a gallery of lurid lit

I spend a lot of time thinking about Clamato...juice? Beverage? Well, okay, maybe I don't spend a lot of time thinking about it, but I certainly a fair amount of time thinking about it. Too much time! Which is to say, more than no time. Most of this thinking is ruminating on exactly how disgusting Clamato would taste; for those of you who are blissfully ignorant, it is "a light, refreshing beverage and an intense flavor, seasoned with a mixture of tomatoes, onions, celery, spices and a touch of clam."

A TOUCH OF CLAM.

If that's not the name of a lost album by Vanity 6, then the world is lesser for it.

Anyway, I'm sure all my questions would be answered if I would just partake in some Clamato, but that would involve...you know, partaking in some Clamato.

Also, if "partaking in some Clamato" doesn't become a standard euphemism for something I don't want to type here because my mom is probably reading this, then the world is lesser for it.

I began thinking about Clamato in earnest in college (*insert women's college joke here*) because I had a painting teacher who must have imbibed that shit by the fuck ton. There were empty Clamato bottles all over the place for us to use to hold turpentine or whatever- I mean, even if they were empty apple juice bottles, you would have thought it was weird because there were so many of them. But Clamato? So much Clamato? It was a mystery I wanted to get to the bottom of, but I never did and it obviously haunts me to this day.

Another mystery that will no doubt plague me forever is how this introduction about Clamato was supposed to tie into the main content of this post. Seriously, I have absolutely no idea where I meant to go with that when I started typing, but I'm not going to just erase it all because I feel as if I've exorcised some demons. Or, at least, I've pointed at the demons and said "I notice you", which is a step towards something. Maybe? I don't know. This is getting weird.

So hey, horror books! I can't resist 'em, and I thought I'd put up a wee gallery of cover scans in all their lurid glory. Some of these are novelizations, some provided the basis for movies, some are just books. Some of them are okay, most of them are crap! But those covers, baby, make 'em worth it no matter what, not unlike the sensational VHS boxes of yore. A skeleton in winter gear riding a tricycle? An apartment building whose entire first floor is a big mouth? That pig on the cover of The Farm? Gold, all gold!

when there's no more room at the library...

Zombies, am I right? It's kind of amazing to me how resilient the subgenre has proven in recent years, considering its heyday, if you ask me, was in the late 1970s/early 80s...but then, I suppose, fads are supposed to be cyclical. At least, I hope they are; at long last, I've mastered the Macarena and I'm dying to bust it out somewhere.

But really, did any horror fan expect zombies to make such a hardy comeback? I didn't. Sure, they never went away completely, but for a while they were quiet, shuffling around in the background while other monsters had their moments. You know, monsters like Freddy, Michael, and Jason, who starred in some of the worst sequels in the history of...sequels. Or those monsters from TV shows on the WB, whose faces filled the dull posters for tepid slasher-style flicks and remakes. George Romero was making movies without a zombie in sight, while a DVD rerelease of his seminal film Dawn of the Dead was something to celebrate.

Oh, my friends, how the times have changed. Was it 28 Days Later that ushered in the new zombie era? Perhaps. Whether the opening of the floodgates can be traced back to one particular movie or book is irrelevant; the fact is, zombies have infiltrated film, videogames, literature, television, and even everyday life ("zombie walks", anyone?) like no one could have anticipated. Nothing else in horror (or fantasy, or...you know, genre-stuff) comes close- not vampires, despite the popularity of Twilight. Not witchcraft and wizardry. Nothing! Zombies are everywhere, and it seems they're not going ANYWHERE.

In Zombies! An Illustrated History of the Undead, writer/film director Jovanka Vuckovic explores...well, the book's title says it all, doesn't it? From the origins of the zombie in Haitian history to the current craze for the genre, this slim volume provides a broad look at the walking dead in all forms of pop culture.

For me, the book's earliest chapters are the most informative, as I am but a humble ignoramus regarding Haitian voodoo rituals and religious rites. Vuckovic spends some time doling out the history before segueing into the earliest days of the zombie genre in film and literature. I'm not terribly well-versed in 1930s and 40s horror, say, so I found myself LEARNING. This is good. I like learning.

