Bitch Don't Know How To Make Coffee. Flowers Almost Killed.

This chick probably had it coming to her. Being that her coffee was so terrible and all. Good thing she discovered where the best coffee comes from. The mountains.

And look at her expression at the end where she pours a cup of her new, non-crappy coffee and for a second thinks it still may not be up to the high standards of the King of the Castle.

Good thing for her he was satisfied with Folgers. Good thing.

Is Toby Keith Sexy? I Don't Think So. Catchy Song.

You have to admit that this is a catchy song. But do any of you ladies think Toby Keith is hot? He's totally trying to be all hot in this video.

I don't see it.

Crescent Mummy Dogs. Uhh..Nice Try. Halloween Hell.

So I'm flipping through the coupon section of the paper this morning and I see the picture for Crescent Mummy Dogs. You can make them using hot dogs and Pillsbury Crescent Rolls. Here's the picture:

Kind of cute but a bit disturbing on so many levels.

So I'm looking for an image online for the Crescent Mummy Dogs and it seems that a blogger ATTEMPTED to make them.

I hope you're sitting down for this. Here's how they turned out:

WHAT THE HELL? Jesus Christ! Did they get in a fight with a rival crescent mummy gang?

And the funny thing is that the person shows the picture and posts the recipe but they don't say, "OK, this is really not how they're supposed to turn out" or "So my son looked at them, started crying and said 'This is not what the Mummy Dogs are supposed to look like..they're..they're.. DEFORMED!'"

I mean..come on. Just look at them.

Oh The Irony. Why Am I So Unhandy?

So last night by daughter locked herself in her room. After getting the doorknob off, the metal piece that goes into the side of the door still wouldn't come out. I went online to look up "how a doorknob works". I used various screwdrivers, knives, bent credit cards. Nothing worked.

An hour and a half into the ordeal I climbed out my bedroom window and into my daughter's room - breaking the blinds as I climbed into her room. I brought her onto the porch roof and into my bedroom and went back into her room to try from the inside. Failure again.

I rarely get headaches but I now had the worst headache. Probably from the frustration so I said to hell with it. I'll do it in the morning.

So I turn the TV on feeling like a complete failure. And do you know what is on? "Alone in the Wilderness"! The story about Richard Proenneke - the dude that lives in Alaska for 30 years and built everything with his hands. I almost threw my TV out the window. But then I figured I'd have to fix the window so I just sat and watched the show. In shame.