Discusting Stink After Opening Up Ribs From Exton Giant. Get it Together!

On Saturday I go over to the Exton Giant Supermarket to buy some ribs that were on sale. I get home, cut open the plastic package and this stink wofts out of the package smelling so bad it almost knocked me over!

At first I thought maybe the smell was something from the garbage disposal but it wasn't. It was from the meat. I looked at the meat. It wasn't discolored. And the sell by date was eight days away. How does this happen?

I pack up the meat in four plastic bags (so the juices wouldn't leak) and I drive back to the Giant to get my money back. And my car stunk so badly I had put a window down. I bring it up to the counter and they didn't even question me about it. But about 10 seconds into making the return the customer service guy says, "OH MY GOD!" and pushes the ribs away.

How does this even happen? Was the meat sitting out for too long before they packed it? Did something other than the meat get into the package? Now I'm going to be grossed out by ribs for a while.

Chester County Man Hoards Napkins. Exton Chipotle. Exton Country Bagel.

The Chipolte napkin. The holy grail of restaurant napkin for napkin hoarders like me. 

Does anyone else hoard napkins? I do it all the time. I store them in my car then and use them for various purposes. Face cleaning, spills, the occasional nose blow when tissues run out, wiping down my dash and console...and maybe someday for origami. Who knows?

And Chipotle napkins are the best because you can grab a huge stack easily and they're thick. My least favorite used to be Wendy's. Do you know why? I just hated that bright yellow color. But they've switched to the same industrial brown as Chipotle so I'll be stocking up on those as well. 

And on other napkin hoarding related news I was in the Exton Country Bagel this morning and too bad my arch enemy wasn't there because as I was pulling their crappy napkins out of their toilet paper holder-like dispensers I was imagining if he were there I would slowly pull one out..and another..and another..and another....staring at him the whole time with the look of "there ain't a damn thing you can do about this little man. Not a damn thing." And as I pulled the 30th napkin out I would look at him and mouth, "Thanks for the free napkins....chump."

Then strut my ass out of their establishment. .......And.......Scene!

Random Pictures From My Phone. Struble Trail. Mas West Chester. Rocco's Exton.

Ahhh..Look at that picture above. It's a tree swing from the Struble Trail in Downingtown. I love walking by there. Very calming. I think this Summer I'm going to try it out when there are a bunch of kids there. I'll walk over and say, "Step aside." Then do my Tarzan yell, "Ahhhhhhh-ahhhooaahhh- aaaaahhhhhaaa!"

Here are a few other random pictures from my phone.

This is a picture from the roof top bar of Mas - a Mexican restaurant in downtown West Chester, PA. It was the perfect evening. Nice and breezy. I love sipping a cold one while the breeze is a blowin'. Just enough that random napkins blow away. Plus I had a long phone chat with my best friend while I sipped on a Corona. And look at the top of that umbrella. It's kind of an optical illusion. If you look at it it turns into a distant mountain.

Who's this guy? It's the wavy Verizon man. Do you know it's very hard for me to walk by this guy at Main Street in Exton and not imitate him? If I'm with other people forget it. I'll do it 100 percent of the time. I wonder how many people out of a hundred that walk by imitate his waviness? I bet it's 5 out of 100 kids and 1 out of 100 adults. Do you think?

Here's a mural on the wall at Rocco's Pizza in Exton. Something unsettling about this piece. The guy on the right is sleeping. Guy in the middle is eating but seems to be ignoring others and the guy on the left is guzzling red wine. And looks like he's going to slam the glass down and open up a can of whoop ass on the other two. Or on his timid Italian girlfriend that "just doesn't listen." I bet he'll first take his shirt off so everyone can see his wife beater t-shirt.

Marchwood Goodwill Was A Place That Showed Movies Of Bare Naked Gulls!

A few miles away from me is the Marchwood Goodwill. Back in the day though it used to be a porn theater. I remember going there a few times with friends while drinking beers and we'd wait for people to come out then yell things, "Hey! Look who's coming out of the porn theater! Come over here. It's the Daily Local News. We want to interview you!"

And people would cover their faces and rush to their cars. One time we even saw a teacher! Of course we yelled his name.

