I Think I Have Train And Flight Trip Planning Dyslexia. Wrong Train.

I'll be doing some rail travel this weekend and I've got to tell you it's so confusing to me!! Anyone else?

I look at the schedule then I write down the destination. Then I look at the arrival and when I have to transfer. But then I end up looking at the wrong line. Like for a different train...Then I do it again....

And I've traveled all over the country. And have traveled a lot overseas. I've never screwed the times up in the end but Jeez. I think somethings wrong with my brain.

Well come to think of it I did screw up traveling once but it was because I was being a goofball. I was hosting girls from a home office in England and we were in Connecticut and were traveling back to NYC where they were going to catch a flight back home. Well I was telling them some funny story (all animated and shit) and we stepped on the train going North instead of South. Doh!!! They barely made their flight after we ran through New York.

Way to go Zibbs you idiot. And this was after a few days of me being a great host. Have you ever noticed how Europeans are better hosts than Americans. Just a generalization but I'm standing by it. Oh. and people from the South are great too. Southern hospitality.

Charmed I'm sure.

Pack Your Suitcase And Pretend You've Been Out Of Your Town.

None of you have traveled. I have though*. So below is a list of places I’ve been to. I didn’t include ALL the places – especially local – because I don’t have all day here. You know?

And I didn’t cheat and include cities I’ve driven through. And either should you. Once you finally travel somewhere.

Philadelphia, PA
New York, NY
Danbury, CT
Stamford, CT
Rome, NY
Ocean City/Sea Isle NJ and more
Atlantic City, NJ
Wilmington, DE

Washington, DC
Baltimore, MA
Ocean City, MA
Nags Head, NC
Duck, NC
Virgina Beach, VA

Nashville, TN
Memphis, TN
Louisville, KY
Atlanta, GA
Orlando, FL

Chicago, Ill
Muskegon, MI
Minneapolis, MN
Boise, ID

Dallas, TX
Austin, TX
Corpus Christi, TX
San Antonio, TX
Seattle, WA
Las Vegas, NV
Reno, NV
San Diego, CA
Los Angeles, CA
Burbank, CA
Long Beach, CA

North America (not US)
Piedras Negras, Mexico

Overseas
Stratford-Upon-Avon UK
Oxford, UK
Frankfurt Germany
Milan, Italy
Hong Kong
Xiamen, China
Shenzen, China
Guangzhou, China

*The main reason for this post is for when I lose my memory and I want to remember where I've been. And for historians.

Travel Tip That I Really Didn't Want Burned Into My Memory. Italy.

Oh yeah. I just remembered this. Remember when I was telling you that my son took a trip to Italy with his Italian class a few weeks ago? Well I just remembered the meeting we had with the school and the parents before the trip and this crazy travel tip that one of the moms shared:

Teacher: (pointing to one of the moms) Yes? You had a question?

Skeevy Mom: Yes. You were talking about having the kids travel light?...What I used to do when I traveled was get all my old, dirty underwear that I really should have thrown out and I'd pack them for my trip. Then as I wore the old underwear I would just throw them out as I used them so at the end of the trip I had less things to bring home and a bit more room in my suitcase for gifts.

Uh...OK lady.

Wizard of Oz Mayor Meinhardt Raabe Dies. He Was So Young!

It's true. The Wizard of Oz munchkin mayor has died. The little guy was only 94.

I actually met him at a trade show a few years ago. Did we talk mayoral politics, tiny curly shoes or infighting amongst members of the Lollipop Guild? No. There was really no time for that. But in our short, historic meeting I can tell you that he was a nice guy.

R.I.P . Munchkin Meinhardt Raabe.

Travel Bullet Points. Part 2. Piedras Negras. Nachos.

Here are so more travel bullets points. Man, blogging is getting easier when you just rattle shit off. (To read part 1, click here)

- Dallas: One time while staying at a hotel in Dallas a fire alarm when off in the middle of the night. People emerged from their doors asking, "Is it for real?" I was in a deep sleep when it went off so I just grabbed by stuff. I was the only one to leave. I ended up in the back parking lot in the pouring rain. Stupid!

