I KNOW You'll Like This. Jammie Dodgers Cookies. Monkey On Piano.

OK. I know you guys and I bet you're going to love this English commercial for Jammie Dodger cookies. It's creepy but there's also something sad about it.



Am I right???

WaxVac Commercial. YEAH RIGHT! And It's Making Me Gag!

The WaxVac. Another useless product. 

Look at the the dude six seconds in when he realizes he doesn't know how to use a Q-tip. I love these commercials for the stupid products where they show people doing regular tasks but the makers of the commercials try and make it as though the task is so impossible or hard. Like a woman struggling over the hassle of peeling hard boiled eggs*.

Now look at the same dude at 15 seconds in and the satisfaction and joy he has using the WaxVac.Yeah OK buddy.

The thing that is really making me gag though is when they show a cartoon illustration of a Q-tip going into the ear. Oh my God I don't know why that's making me ill.

So did any of you guys buy it? Come on. Don't lie. 

The only design modification I would have made would be to make it so when you have a WaxVac gun full of ear wax you could flip a switch and use it as a gun. Shooting globs of ear wax on your enemies. Am I right? Hmmmm? Right?

*OK look at this retard 2 seconds in and the struggle she has peeling hard boiled eggs:

Who Did You Vote For? Quisp or Quaker? It's Funny Cause It's Cereal.

Who did you vote for? Quisp or Quaker?

I voted for Quisp.

Irish Spring Commercial and Some Trivia For Ye'

Remember this stupid Irish Spring commercial from 1979? I hated it. Trying to hook people in with the Irish thing and the cutting open of the soap with the pocket knife.



But here's some trivia for you. Do you know who that babe is in the commercial? It's Cindy Morgan. The chick from Caddy Shack. Remember?

Here she is:

Do Guys Still Use Aftershave? Aqua Velva. Groucho.

Do guys still use Aqua Velva? Or aftershave for that matter. I don't. But I remember when my dad taught me how to shave and when it was done he said, "And then what you do Jimmy is pour a little of this after shave on your hands - not too much - rub your hands together then slap it on your face like this..."

Below is an Aqua Velva commercial. Who knew there were so many? The one below is one that features a  guy imitation Groucho. Remember when every third commercial or TV show had someone imitating Groucho?



Oh and here's an even older commercial that features the Aqua Velva jingle. Note her kiss at the end. Probably meant to say, 'If you don't use this product you're a homo":



And one more. This one featuring Pete Rose. Yeah right. As if that Frankenstein haircutted Mofo was smooth with the ladies! (see end of video)

Shasta ? More Like Nasta. 70's Pee Soda. West Whiteland.

I bet the parents of my neighbor's Hicknut and Dukey had this conversation with them:

"Kids. We have an announcement. Your mother and I have been thinking of a way we can show that we don't love you. Instead of the obvious abuse or neglect we've decided to get more creative and simply declare this house a SHASTA* HOUSE! That's right. Only Shasta soda for you and your friends."

Man that stuff was God awful. So when I went to their house to play Intellivision or go on their CB radio I was forced to drink Shasta. And it was always warm too. They just sat it in cases next to the fridge. And someone would just rip a hole in the plastic so you had to reach in to get your crappy soda.

We would pour it into these orange plastic cups and plop a few freezer burned ice cubes in.

Oh yeah that helped.

And check out this Shasta commercial. Their selling point is that it doesn't have tons of bubbles like other sodas. Wha wha whaaaaat?? They're bragging that it's stale?



*FUN FACT: Shasta has been around since 1889. The same year as the Statue of Liberty.

Bitch Don't Know How To Make Coffee. Flowers Almost Killed.

This chick probably had it coming to her. Being that her coffee was so terrible and all. Good thing she discovered where the best coffee comes from. The mountains.

And look at her expression at the end where she pours a cup of her new, non-crappy coffee and for a second thinks it still may not be up to the high standards of the King of the Castle.

Good thing for her he was satisfied with Folgers. Good thing.

West Chester Man Discusses Mr Microphone.

