Limoncella of West Chester Gets Thumbs Up From Important Pork Lover For The Sliders. Chester County Pork.

As you know I love me some pork. With provolone. And long hots.

Here's a variation I got from Limoncello in West Chester, Pa the other week in the form of sliders. Pretty tasty. But I wish they gave you four. Or at least three. And an extra long hot. But then again it was an app and they were discounted for happy hour so I could have gotten a second serving. If I had wanted to look like a slob that is.

And here's what the bar area looks like in case you were wondering:

Daughter Tries To Get Me Do Imitation for Her Teacher. Jerry Lewis Jimmy Stewart Hybrid.

Oh man I was totally put on the spot the other day. I picked my daughter up from school and while my daughter is standing next to me a teacher comes over and says, "Oh Dr Zibbs, you daughter tells me you do a perfect imitation of Doctor R&#$%##  from Kids First. My kids have gone there for years!"

I'm totally taken off guard and I'm all, "Uh yeah...I do....Yeah he's a real character....Well uh...nice to see you."

We walk out and my daughter is laughing, "Why didn't you do the imitation Dad? She was waiting all afternoon to hear it?"

"Because I don't even know here!" Ha!

And trust me. The imitation is so spot on and over the top that it's almost frightening to the person hearing it. The doctor sounds like a combination of Jerry Lewis and...

...Jimmy Stewart. With a tinge of a hard of hearing retarded person. And the imitation is based on the time the doctor was asking my son some questions about a fender bender he had gotten into. And when I do it I have to get really close to the person, stare them in the eyes and with lips kind of flapping and head nodding it goes like this...

"So Jack WHO exactly was driving the automobile that hit you from behind? Was it an older gentleman?...(exaggerated hand motions) Um...a mother with a young child perhaps?...Someone YOUR age?? Who was it?"

Then he says, "Now I'm assuming you like the attention of pretty young ladies* Jack is that correct? Oh good because I'm going to have you wear a neck brace for a few weeks and young ladies will be approaching you to inquire what exactly happened...because they'll see you with the next brace...and they'll be curious..I'm sure that's something that you can live with...am I correct in saying that Jack??..(turns to me) See Dad, I didn't think he's have a problem with that."

And as the imitation goes on people usually back up because I'm right in their face. It's kind of scary actually.

Oh well. Maybe if I get to know her I'll do it for her someday. I just hate being put on the spot. And I don't like taking requests. What am I? Your trained monkey?

*What? "Pretty" young ladies will approach him? Don't homely young ladies get curious too?

Hot Wings Potentially Switched On Me At Landmark Americana. West Chester Man Sweats Heat.

Yeah so I order the hot wings at Landmark Americana in West Chester, PA the other day. And I usually get the hot. I think the next level up is called something like "We dare you." And I think that the guy in the kitchen maybe dared the other guy in the kitchen to give me a double dose of the "we dare you."

Because I take my first bite and...JESUS CHRIST!!

They were so hot! And I like hot stuff but almost unbearable. Like each bite was torture (but delicious).

And I didn't want to look like a puss so I didn't send them back but with each bite I could feel my face turning red. Then I started sweating so much from my forehead and my eyes that a few people started looking at me. Or maybe I'm just paranoid but I think they were. And I pictured the kitchen people looking through the one way mirror at me saying, "Five dollars he doesn't take another bite....NO! HE'S DOING IT!!!! ...YOU OWE ME FIVE DOLLARS! Look at the baby cry. Take another bite baby. You want your bottle?"

And what percentage of dudes do you think order the ultimate hot stuff because they're just trying to look like a big shot? I'm talking the ultimate ridiculously hot stuff. I say 80 percent. 

Hobo Wallet Found By West Chester Blogger. Ryan's Pub.

Oh my God I was walking down the street and I found this hobo wallet! I know it was owned by a hobo because inside there was a train pass and coupons for canned baked beans. Generic.