- Chicago: When staying with my cousin one Summer in 5th grade, we'd go to the top of their 40 floor building and individually release tissues into the windy Chicago air. This is when being green was for stinky hippies. And we also dropped a bucket of water off but the doorman narced us out. Thanks Carlton.

- Mexico: While visiting a factory in the arm pittiest city of Piedras Niegras (Nachos were invented there), We got our van searched by guys with machine guns. I was prepared to go Jean Claude Van Damme on their asses but then I was like, "OK, lets see how this plays out first".

- Connecticut: I was in charge of bringing some of the ladies from the home office in England to visit some various clients on the East coast. After the three day trip we had to take the train back to NYC so they could catch a flight back to England. I was telling some joke when the train pulled up and as we're all still laughing the doors shut. I then realized that we were on the wrong train. SUPER STUPID! (They barely made their flight) .

That is all.

Some Random Things About Me. Travel Edition. China. Italy.

Freestyle!

Here are some random things that happened one time to me (travel edition):

- This one time in Shenzen, China the factory owner said, "You want women? I send TWO women to your room". I declined.

- This one time in Nashville two chicks grabbed my package. In one night. In one bar!

- This one time in Milan I jumped on the bed with five of my coworkers at three in the morning.

- This one time in Long Beach, California while partying with coworkers a lesbian bit the finger of a straight coworker because she wouldn't dance with her. We laughed like hell because the coworker was a prude.

- One time on a flight from Dallas to Denver I sat next to a 350 pound man that was going to an ice makers convention.

- One time in Frankfurt, Germany the chamber maid walked in as I was walking out of the shower. She was there to turn back the bed.

- One time in Ship Bottom, NJ (as a kid) I hated the vitamins that I was supposed to take so everyday I would throw them under the porch and I got busted by the mom of the family we were with. Thanks Mrs. Brophy.

- This one time in Yiwu, China hundreds of people stopped and looked at me because they never saw a white person before.

- This one time in Virgina Beach I went down a water slide and it gave me an enema.

- This one time in Toledo - I was in a car being driven from Chicago to PA with my cousin) the song, "Shake Your Booty" was on. He said, "Do you know what a booty is?" I said, "Yeah". He said, "What is it?" I said, "I don't know". He Said, "It's a butt". I said, "OK".

Any questions?

Somebody To Love. I Need A Karaoke Song. Queen.

Just like a boy scout, you need to be prepared. And I'm not prepared...if I walk into a bar sometime and karaoke is happening and people are like, "Come on Zibbs! You need to get up there and do a song!"

I'm really unprepared. I've only done Karaoke in public twice. The first time was in Media PA after being out for a friend's birthday. We had come back from Philly in a limo (classy) and everyone was pretty fired up. A group of us did The Weight - by The Band.

It was one of the worst things you ever heard. They were so throwing me off. Terrible.

The second time was in China. Karaoke is HUGE in China. So we were out with some factory reps and interpreters and they took us to this karaoke place. It was a freestanding building just dedicated to Karaoke. We had our own room. I forget what song I did but it was a Motown song. They clapped like crazy but it was not a great performance.

So here's a song that I might need to practice - Queen's, "Somebody to Love" as performed my George Michael. You know..so I'm prepared and all.

This Is Totally Something That Would Happen To Me. Flying.

I used to fly all the time. I always got stuck next to dudes or old ladies it seemed.

There was one time though that I got seated next to this hot chick. I was talking to her for a while and it turns out that the rowing competition she was going to wasn't for a college. She was in some private school on the Main Line. Private HIGH SCHOOL.

And to top it off, her coach was sitting right next to her. Shouldn't these young girls be required to wear stickers on their shirts that reveal their age?

Stupid!

Here's something that I could totally see getting busted for on a plane:

A Few Things About Me. China. Priest. Simpsons.

Here are a few lists of five things in various categories.

A few Countries I've been to:

England

Italy

Germany

China

Mexico

A few jobs I would never want:

Priest

Financial Analyst

Lawyer

Anything to do with retail

Longshoreman

Some chicks I've fooled around with:

Korean

Black

A model

This one chick that was way older than me.

Philly Ball girl.

