Happy Valentine's Day to my female readers. And for a special present, I'm going to offer you this:
OK. Cut out a heart in the shape of what you think might be the size of my head. Now glue it to a broom.
OK. Now go change into something slutty and come back. I'll wait.
(you come back) Hey. Looking good. Now hit play on this Foghat song Slow Ride and follow the instructions below.
Oh Yeah! Now grab the broom and pretend it's me. MMM hmmmm. That's it - keep dancin'...there you go. Yeah. A little grinding?...oh yeah baby - don't mind if I do.
OK up against the wall? Alllll right.
(repeat until song ends then make out with the broom).
Happy Valentine's Day! I'm glad I just made it your best ever.
.....and little more fresh hot pepper from the That Blue Yak Vegetable Garden of Hope ....yup - that should do it.....Oh Hi. I was just finishing up making one of my mind blowing chili's that I'll be bringing to a party tonight. The downside is that it's a surprise party which means by definition, it won't be "all about ME." Which is unfortunate because over 100 people are expected. Some of them don't even know me - or my charms. But they will. It's just gonna take a little bit of elbow grease.
To give myself a memorable grand entrance, I'm gonna first call, pretending I'm the police and complain about the noise, "You need to keep the noise down".
I'll wait about five minutes then I'm then gonna put speakers outside of my car, and when I strut my junk in, I'm gonna be blaring this song. If you look at 43 seconds into the video, you'll get a little sneak peak as to what the guests will be doing.
Someone will say, "Zibbs, the police just called and said we had to keep it down."
I'll look at that person and say, "Problem solved" (I'll be holding the receiver of a phone - cord a danglin'). Someone tosses me a beer and I open using the teeth of a buck toothed gentleman that hopefully will be lingering around the buffet table.
Some chick will ask, "Who is that guy?"
Using a my catlike agility and a trick that Chris Angel taught me in Vegas, I'll suddenly be behind her - I'll tap her on the shoulder and say, "The question is - who AREN'T I?" (head tilted and brow raised). It'll make no sense but boy will it leave an impact.
I could tell you the rest, but honestly, I'm gonna ad lib the rest. That's just the my style. All I know, it's gonna be a slow ride.