Who am I kidding? That is a photo of my wallet. *hangs head in shame*

If you know me you know that I take pride in how I look. Well...pretty much. Like I'm not a slob or anything. But this wallet? Damn that's bad. I do notice when I pull it out I kind of grab what's in it then put it quickly back in my back pocket. So nobody can see the raggedy mess. And I keep my money in my front pocket - safe from pickpockets so I don't pull the wallet out THAT often.
'
And then the second I put it back in my pocket I forget that I need a new wallet. So I need to get a new one.

On The upside I was looking through the middle area the other day and I found a gift card to Ryans Pub and a coupon for six oysters at Doc Magrogan's Oyster House in West Chester. So I got THAT going for me.

Which is nice.

Want To Know How Much Bacon I Ate? West Chester Man.

 I was swimming at my parents the other day and I was describing to my daughter how I like to eat my BLT's from Wawa: Bacon, Lettuce, Extra Pepper Jack Cheese, Onion, Mayo on Rye. It's the only way to go. So she says, "Now I want a BLT."

So I went inside my parents to whip some up and she says, "Well I have to go now because I'm sleeping over a friend's house." Uh OK thanks for telling me now. Anyways, there was no lettuce or tomater so I just made a Bacon, Onion, Cheese and Mayo:

But since I had all the bacon left over I decided...waste not want not...and ate it all. Then I looked at the package and realized I ate 750 calories worth of bacon. Meh... *Shrugs shoulders*

But then I felt guilty so I went to the scale and weighed myself and I was 206. It was at the end of the day and I had clothes on but still. I need to get down to 195. Which I will. (I'm 6' 2" by the way so I'm not a fatty but still need to drop a few.)

The Perfert Heat In Spicy Food. Don Gabriels. West Chester.

Do you ever notice the different types of heat in spicy foods? My favorite has to be the red sauce (or Rojo as the Latins call it) that comes with the Don Gabriel's pork carnitas* (West Chester, PA). Take a look at the sauce above. It's like Beelzebub made it himself.

It's not that your tongue is burning and you're dying for a glass of water - or milk - but it's got a slow burn. The flavor and heat just takes over your mouth in a subtle but overpowering way if that makes sense. It's so hot that when I was eating these the other day I look in the mirror and my forehead was totally covered in beads of sweat, my face is flush and when I blinked? I shed tears! Like a big baby.

If someone came up to my car and knocked on the window they would have been horrified when I turned around. They probably would have thought I was having a heart attack. And was just sitting in my car crying and waiting to die. Eating my last meal - pork carnitas.

My second favorite heat is on roasted long hots. And from my other posts I'm wondering if these long hot peppers are served in other parts of the country because a lot of people have commented that they've never heard of them. But nice heat and they're always a gamble. Some are really hot and some aren't. Depends on whether the seeds are out I think.

And on the subject of the long long hots I can't seem to find the exact kind. I only find the kind that has the thick skin. Like the kind I use to make my famous Dr Van Huesen Sphincter Burners as I wrote about here

And finally, on the subject of heat does anyone have any good hot sauces to recommend. I love Tabasco and not crazy about Frank's if that helps. I know there are hundreds out there with crazy labels but honestly haven't tried many others.

OK that's it. Let me know what your favorite spicy foods are.


*To read another post I wrote about these carnitas click here.

True Story Of My High School Typing Teacher. Great Lovers.

See that woman above? It's Mrs Ritchie. My high school typing teacher. Yes....we had typing class in high school. It was right after my Intro to Telegraph and right before Butter Churning.

And the dude below is Remo*. Let me just set the stage. Mrs Ritchie was tough as balls and said what was on her mind. Remo was a dude from Italy that appeared in our school in 10th grade and thought he was hot shit. He thought he was God's gift to women. I swear that in the yearbook he wrote:

Good Looking, "Stud", Hopes to become a great gigalo, Soccer 10.

I'm not shitting you.

So he comes into typing class one day and has a huge hickey on his neck.....

Mrs Ritchie: (Approaches Remo) Remo what the hell is on your neck?

Remo: (In thick Italian accent) It's a hickey. I am a great lover!

Mrs Ritchie: Great lover? You're not a great lover.

Remo: (Can't believe she just said that) No! I AM a great lover.