Some types of people that I don't like to talk to:

Boring people.

People that don't get my sense of humor.

Bad breath people.

People that are looking around the room while I'm talking to them.

Yenta's or women that won't shut about about their kids.

Some things that I've collected or currently collect:

Simpsons action figures

Homies

Zippo Lighters

Ashtrays

My own toenails (for practical joke purposes)

Some things I love to drink:

Beer (no light beer please)

Red wine

Scotch on the rocks

Water

Margaritas

There you go. Man was this a crappy post.

One Time In Band Camp - Travel Edition. Part 1. Phillies

In the style of "...this one time in band camp...." (from the movie American Pie) -here's my version but the travel edition. Part 1.

...this one time in Long Beach, California...we were at a club and this lesbian bit my friend's finger because she wouldn't dance.

...this one time in Frankfurt, Germany..... while bags were being unloaded at hotel I saw a woman's pastel colored polka dot suitcase and I said, "I think your luggage got mixed up with Jan Brady's". Turns out the the woman was an upper level management person from corporate that I'd never met. Nice first impression.

....this one time in Philly.... I hooked up with a Phillies ball girl.

....this one time in Virginia Beach, Virginia..... I went down this huge water slide and it instantly gave me an enema. I had to run to a bathroom.

....This one time in Connecticut...I was telling this funny story to colleagues and accidentally walked them onto the train going North instead of South., They almost missed their flight back to England.

.....This one time in Malvern, PA..... after having sex with some girl in her parents bed I threw the condom under the bed. What?...I couldn't find the trashcan..... And I was really drunk.

....This one time in Detroit, Michigan.... I saved a kid's life by pulling him out of a burning car. I left the scene because I didn't want to be in the newspaper.

Well, that last one's a lie. I was just trying to redeem myself for the second to the last one.

What happened to YOU one time?

Questions About People That Stand Outside of Today Show In NYC. Al Roker.

Just a few questions about the retards that stand outside of the Today Show with their signs:

- Do they make their signs before traveling? And roll them up and consider it carry on? Holding it like precious gold the entire way?

- Or perhaps the first stop they make in New York is to a drugstore so they can pick up sign making supplies.

- Do some of the signs have even worse sayings on the back and even crappier handwriting because it was their first draft?

- For years to come, do they tell tell the story of how their sign made it onto The Today Show for 3 seconds and Al Roker almost made a comment about it until he saw the "Super Moms from Michigan" sign.

And lastly, do these people have any idea that there's much more interesting things to do in New York?

Longwood Gardens. Smells. Flowers in Chester County. Concerts.

YO LADY! Get the hell out of my backyard!!! Just kidding. That image above is from Longwood Gardens in Southern Chester County. It's a world class garden in Chester County. The Duponts used to live there mind you.

Rich SOB's.

I was there the other week and thought I'd share the images with you.

And do you see what flowers in the front? Hyacinths. They're probably my favorite smell in the world. Whenever they're in bloom I cut them and put them in my car because I like the smell so much. I wonder if they make a perfume with that stench because I would totally start to make out with some chick if she wore that. Unless it was some old bat. Or a butterface chick....or....OK I'd be selective but you know what I mean.

What's your favorite smell? And don't say my pits.

And here's another picture:

Wow! It's a stage at Longwood Gardens. They've been having concerts there. How great would it be to see a concert in this paradise? Rufus Wainwright, Etta James and Boz Scaggs are all scheduled to be there soon. I like all three of them. Why don't you buy me a ticket and take me there? I'll totally do it.

Except you smuggle in the weed. I'm way too important for the big house unless I can be like the wiseguys on Goodfellas and be able to make my own food. And I would totally do the shaving garlic deal with the razor blade. You'll see.

And lastly, as a celebrity I was invited to attend an important event there in May. I'm still deciding whether to go. We'll see.

Lets all Go To The Galapogos Islands With Alex Trebek!

Now I don't want to get everyone excited, but if I can change some things on my busy schedule, I'm going to be ...are you ready for this?......bringing 20 That Blue Yak readers on the trip to the Galapagos Islands that Alex Trebek from Jeopardy has been hawking all week!

