Mirror on People in Bathroom. College Nonsense and Fire. Dump.

I loved living in the dorms in college. To annoy people on my floor, if someone was in a bathroom stall, I'd say, "Get your mirrors. Someone's in the bathroom!"

We'd all grab mirrors, sneak in and quietly reach the mirrors around so we could see the person sitting on the toilet. The victim would look up and down and realize five people were looking at him. The shock on the person's face was always hysterical.

Then it got worse. We'd then have someone try and grab the guy's legs. We'd reach a broom over the top of the stall and hit him on the head. Dump water over the top. It just kept getting more and more ridiculous. So much so that people would go to another floor if when they had to take a dump.

I guess what made it so funny was that the person was so vulnerable. There's nothing you really can do to fight back.

Then, the tipping point happened when my friend Steve was in stall #4 and I lit a piece of paper on fire and threw it in the stall. I hear screaming, "What the hell?? WHAAA!!!"

It wasn't Steve's voice. It was some dude that I didn't really know that well. I did know he had a bad temper though. So I jump back out of the bathroom, into my room and slowly close my door. I left it open a crack and peared out. I'm nosey like that.

So who comes walking down the hall? Steve. Innocently walking to his room. The only thing that could have been better would have been if he were whistling. He had no idea that someone just had their eyebrows singed by a fireball. The dude comes barreling out of the bathroom, grabs Steve and yells, "What the hell are you doing???"

I'm not sure what happened next because I slowly shut my door. I didn't want to get caught I guess since I was recently told that in an RA meeting they said I should be watched because they thought I was "twisted".

Who me?

Singing The Go-Go's "We Got The Beat" In Wawa. Busted.

I'm not making this up. I was in a Wawa in Chaddsford PA yesterday and while I was taking a leak, the Go-Go's song "We Got The Beat" was on. So I was mouthing the song in an intentionally annoying way that I would do to a friend if he were there. As you know, I do this to amuse myself.

And I was thinking that it would be funny if I got caught doing this and it would be a good blog post. See. I'm thinking about you people during the day.

Well the music was so loud in the bathroom that I didn't even notice that in a split second some dude was standing next to me at the other urinal.

I washed my hands with my head down and got the hell out of there.

So on that note, "We've Got The Beat" is actually a pretty good running song. And I need to get my black underweared ass back running. So I dedicate The Friday Send Off Song to a long distance and long time reader Michelle. Check out her blog damn it!



203 Followers strong. But sadly, yesterday there were 204. Hopefully that person died and it wasn't a choice to stop following me.

Idea For The Best Blog Ever - Stalker Style

OK. So here's my idea for what would be a great blog. (By reading further you're agreeing not to steal this idea).

- I find a person to stalk.

- I find about 200 people that are willing to take pictures and blog about this person. (You guys. If you agree to relocate to Chester County, PA).

- We write about about and take photos of everything this sad sack does.

So let's say his name is Fred Sweeny. Some of the bloggers live near him, others drive the same route to work as him, others work with him. But someone in every area of this life is stalking him.

Then what happens is people write every detail about him. Almost like the scrutiny that a celebrity gets.

"So, Fred usually gets the farmer's breakfast at the DK Diner. For some reason he only got pancakes today. Is her worried about his weight?"

"Fred usually chooses stall two at work but today he went for stall three. And according to an insider - who pretended to leave the bathroom after washing his hands - it looks like Mr Sweeny likes to sing while he's taking a dump. But sing, 'It's Raining Men?' - Whatever."

"Driving behind Fred today on Boot Road near Phoenixville Pike one must wonder, can he afford tissues? I guess not, given the display I saw. Puul-ease!"

Once I get 199 people to agree to this, I'm totally considering doing this. Yeah. I am.

The Secret Bathroom Stories of People And The Peoples That Love Those Peoples

A few years ago, I mentioned something to a few of the gals I worked with and they couldn't believe their ears. It was like when you tell a kid where a baby comes from. What I told them was about one of our visitors to the building and what he was doing in the bathroom. What was this it? While at the urinal, while he was peeing, he had his hands on his hips.

Yup, That was it. The questions started rolling in.

"Is that normal?"

"Do most guys do that?"

When I told them the move is achieved by putting your thing through the hatch on the underwear - and that some guys will even put both their hands behind their neck and use their urinating time to get some stretching in, they got even more giddy and curious. You would have thought I was Magellan returning from the lab after inventing the cotton gin.

"Do you have to be large to do that move?"

"Do the pants have to come ALL the way down."

Just like the purpose of this blog is to help in the battle against Lupus, it's also to educate people. So I think this would be a great time to ask you people to share some secrets that happen behind closed doors.

OK then. Get commenting.