Well one time in junior year a few of us decided to go in. I forget if we used fake ID's or what. We smuggled some beers and watched. For about 20 minutes. There's something creepy about watching porn with a bunch of dudes and strangers so we left. I mean really. Watching porn is an interactive sport so who knows what some of those people were doing.

Back at school we were laughing about it at the lunch table and here's what happened:

Chris: Wait. So what exactly do they show?

Me: Everything. Two people f%#king.

Chris: Bull. There's no way they actually show it.

Me: Yeah they do. And close up. A d&$k going into a wet p#&*y.

Chris: Oh come on they can't show that! You're full of it. It's probably them under blankets.

Me: Under blankets? What?? I saw it on the screen! You  mean I think I saw something else? Then lets go this weekend!

So a bunch of us go. And he still thought we were making it up. That maybe they just showed some boobs or something. Now remember this was before the information super highway so unless you saw a stag film on 8 mm at a party or you were getting some snitchy-snatch your own bad self you may have never seen anything like this.

We walk in and there is a full close up on the screen of two people "bumping uglies*" and here is what happened:

Chris: OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!

Me: Shhhhhh!!!!

Chris: HOLY CRAP THEY"RE ACTUALLY DOING IT!!

Me: Shhh! Shut up!

Chris: OH MY GOD! (covers eyes then looks up again) OH MY GOD I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!!!! THEY'RE SHOWING EVERYTHING!

It was pretty classic.

*And what was with all the hair? Jesus Christ! Whoever started the movement of people shaving and trimming deserves a Nobel Peace Prize. Seriously. What year did this become the norm for most people? In the early 90's?

Tuna Hoagie Incident. TRUE STORY. The Old Switcharoo.

Wait till you hear this. Do you see that sandwich above? It's the tasty Bobbie from Capriotti's Sandwich Shop in Exton. Roasted turkey with stuffing and cranberry sauce. Trust me. It's really good.

So here's what happened. I had one the other day and since I'm not a pig I ate one half and saved the other half to bring to work. Next day I bring it to work and put it in the work fridge. Lunchtime comes and I eagerly reach into the fridge, pull out the hoagie and open it. Anticipation.

What?? What the?? Who replaced my Bobbie with a tuna hoagie?! God damn it! Someone at my house must have eaten my Bobbie or moved it and I accidently grabbed my son's tuna hoagie from my home fridge and brought it in! And I open up the tuna hoagie and guess what is covering the tuna? Jalapenos! Who the F covers their tuna hoagie with jalapeno? And the jalapeno's were carefully placed on the sandwich as if when my son ordered it he instructed the sandwich artist to line the jalapeno's up perfectly. And it it was a Subway sandwich too. Maybe it was Jared's stupid idea. And I hate Subway.

Well I'm hungry so I decide to eat it. Not THAT bad. But halfway through I get grossed out because what if it's a few days old? Or my son left it in the car for a while? I've got this fear about eating old or gross fish. So after a few bites I just chuck the thing in the trash.

A few hours pass and a light bulb goes off over my head. Could it be? No. Well I better go check. I go to the work fridge, reach in and pull out a bag that's been pushed to the very back. I open it and see the red stain of cranberry coming through the paper. I didn't eat my son's sandwich I hate a fellow employee's sandwich!! WHAAAA?!

Then I was all paranoid they were going to try and track down who did it. As if I just opened the fridge and said, "I wonder what I should eat today? Oh. A tuna hoagie. That should do the job."  I'm just glad the tuna hoagie owner didn't see me eating it. How do you get out of that one?

The next day I was telling a friend about what happened and we were laughing so hard that later I made up this fake sign and told her it was taped to the work fridge and I emailed it to her.

"Please DO NOT throw out or eat food that is not yours. If your unsure if it is yours please ask! Thanks."

After we had a good laugh I told her I wrote it. Then we laughed even harder. Note the spelling error I added to the note (ie: "yours").

I love this note because it makes it as though the person who had their sandwich eaten thinks people are so dumb that they might forget what they actually brought in for lunch therefore have to "ask around" to double check. "Hmm. Did I bring a peanut butter sandwich, a yogurt or a chicken pot pie? I forget."

Rino's of Exton. Route 30 Banner Must Come Down, Chester County Wings.

Let me first say that I've been going to Rino's Pizza in Exton for years. It's really good. Great prices. Friendly staff. With that out of the way I will say one thing....