In later chapters, such as "Back from the Dead: Zombies in the New Millenium", the book becomes a bit more "Vuckovic on Zombies" than "History" as the author provides her opinion on films and other media. There's no denying that she's an authority on horror, and her opinion is certainly an educated one- her tenure at Rue Morgue Magazine is proof of that- but I found myself getting all defensive about a few topics at hand. She calls Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead an "unnecessary remake", which...I don't know, maybe it is. But I can't help but think it's got merits of its own, completely independent from what George Romero did in the original 30 years prior. Vuckovic rips much more harshly into Paul WS Anderson's Resident Evil, and again, I found myself, you know, defending my own opinions to a book. Resident Evil is probably crap- in fact, you can probably take away the "probably"- but sometimes crap is fun. Sometimes crap is good! Obviously Vuckovic is entitled to her own opinions and NO book is completely objective, but there were times throughout that I simply wanted more "facts" and not to be made to feel like a brainless, drooling dolt because I like a certain movie or two. I may be a brainless, drooling dolt, sure, but a history book shouldn't necessarily remind me of it.

Or maybe I'm just too much of an opinionated horror fan myself. After all, I do have a blog.

"Booooook...wait, I mean braaaaiiins...."

Zombies! works best, perhaps, as a resource. With sizable lists of films and books featuring the undead- not to mention all of the titles Vuckovic discusses in the chapters proper- there is plenty of gut-munching media out there for readers to check out. Throw in the hundreds of photos and illustrations, and the book becomes all but indispensable for zombie fanatics everywhere. Romero fans in particular will be pleased; the genre's most famous figure provides a foreword and, not surprisingly, is featured heavily throughout the book. I was happy to see two of my loves- comics and videogames- get plenty of attention.

I have a few nerdy gripes (beyond my already established, whiny "But I LIKE Resident Evil!" complaint)- where's the bibliography? Zombies Ate My Neighbors is not a first-person shooter! and so on- but overall, Zombies! is a terrific addition to any genre lover's bookshelf. It's brought ample movies and books to my attention, likely giving me undead fodder for years to come (The Chilling? What's that? I have no idea, but I'm gonna check it out)...proving yet again that zombies will never die.

Unless you shoot 'em in the head, I guess.

i can read: Hammer Glamour

Titan Books, the folks behind the superior Crystal Lake Memories, have once again mined surprising ground to bring horror fans a beautiful, exhaustive coffee table tome to savor.

Hammer films were known as much for their beautiful leading ladies as they were for their monsters, and writer Marcus Hearn dives in to give readers a glimpse into the lives of these leading (and supporting) ladies. 50 women get biographical write-ups, exploring their lives before, during, and after their Hammer Studios tenure. What's most fascinating, perhaps, is piecing together a glimpse into the rise and fall of the production company through the stories of their actresses.

Early on, Hammer established themselves as purveyors of sex appeal and horror; the intended victims of Dracula and other assorted monsters were sensual and voluptuous, in stark contrast to their bland, milquetoast Hollywood counterparts. The women of Hammer could be pin-up models, and often they were just that- hired for their curves, not necessarily their talent. Images of these scantily-clad actresses were used to sell films that had yet to be written, and also the focus of promotional materials afterward. In the 1960s, an shot of Raquel Welch on a poster was all audiences needed to get them into the theaters for One Million B.C..

Soon enough, however, audiences grew weary of gothic sex appeal, and Hammer tried to compensate by releasing more explicit material, such as the 1971 sapphic bloodsucking flick Lust for a Vampire. Fickle crowds balked as Hammer's romance gave way to exploitation, with the studios and their actresses paying the price. Some of these women, such as Joanna Lumley (The Satanic Rites of Dracula), would go on to long, notable careers while others had but a brief moment in the spotlight, appearing in one film before retiring to a "civilian" life, as did Lust's Yutte Stensgaard. It's amazing- and wonderful- that Hammer Glamour exists, to give each actress her due.

The text would be interesting enough on its own, but as noted, this is a coffee table book- and what a beauty it is. Hundreds of photographs, from film posters to promo shots to everything in between, adorn the pages in eye-popping color and lush black and white; it's easy to see why the victims were as famous as the monsters.

Hammer Glamour simply belongs on the shelves of anyone who's a horror fan; it goes without saying that Hammer aficionados and anyone with an eye for beautiful women should grab it, too. It's a welcome look at a bygone era- one you'll be desperate to revisit the moment you crack open the cover.

OWN HAMMER GLAMOUR FOR YOUR VERY SELF! Yes, you can...because I've got three copies of this amazing book to giveaway to three amazing readers. All you have to do is send me an email to enter the Positively Glamourous Sweepstakes. How easy is that? Wicked easy, that's how easy.

Send an email with "HAMMER GLAMOUR" in the subject line to stacieponder at gmail.com by 11:59pm PST on Sunday, September 20th. The following day, I'll choose three names at random to receive their own copies of this hardcover beauty for bosom-clutching.

Yes, I love you.