Mrs Ritchie: (Casually) Nope. Great lovers don't leave hickeys. You're no great lover.

Remo: YOU ARE WRONG! I AM A GREAT LOVER!!

Mrs Ritchie: Naaa. You just THINK you're a great lover.

Remo: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! I AM THE BEST!

Mrs Ritchie: Nope. I'm afraid you're wrong on that one. OK everyone turn their workbooks to page 23.

I thought he was going to punch her in the face or say, "I WILL PROVE IT TO YOU HERE AND NOW!! YOU'VE DISRESPECTED ME IN FRONT OF THIS CLASSROOM OF MY PEERS!"

Could you imagine that conversation going on today. There'd be a friggin' lawsuit.

*And for the record "Charles F Linder" is the person in the picture ABOVE Remo.

Chester County Pizza. Not Much To Offer. Exton. West Chester.

I'll tell you one thing. If you live in New York you're lucky because you can't get great pizza here in Chester County, PA. It's amazing that a food that requires so few ingredients and a very simple cooking process results in so many different things.

I've read that the water is the key to why New York has the best pizza but I've heard that the oven that it's cooked in is also crucial. Here are my picks for a few of the "pretty good" slices that you can get in Chester County. The first is from Rocco's in Exton. Pretty good thin crust. Gemme dat!


Next up is Marzano's Pizza in Exton (Next to the Duncan Donuts on Route 30). Kind of a light and airy crust but great sauce! Philly mag mentioned it as one of the best in the area.



And lastly the good old Las Vegas Pizza. This place has been around for at least 35 years. I used to go there in high school. Not toooooo shabby thin crust*.

So what's your favorite pizza?

*One time in high school I took this chick to the Exton Drive-In. Then on the way home she was like, "Let's stop at Las Vegas Pizza!" I stopped but was kind of embarrassed because she was super loud and annoying. When I walked in I was thinking, "I hope nobody I know is here." And Phew!! Luckily the coast was clear.

West Chester Chicken Gives Birth To Orange.

Doctor: Come on Mrs Baulker* you can do it. Just one more push.

Mrs Baulker: I CAN'T!! JUST GET IT OUT OF ME!!!

Doctor: Just a few more pushes. You're crowning. I can see the head...

Mrs Baulker: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

*orange shoots out and is swaddled in a cloth dinner napkin*...

AAAAND SCENE!

Naaaa. That disgusting scene wasn't a chicken giving birth to an orange. Chickens lay eggs. Not oranges.

That picture is actually an orange that I shove into the inards of a chicken sometime when I cook it. I slice one up and shove it in there. And squeeze some on top. But pretty disgusting image huh?

*rubs carving utensils together*

OK. What can I get you? A leg? Some white meat maybe...?

*Get it? "Baulker?" Like chickens go, "Baulk Baulk Baulk!!!!"

Discovery I Found In Sixth Grade. Has To Do With Boobies.

When I was in sixth grade I was a my friend's house and I went to open a closet and I found this weird contraption.

"What the??"

I pulled it off of the shelf and looked at it then called my friend. "What IS this thing?"

He grabbed it and examined it. "I don't know I think....I don't know."

We looked at it kind of like how people who stumble across a flying saucer look. There's SOMETHING familiar about it but...

Well we realized what it was after we found the box. It was no other than the famous Foot Operated Breast Enlarger Pump. First sold in the 70's. I looked at him and in a shameful way he just said, "I guess it's my mom's."

Here it is:



According to this webite there are also creams that are to be used but we didn't find any of those. Creams. "Lower shades and lock doors then while arching your back apply cream to breasts and rub in a circular fashion. Prepare for sudden growth."

Moral of the story? Don't snoop around closets at your friend's parents house.

I Wish I Saved My Pictures Of The Wienermobile. Gay Street West Chester

Do you know what that is?

No you don't. I'll tell you.

It's the Wienermobile! And guess what? I saw it two years ago on Gay Street in West Chester. I walked quickly across the street to get a closer look. Not REALLY quickly like a spaz or anything but quick enough that if it was pulling away I could have yelled, "STOP WIENERMOBILE! COME BACK! YOU'RE HEADING TOWARD DOWNINGTOWN! THOSE PEOPLE WON'T APPRECIATE YOU!"

