I Will Not Grow Weary

The holidays, and another year, are now behind us, and a new year has begun. For many people, 2009 was difficult, challenging, or just plain hard. I know it was for me. There was a storm in my life. Actually, a storm may not exactly cover it, because it was more like storm, after storm, after storm.

If you’ve read Seed Thoughts for long, you know we experienced our third miscarriage last spring. In some ways, that was the least of what we had to walk through. It was a battle and it thoroughly exhausted me, but it did not defeat me. However, in the last few months, I just felt weary. Flat out, wore out. But because God is good, and He is faithful, he brought the above scripture to mind over and over. And He sustained me.

I don’t know why we had to battle through such a long and overwhelming time, but battle it we did. And God never left us. When I could no longer raise myself up, He did. And I would tell Him, but God I’m weary… And once again He would give me the above scripture. So, I didn’t give up. I just kept on keepin’ on. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, I kept praying and praising, and I kept serving and giving. And you know what? By the grace of God, I made it through.

God is good. He is faithful. And when the storms of life threaten to sweep us away, if we will cling to Him, our Rock and our Foundation, we may sway in the torrent, but we will not be overcome.

So now, with 2010 upon us, I have decided that the theme verse for Seed Thoughts and for me personally is this: And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap a harvest of blessing if we do not give up. ~ Gal. 6:9

I am ready for my harvest of blessing. In the Psalms we read: Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy. ~ Psalm126:5 I have done plenty of sowing of tears, and now the harvest of joy is upon me. It has already begun. The most recent tears I’ve shed, have been tears of joy because God is good and He is faithful, and He has blessed me with His love, with His grace, with His mercy and with His favor.

Trials, tribulations and storms come. They affect us all. But we have a choice to hang on to our Rock, or to give up. It is a matter of choice. It is a matter of will. So I declare in this New Year, I will not grow weary and I will not give up. Rather, I will overcome, and I will thrive, and I will live in joy! Amen!

Just Holding On...

I guess it's time to re-connect with everyone here. I know I haven't been around much. Other than a few book reviews and the His Princess letters, I haven't been around at all. For once, I don't have much to say. I haven't written any blog posts (I'm sorry), I haven't written any fiction, and I haven't been around to visit any of you wonderful bloggy friends.

Today would have been my due date for the miscarriage I had in May. As much as I thought I had dealt with it previously, the grief has come back in full force. The six year journey of trying to have children has taken a toll on me, though I am SO thankful that we have had one. In addition, we've been dealing with another devastating situation for the last two years, which thankfully, is now behind us. However, now that it has passed, I'm feeling the weight and sorrow of that as well.

I know that there are so many people who are suffering greatly with trials much larger than my own and that I have much to be grateful for. And I am. Really. But I am also weary. A body can deal with a lot for a long time, but a time comes when you're so tired of the struggle that it takes what remains of your strength to simply hold on. That's where I'm at. It's where I've been for a while now. But I am holding on. I'm holding on to Jesus and I'm holding on to hope. Hope that next year will be better and I will be stronger, hope that God will restore what the locusts have eaten (Joel 2:25), and hope that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord and are called according to His purposes (Romans 8:28).

As this year draws to a close and I experience these feelings of loss, sorrow and weariness, there is one Scripture in particular that is speaking to me. And as such, I feel that it is appropriate to become next year's theme for Seed Thoughts. It is:

Thank you all for the friendship you've shown me since I began this blog a year and a half ago. Truly this whole experience has been a blessing. Thank you too for your patience in my lack of posting lately. I'm sure I'll be back on track soon. God is faithful and He will see me through.

An ICE Re-Creation

So, God has given me focus. That’s good, right? I don’t have a lot of time these days to do much writing because my almost 2-yr old simply doesn’t understand that I need time uninterrupted to do so. There are some, who can be in the middle of a thought, lay it down to attend to something else and then come back to it and pick up right where they left off. I am not one of them. I can easily do that with reading, but not with writing. Reading and writing reviews is easy for me to do on the go, which is why I’ve been doing a lot more of them lately.

But back to my focus. I wanted to make sure that when I do have time to write, I’m writing what God is directing me to write. Here’s where the focus comes in. I mentioned previously that after much prayer, God gave me an acronym to remember to use for the direction He is leading my non-fiction writing in. That acronym is ICE and it stands for Identity, Character and Emotions.

When a person grows up in a dysfunctional family (as many of us have), there is often a deficiency in these areas. We maybe don’t understand that we have worth, so our character is weak, and our emotions are shut down, hyperactive, or simply all over the place. It all kind of goes together. If these basic things are not shown or taught correctly during the formative years, it does affect adulthood. But it’s not true that old dogs can’t learn new tricks. Especially if we have God on our side!

When I got saved, after living a dreadful heathen lifestyle, God really had to get a hold of me and re-create me. The Bible tells us that when we are born again, we become a new creation, the old has died and the new has come (2 Cor. 5:17). And of course that’s true as far as God is concerned. But we often have to be proactive about the change we are going through. I believe it is possible to get fire insurance – that is to believe and confess that Jesus is Lord and ask for His forgiveness, but then remain basically unchanged. But what a weak walk that would be!

For those who desire more of God than simple life insurance, there is more required. Not a set of rules to be followed, but a life spent seeking, worshipping and serving God. We are transformed into His likeness through the studying of His Word, conversing with Him in prayer and our acts of service (I often say we are not saved to sit, but saved to serve).

When we immerse ourselves in the Word of God, and allow it to, it will change us. We are to not be conformed to this world, but to be transformed by the renewing of our mind (Rom. 12:2), and we do that through the Word of God. But it requires our will to choose to read it, and let it in. That’s what I’ve been doing since I’ve gotten saved. I am now a much different and better person, but I still have a ways to go.


So my focus now is ICE:

~ Identity ~ To know, understand and believe who I am in Christ.
~ Character ~ To develop Godly character traits and reflect the Character of Him who made me
~ Emotions ~ To experience healthy God-given emotions, but to rule over them rather than let them rule over me.

I am excited about this new focus God has given me, and look forward to exploring it. I am thrilled to have you along for the journey. Be sure to look for more ICE posts to follow.