And I'll be paying for everything. It's my way of saying thank you. But I will only take 20 of you. I'm thinking the first part of the trip we can really do some site seeing, check out some of Darwin's legacy and party our asses off but the second part of the trip will be strictly used for bothering Trebek.

We'll still be partying but we really need to focus on putting Trebek over the edge.

What can you add to the trip? Why should you be picked? Let me know in the comments section. I will pick 20 readers. The others will be allowed to meet us at the port but no amount of tears is going to change my mind and let you go on this historic, life altering trip that I'm sure will make it on Entertainment Tonight and all those other crappy shows. So you need to make sure you're OK watching us sail away while you go back to your boring - non Trebek harassing lives.

You will only have the memory of waving at me and the winners from a port in San Diego as we sail away.

But good luck anyway.

Blogger Is Giving Italy Trip To Lucky Reader

You read that right. I'm giving away an all expense paid trip to Venice, Italy to a lucky reader....Wait a minute. That wouldn't be fair. How about I give away a trip to all my readers? The destination? To the earlier days of my blog. Now you're talking. Do you really understand what kind of adventures await you by taking the entire day reading my blog? A lot.

To get you started. Read the hysterical post about the exact way that you're required to read my blog. O.K. Secure your seat belts and click here.

And don't forget to come back and tell everyone in the comments some of the amazing things you found. Seriously, stick to the amazing content you found. Nobody cares about the boring details of every meal you ate. Aloha!

Hanson Quarry In Downingtown Perfect For Brady Bunch Fantasy

Are you looking to relive the Grand Canyon episode of the Brady Bunch? Do you think you'll get out to the Grand Canyon and then realize that it was a stupid idea? Well you're in luck. Travel to Hanson Aggregates on Quarry Road in Downingtown and look through the fence. It's the Chester County Grand canyon - the poor man's Grand Canyon if you will - And I will. Just look at these these amazing photos!

Is that an Injun boy running away? Maybe. Did Alice just make a joke? Probably. Imagine the adventures you'll have using your imagination. And when you're there, don't forget to cup your hands around your mouth and yell EEECCCHHHOOOAAAA!

Then treat yourself to a drive down Valley Creek Road to visit the spooky haunted tunnels.

Things to do in Vegas on the South Strip

And here are a few additional pictures of Las Vegas and some handy tips for the traveler.

This is the Excalibur Hotel. It's got a cheesy castle theme. Great location (between Luxor and New York, New York) but the crappiest of the three. Pretty reasonable but they should tell you right off the bat that THERE ARE NO TUBS! - Only shower stalls. Leave your Mr. Bubble at home.

Here is a picture of New York, New York at night. There were even some dopes riding the outside roller coaster in 40 degree weather. Stupid.

Below is the Bar at Times Square inside of the New York, New York hotel. Great bar with the dueling pianos. Good times but if you stop in a few times during the week you'll hear some of the same 'jokes". How about some more original material guys. It was this woman's birthday so she was on the piano. People were singing "You've lost that loving feeling" to her. And I just lost my appetite.

Looks like we've got some gals who were really going out of their way to pick up guys. The one wore a bridal getup and they CLAIMED that they were having a bachelorette party and as part of their "scavenger hunt", they asked me if I had a condom. Nice pickup line, nice effort, and very original. Now go get me a Dewar's and water - easy on the water. Then we'll talk.

Here's another bar that is a good time at the New York, New York. It's called Nine Fine Irishman. Pretty good Irish music on most nights. And this lady must live there because I saw here last year while in Vegas at the same bar. She pushed her way to one of the prime standing locations at the Bar at Times Square. Very rude. I think she is saying here, "Look everyone, a guitar."

Walking upstairs, you'll find the Coyote Ugly Bar. The concept is hot bartenders getting up on the bar and dancing all sexy-like. They also throw water into the crowd that is supposed to be beer. Show your defiance by throwing a real beer toward people that are annoying you. Believe me, they'll never know where it came from and it'll make you feel better. Later in the night they let REAL women get up and dance on the bar. Tip for women: Don't ask your girlfriends if you look lood enough to dance - go out of the bar and ask a few random strangers. Take their advice. They won't lie. Also, if you are going to dance on the bar, take off your coat and don't be holding a hand bag. It makes you look frumpy.

