Social media. Grunt.

I hate social media, I really do.

A few years ago, when my literary agent first accepted me as a client, I had to put together a marketing proposal which included, among much else, my "platform." For many modern influencers, this includes having a social media presence on every platform under the sun.

Because I was trying to write fiction under a pseudonym at the time, the initial difficulty was trying to create a platform where none existed. I had no clue how to navigate Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Tiktok, or whatever else is out there. Oh, and more crucially, I had no interest in learning.

Fortunately wiser heads (my husband and my agent) prevailed when it came to the marketing plan, with both urging me to simply write under my real name rather than trying to create a new platform using a pseudonym. That way I could incorporate this blog and all you wonderful readers.

Anyway, that's a long explanation for why I still don't have (and still don't want) a social media presence anywhere else.

That said, I do have a Facebook page, mostly for the purpose of communicating with Younger Daughter (who is in the Navy) when she's overseas. A generic Facebook page is also a good landing page for new readers trying to find me. I have a notice on the page that I'm not active on Facebook, and invite them to come here to the blog.

However I keep getting "friend" requests on that page, and frankly I'm tired of it. Why? Because these "friends" keep turning out to be creeps.

No sooner do I "friend" someone than I start getting icky messages. Samples:

• "hello beautiful lady, you got me crazy with your photos i wish we can becoming friend have been trying to send you a friend request but is not working please send me a friend request"

• "You are cute. Gorgeous! Absolutely gorgeous!"

• "Hello beautiful woman how are you doing today I hope you are having a great day today. How's the weather conditions over there now?" (and another message later) "I believe you are feeling skeptical speaking to strangers..."

(And yes, I "unfriend" people as needed.)

I've had perfect strangers try to Direct Message me (I don't reply to Direct Messages unless it's absolutely someone I know.) One woman even tried to phone me on Facebook! I made the mistake of answering at first, thinking it was Younger Daughter, then hung up instantly when I realized my mistake. She then spent several minutes lambasting me via Direct Message before unfriending me (to my relief).

Am I the only one who finds this stuff creepy? 

What baffles me is why perfect strangers would do this, especially the men. Look, guys, I'm a happily married woman who is not cute, beautiful, or gorgeous except in the eyes of the man I love, which is all I care about. I'm also old enough to be a grandmother. Quit with the ick, okay?

And apparently I'm not alone. I'm part of a forum for Love Inspired authors, and one woman posted this as a warning:

"Hi ladies,

Just a quick warning about a woman who contacted me earlier on my author page. She's a new follower and aspiring writer. She message me asking if I would like to buy her unpublished works and retweak them 🙄🙄 I politely said no that I create my own works and she persisted saying she needed the money and that she was willing to send me the copyright at a low price. I again told her no and that it would be unethical. I ended up blocking her. Her name is [redacted]. Quote from this lady: 'I follow your page. I was thinking you could retweet [sic] them to suit your own style. I have an emergency so wish u can consider the offer. I'm not selling them for much. I also see the type of books you publish. This is reason why I reach out as my style of writing is also similar.'"

 

This author concludes, "Seriously, is there a full moon tonight?"

So apparently this is pretty common.

Therefore I've decided, no more. I'll keep my Facebook page simply because it's the easiest way to communicate with Younger Daughter, but I'm never "friending" anyone ever again. Nor will I open accounts on any other site. I'm not familiar enough with social media to navigate its shoals without going aground on dangerous reefs, so I'll avoid those treacherous waters altogether.

Okay, rant over.

Well, sorta over. I'm curious. How many of you have had icky creepy experiences on social media?

More Facebook creepiness

Older Daughter, who as most readers know works as a nanny in New Jersey, has a Facebook account. She seldom posts; it's more a chance for her to keep up with distant friends.

She just posted the photo below:

"I just got an ad for this here on Facebook," she noted. "It's so monstrous that I almost feel obligated to order it."

"It just shows how creepily dialed in their marketing is..." replied her aunt, my sister-in-law.

Amen.

UPDATE: Reader Jeff in Idaho sent the following from the Terms of Service (click to enlarge and READ EVERY WORD):

Holy stinkin' cow......

ANOTHER UPDATE: Reader Jeff pointed out how the above Terms of Service is from FaceApp, whatever the heck that is. But apparently Facebook is far worse. See this link: Think FaceApp Is Scary? Wait Till You Hear About Facebook:

Facebook has nearly 2.5 billion monthly active users to FaceApp’s 80 million. It, too, applies facial recognition to photos that those users upload to its servers. It also actively pushed a VPN that allowed it to track the activity of anyone who installed it not just within the Facebook app but anywhere on their phone. When Apple finally banned that app, Facebook snuck it in again through the backdoor. And that’s before you get to the privacy violations that have led to a reported $5 billion fine from the FTC, a record by orders of magnitude.