Look how cool it is. They said on the wikipedia page that they had a contest where winners could use it for a day. I wish I had known about that. I would have driven it around...elbow out the window..acting like it's no big deal.

And I also wish I had saved the pictures of me standing in front of the wienermobile. I guess I'll have to hope and pray that we'll cross paths again. You never know.

But in the meantime I found this picture of a one armed man standing in front of the wienermobile and he kinda looks a little like me. Except I don't know why he's doing the "hang loose" hand motion. What does that have to do with hot dogs? Total disrespect.

West Chester Man Decides To Practice Using Chopsticks. Wasabi.

Did you guys ever hear of sushi? (SAY: Soooo-sheee). Go ahead. Say it with me. Sushi.

Uh...OK. Keep practicing.

It's a Japanese food. Its seafood and some veggies wrapped in rice and stuff. You can see it on the photograph above.

That was the meal I had last week at Wasabi it West Chester and it was deeeeeeeliiiissh! I love that place. It's all dark and mysterious. And they have mystical New Age/Japanese music playing. It's totally honorable. And the staff is really nice. Authentic Japanese. Not like some of these fly by night places that probably use Mexican workers and try and pass them off to the untrained eye as pure, 100% Japanese. Oh I can tell.

And the girl that seated me was really cute. And totally respectful of my Western ways. Knowing that although we have different cultures - we are are all the same. In a way. Except for the cultural stuff. And how we look and some other things.

The only thing is that I need to work on my chopstick skills. On a scale of one to ten I'm a six. I'd like to be a solid nine. Maybe - dare I dream - even a 10. So I picked up an extra pair if C's (that's what I'm going to start calling them) and I've been practicing.

Stay tuned.

West Chester Blogger Shares Thanksgiving Tradition. Bobo The Clown.

I love traditions. I'd like to share a bit of my Thanksgiving tradition with you the reader. Above is a picture of last year's Thanksgiving. The day before actually. That's Charles the Turkey.

Look at him go!

We like to cage the bird and pamper him for a few hours before....well...you know.

So we give him special treats, sing traditional Pilgimy sounding songs, dance around his cage and taunt him playfully with sticks.

Then, it's time for Bobo the clown to begin his slaying. So he slowly circles the cage. The bird senses something is wrong. And starts darting all over the cage. During this all the kids pull a feather from the Negro Indian head (total fucking heirloom and valuable as shit) and hand their feather to Bobo.

Bobo picks the smallest feather and the child that gave him that feather gets to hold the gobbler to the stump while Bobo chops his head off.

We then give the turkey to Nana who defeathers it and cleans it.

What traditions do YOU guys have?

BREAKING NEWS CONCERNING MY HAIR! Wegmans.

I was a party this weekend hosted by a Twitter friend of mine. Had a great time and met some great people.

So I was introduced to this one young chippy and she said she followed me on Twitter. But I didn't recognize her name because she doesn't tweet that much (but I did look her up later and I did recognize who she was). She was really funny. Chit chat, riffing and laughs were exchanged....

So she sends me a tweet later that night that say...Are you sitting down for this?...it says: "You're totally hot in person." You read that right. Awwww yeah. I still got it!

I thanked her on Sunday for the compliment then she later tweeted: "I just spent my nap dreaming about the perfectness of you hair."

And now the big news. Please. Remain seating. While spending the next half hour staring at my hair in the mirror and pretending that it was being blown by the wind I made a decision. Are you ready? .....

I've decided to be the spokesman for Wegman's brand styling hair gel #8!! YES I DID! I may also consider endorsing #9 but I don't want to seem like a shallow shill so I may endorse #9 as an alter ego. Perhaps as a pirate. Or as a tycoon in the emerging wind power industry. Not sure yet.

As I'm sure you may know, I used to use LA Looks brand styling gel but stopped. And did they ever offer me an endorsement deal? No. So they can just suck it. I'm going with Wegmans.

I'll keep you updated on all the details.