This is a view standing outside of the Monte Carlo and looking north on the Vegas strip. Diablo's Cantina is a new bar at the front of the Monte Carlo. Steer clear. It looks like it's a great place but drinks are totally over inflated and it's packed full of dudes. It's a sausage factory. They do however spin a huge wheel every half hour and you can see the current drink special so it's worth stopping in if you're walking by.

Here is the Las Vegas City Center - still under construction. It's located between the Monte Carlo and the Bellagio.

Here's the City Center at night. For those on a tight budget, it's easy to sneak into the area at night by jumping onto the back of a truck - like the one pictured below. Make sure to cover yourself with a concrete bag because if Raul the night foreman catches you, you're gonna get arrested. Bring a flashlight because once inside, there's a treasure trove of lunches left over from the construction workers. I found a barely touched 14" tuna fish hoagie! And you thought the casino floor was the only place to hit the jackpot. (Don't be greedy though - grab what you can carry in a pillow case and get out).

Here's a picture of the Las Vegas news reporting on a City Center break-in the night before. Like I said, grab what you can steal in a pillow case and get out!

Here's a picture of the Bellagio fountain show at night. Very classy.

And that's about it for the pictures. Enjoy.

Here are two Las Vegas blog links for you:

Classic Las Vegas - preserving classic Las Vegas.

Rate Vegas Blog - Vegas and casino design blog

New Year's Resolution? Take better pictures. Reason? Because these spicy shrimp quesadillas at Yolo's, which were unbelievable look like throw up in the photo. While in Vegas, I treated myself to these quesadillas at the Yolo bar inside of the Planet Hollywood casino. The dish was perfect. Crisp outer pastry shell with tasty tangy shrimp and cheese on the inside. Nice accoutrements like guacamole, tomato, onion and aioli on the side. To drink, I ordered a beautiful Margarita in a huge, hand painted glass. Excellent. For now.

When I was finished, I was searching for the bathroom and asked the first person with a lanyard, "Excuse me, do you work here? Where are the bathrooms?"

"Oh, I don't work, I'm Hillary Clinton's press secretary and we just one Nevada!"

(Ohh Jeez - I just finished eating) - "Really, where is she?"

"She just left for the airport a minute ago but the caucus is still upstairs."

I went upstairs and snapped this shot of the most giddy group of fembots. Hillary had left the building and they were still scrambling around like 12 year olds in 1972 that just caught a glimpse of Bobby Sherman . A sickening sight.

I left the building in disgust - knowing that I missed the opportunity to heckle Clinton after mooching some free food.

Vegas Club "The Bank" Brings Vin Diesel To Tears

Vegas Hot spot THE BANK, welcomed That Blue Yak Staff last week to their swanky, nightclub while muscle man Vin Diesel was forced to take a backseat.

On looker and admiring THAT BLUE YAK fan Shelly Morton gives her account:

"It's true. I noticed that the YAK was in the Bellagio around 9:00 when I saw a commotion inside of Caramel's. I looked in and saw Michael L. Hardly Jr., you know, the dreamy VP of Purchasing - demanding that the DJ play some Funkadelic. Well, you know Hardly, the DJ refused and Hardly gave the guy the claw and coolly walked out of the joint and said, 'it's Bank Time.'

"The Chester County, PA executives then strutted their junk across the Bellagio floor toward the Bank. Knowing that the Bank "caters to a discerning audience with higher sensibilities", they knew they were rrrrright at home. They walked right past the doormen, giving them the infamous International YAK sign and went straight up the escalator. It was very, very cool."

"The thing is, cocky film star Vin Diesel finished his photo in front of the Bank sign and attempted to enter the club. The doormen grabbed his arms and were like, 'behind the ropes with the peasants slop' we've got fire capacity limits'".

"Vin Diesel just hung his head and said, 'I didn't feel like going in right now anyways'. A single tear dripped down his face."

Don't forget to check out these related links:

Van Diesel Fan Club

How to Look Cool in a Casino

How to get into a Vegas Club if you're not cool