When it comes to churning out pure sexual filth, video games are way behind television and movies. Everyone knows that the main reason for this is that congress keeps voting down all our bills proposing to spend more money developing hidden video game sex scenes. However, one area where games have all other forms of media beat is in making truly mind-warping sex scenes. We're not talking about your dime-a-dozen fetish sex acts -- we're getting way weirder than that. Here are 10 "erotic" clips which blew away our sense of not only "what is right and wrong," but also "what is sexual."


10. Anally Violate Someone You Hate in Boon-Ga Boon-Ga

This isn't really a "sexy plot twist" so much as "the disturbing main plot to the entire game." We lied to you in this regard, in the same way your date lied to you when they told you their attached Siamese twin was just a "sexy plot twist."

The game console consists of a video monitor and a bent-over pair of legs with the butt exposed. The controller is an oversized hand with a firmly pointed index finger. If you think you know where this is going, you don't. Unless you said, "you stick the finger in the butt," in which case you're quite deductive.


Points are given for how hard the finger is forced into the butt. We did an extensive Google search, but found no statistics as to how many people are caught trying to stick other things in there. To motivate the player, the video monitor displays one of several characters moaning in agony. The characters are labeled as "ex-boyfriend, ex-girlfriend, child molester, gangster, mother-in-law, gold digger, prostitute, con artist." Offhand, we would wager that angrily pounding a plastic finger into a droid's butthole is not an APA-certified method of treating child molestation issues. The makers were obviously trying to derive a lot of repeat business from people who got dumped by their gang-involved, broke, opportunistic mother-in-law who, um, also got a sex change operation, dated them, then dumped them again.




9. Be a Jerk in Stroker

In the 1980s, computer technology was beginning to boom. With an estimated 25% of Apple II computer users owning a copy of Softporn Adventure, computer developers everywhere set their sights on adult games. With digital interactivity crashing upon society like a wave, publishers pushed the limits of eroticism, opening their imaginations and their sexual boundaries. When one developer opened his imagination, a smell like a stale fart came out and he/she (screw sexism, it was definitely a he) said, "You know what's sexy? Throttling a pink/purple man-rod while a woman makes color commentary."

(This image ain't safe for work, so view it at your own discretion.)

Judging solely from screenshots, the main goal of this game is obviously to never get caught playing this game, ever. Another side goal seems to be to make the user feel better about their own excessively bushy stump and balls.


8. Be a Sex Machine in LittleBigPlanet

You're a cute-knit creature with a penchant for creativity, in a world that you can make all your own. What's the first thing you dor If you answered, "make a dumbass two-dimensional sex contraption," then... well, we'd like to make fun of you, but apparentlya lot of you are out there. So maybe we're the weird ones. No, you are.



At first, we found it odd that the mouth just lets the shot dribble to the ground. Then we noticed the glowing red dot on the head, and everything fit together.





Well, now, these are just boring. Why would you go to all the trouble of making a sex machine, then just have it do everyday stuff? The non-freakiness of this person's freakiness is perverse.



See, this is much better. Here, we have two people running a train on what appears to be some sort of four-legged animal. One guy films their units magically detaching themselves from their bodies. That's... pretty impressive.



Here, the creator illustrates a mastery of physics, and zero mastery of sexual education. During straight intercourse, the woman's mouth opens and a substance repeatedly flies out. What's happening, exactly? If this is going down like we think it is, both of these individuals should stop flinging fluid and see a doctor, immediately.

ALERT: The above clips were NOT SAFE FOR WORK.