*Ronald Reagan impression* Rino's tear down that banner!

And by banner I mean the one above. It says, "Free Wings!" So wouldn't you assume that if you go in they give you free wings? There is no disclaimer on there. I was in with my daughter the other day and I asked them about it and they pointed to this on their menu:

If you go in on Monday and buy a pitcher of Yuengling you get 16 wings. That's not "free wings!!" It's been bugging the shit out of me. Why doesn't the banner say that?? Are they purposely trying to get people to think you can walk in and get free wings? And I bet some people go in and find out wings aren't free but then don't want to leave since they're already there. Isn't this illegal??

I bet legally I could ask for free wings and they would have to give them to me. But I hate confrontation so I won't. And I'd be afraid they'd get the dishwasher to rub the wings in his butt or something to get me back. You never know.

I know what you're probably thinking, "Zibbs you told people to shut up in the theater and told that guy on the computer to stop eating. If YOU don't stop this injustice who will??"

Well you just convinced me. Here is my three part plan:

1) I'm going to wait a day to see if Rino's sees this posts and take down (or modifies) the banner.
2) If they don't I will call Rino's (from a blocked number and holding a hanky over the mouthpiece) and ask them to remove the sign.
3) If no results I will call the Better Business Bureau.

If this doesn't work I MAY call for a boycott. What are your thoughts on this matter? I will keep everyone posted of my progress in the comments area of this post.

Chester County Collage Artist. Mime Related. Marchwood Goodwill.

Question: What is "art?"

Answer: You're looking at in my friend.

That masterpiece was created by me. For you hayseeds out there the style is called collage art. Or assemblage. This piece shows a mime, sadly looking at a large headed retarded man. But why? What does it even mean? That's for you to figure out.

Sadly the rest of the piece was never actually assembled. I found all of the elements in a cigar box and dropped  the whole thing off at the Marchwood Goodwill on Saturday.

Imagine the look on the person's face when they find it? But sadly, it's incomplete. It would be like finding the Mona Lisa but smile is missing. Or Edvard Munch's The Scream but it has no mouth. Or Dogs Playing Poker minus the bulldog. Incomplete.

Anyways. I hope you enjoy it.

Local Enjoys The Food Samples At Exton Sam's Club.

Do you ever go to Sam's Club in Exton? And you see the people handing out samples so you kind of say, "Hmmm. What do we have here? Don't mind if I do."

Then you try all the samples? And they were all pretty good (except for the hummus) so you go back and get another sample? And another.

Then you're like, "It's almost lunch. I might as well keep this rotation going for a bit." But then you notice the guy handing out the sausage giving you the stink eye so you pretend to be reading the ingredients on a random salsa container? Mouthing, "Oh so it DOES have peppers in it."....

Then you try to go for one last  sample of chicken parm and the lady has to judge you by saying, "Hey weren't you here already?" And you almost say, "Um. that was the other guy."

But you get nervous and leave because who needs their stupid food anyway! (Even though it was good).

SIDE NOTE FOR FRUGAL READERS: Do you know that they have patio furniture right near where they hand out the food samples in Exton? So if you're on a tight budget and you want to take a girl on a date you can bring her to one of the patio tables and say it's a restaurant. (Maybe call it "Sammy's Place?) Then you can just go get the food and bring it to the table. Or ask a friend to pretend he's a waiter. Or maybe YOU can pretend to be the waiter but you'll need a disguise to wear and just tell your date you have to go to the bathroom and when the waiter comes for her to order the "sampler" for both of you". Cost?: $0. You are welcome.

Exton Fair. Carnies. Man Prepares Interview For Bearded Lady.

They're here! The carnies have arrived in Exton (right near the Exton Mall) to set up and work a fair. Which means I'm working up a few questions for an interview I'm hoping to get with the bearded lady. Here are a few:

- Did you ever shave half of the beard and turn sideways then some dudes were at a bar and were like, "Hey babe how about I buy you a drink?" Then you turned your head slightly and he was like, "DEAR JESUS!!"

- Do you ever brush you beard at night in your carny trailer while wearing your nightie and you have to brush like 100 strokes or something to keep it looking pretty. And the rhythm of the brushing gets you humming a song then the sword swallower or the strong man or something bangs the thin wall from his trailer and yells, "KEEP IT DOWN! I'M TRYING TO GET SOME SHUT EYE!" How does that make you feel?

- Did you ever hook up with a local who had been drinking and you were making out then he pulled away and just said, "I'm sorry. You're nice and all but I just...I just can't do this!" Then he ran out? Not even stopping to pick up his shoes?

- Did a friend ever sit you in a chair and say, "Now you just stay put and I'm going to pretty you up." Then she tied little ribbons in your beard and said, "OK that should do it!" And you turned around to the mirror and were just about to smile when some jerk walked in and yelled, "Nice try Bearded! Remember...once a freak ALWAYS a freak!"

That's all I have so far. Let me know in the comments if you have any questions for her.

Chester County Pizza. Not Much To Offer. Exton. West Chester.

I'll tell you one thing. If you live in New York you're lucky because you can't get great pizza here in Chester County, PA. It's amazing that a food that requires so few ingredients and a very simple cooking process results in so many different things.

I've read that the water is the key to why New York has the best pizza but I've heard that the oven that it's cooked in is also crucial. Here are my picks for a few of the "pretty good" slices that you can get in Chester County. The first is from Rocco's in Exton. Pretty good thin crust. Gemme dat!


Next up is Marzano's Pizza in Exton (Next to the Duncan Donuts on Route 30). Kind of a light and airy crust but great sauce! Philly mag mentioned it as one of the best in the area.



And lastly the good old Las Vegas Pizza. This place has been around for at least 35 years. I used to go there in high school. Not toooooo shabby thin crust*.

So what's your favorite pizza?

*One time in high school I took this chick to the Exton Drive-In. Then on the way home she was like, "Let's stop at Las Vegas Pizza!" I stopped but was kind of embarrassed because she was super loud and annoying. When I walked in I was thinking, "I hope nobody I know is here." And Phew!! Luckily the coast was clear.

Butcher Burgers Gogonzola Was Deeeelish! Buddy's Burgers and Five Guys Look Out.

I know I just posted about local burgers but I read the article by @JimBrez here about a burger at Butcher Burgers in Exton, PA and I had to try it. It was the Gorgonzola burger. Oh my God it was so good!

Unlike Buddy's Burgers and Five Guys it's a single patty. But it's thick. And instead of getting my usual toppings* I got the Gorgonzola burger which comes with roasted red peppers, portabello mushrooms and gorgonzola cheese. I think the cheese is what did it for me.

And of the other local places I like their fries the best. So if you're a lover of fries you may want to try it just for that.

And what the dilio with Gorgonzola? Everytime I get it I think, "Ooo I need to eat more Gorgonzola." Then I forget.

And here's a picture of the burger with the lid off:



*ketchup, mustard, pickle, onions, tomater, lettuce, American Cheese

Modification Planned For Mongoloid Truck At Exton Goodwill. Marchwood.

Man oh man I've been cleaning the heck out of my house and bringing stuff to the Exton Goodwill. When you drop stuff off you then drive around the corner and you're greeted by the smiling, 15 foot face of the rascal pictured above*. She gives a friendly, "Thank you." Well you are welcome me lady! Glad I could be of assistance. *tips imaginary hat*

I think they should modify it so that as you pass, the lips move and in the deep voice of a giant it says, "DON'T FORGET YOUR RECEIPT." Then it winks or something. I don't know.

Or if I work there I'm going to modify it so as a car is driving away and there's a kid looking out the window the pupils will turn red and the mouth will move and whisper, "I'm watching youuuuuu" or "Stay in school." Something like that.

How much do you think something like that would cost?

*See? I actually HELP retarded people. Do you know that one of the items I dropped off was a "Welcome to Niagara Falls" tit mug (mug in the shape of a tit that has a hole in the nipple that you can drink out of). Retarded people NEVER get access to items like that. If some of you guys had a tit mug you were done with I bet you would say, "Hmmm. Should I throw this in the trash or donate it to a retarded person?" Then you would open your trash can and drop it in, "Meh, THOSE people don't need a tit mug." That question never even entered my mind!

Exton Five Guys Burger Photographed By Famous Blogger. Best.

...Annnnnnnndd DONE!

Oh boy was that a good burger! I got it from Five Guys at the Exton Mall ya'll. First hearty thing I've had since Saturday because I had a stomach thing on Sunday AND Monday. Thanks for not sending get well cards. Try not to be so self centered next time. What if I was dying or something?

But back to the burgers. I used to think Buddy's Burgers were my favorite (as mentioned in THIS post) but I think I may have to change my mind to Five Guys burgers.

I do like the sesame seeds and thick pickle they have on the Buddy Burger though. I JUST CAN'T DECIDE! Might have to do a taste test sometime. But get someone to help me because there's no way I can eat two burgers.

And I wonder who the neatest person is when it comes to eating messy burgers. Not me. When I ate that thing ingredients were falling out the back. Then I tried to turn it but it got all lopsided. It got all over my hands. Yeah. I eat like a kid I think.

What's your favorite burger? And look at the picture with the smashed in roll. What did they sit on it? Come on people!

Best Book Cover Ever Found at Exton Barnes and Noble.

So I'm walking through the Exton Barnes and Noble the other day and this stops me in my tracks:



This is a real book. And it was in the adult science fiction area. This is NOT a kids book. I would love to have hung out all day to see the type of person that sees this book, skims through with interest then purchases it. Can you imagine?

I Accidentally Looked In Somebody's Email In Exton. Is God Mad At Me Now?

It's true. I went on a computer at the library the other day and when it said, "Would you like to restore your last session?" I clicked, "HELL YEAH!"

Then..there it was. A stranger's email. Mine for the picking.

Honestly, I would never look in a friend's email or my kid's because I would feel so bad. But a faceless stranger? Meh. I'll take a sneak peek. *taps fingertips together*

And I kind of hit the mother load. It was some chick's email that she uses for talking to people in some porn group. And the porn group was people that were into choking while having sex. So of course I went to the sent folder and there was an email that said, "I miss talking to you. I wish we were having sex now. How are things with you?"

And it was to another chick! Awwwww yeaaah!

But sadly that was the only good email. There were some pictures of chicks being gagged but that was it. But I did Google the girl's name because I wanted to see what she looked like but couldn't find a picture. Damn it!

So would any of you guys do the same thing? And don't THINK about lying.

Horrifying Thing I Saw One Time. Finger Nail Related. Lions Share in Exton.

One time I was putting up drywall with some dude. And I had just met him. So we were working very closely.

And I had to hold a piece of the framing material. I forget what it’s called. Like the skeleton of the wall before the drywall goes up. I think you know what I mean. So I’m holding the metal piece and his hand is about 5” from my face because he’s holding a level and I see this:



Well I see “B.” “A” shows a normal pinky and “B” shows the pinky I saw. It was a pinky that had been cut off and it had an itsy bitsy nail grafted (I assume) onto a part of the amputated finger to trick the viewer (I assume) into thinking that it was a normal pinky. So kinda like at first glance someone might be like, “Oh my God is that a chopped of pinky?..oh no..there’s a finger nail. Let me just get back to what I was doing.”

A bit deceiving if you ask me.

But I wasn’t tricked. Oh no. It caught me so off guard I kind of froze. Like in horror. Like when someone jumps out on you and scares you. And that few seconds after you’re trying to recover. So I just looked at it.

A similar thing happened when I was a busboy at the Lion’s Share Restaurant in Exton and I reached down to clear a plate and was caught off guard when I noticed that the dude had one of those fake arms. I’m talking the old school kind with the hook thing at the end and the wires that help it move. You know that kind?

And I had the same shocked, deer in the headlights look.

Did that ever happen to you guys?

Buddy's Burgers In West Chester And Exton Gets A Review

It’s official. I will now declare my favorite cheeseburger anywhere. It goes to Buddy’s Burgers, Breasts and Fries. Located in West Chester, PA and Exton, PA. Note picture above that really doesn’t highlight it’s deliciousness too well. Oh well. You’re gonna have to live with it.

And did you ever notice that some people never declare their favorite foods? I do.

And trust me. I’ve had burgers all over the place. I guess what makes this cheeseburger the best is that not only is the meat fresh (not frozen. I may be making this up) but the veggies are always super fresh. Especially the lettuce. Nice and crisp.

Also, the bun is covered with sesame seeds*. Which I love.

It’s even better than Five Guys Burgers.

Here are the toppings I get on mine: bacon, American chee, lettuce, onion, tomater, pickles (the pickles are quarter inch thick deli pickles), ketchup and mustard.

Oh. And I just read some reviews and avocado is included as a free topping. Which I never knew. So next time I’ll be getting that on top too.

So there you go.

*I had a discussion with the owner once and he said they tried a variety of different buns until the found the right one. (Look at me going all investigative journalist on his ass)

Jimi Hendrix. Exton Sam Goody. Putting On The Gorilla Suit

My Dad is the type of guy that doesn’t take shit from anyone. Like if you’re standing in a long line at a store and there’s only one register open, and everyone is looking at each other like, “this is ridiculous”… he’s the type that walks to the front of the line and says, “Excuse me. But I’ve standing in line for five minutes. I’m going to need you to stop what you’re doing, call your manager and get another person on a register.”

And everyone is all, "I wish I had the balls to do that." Or if someone butts in line? Yeah right buddy. My Dad is the one that will tell you to get to the back.

So flashback to when my brother was in 5th grade. My brother buys a Jimi Hendrix book. So my Dad is flipping through the book and sees a plaster cast of Jimi Hendrix’s junk in it. He’s like, “What the hell is this? You’re not going to have this book!” To my brother. “You’re going to bring it back.”

“But I don’t have a receipt.”

“Then I’LL bring it back!

“Dad, they won’t take it back without a receipt.”

“Oh they’ll take it back alright.”. My Dad takes the book and drives to the record store. Sam Goody I believe it was. Exton Mall.

Dad gets into the store and says to cashier, “I’d like to return this book but I don’t have a receipt.”

“Sorry sir, I can’t exchange it if you don’t have a receipt.” The lady says.

“Do you have kids?”

“Uh..yes?”

“Well let me ask you this: turn to page 112. Would you want your 5th grader looking at that?

The woman looks at the picture, turns beat red and opens the register.

Mission accomplished.

*Author's note: This is what my Dad called, "Putting on the gorilla suit ."

Happy Birthday Pac Man and Maybe Pac Woman. Video Games.

Happy Birthday Pac Man. You're 30 years old today you old fuck.

I was actually more of a Pac Woman fan. Or "Ms.Pacman" as you squares probably called it. I used to play it all the time at the video arcade "Time Out" at the Exton Mall. I even taught my friend Flare some of the patterns. And I'd let him win once and while because he never really "picked it up" like I did.

The only other game I really liked was Galaga. All the other games can kiss my ass. Especially pin ball. I always hated pinball. But I did like the sounds pinball machines made and I'd liked to laugh at some of the body contortions people would make as they played.

Oh yeah. And I did like to lean on the machine when somebody was playing it until they yelled, "Get away, you're gonna tilt it!"

I do kind of feel bad for kids these days because there aren't any real arcades left. Just the crappy ones.

Stupid progress.

Mongolian Lady With Pants Down. Exton Produce Junction.

Were you guys at the Exton Produce Junction an hour ago like me?

And you saw that Mongolian Lady with her pants down?

No? Well here's what happened.

This old Mongolian lady in front of me in line was standing there getting ready to pay but her pants were completely down to the floor! Well, she did have a second pair of pant on but still.

She was about 75 years old and I was going to tell her but I was afraid she'd yell at me,

"I know they down! They are outer pants! You've disrespected my honor!"

Or she's say, "I do not understand."

Then I'd have to say, "Your pants are down to the ground. I'm afraid you will fall when you walk." (talking slowly and loudly and miming out the scene with the help of various vegetables that I'd grabbed). "You see, this eggplant is you..you're much thinner but..and this kale leaf is your pants..your second pair that are down...Now when you start to walk...."

But then there was the fear that she'd get pissed and start yelling at me. People would start looking. Someone at the back of the line would say to another, "I'm not sure what happened. It think that guy tried to pull that old lady's pants down or something. What else could it be?"

Instead I walked away. But I did wait at the back of the store to see what would happen when she turned to walk. In case she needed help after the fall. Or if there was an ideal moment to take a picture.

So she did turn around and try to walk and she was walking so slowly she didn't fall but she did realize that her pants were down. The look was one of, "I'm moving my feet in the regular way but my body isn't moving at the normal speed"*. So she just pulled her pants up and walked away. Looks like it was a normal occurrence for her.

*I'm a bit rusty on my Mongolian but I believe the phrase is "bid nij Tere suu"