So, you want to write a video game top 10 list? You came to the right place! No, GameSpy isn't hiring -- sorry to burst any bubbles. Despite the hopes and dreams of an outspoken few, no one here has been given walking papers…yet, anyway. Instead, I offer something even more valuable than getting paid a stately sum to write silly jokes about the idiosyncrasies of first-person shooters.

This guide details the creative process behind writing a video game-themed "listicle" -- from late night, half-asleep inception, to growing skin thick enough to dull the sting of whatever verbal barb unruly readers throw at you and/or your mom.



Step #1: Looking the Part

This might be a surprising first step, since you don't actually have to look any specific way to be a writer -- but it certainly doesn't hurt. It's why porn stars get breast implants and musicians do drugs.

If you're intent on writing about video games in any capacity, an extra 20 lbs. on your midsection and a full neckbeard will enhance your credibility. Glasses help, too; it's OK if you don't actually have a prescription. Showcasing your receding hairline is risky (it draws equal parts disdain and respect), but covering it up with a trendy hat says "classy." Anything else -- a feigned lazy eye or a trashy mustache -- and you're going overboard.


The good old writer's vice of drinking heavily isn't required when you begin; it will come around naturally when you realize your readership goes by online handles like "LaraCroftsMuffinTop" and "Kamehamehalofan15."

When you look like a video game writer, you will feel like a video game writer. Then the hard work begins.



Step #2: The Title

Coming up with an intriguing headline is important. It's what will grab readers' attention and get them to click 'continue reading.' Why take my word for it? Well, you're reading this, right? Which means I'm obviously a master of "the jump." Recognize!

You should be as plain and clear as possible with the title, so as not to mislead readers or blow some minor issue our of proportion. You're writing a list, not a video game blog post! No matter how much you want to troll for traffic with a provocative headline, don't -- or at least, wait until my next article tells you how to do it properly.


It's also important to not feel forced into originality for originality's sake. Around 80%* of new video game lists are recycled from old material. Yes, video game list writing is a lot like Final Fantasy X-2.

* Were you honestly expecting a source to a made up figure?