I may be dating myself but remember when the telegraph first came out?

Wait I'm not THAT old!

I was going to say remember when Mr Microphone came out. I do remember using it for the first time and thinking it was pretty amazing. "You talk into the microphone and your voice comes out of the radio!!*"

Below is the cheesy commercial. Everyone would use the line "Hey good lookin' we'll be back to pick you up later!" But my favorite part is the brother doing his jive ass dance alone down the street.

I would KILL to be driving down the road and see that dude! If I had my Mr Microphone I'd be all, "Hey Jive Turkey what you doin' all dancing down the road like a damn fool??" Then when he got closer I would burn rubber in my 1979 Pinto. Hitting him with gravel. Looking in the rearview mirror as he shook his fist and vowed revenge.

Yeah OK Jive Turkey. You gotta catch my cracker ass first!!



*My amazement is similar to the guy in the beginning in the background at the Christmas party when he turns around and hand gestures like "Hey! Look at these guys! They got a microphone!"

Loving The Max Tall Commercials. Anyone?

Have you guys seen the commercial for Max Tall? I like the very first scene where a few guys are going out to lunch and shorty isn't invited. And what happens if you meet some chick and she thinks you're tall then later realizes you're a shrimp? I guess it's just the same as those chicken cutlet boob lifters.

And I would like to wear them for a day so I could walk around being 6'6". A giant man. Towering above the Lilliputians.

Oh, and the second video is pretty good too. I love how they portray the shame of being short. The dude walks up to the hottie in the bar, then stops in his tracks, "Oh she's....she's tall. Let me just...let me just go back and sit down."

And I love the third scene where the dude is at the store and he can't reach the thing on the top shelf so the girl reaches it for him. Look at the expression on his face! HA! And I have a feeling she wouldn't be going out with him even if he was tall. She doesn't look like she's into Mexican dudes. Just a hunch.

Carvel Commercials. Who Will Win? Your Voice Counts.

And speaking of Fudgie the Whale (see last post) are you guys familiar with Carvel and it's commercials? They were huge on the East Coast in the 70's and 80's. Here are the top three.


Which one do you like? And why?


Cookie Puss and Hug Me The Bear (listen for the slide whistle)




Fudgie The Whale (Have a Happy Day Dad)





Cookie O'Puss (high tech and space age as shit! And excellent use of the word "Puss" in a food product)

Japanese Thing That Is Cute. Sexy Dancing Commercial.

You gotta admit. This is pretty friggin' cute. Except I don't know why there's only one Japanese girl and the other two are honkies.

Hysterical Low Budget Non PC Commercial for a Gym. MUST SEE!

HAHAHA!!!!!!! What the hell????

Well they do get the message across. So what do you think? Notice those are beer goggles he's wearing.

I think in the outtake he pulls a gun out and kills her.

Downingtown Old Country Buffet Prepares For Commercial.

Here’s an idea for a commercial that I’ll be offering Old Country Buffet*:

- Instead of “All you can eat,” The promotion will be called “All Hugh can eat.”

- And Hugh will be this huge fat fuck. Close to four bills. The following is just a random brainstorming list of some ideas for the commercial:

- Opening of commercial shows Hugh pulling up in his handicap van and hobbling up the six steps to the restaurant. (Stopping twice to catch his breath).

- Huge stands at the hostess table and is greeted by a cheerful hostess who says to Hugh “follow me” – giving the appearance that he’s being seated in a real live restaurant and not a homeless shelter grade dining hall. She reminds Hugh of the “no sharing policy.” She looks at him again and says, “Seriously…no sharing. We’ll find out if you do. And you won’t be able to come back. Are we clear with that?”**

- Hugh drops his oxygen tank at his table and makes his way to the vittles. Mother’s pull children from his path as if guarding them from a charging rhino.

- Hugh wraps his sausage fingers around the dirty ladles and drops food onto his plate: Heat lamp crusted mac and cheese, unseasoned baked chicken, mashed potaters topped with fatty gravy and more….much, much more.

