West Chester Blogger Considers Boring This Dude About Wolves.

I'd like to go to a party sometime and when I meet some dude all I would talk about would be wolves. Like I would back him into a corner and bore him to tears with wolf facts. The various kinds of wolves, their habits, what they eat, a book idea I have where a a kid is taken in by wolves and he someday has to leave them but meets up with them again when he's older.....

Then when I'm done with the dude I would mingle around the party and say, "What's up with THAT dude? Between you and me he wouldn't shut the fuck up about wolves!"

Then I would leave the party but peek in the window waiting to hear a group of people surrounding the guy and the guy frustratingly saying, "NO! It was that dude in the green shirt that was talking about wolves. Not ME? I don't give a crap about wolves! Right Bill?....Tell them!"

But nobody would believe him.

I might leave a patch of wolf fur on his windshield too. Not sure yet.

Wolf Story That Will Win All Kinds Of Awards.

Here's this story I'm writing about wolves. I like to tape record my voice when I write a book then I write it out. In words. It's just easier this way. Free form...you know? Like a jazz player but with fucking words and shit instead of musical notes.

This may have to be a multi-part series. Like Roots. But with wolves. And no Levar Burton or the dad from Good Times.

...There's this fucking wolf but he's like a dire wolf so bigger than a grey wolf. And he's the leader of this tribe of other wolves. So at the beginning of the book his dad died or something and then he's banished from the tribe for some reason.....I don't know...I gotta work that out. But anyway he comes back to the tribe and he's all fucking fucked up and shit. Like scrawny and weak because it's hard to find fucking food when you're a wolf and you're on you own because of the way wolves hunt and shit. (It's true. I did research about wolves).

So he comes back in the tribe and and he fights the one leader wolf even though he's weak as shit. Bites his fucking neck, kills him then stands up on this rock and fucking howls. Big ass moon fucking shining on him and he's all strong now because he got energy from the blood from the wolf he just kicked the ass of.

All the other other wolves bow to him. Undisputed wolf leader. Then they go on all these adventures but he can change himself from a wolf into a human warrior. He looks like the dude on the cover of Flirtin' with Disaster (Molly Hatchet album). And he gets all these smokin' hot chick. Big ass titties and shit.

To be continued.....

Wolf Attack Almost That My Wife Thinks I Was A Coward About.

I don't know what got me thinking about this and my wife never reads my blog but here is a story that I would like to share.

Years ago, my wife and I pulled into our driveway. (Now remember, we live in Chester County, PA. It's not the city, not the forest. It's the suburbs. But we do have pockets of woods around and tons of deer and the occasional additional wildlife).

So as we get out of the car and I'm like, "Holy shit! It's a wolf!*" And I run to the door.

Now the wolf never followed us but I never heard the end of it for ages because she thought I was pulling the George Costanza move where he runs out of the party - thinking there's a fire and knocks over an old lady. Selfishly thinking of his safety.

My thinking was that I was holding the key to the house so I could open it really quickly and we could both get in to safety. Which we did. I swear to God.

But she still thinks I was looking out for myself.

And looking back, maybe it wasn't a wolf but it may have been. Please chime in so I can print out this info and show her the results that total strangers voted on.

*Believe me. It was a wolf!

Midget Movie Idea That I'm Gonna Pitch To The Studios.Wolves.

On Twitter the other day I tweeted:

I'm gonna make a movie about a midget orphanage called, "They Only Pick The Tall Ones" or "Tiny Tears on Lollipop Lane".

Here's another idea that I may pitch to the studios:

"The Biggest Midget" - the story of a non midget boy that was raised by wolves but then leaves so he can meet his own kind and he stumbles into a small village of midgets. But he thinks he's a midget because they look closer to him than wolves do.

And at the very end of the movie the mayor of "Midget's Lair" says to him as he's about to leave the town because he realizes he's not a midget, "You are the biggest one here.. that is true. But you're also the one with (climbs ladder so he can get closer to the "giant") ...you're also the one with (looks into camera) the biggest heart".

Then the whole village of Midget's Lair goes into to this big ass celebration. There's all this fucking food and shit. Music playing with the normal picking up the little people and putting them on his shoulder. Then like the wolves come out and everything but they're all gentle and shit.

Man. This is gonna be bigger than New Moon!

Is anyone crying yet? Cause the story totally touches your heart? Yeah, you knew it was gonna be good.