West Chester Man Wonders About This Olive Grabber. Crime.

I wonder if some guy was at a party one time and he hid behind a window drape. Then...at just the right time... when some snobby ass lady was standing within his reach, he sloooooowly extended the olive grabber (see picture above) that he was holding and grabbed her nip:

Snobby Lady: (slaps face of monocle wearing chap she's talking to) WHY. I. NEVER!

Monocle Guy: (shrugs shoulders) WHAT????

The then the dude with the olive grabber stealthily climbed out the window and escaped into the night.

The perfect crime.

West Chester Man Tells All Who Will Listen What He Ate Today So Far.

I really should be like 280 pounds*. I don't know why I'm not because I eat so much junk.

I think I have the metabolism of a hummingbird. Here's what I've consumed today (by 12:30):

Tastykake Krimets (breakfast)
2 tic tacs
Large sticky bun (someone brought to work)
Cheesesteak with extra cheese
Snickers ice cream bar (large)
9 glasses of water (not all at one time)

I was thinking about writing down what I consume for a week then reconsidered. Mostly because I might see the amount of booze I drink and be all, "Huh??" But maybe not since I only drink about three or four days out of the week lately.

Maybe I'm not a fatty because I exercise a lot. And I also don't eat huge portions. Like some of you guys. Like those dudes that can eat two cheesesteaks? I could never do that. Maybe I have a small stomach. And I do skip meals sometimes because I'm not hungry.

Oh. And I rarely eat anything after dinner. Like some of you that sit on your couch and devour and whole bag of chips or eat ice cream from the carton. Hmmm. Maybe YOU'RE the one with the problem?

*I'm 6'2" and about 195. Actually I'm 6'2" and 3/4 but I don't want to lie and say I'm 6'3" and I don't want to always say "and 3/4" because it sounds like I kid who says, "I'm 4 and a HALF"

This Time At The Rat In West Chester. Embarrassing Cheerleader Incident.

I don’t remember what made me think of this but here’s a story of something that happened when I was 21. It’s one of those stories where you think everything is going really good….and then things go wrong. Terribly wrong.

I was at this college bar called The Rat in West Chester. And I see this girl that was a year ahead of me in high school. She was pretty good looking but I didn’t know her that well. She had been a cheerleader and although we didn’t talk in high school I met her after high school through some mutual friends.

So I see her across the bar and I had a few drinks in me so I go over to ask her to dance. She’s all excited to see me and says, “Yeah! I’ll dance with you!”

She was what one would call “peppy.” Annoying really. But I didn’t care at the time because she was hot.

So we go out onto the dance floor. The dance floor is packed. And from the beginning she was starting to annoy me because it was like I wasn’t even there. She was kind of just dancing to herself.

Then…it happened.

She started doing cheerleader moves. You know…like kicks. Then moving her arms around like she had pom poms in them. I was thinking, “What the hell is this queer ass dance??” It looked totally retarded. Then people started to back away and give her room. She was making a total spectacle of herself. I forget if people were laughing at her but I think they were.

And she kept getting more and more into it. Doing that jump where both legs bend and go behind you and both arms are into the air. Then single kicks..then…(and I’m not kidding)..she did a cartwheel. On the dance floor.

That’s when I kind of just shamefully backed away into the crowd. Giving a look of, “What the hell is that chick doing?” The song ends and she jumps up and down as if a touchdown was just scored. Gayest fucking thing you ever saw. I think I just said, “OK then. Thanks.” And walked away.

So what do you make of that?

Man Palms Head of Woman at the Square Bar in West Chester.

So I was at the Square Bar in West Chester the other night and saw this girl that I know. So I walk over to her (she’s not facing me) and I literally palm her head. Like you would do to a basketball.

Well, she turns around and guess what? Yup. It wasn’t her. Whoooops. I was all, “Oh sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

Phew! At least she was cool about it. And there were a bunch of people all crammed together and I had a few drinks in me so it really wasn’t embarrassing. She just kind of laughed and said, “Oh that’s OK.”

I guess that beats getting slapped.