- His plate is loaded. A young chubby lad looks up at him, “Hey Mister, you don’t need to load up your plate THAT much because it’s all you can eat.”

- Hugh looks at the boy, leans down as much as he can and with garlic and cigar breath hitting the kid’s face with the intensity of a CVS handheld hairdryer says, “No mother fucker, It’s all HUGH can eat. You got that? All HUGH can eat. So get the FUCK out of my way!”

- Then cheerfully the announcer explains that although it’s all HUGH can eat, it’s also all YOU can eat. Both really. Hugh AND you. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Like everyone can eat at Old Country Buffet. Hugh AND you….the person watching the commercial. All creeds too. Seriously. Everyone.

*Commercial to be filmed at the Downingtown Old Country Buffet.
**See what I did there? I worked the problem of sharing right there into the commercial. So it’s crystal clear that people know. Maybe slow zoom in shot of a video camera will follow - with a huge eye peering out. Not sure what it will do to the pacing or tone of the commercial. That decision can be made in editing.

And Then You Got The Frito Bandito. Commercial

I was gonna post the Big Fig Newton commercial but embedding was disabled. Jerks.

So you'll have to settle for the Frito Bandito commercial. Anyone remember this? And I was the proud owner of the Frito Bandito eraser. So there's that.

Underwood Deviled Ham. Freaks. Commercial

I hate to categorize one group of people as freaks but....I need to.

People that ate Underwood Deviled Ham are freaks. Or maybe their parents are freaks. I don't know. It's like the people that packed egg salad sandwiches for their kids in elementary school.*

All I know is that I never had it but it always stunk. Was it cat food? Who knows? I don't even know if they still make it.

Here's the commercial:



*Paul Lambert's mom.

Lowenbrau Commercial. Do They Still Make This Stuff? Beer.

Remember when there weren't that many beers? And Lowenbrau was considered one of the best ones?

Here's a Lowenbrau commercial from 1984 . Do they even still make it? I forget how it tastes but I think it was kind of crappy.

York Peanut Butter. Funny Ass Chimp And Kazoo Music.

Sorry everyone. This blog doesn't pay for itself.

So here's a commercial for York Peanut Butter.



(and look at that chimp go!)

Christmas Present Idea. Mattel V-rooom. Toy. 1960's.

Awww. Look at this little guy from the 60's in this commercial. Kind of reminds me of me.

And look at this sweet toy from Mattel. It's called the V-rooom.

1980. Compound W and Warts Commercial. Caln PA. Warty Ass Mother F'ers!

I've got a confession. When I was 8, I had two warts on my knee for a few months. It must have been a fluke because..I mean..ME..with warts?

I have no idea how I got the warts. Probably some freaky ass dirty wart kid leaned against me. Who knows? I do remember being in a JC Penney one time and some wart looking kid was looking at me and my have brushed against me. He was probably from the wart district of Chester County: Caln. Nobody knows how they're caused really.

Well maybe YOU do. Because you had a wart problem. Didn't you? Don't lie Warty.

Lets take a look at this wart commercial from 1980. Does it bring back memories of your wart days? Yeah. It does.

Palmolive Commercial and Madge. SHUT HER DOWN. Nut Case.

I made a reference to Madge from the Palmolive commercial to my Twitter friend @ChesterCo_PA and she didn't know what I was talking about so I'll clarify here.

Madge was the annoying beauty parlour lady that used Palmolive dishwashing liquid to soak the hands of her clients. Here's the video:



WTF?

Client: You're using dishwashing liquid to soak my hands? And I'm paying you for this?

Madge: Oh don't worry. I'm a sassy like that. Now if you'll step over to the sink, I'll condition your hair....with URINE..

(Close up of camera then Dr Zibbs takes off Madge wig)

Dr Zibbs: Hi. I'd Dr Zibbs. You may know me from the famous blog THAT BLUE YAK. Google it. You'll find it. I'm here to say that if you have a beauty parlour worker that uses non beauty parlour products on you..please..call the fuzz.

This was a public service announcement by THAT BLUE YAK.