife want to see it. So he pulls his pants down to show his underwear and then pulls part of his package out for a second.

Yeah. Classy bunch of characters. It was pretty funny though. Especially when he was getting pissed the rest of the night because the ladies said it was "chubby".

Falling Into Toilet With Toilet Seat Up And Other Bathroom Accidents.

A few years ago my daughter left a shampoo cap off of the bottle in the tub. The slippery shampoo seeped out of the bottle. I was showering up my nude body (including the sexy reproductive areas) when I slipped and fell out of the tub.

I landed with my upper body on the outside of the tub and my lower body on the inside of the tub. I ended up with a black and blue mark the size of a basketball.

This could have been a much funnier bathroom story if it had involved a toilet, or if it had happened to you - not me. Because it hurt like hell and I wasn't laughing.

But it brings me to this question. Has anyone ever fallen into the toilet because the toilet seat was up? Because that's funny.

Please tell your story.

Blogger Imagines Ladder Accident While On Ladder Yesterday.

Yesterday I was way up on the ladder trying to cut branches. You see, I need to get more sunlight going to my veggie garden.

I don't really mind the height once I'm up there but once in a while it spooks me. I looked over and a saw one of the red tailed hawks in another tree and I was imagining that he was going to swoop at me. I'd then accidentally push the ladder and I'd be hanging on for dear life.

I'd be yelling for my wife to put the ladder back. She'd finally get the ladder up but I'd be afraid to put my feet back onto it for fear of falling. We'd then get into an argument over whether she should call some neighbors to help or the fire department but I couldn't figure out which would be less embarrassing.

After a while people would start gathering at the curb to see what all racket was about.

This is a real scenario of the type of stuff that goes through my head everyday. Oh Lord - why was a cursed with this brain? It just won't stop sometimes.

Now enjoy this klutz falling off a small ladder.

Practical Jokes, Weddings and New Blog Readers.

That's it - I've got it! I just thought of a great practical joke. Once I find a new reader that seems very vulnerable, I thought I could lead her on. Like I'm in love with her. You guys can help by leaving comments on her blog saying, "He totally likes you".

Then, on the wedding day, all of you guys can pretend to be my real life friends. And just when I'm supposed to say "I do" I'll say,

"I...I...(looking at you guys in church trying not to laugh)..I GOT YOU". Some one can crawl up behind her and and I'll push her over you so she falls on the floor.

Then the priest will pull off his fake mask showing he's some D list actor (maybe Screech from Saved by the Bell or David from Eight is Enough) and a huge drape will fall on the alter that's covering a huge monitor that's shows all of the people she works with watching this hysterical joke.

Then we'll all point and laugh. Is everyone in?

Wine Making Turns Into Hysterical Fall. Breath Knocked Out.

Are all you other gay blades watching Dancing with the Stars like me right now? Well here's a short clip to watch at the commercial break. It's a news anchor smashing grapes then something goes horribly wrong. She falls off the platform and gets the air knocked out of her.

Her groans are hilaaaaaaarious.

Worst Fake Fall Ever Captured on Film. Youtube Gold.

So the other day I gave you the worst dancing in a video ever. Then I treated you to the worst fight in a TV show ever....

I now give you the worst fake fall ever. Hands down. Biggest phony baloney fall ever caught on film. Watch closely as the black lady walks by the old white lady and taps her on the back of the head.



And you know the people that know the lady that fell were like, "Oh Mable! Get the hell up! Don't even try it. She does that at least once a month you know."

And if you really want to laugh, click on the link and look at the comments that the racist viewers on Youtube left. To read them, click here.

I'll Be Needing Everyone To Pitch In and Help

See that tree to the left? It's a Silver Maple. I have eight in my yard. They sure do drop a lot of leaves. Do you see that spot right there in my driveway? That's where my car was! Can you grasp what type of leaf situation I've got here? God it's going to take me forever to rake up all of those leaves. I wish I had someone to help me.....

OK dummies I know you can't take a hint so I'll just come out with it. I'm going to need everyone to help me pick these leaves up. I'm going to assign the following bloggers to be team captains:

Chris - Blue Team

Giggle Pixie - Plaid Team

Sista #2 - Team Bud

Enc - Team Armani

When you're finished, call me on my cell. I'll be at Victory Beer sucking back a few Storm King Stouts. Now get to work!

Practical Joke I Did During A Blizzard

I love practical jokes. In fact, I may just make this a regular feature on the ole' TBY. Here's one that I did years ago:

Setting: Early 1990's during a blizzard in PA. We lived in a condo in Delaware County. About 8 inches were already on the ground. Everything, well, almost everything was closed. Annnnnnd ACTION.

Tom, our neighbor in a third floor units has ordered a pizza. A man who looks as if he is 70 years old, trudges past our first floor unit and makes his way up the outside wooden stairs to deliver the pizza to Tom.

Me: (to wife) What the hell? Look. What's that old guy doing with that pizza?
Wife: (looking out window in amazement) I thought everything was closed? Oh my God he's going to kill himself. Who the hell ordered a pizza in this?
Me: Holy crap Tom did it.

Grasping to the railing, Pizza man slowly makes his way down the icey steps, carefully gets into his way to his car and leaves.

Me: That's it (reaches for phone and dials Tom's number)
Wife: What are you doing?
Me: Oh you'll see. (Tom picks up phone on the other end of line. I start talking like an old man in pain). Are you the guy that ordered the pizza?
Tom: It was already delivered.
Me: (still talking as old man) No. I'm the one who delivered it. I just fell. I'm lying in the parking lot out here!
Tom: (frantic) WHAT? OH MY GOD!
Me: I just fell and I'm talking from my cell phone in the parking lot. I think I broke my back. Help me. Help...(voice fades)

Tom then hangs up the phone and comes barreling down three flights as fast as he can without falling. He goes past our condo and into the parking lot. I walk out calmly. Tom is looking all over, no old man is in site, he heads back toward his condo and confronts me.

Tom: (confused) You're not going to believe this.. I ordered this pizza..and then this old guy came and then...(looks at me)
Me: (leaning up against post, eating a sandwich. Trying to act as if I'm intrigued by his story.)
Tom: ..And then....and...OH YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!

And Cut!

Does anyone else have any good practical jokes stories they want to post? If you do, leave a note in the comments telling us that you've posted it.

Fainting Goats Video? I Heard THAT

Do you know that there are goats that get SO nervous that they actually faint? It's true. They'll be running, then maybe they'll see another goat that's about to steal their favorite tin can they just hid behind a tree and they were saving the tin can for a well deserved treat later and BAM. Their legs lock up out of bad nerves and they fall down. They're also called Myotonic Goats.

Oh yeah. And get this. Their origin appears to be traced to the hick state of Tennessee. Who would of guessed? This video shows them: