A day out at the Touratech Travel Event

Touratech is a German company that makes accessories for motorbikes. We're not talking seat covers with little hearts on or 'go faster' stripes here, but everything you need 'for your next adventure': vehicle equipment, riding gear, travel equipment, navigation and clothes. Their catalogue is the ultimate biker porn.

Bike with kit and Touratech teddy

They have a shop in Orange, and every year, organise the Touratech Travel Event at the Parc des Expositions. The programme is a varied mix of talks, rides out, workshops, skill testing, etc. We go, naturally, as Orange is just an hour up the autoroute, and it's a good day out. Not just for the stands that sell adventure packages in far-flung spots across the globe for thousands of euros each, or the vehicles of all sorts on display, but for the presentations by bikers who have actually been and come back from an expedition.

We thought about buying this for fun... (€32K)

If you think this sounds like a bunch of hairy bikers showing a few holiday snaps of big bikes and pints of beer, it isn't. Yesterday we listened to two women talking about what they had done, where they had been, and what they had seen.

One was a young woman called Stéphanie Bouisson whose team participated in this year's BMW GS Trophy
"Adventure, foreign cultures, new friendships, gravel, sand and dust make BMW Motorrad's International GS
Trophy an Enduro challenge that is second to none. International teams compete in intensive daily stages as
well as numerous special challenges. This also applied to the International GS Trophy 2016, which took place
in spring in the impressive landscape of Southeast Asia."

Look at this beaut!

Another speaker was Marie-Hélène Cambon, who, with her husband Jo, rode from Bordeaux to Iran on their motorbikes, stayed a month in Iran, and rode all the way back again! Their video of the trip was just stunning. Iran has some fantastic scenery, beautiful monuments, and welcoming people. A blog describing their trip with some of their photos can be seen on their website here.

Is is a bike, is it a car? No, it's a 3-wheeler d'enfer!

One of the themes we heard in all the talks was the desire by the biker adventurers to meet people along the way. Not just fellow bikers, but the local population, and they all talked about some of the amazing people they came across. A far cry from insular biker gangs who are just interested in themselves and duffing up others.

My toes touch the ground - must be my size... !

We listened to a talk by a guy who had shipped his bike over to South America and ridden from Valparaiso to Ushuaia and back. Again, amazing stories of the people he met, places he stayed, and the most incredible scenery.

Most of the bikers who gave talks were sponsored, or helped in some way by Touratech and other groups. In return, they agreed to talk about their trip at events such as the one this weekend.

The cutest car

The penultimate talk, however, was by Philippe Perrenoud, the guy who set up a Trail-Rando with his wife. He goes out and discovers trails and routes for Enduro adventures, then sets up an itinerary, makes all the arrangements and sells the result. He told us about he goes about discovering the trails which is a long and pain-staking business going down every single likely path.

He has set up trails all over the world, including in France, with, for example, a diagonal route from Deauville to La Ciotat. These trips have to be accompanied by a guide because the trails go through farms, need permission from everyone along the way (some 200 paysans) and can thus only take place a certain number of times per year. You meet the farmers along the route, and are welcomed rather than cursed. Baggage is carried on ahead, and all you have to do is enjoy the route.

We came away with our heads spinning with all the views, the stories, and enthusiasm for adventure.

Not so Livebox

I am awaiting a call from France Telecom...

Back in August, I called four times over the afternoon to try and sort out my Livebox phone line. My internet connection was cut off by them, and then reconnected, and we had a fine old time, the technicians and I - just the way I adore to spend a summer Saturday afternoon...

The upshot was that I had to buy another phone because the three I had didn't work with the Livebox, and none were specially accredited France Telecom Livebox compatible. That was a week ago, and guess what... it still doesn't work. Oh, I hear you gasp! What a surprise! Yes, I'm gobsmacked too...

So, today, I ring France Telecom, and get a charming chap. I explain my problem and he notices that I called four times in August, so tells me he'll ring back. He does, too! After one or two checks, he concludes that... my Livebox is malfunctioning! So, I'm now awaiting a call from another of his colleagues to fix a RDV to take my present one, and change it for another. Not sure whether I'll have to dedicate a day to waiting for the delivery man to come, however.

Naturally, once I have the gleaming new Livebox, I'll have to call them again to get it connected (réattribution), at 34 cents a minute. Can't wait!

In the meantime, I'm still waiting for their call, and just hoping I don't take root!

Wanadoo Woe

Here is a typical tale of France Telecom woe.

In April, I sign up for an internet phone contract with Orange. Unfortunately, none of the three phones I have work with the Live Box, and as my life was quite busy at that time, I forget about the problem.

In May, I sign up for an unlimited telephone contract with France Telecom, so with my land line, practically all my calls are free. Lovely! It works, I'm happy.

Last week, I realise that I'm rather over-subscribed to phone contracts, and decide to end the internet phone contract as it doesn't work anyway. On Saturday morning, thus, I ring Orange who tell me to ring back later as the computers are down (they always seem to be down when I ring. What is it with them?). I thus ring back around 1pm and explain that I want to cancel the internet phone contract part of my Live Box contract.

Ooooh, can't do that, I'm signed in for a full twelve months. Oh, I didn't know? Really? Well, okay, that detail of the contract I'd forgotten as it was back in April and frankly it's not the sort of information I retain. Anyway, it doesn't work so I'd like to cancel it. It can only be canceled if there is a technical problem, otherwise I'm locked into another 7 months. Why didn't I report the problem earlier? Frankly I didn't have 5 hours to waste... at 34cts a minute.

So I call the technical department (2nd call of the day). I have a fruitless time with the technician and get cut off. I call back (3rd call of the day). The girl starts going through her routine and promises that if we get cut off she'll call me back. During her routine, she fiddles with something and my internet connection is cut, and won't reconnect. Naturally we get cut off. She doesn't ring back.

I have no internet, no technician, and no prospect of getting anywhere unless I ring back, at 34cts a minute for a fourth time. I am now in a temper. It's over two hours later and I'm wasting my Saturday afternoon which I'd scheduled for book writing.

I ring back and get a different guy. I explain the problem. He is not perturbed by my plight - the other technician who didn't ring back, my lost connection or my phone line. We sort out the physical connections of the Live Box (my cable was in Yellow and it should have been in Red), we reconfigure the numbers and hey presto it all works.

It's now 4pm and I've spent 3 hours at 34 cts a minute. Not only that, I can't cancel my phone contract and I'll have to buy a new phone if I want to use the internet phone capability (which I'm not bothered about). I'll have spent 150Eur on nothing.

What really pisses me off is that NG had almost exactly the same situation a couple of months ago. She rings Wanadoo about a problem. Wanadoo don't fix it, and destroy her internet connection while they are fiddling. They don't call back when the phone is cut and she ends up having to ring back at 34cts a minute.

Do you detect a pattern of fleecing customers here? Yes, I do too. You can be sure that I'll be writing to the director of Orange to tell him exactly what I think of his technicians and their wiley ruses to keep us on the phone and paying, and also NOT ringing back which they are supposed to do.

Phone companies are all the same. UK, France, it makes no difference. They are a band of thieves and robbers who think they have us over a barrel and treat us with contempt. I cannot advise you to avoid Wanadoo/Orange because Cegetel, Free etc. are exactly the same if not worse.

Nous sommes des couillons, des vaches à lait, des pauvres cons. We depend totally upon them, and they have us totally by the short and curlies. Beware the power of the phone companies. It can only end in tears...