Breaking the Barrier

I cannot stop laughing at this video. It is one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. I mean, I could have STARRED in this video for fart’s sake.  Especially the  very last scene.

Do you remember when you “Broke the Barrier” in your relationship? It took Ken and I about six days. It was the best day of our lives outside of our wedding day and our kids’ births.

SUAR

Comic Relief from SUAR

I dare you not to laugh at my creation.

Did you laugh or are you too cool and stoic?

SUAR

Creation #2

Thanks for indulging me yesterday with all of your encouraging and insightful comments. Yes, I read EVERY LAST ONE, Matty. I also appreciate the “private” emails with your own stories and sentiments. The truth is, we are all going through something, right? Be it injury, loss, relationship trouble, painful transition, rejection.

Head’s up! Be sure to visit tomorrow for one of the coolest giveaways ever (IMHO).

Joke courtesy of son, Sam: “If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work?”  “IHOP!”  Go to your room!! You shouldn’t talk about one-legged people that way.

To lighten the mood, I’ve got the second video in my series, ready to share! If you missed the first, go  HERE. (And, crap, title of this has a typo. Thanks, Anne! It’s not martial problems as in martians. Should be marital. Although maybe next time I’ll talk about martians having sex).

Oh crap. Is Valentine’s Day coming up?

SUAR

The Candy Drawer

If you missed my good news, click HERE.

If you missed my crude video, click HERE.

There may be something wrong with me, but every time I watch the video I laugh out loud at the fart sound (:56 into the video if you must know). Is this normal? I even still laugh out loud at my own fart sounds when I make them. Or, anyone else’s. It is even funnier if I don’t know them personally.

Say, for example, you are in the grocery store. The guy beside you is perusing the spaghetti sauces. He makes a snap decision to go with the Ragu, which is on the top shelf. He leans forward, reaches up, and WHAM, an unsuspecting fart escapes. This kind of an episode would make my day, my week. God help me if my kids were along. We would re-enact that episode for hours. “And then he leaned up and pftttttfpffft (insert fart sound)!!”

Moving on. Today I’d like to talk about a nasty subject. Believe it or not, it has nothing to do with bodily functions.

I’d like to talk HABITS. The word “habit” doesn’t always conjure up positive actions like, “I am in the habit of eating four servings of vegetables a day.” No, the word habit has kind of a negative connotation. As in, “I have this annoying habit of chewing on my hair.” Or, “I have a Coors Light habit I just can’t kick!”

Don’t be fooled. Habits and addictions are not that  far apart. Both are dependencies, yet they are on opposite ends of the spectrum. A habit seems benign, manageable. But, over time, it can take on a life of its own and become extremely difficult to break (addiction).

“The habit or an addiction is a human trait that is difficult to break, it is something that you are used to doing, something that satisfies a part of you, that you have developed because at the time you gained benefit from it, but over time the benefit may have been lost but the trait continues.” {source}

Yes, it is so true. We develop habits because they benefit us in some way. Chew your nails? You might be nervous or hungry. Sleeping with makeup on?  You’re tired to bother at night. Crunching ice? Just plain satisfying. Sleeping around? Just plain satisfying.

What I find fascinating, is that when one habit is stopped, it is replaced by another. Think of the quintessential A.A. meeting. No alcohol or drugs, but cigarettes and coffee out the ass.

In an effort to cut down on drinking wine during the week, I have discovered, to my horror, that my nightstand drawer looks like this:

Yes, I have replaced wine with candy. Don’t ask why I have a stuffed dog in there. The ibuprofen is self explanatory. That much candy or wine is going to give you a headache.

Having a glass of wine at night has become a habit to relieve stress. I’ve decided I don’t need to be drinking during the week. Changing this habit will cut down on costs, make me sleep better and make my weekend glass or two of wine that much more satisfying. That’s what I tell myself.

This replacement technique is actually suggested by therapists. Usually the goal is to substitute a behavior that is better than the one you had before. Like instead of yelling at the kids to relieve tension, you go for a run or flip off a stranger while driving. Is candy better than wine? Jury’s out on that one.

Other remedies for breaking “bad'” habits:

Beat Yourself Up – “You stupid girl! How can you keep doing this? You’ll never change!” Just kidding. Don’t do that.

Investigate - Figure out what benefit you get from the habit, just so you know why you do it. This may or may not help or make you feel better.

Give it Time– It takes at least 21 days to break a habit or to develop a new one. 21 freaking days. That’s a long time to not do something you really like to do.

Write it Down – Don’t leave commitments in your brain. Write them on paper. This does two things. First, it creates clarity by defining in specific terms what your change means. Second, it keeps you committed since it is easy to dismiss a thought, but harder to dismiss a promise printed in front of you. Unless you set fire to the paper or use it as TP, then it’s pretty easy to dismiss.

Tell–  Make a public commitment to everyone you know that you’re going to stick with it. Offer yourself a reward if you make it a month. Anything to give yourself that extra push. That way people can ridicule you if you don’t succeed. Hell, you can ridicule yourself.

Keep it Simple – Your change should involve one or two rules, not a dozen. Exercising once per day for at least thirty minutes is easier to follow than exercising Monday, every other Wednesday, Tuesdays when it’s snowing, alternating mountain biking with hot yoga then adding in swimming some laps but only if you can’t run in the deep end because the pussy posse is there. Simple rules create habits, complex rules create headaches.

What’s your nasty habit? Is it staying or going? How will you stop?

Heading for the nightstand drawer,

SUAR

PS: Tomorrow I can run for eight minutes! Injury be damned!!

Getting Wet (video) and Tips for Water Running

As I’ve bored you with for the past two weeks, I’m water running. Almost.every.stinking.day. I only do this because I have a hip stress fracture and cannot run for real.  This has opened up a whole new world of flotation belts, iPods clipped to visors, geriatric friends, peeing in the pool and shaving the pubes daily. 

It’s only fair that I capture the experience for you live. The video does not disappoint. It’s just like you were there with me.

Today, after the water aerobic ladies (AKA “pussy posse”) vacated the deep end, we shot our footage. The adventure started at my house.

Indulge me. (And a special music treat for all those running in Philly).

Believe me, if you do intervals for 40-60 minutes and your form is right, it’s a GREAT workout.  And…someone asked why I wear the hat. Usually I clip my iPod to it.

Food for thought:

• Cardiovascular fitness decreases measurably after 2-3 weeks without training
• You don’t have to be injured to do it. It can be used as an alternative workout for anyone who wants to add mileage without adding the impact or stress of running on land. It can also serve as a backup plan on those cold, nasty days when you don't want to go outside or are tired of the treadmill
• You’ll burn about 500-600 cals/hour, depending on your exertion level, weight, etc.
• Heart rate will always be 10% lower in the water. 160 bpm in water = 176 bpm on land.
• Water should be deep enough that you cannot touch the bottom of the pool.
• Runners tend to have more lean body mass than swimmers, making them less buoyant so a flotation device is usually needed. If a flotation device is not worn, body position can become compromised and an undue emphasis is placed on the muscles of the upper body and arms to keep the body afloat
• Form should be upright, slight tilt at the  hip, legs come up about 75 degree angle to hip then pull down to an almost full extension down and behind you. High knees pushing forward (not up) through the water using your HIPS
• Tops of the shoulders, the neck, and the head should be above the surface of the water
• Head is centered, there is a slight lean forward at the waist, and the chest is “proud,” or expanded, with the shoulders pulled back, not rotated forward. Elbows are bent at 90 degrees, and movement of the arms is driven by the shoulders (source).
• When you are doing things properly you should feel that you are running hard uphill. If your legs are not screaming for mercy during hard efforts then you are either doing something incorrect or just not pushing hard enough!!
• Fun fact:  Olympic runner, Mary Decker Slaney set a world record at 2,000 meters after a month in the pool and only one  fast track workout prior to that race.

Never going to get an Oscar,

SUAR

Drinking and Pooping

Wow. I didn't realize to what extent I would shock the blogland with my admission that I was constipated. It seems that this rocked everyone's world. "She's constipated?" they all thought with consternation. "But, she craps herself unwillingly on runs almost daily. All is not right with the world."

Since I talked about my inability to relieve myself of the 'brown baby', I have had two more dumping incidents. One at the Green Turtle bar and one in my hotel room the morning after three glasses of wine and some greasy pizza. That seemed to get things moving. Obviously the key to relieving constipation while travelling is drinking a lot of alcohol and ingesting loads of oil.

In the spirit of all of this poop talk, I have a sweet video to share with you. This one was brought to my attention by Misszippy. While I certainly don't want to condone drinking and driving, especially with a child in the car (loser!), this news story has an extra special twist to it. Let's just say if I did drink and drive, this is probably what would happen to me. Please, if nothing else, listen for the quote around the 43 second mark. Priceless.

"I pooped my pants. I ate too much corn."

That is perhaps the simplest and most basic quote ever given to a police officer. I bet those cops are all sitting around eating donuts still talking about "corn girl."

We return to Colorado tonight. I think I will finally be able to breathe again. I had my last sweaty crack run this morning. So long humidity. You are a bitch.

PS: Check out a great giveaway by the Happy Runner: Hal Higdon's newest book Marthon: A Novel.

Hitting a Wall and GU Winners

In light of my dog problems this week and the fact that am a runner, today was the day to post the running dog video.

It’s one of my most favorite videos on the planet right after those eight year old girls dancing to “Single Ladies” (What’s up with that anyway? Are you sure you want your daughter to have the nickname Kandy or Kitty or Trixie this early in life?). 

Yes, I know, you’ve probably seen this one below. But it just.does.not.get.old. I’m begging you, just see if you can watch the end and not laugh. Or cry if you’re a member of PETA or if you’re the guy who put up the drywall.

So..the newest GU flavor is….

Mandarin Orange!

It appears that many of you were hoping it would be Hershey squirt to honor my marathon. So sweet of you. Or gross.

Winners are (Time to fess up: did you guys google it? Just a good guess? Divine intervention?):

Isela, Running Girl, and Holly. Email me your addresses and I’ll send you one MO GU!

Have a great weekend.

Next post: Lessons learned from the marathon, so stay tuned. These lessons may include, but not be limited to: starving yourself before a marathon and getting your dog’s eye out to spark your adrenaline, and squirting in your cheetah skirt if you want a BQ.

Starbucks Giveaway Winner!! (video)

I've made you wait a full week to find out the winner of the giveaway. With Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah and all else you have going on, I'm sure my giveaway is all you've been thinking about.

To find out the winner, watch below:

Up Close and Personal (video)

My first video message to you:

I have missed my calling. I think I should have my own talk show televised from the stairs of my house. It could be called "Live with Beth and Tripod."

There is something about taking charge, putting yourself in the driver's seat of your life, that makes you feel empowered. We've all been in that spot where we believe we are victims of our circumstances. We think, "Oh well, it will never get better than this. This crap I call my life is just my fate."

Wrong. But you have to be the right place for change and forward movement.

Now, let's apply this to me, because it is all about me, and my life is just that fascinating.

Eight weeks, five days, ten hours and 13 minutes ago I incurred a stress fracture in my cuboid bone. Never heard of the cuboid bone? Me neither. I don't think it's really a bone. Anyway, this has been my "story" for the past 2 months. I made it who I was. The girl who loves to run and couldn't run the race she'd been training for.

I read something yesterday that put things into perspective:

Events reveal people's characters; they don't determine them. If two people are hit by a bus and crippled for life, one will become a bitter shut-in; the other, the kind of warm, outgoing person whom everyone loves to be with. It's not about the bus. You have the chance to be the person you wish to be, until you die.

Are you a bitter shut-in?

Maybe I'll write a book called, "It's Not About the Bus."

And now I've GOT A PLAN.

Although I can't really start any "real" sort of running for a few more weeks, my goal is to do the Colorado Marathon on May 9. Working backwards from this date, I've come up with what my training will look like going forward (you can tell I am totally following the ten percent rule this time. I am going to worship this rule like my own personal Jesus, especially if it keeps me from injury). I hope to be an example of someone who started out really small (walk 2 mins, run 3 mins), and got really big (marathon).

Week one:
walk 2, run 3
walk 2, run 3
walk 1, run 4

Week two:
walk 1, run 4
run 20 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 20 mins @9 min/mile pace

Week three:
run 20 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 22 mins@9 min/mile pace
run 22 mins @9 min/mile pace

Week four:
run 22 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 25 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 25 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 25 mins @9 min/mile pace

Week five:
run 27 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 27 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 27 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 30 mins @9 min/mile pace

Week six:
run 30 mins @9 min/mile pace
run 30 mins @9 min/mile pace

From here I'll move onto a 14 week marathon training plan. Then I can work on increasing speed and getting back to where I was pre-injury. And by May 9, 2010, hopefully I'll be back to this:

Me running a race with my dress flowing in the wind. My kids cheering me on. The Rocky Mountains as my back drop. An iPod growing out of my left tit. My fists balled into sweating lumps. Photos stolen from Brightroom.

Yes, my plan looks kind of boring. Yes, it is very slow going. I am not a patient person. I don't do things gradually. But I have no choice.

What are you trying to be patient about today?