A similar thing happened when I was in third grade. I was at church and after mass I snuck up to a girl I thought was my older sister, pulled her hair back and just whispered gibberish into her ear. Like, “Blubba goola gobbla ramalam ring ding gooba agoobba…” (something like that)

And she turns around like, “WHAT THE HELL?....”

I froze like a deer in headlights. Then I just turned and walked away. And I had to see her for the next 10 years in church. I never made eye contact with her. Because of the shame.

Buddy's Burgers In West Chester And Exton Gets A Review

It’s official. I will now declare my favorite cheeseburger anywhere. It goes to Buddy’s Burgers, Breasts and Fries. Located in West Chester, PA and Exton, PA. Note picture above that really doesn’t highlight it’s deliciousness too well. Oh well. You’re gonna have to live with it.

And did you ever notice that some people never declare their favorite foods? I do.

And trust me. I’ve had burgers all over the place. I guess what makes this cheeseburger the best is that not only is the meat fresh (not frozen. I may be making this up) but the veggies are always super fresh. Especially the lettuce. Nice and crisp.

Also, the bun is covered with sesame seeds*. Which I love.

It’s even better than Five Guys Burgers.

Here are the toppings I get on mine: bacon, American chee, lettuce, onion, tomater, pickles (the pickles are quarter inch thick deli pickles), ketchup and mustard.

Oh. And I just read some reviews and avocado is included as a free topping. Which I never knew. So next time I’ll be getting that on top too.

So there you go.

*I had a discussion with the owner once and he said they tried a variety of different buns until the found the right one. (Look at me going all investigative journalist on his ass)

Look At That Kid Selling Flowers In 1976 In Chester County! Downingtown. Exton.

One of the jobs I had when I was in about 6th grade was selling flowers on the corner. Yup, read it and weep. There was a guy in my neighborhood that ran it as a side business.

He would buy flowers wholesale then have 12 year olds dropped off around busy traffic areas around Chester County to sell them. We’d hold the flowers out for drivers to see. They would sometimes stop and buy them. I think we got 25 cents for each small bunches we sold and 35 cents for the large bunches.

And it sucked. I swear that if it wasn’t a holiday like Easter or Mother’s Day and I was on a crappy corner I’d sometimes make like $12 after six hours. That comes to…well…YOU do the math. What am I? A human abacus or Chisanbop expert?

Here are a few of the things I remember most about the job:

- The first day I show up and we’re all piled in the back of a white serial killer style van. We’d sit on overturned buckets. When we passed under overpasses, all the greasers would throw bottles out of the windows to smash on the walls. (By the way – other than my friend Flare and me – it was all greasers. Oh, and the teenage goofy ass driver Gene. He looked like a shorter version of that tall freak on C.P.O. Sharkey*)

- Once on the corner of Boot Road and Route 100 - with all of my flower buckets lined up – an 18 wheeler accidently turned the corner and came up on the grass and smashed all of my flowers. The A-hole didn’t even stop. The faces on the drivers that witnessed it ranged from “Oh my God! That poor boy’s flowers!” to “HAHAHA!! That kid’s flowers are getting smashed by a fucking 18 wheeler!” (I was so embarrassed I stood there and pretended it wasn’t happening.)

My friend Flare was selling flowers on 113 in Downingtown and the police showed up and were looking for something in the weeds 10 feet behind him. Flare asked what they were looking for and the cop said nonchalantly, “There was a murder in that house last night. We’re looking for the gun.”

Once on Route 100 (near the Exton Drive-in) I opened a soda bottle and the cap flew off and shot into my eye. I was so startled I almost walked into traffic.

Once when we were dropped back at Randy the owner’s house he called me into his office and this happened:

Randy: Jimmy, there seems to be some money missing of yours.

Me: Really?

Randy: Did you steal it?

Me: What?? No.

Randy: I’m going to have to ask you to empty your pockets and take your shoes off.

Me: What???

(Gene walks his goofy ass into the office)

Gene: Hey Randy here’s the money that was missing.

Randy: You asshole Gene!!! Jimmy you can leave now.

Yup. I had all the glamorous jobs.

*See his goofy ass picture above.