It has come to my attention that all over the world, raids are wiping on World of Warcraft's new Secrets of Ulduar bosses for one reason: stupid players. In this edition of The Serious Business Report, I'd like to provide you with free excerpts from my informative, self-published guide on not being an idiot in the latest raids, entitled Ulduar For Dummies. While my guide won't necessarily get you into a guild like Ensidia, it could at least help keep you from getting yelled at by your raid leader.

You Are Not Prepared!

It's important to come prepared to a raid, dummy. Bring enough flasks to cover you for the entire raid night schedule, and bring an extra one just in case. Come fully repaired, and with all the speed pots, health and mana pots, ammunition, and reagents that you'll need, along with a few extra. Make sure you have enough gold to afford repairs. Also make sure that your SO won't make you walk the dog or do the dishes during the raid. Take care of your obligations before you zone in.

Some raiders recommend keeping around empty containers for quick bathroom breaks without leaving your machine, but I'll leave that decision up to you.

Pay Your Bills!

You can't raid if your Internet isn't working, dummy. Make sure to pay your cable provider on time so that you're not scrambling to find an Internet cafe five minutes before raid time (this actually happened to one of my raid members). Also make sure to not lose your job due to not showing up because you were up all night raiding, as you can't raid if you can't afford a place to live, though we hear the connection speeds at some homeless shelters aren't too bad.

Flame Leviathan is essentially Free Loot for Dummies.

Flame Leviathan 25-man Strategy

If your raid fails at Flame Leviathan, you probably shouldn't be raiding. It's pitifully easy; just shoot the swarms of ground and aerial troops with your cannons, and when you reach the boss, make sure that whoever Flame Leviathan targets kites him through the tar, which your raid should ignite.

Razorscale 25-man Strategy

Have two tanks split up to pick up the dwarves as they spawn, preferably with a Hunter misdirecting them to the proper tank. Spread out to avoid chain lightning. Don't stand in the fire that Razorscale ignites down below. Seriously, don't stand in it, dummy: You died because you stood in the fire. Have someone that isn't brain-dead shoot the harpoons at Razorscale when they're ready. When Razorscale comes down, burn him down quickly and don't stand in front of his mouth, because that will kill you. The tanks will set up a rotation while kiting him around in a circle to avoid standing in fire. Seriously, in World of Warcraft, you never want to stand in the fire. Why does this need to be repeated? Shoot him in the ass until he dies.