Apparently Facebook's Terms of Service includes the following:

"[W]hen you share, post, or upload content that is covered by intellectual property rights (like photos or videos) on or in connection with our Products, you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, and worldwide license to host, use, distribute, modify, run, copy, publicly perform or display, translate, and create derivative works of your content (consistent with your privacy and application settings)."

And Facebook and FaceApp aren't alone. Creepy creepy creepy....

Is Facebook really this bad?

I have very little experience with Facebook, since I refuse to create a page or post anything (I tried once, it didn't work out, and that was the end of my interaction with them.)

But Facebook, it seems, is getting creepier and creepier. I know someone, for instance, who posted a group shot of herself and some friends while they were out on a hike. She did not include any names or anything, just posted a photo. But when the posting went "live," Facebook automatically supplied names to every face without her permission or request.

Eewwww. Creepy.

This morning I saw yet a new reason to never, ever set up a Facebook account. On a forum, one fellow posted this:

"Beware of a new Facebook policy. When you log off for some time or have issues getting on, you now must scan and provide a real ID or they won’t allow you to log on. No way will I send my ID to them."

Is this true? If so ... ewwwww. Creepy indeed.

Watch those little phishies...

Well well well, it seems I've been having trouble with my Facebook account lately.

Apparently I have deactivated my account.

Oh but wait... I guess I'm almost done with the sign-up process.

And I've signed up for Facebook Mobile, with a convenient button to "get started."

And just in case I "didn't sign up for Facebook," I'm encouraged to "let them know."

I received four separate emails over the last two days giving me updates on my Facebook account. Except, of course, I've never had a Facebook account, I never want a Facebook account, and I have intention of ever having a Facebook account.

Go away, little phishes. Go troll somewhere else.

Mentioned on Facebook

A reader pointed out that my blog post on making fruit vinegar got picked up by the Tattler canning lid folks, and they posted it on their Facebook page.

Cool!

Mentioned on Facebook

Reader Linda in SoCal alerted me to the fact that the Tattler canning lid folks had mentioned my Canning Peaches post on their Facebook page.

I'm not on Facebook (and have no interest in signing up) so I figured I wouldn't be able to see the posting. However I found to my delight I could view it even without being signed up.

For a little while, at least. After awhile an imperious blue screen came up with the ominous proclamation that I need to log in before I can view any more. Glad I got those screen shots when I did.

Thanks for letting me know, Linda!

Divorcing Facebook

My husband is getting a divorce. From Facebook, that is.

Don used to run a yearly craft show, and he originally joined Facebook to keep in contact with other people associated with that event. He was careful to put his settings on the highest possible security.

Over time his Facebook account grew to include other events where we might be interested in selling our tankards. Consequently his Friends list was made up of only those people he knew, or associated with events in which he was interested. Over time he acquired 290 Friends. He frequently turned down Friends requests from people he didn’t know.

He also kept his personal and his professional lives totally separate. He never brought his home life onto Facebook.

But with the passage of time, he noticed some things that concerned and troubled him. The first thing was the fact that so much politics kept entering Facebook. Rather than chatting about business or upcoming events, people began to argue about politics. It was getting worse and worse – descending into name-calling, etc. – and the only way to stop it was to de-Friend someone. But of course this would negate the original purpose of getting on Facebook, i.e. business and friendly connections.

Then he learned that Facebook no longer simply archives what you said, and what you Liked and Disliked while you were on Facebook. It is now keeping track of where you travel throughout the internet, even if you’re logged off Facebook. Naturally Facebook claims it keeps that information confidential, but because of Facebook’s close association with advertisers and the federal government, that information was available to anyone with the right credentials - or even the wrong ones.

So that’s why he decided to get a divorce from Facebook.

But leaving Facebook isn't easy. Facebook doesn’t make it easy to leave. They have their tentacles around everything. He first did a search of the internet and came up with a process to leave Facebook, but according to this method, before you could request that Facebook close your account, you had to first manually de-Friend every Friend, remove every photo, every association, and every single comment you had ever posted.

So Don got on Facebook and posted a “goodbye” to everyone, and asked that they not be insulted when he de-Friended them; that this was just part of the process as he understood it.

A more computer-savvy friend told him he didn’t believe it was that complex, and sent him a link on how to close his Facebook account. Don used the link and requested that his account be closed. Facebook automatically responded with a statement that his account was now deactivated and would be closed after 14 days, IF he did not attempt to log on again. Understand that as far as Facebook is concerned, it’s not just Facebook you can’t get on;  you can’t go to a website and automatically or accidentally hit the Facebook button on that website... or you’ll have to start the entire closure process again.

Don’s advice: make sure, if you take this route, you clear every cookie related to Facebook, every quick link and tab to Facebook, and every bookmark, because if you don’t, Facebook may continue to track you and/or stop your closure process.

Also, there isn’t any real evidence that Facebook destroys your account once you close it. If you read the FAQ’s, they weasel-word around the whole concept. But at least once you’ve finished closing the account, they technically are no longer tracking you. However, it's important to remember that while you’re in the deactivated state, if you still have cookies on your computer from Facebook, they can and will track you.

I can’t include the link Don’s friend sent him on how to close his account, because his friend sent it on Facebook, so if Don goes back in to try and retrieve the link, he’ll automatically be re-enrolled. (He says he should have copied it down.)

When Facebook first began, it was an excellent tool, especially if you’re in a crafting business like we are. And it was possible to protect your privacy to a great degree.

But Facebook seemingly has worked harder and harder to make it tougher and tougher for you to hide things like your phone number, your street address, and your email address. Don would constantly get notices from savvy friends on how he could find anyone’s number number “from this link,” etc., and there was no way to go in and stop it except through an extraordinarily convoluted process – and how many people want to go through all that effort? Or even pay attention to the the occasional warnings?

More important to Don, and what led to his growing dissatisfaction, was the fact that Facebook didn’t ask permission to make these changes, nor did it announce these changes. They simply made the changes, and the only ones who found out about it were those people who spend their time looking for such things. And if those people don’t happen to be one of your Friends, you’d never hear about it.

So Don is in the process of getting a divorce from Facebook. But unlike a "no-fault" divorce, Don thinks there's definitely been a breach of contract...or at least trust.

A social network Christmas

This is pretty cool.

What if Facebook had been around when Jesus was born? Watch this.  [UPDATE: I had an incorrect link, sorry.  Please try it now.]

See? I'm not crazy!

Once again, privacy concerns about Facebook is driving some people away from the social networking site. So once again my reluctance to join Facebook is justified.

I cannot begin to count the number of invitations I've received over the last couple years to join Facebook. Most are from friends, urging me to come see the latest photos of their baby / house / dog / vacation / whatever. While I'm eager to see the pictures, I can't unless I join Facebook.

Nope. Won't do it. There's just a leeeetle too much slime factor involved in Facebook and other social networking sites. Frankly they make me nervous - apparently with good reason.

This article details why a financial writer decided to leave Facebook. Okay, fine, no arguments from me. What startled me were some of the comments left below, such as:

"You quit Fb because you're a luser without a single real friend."

and

"Glad you're gone! Now go scream at the neighbors kids to get out of your yard."

I get the impression these posters really need to get out more. Maybe see some honest-to-goodness live people. Perhaps walk their dog. Y'know, that kind of thing.

Meanwhile, we Luddites who refuse to have a Facebook account will continue our merry way, having tea with friends, having potluck dinners with neighbors, volunteering in the community, calling people on that old-fashioned gizmo called a telephone, that kind of thing.

Oh goodie - I'm not alone!

A couple of years ago, a friend got a book published. Being a good publicist, she immediately launched all sorts of publicity stuff including a MySpace and a Facebook page.

I couldn't see her Facebook page without joining Facebook myself, but I went to her MySpace page and was appalled. It was full of stuff that had a great deal of sexual suggestiveness, mostly from her "friends." An author, I'm told, can't necessarily refuse "friends" on a social networking site because hey, you might be missing out on potential readers or something.

It was such a turn-off for me that I decided never to get a MySpace or Facebook page.

My husband, who is on Facebook but limits his "friends" to actual friends, continually urges me to change my mind. Nope, won't do it.

Besides, I don't have the time to mess around with social networking sites. It's all I can do to keep up a writing schedule along with our woodworking business, livestock chores, general farm work, school work with the kids, and oh yeah, being a wife and mom.

And don't even get me started on Twitter, whatever the hell that is.

Bottom line, I'm not interested, and so far no one's been able to convince me I'm missing much.

Now I find I'm not alone. Whooo-hoo! While I'm a bit older than the demographic they mention in this article, the sentiment is the same. Over the past couple years, I've been contacted by friends and strangers alike, inviting me to join Facebook. The strangers I ignore - how can I know what kind of people they are? - and the friends I answer with a "No thanks" and explain why.

Besides, with all the stuff you hear about employers or whatever scouring the internet for incriminating stuff for new prospective new employees, I figure I don't need the temptation to load any old photos of me doing something questionable.

Here's another article justifying my aversion to social networking sites.

So there.