Bees. Oh They'll Get Ya! Bee Attack In West Whiteland.

The other day I was having a conversation with a friend about bees. Pretend you were there as I retell the story:

My son was about five and my wife hears screaming coming from the backyard. She runs out and my son and his friend Kyle are running toward the house. They had stepped in a bees nest.

So my son gets in the house but Kyle is surrounded by bees and is being stung. And the bees are going up his pant leg and up his shirt.

Now I wasn't there but my wife was telling me the story when I got home from work. I'm like, "What did you do?"

She says, "I was really calm. I was like OK Kyle, let's pull you shirt off...OK here we go..Good...OK step out of your shorts...OK...as I walked him toward the house. I finally got his shirt and pants off and I pulled him into the house."

What?

I don't know how she stayed so calm. I really think I might have done this as my son ran into the house: "OK Kyle, Jack can't play now..OK..you just go home now. Alright?We've got some things to do..(as I pull the door shut)...come back tomorrow.

Well hopefully I wouldn't have done that but I could have seen myself saying, "JUST RUN AROUND THE HOUSE! BEES ARE SLOW! (as I watched from the inside of the house) THAT'S IT..FASTER! THE BEES ARE GETTING TIRED! I CAN TELL!"

Legion Movie And The Old Lady Attacks And Stuff. Trailer.

If you read my blog you know that I see a lot of movie. And I love horror movies.

Check out this trailer for Legion that opens this weekend. Especially at the beginning where the old lady comes into the diner:



WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?? Did you see when she did the scream thing and then she ran up the wall? That scene with the grandmotherly lady is the type of thing that I love in horror movies. Everything is calm then all of a sudden this freaky ass stuff happens. I am totally seeing that movie. Many of you won't though. Because you're babies.

Don't worry - it's only a movie.

And on another movie topic I did see vampire flick Daybreakers the other week. It was pretty good. Not great but.. And that's saying something because I don't like Ethan Hawke. But pretty good story and some cool effects.

And that is my lazy ass post of the day.

I Met Some Hot Chester County Chicks The Other Night. Teca.

See the picture above? I just stole it from the blog Enough Hats For Everyone.

You see, I met Kristen and some other local Twitterers at a Ladies Night on Wednesday at Teca in West Chester and Kristen did a great job of summing it up. To read the story, click here.

And note the part where she says I'm "Good Looking and smells nice too". That's my favorite part. I think I'm gonna go back and read that part again.

Lady Attacked By A Raccoon. What The?

What the? Some 74 old lady was attacked by a pack of raccoons in Florida. (See story here)

This is the story I heard this morning when I woke up and turned on The Today Show.

Now the reality is pretty horrifying and maybe you'll think I'm a mean person but it had me cracking up. The report from Florida was like something you'd see on SNL. They showed the actual pack scurrying in front of a house.

I guess what really got me laughing was that the old lady opens the door to shoo the raccoons away when the "gang of raccoons" attacked her. They said once she fell, they enveloped her.

I really do hope she's OK but..you know...the visual is pretty funny.

Sea Isle Bird Attack. Funny Animal Attack Video.

It was pretty funny when my sister got attacked by a bird in Sea Isle this weekend. It was weird though. Ten people sitting on a deck at midnight, loud as hell and this bird comes out of nowhere and flaps into her hair. And it wasn't a bat either. I saw it with my own two eyes.

She was freaking out.

We were laughing.

Here's a funny video of various people getting attacked by birds.

Happy Easter. WCHE 1520. Gigantic Monster Jesus.

Number one - stay calm. If my calculations are correct, the real Jesus will rise from the dead today at 3:00. He will have grown to 100 feet tall.

And he's pissed.

I'm urging all citizens to gather as many eggs as they can. When the gigantic Jesus approaches you, throw the eggs directly at his heart. You've got to trust me on this.

I will be releasing a message to all survivors via the West Chester radio station WCHE 1520 AM in a few days with a plan for rebuilding.

Good luck.

Chester County Crows Probably Up To Something. Where Are My Hawks?

So I'm looking out my window here in West Whiteland Township (PA) and there are a bunch of crows. They're sitting like jerks on a leafless tree. And do you know what? They're probably plotting to make sure the red tailed hawks that are about to nest stay out of the area.

Last year, we had about 7 red-tailed hawks in our neighborhood and it was great. Once in a while, one of the hawks would grab a baby crow and the crows would battle it. Last Summer there was one time that there were at least 40 crows battling a hawk. And the hawks kept screeching for help and other crows were flying in from all directions.

It was pretty amazing to see. And there's also nothing more amazing then seeing a red-tailed hawk swoop down and grab a squirrel - my personal animal arch enemy.

Anyway. I'm hoping the hawks come back. I might have to harass the crows when I'm in the yard today. You know - like throw a rock at them, shake my fist and give them the evil eye.

Blogger Shows Video To Explain Eagle Dream.

Remember the other day when I was telling you about the dream I had and I was hanging out with these giant eagles? Well check this out:



OK, did you see that goat that the eagle picked up? Now look at that goat's head. That's the size of ME in the dream - compared to the eagle. I told you it was a weird dream.

I'm serious.

Look Out! Theater People Are Attacking

I have no idea if this book is good or not but every time I see this Attack of the Theater People book at the Exton Barnes and Noble I just start cracking up.

I'm waiting to see someone I know in the store so I can sneak up on them, reach this book around the corner into their face and say, "Hiiiiiiiiii there big boy."

Animal Attack Songs Sung By Folk Singers

With gas prices so high, it's really expensive driving all over to buy 45's about animals attacking people - Exton Mall, pick up one - then to King of Prussia Mall for another, then to the Gallery in Philly. I'm going broke. Now I can get all my animal attack records in one place - from The Wilderman:

Monkey Attack Saturday

OK. You've got watch this chimp video till the end. That's where you'll get the "Pay Off". And if you ask me, that wise (ass) owl had it coming. Also, you've got to love the guffaws at the end from the insensitive audience. I used to love Mutual of Omaha show.

Washington University Study is Last Straw for Chimps - US Raises Chimp Attack Threat Level to Plaid

The University of Washington has revealed that walking on two legs is easier than walking on four - according to the National Academy of Sciences. (see story by clicking on the following word: banana ).

According to researchers, walking on two feet uses 3/4 less energy.

Spokeschimp Bobo McGee doesn't give a crap about the study and relayed the following statement via sign language through his human interpreter.

"This is bullshit! Look at Mr. Giggles on that God damned machine - he looks like a clown! We are tired of being dressed up in human clothes - and tired of doing experiments and overall, tired of being made to look like fools. Why the hell are you humans always pulling this crap?"

After being given half an orange, Mr McGee went on to say,

"Oh you'll pay...You'll pay!"

The Department of Chimpanzee Security is now saying that the study has enraged chimps and the alert level has been elevated to plaid since the release of the study.

US officials have been monitoring the growing chimp rage in recent years and believe that the Washington University study is the tipping point. Top officials think a Summer attack WILL happen. That Blue Yak has obtained and exclusive statement from Bill Darlak, an ex undercover chimp operative. Mr Darlak thinks the threats should be taken very seriously,

"I am VERY, VERY concerned for the country this Summer. I was undercover for two years at several chimp training facilities and after you get over the humor of these funny little rascals and their human like behavior, you see the rage these apes have. It is quite frightening. I really wanted to stay with them longer but was alerted by animal experts that my chimp costume was really a gorilla costume. My superiors insisted that I abort my mission"

Officials are asking the public to be on the lookout for the following chimps: