News you can use!

Briefcase Woman says YES to news! And to shoulder pads. And to business!

Now that we've got the distance of time and...distance...between us, my breakup with Los Angeles has become like a breakup with one of those people things you read about. You know, it's been so long that you only remember the good times and the highlights, how things were in the beginning, way before Marc Singer ripped off the fake latex face of the city/your significant other to reveal the alien lizard hidden underneath.

The point is, now there is not a day that goes by where I'm all "Aw dang, I gotta get back to L.A." I've forgotten just about everything that made it so cruddy! And I tell you, the fact that so much stuff happens there really doesn't help. Look, I love you, New England, but stuff kind of just doesn't happen here except for Autumn and snow. And I adore those things, believe me! But listen, the other night a friend went to see Halloween at the Egyptian Theater and Jamie Lee Curtis and John Carpenter were in attendance. What! And lo and behold, someone else just notified me about this thing, which is happening.

Again I say: what! See, things like this happen all the time out there. But I am not there. But maybe you are? And if you are, then you need to do these things. That is the news you can use!

Oh, like here's another thing: there's a short film called SLUT, written and directed by up-and-coming filmmaker Chloe Okuno, that'll be featured in the prestigious Screamfest Film Festival on Saturday, October 18. (It's also playing a bunch of other film festivals around the country, so check out SLUT's Faceplace for dates and the whatnot.) I haven't caught SLUT yet but I've seen some of Okuno's other work and I'm super excited about this film. So if you can see it, go see it! What's wrong with you?



And finally, some news you can use that doesn't involve leaving your house (truth be told, that is my favorite kind). The inimitable Alexandra West done went and wrote herself a fantastic essay about the Final Girl's place in the films of the New French Extremity, in particular High Tension, Inside, and Martyrs. I'm a big fan of the subgenre discussed and of West's writing,  and you should be, too. What's wrong with you?

Still, though, it got me thinking. Fucking Martyrs. Am I ever going to actually write about it? Or will I die having only written about writing about it? What's wrong with me? There must be something. I mean, I want to move back to Los Angeles.

Maybe you might win!

Friday the 13th Death Count has surpassed the 100-victim milestone. Recently I started posting the unlucky saps Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan, and as the Paramount films wind down, I'm celebrating by hosting an art giveaway. It's tumblr-centric, I'm afraid, but so what? My mom even joined tumblr just so she could follow Death Count! That's badass, if you ask me. But anyway, you can read the rules and the such RIGHT HERE. Contest ends late this Friday night, so enter! If you want some Friday the 13th art, that is. If you don't, well, I can't imagine you'd much care and I bid you GOOD DAY.

While you're waiting for tomorrow...

...here is a thing you can do besides simply stuffing your face with candy corn. Perhaps you remember- or perhaps you don't, I wouldn't know, I'm not your mother- In Satan's Closet, which is a fake trailer that I made once upon a time. It's an ode to Italian horror movies from the 70s, particularly the ones about possession. And yeah, it's a "trailer" that's longer than many short films. So sue me!


Anyway, the point of me talking about myself is this: tell me I'm pretty! friend o' Final Girl and illustrator extraordinaire Chuck Ramos made a friggin' poster for In Satan's Closet, and it's just so good, you guys. Then he went and submitted the design to Threadless for a contest they're holding. Contests mean that The People of the Internet must unite, and by "unite" I mean "fucking vote".

But hey, like I said: you're looking for something to do, right? Then make with the click-click, and let's get this shit on a shirt! Because it's awesome!

Yeah! The contest runs for four more days, so tell your friends to put down their bite-size Baby Ruths for a minute and get ta votin'. Every time a vote is cast, an angel gets punched in the face by a possessed nun!

Wednesday Comix: NIGHTMARE WORLD

I can't believe how lax I've been in the pimping department. You see, there's a story in Nightmare World Voulem 3: Demon Days that's drawn by yours truly and I've neglected to tell you about it. What is wrong with me? Your Stacie Ponder shrine will be incomplete without it!

You DO have a Stacie Ponder shrine, don't you? I hope so. And I sincerely hope it looks like this:

So. You can add Nightmare World Volume 3 if you like, and not only will your shrine be at least 7% improved, you will also get 13 horror stories written by Dirk Manning and drawn by different artists! Wow, what a deal. I drew "Hungry Like the Wolf", a werewolf tale done stick figure style. In fact, I believe this volume marks the first time my stick art has officially appeared in print, so I'm pretty excited about that.

There, pimping complete. I now return you to your regularly-scheduled nonsense.

Can't stop the SHOCK (tober)

So, I'm doing a SHOCKtober celebration over at Jill Sandwich as well. It's the same idea as FG's 2010 listmania, but...you know. Horror video games. Head on over and check it out, then send me your list! I love lists. Everyone loves lists. Hooray!

What a wonderful day...

...to go see The Exorcist! Well, tomorrow, I mean. DUDES. Are you going to see The Exorcist extended director's cut in theaters tomorrow? One day only! New behind-the-scenes footage! IT'S THE EXORCIST AND IT'S PLAYING IN THEATERS FOR ONE DAY. I find this very exciting, and therefore I am going. Man, classic horror on the big screen- so effing cool I can barely take it. Click here to find out where it's playing near you and then go. If I go and you go, it will be sort of like we're going together even though we're not. Won't that be neat? Yes. Yes, it will. Righteous. See you there! (not really) (but sort of) (okay, not really)

Make yer voice heard!

Yeah, I'm talking to you...and even you! Here's the deal, folks: I have decided to engage in a kooky social experiment scheme- one that I may or may not come to regret later- and I need your help. Don't worry, it's easy: all you have to do is email me a list of your top 20 favorite horror films. That's it. The 20 horror films you like the best. You can comment here, if you like ("Ahh, if Night of the Whatever Whatever doesn't make the list you're all jerks and I'll kill myself!"), but email me the complete list. I'm leaving this open until September 26th, and then something magical will happen in October SHOCKTOBER.

Yes, it's that time of the year again and I'm so excited I could...well, you know. Something.

Email your list to: stacieponder (at) gmail (dot) (c)(o)(m). Put LIST or MY LIST or LIST-O or something like that in the subject line.

Getcher vote on and let's see what comes of it, shall we? Besides me pulling my hair and wondering why I'm doing it, I mean. YEAH HORROR MOVIES!

EDITED TO ADD: Unless you indicate otherwise, I will assume you mean the original versions of all films and not the remakes...so if you mean, say, Snyder's Dawn of the Dead and not Romero's Dawn of the Dead, be sure to include the year or director name. If you just say "Dawn of the Dead" with no indicators, I'll assume it's the 1978 version.

EDITED AGAIN TO ADD: The order doesn't matter, as the results won't be weighted- it's strictly numbers. You don't have to provide commentary or justification, unless you want to give me something entertaining to read- these are your choices. Your favorites! You might know that Movie Whatever technically sucks but you love it and it's your number one favorite- and that's totally fine. You don't have to pick "classics" or esteemed films- just your 20 favorites.

this is not horror!

Nope, it's not horror and it's 100% pure pimpin': I just listed every page I inked from IDW's Star Trek: The Next Generation mini-series on eBay. I'm selling the lot- 64 pages (SAY WHAT) with an opening bid of 99 cents (SAY WHAT WHAT). There are 2 2-page splashes in the mix, plus all the Picard you could ever hope to see. HERE'S THE LISTING...spread the word! If I can't sell 64 pages of original comic art for at least 99 cents, then...I don't know. The world would suck.

This could be yours! Yes, YOU!

WARNING: talk of me ahead

Boy oh boy, friends, it's tough out here in cyber-land. If you listen to The Scare-ening at all then you know that lately I've been railing against the hype machines that seem to be in perpetual motion all over the internet, particularly on Facespace. Basically, my argument boils down to this: yes, indie creative types (filmmakers, artists, writers, clog dancers, Colonel Sanders impersonators) must put the word out about their work or there's a good chance no one will find it. One must pimp oneself and then hope others will join in the fight...however! It's okay to talk about something- or even someone- else from time to time. If someone relentlessly pushes their product on me, updating their status every couple hours to market themselves without taking a fucking breath, then I tune 'em right out and their efforts prove to be counterproductive, at least as far as I'm concerned.

That's all fine and good, but then when I've got stuff to talk about...well, it becomes tricky. I can't not talk about things, because otherwise "there's a good chance no one will find it"; however, I'm aware of the bitching I do and so there's also a chance I may be acting hypocritical.

Then I say to myself, "This is your website and you can write whatever you want, so quit thinking about it all so much, provide the links you want to provide, then fuck off and write some damn reviews or something." Okay, self, sheesh. You don't have to be so hostile.

There is an actual review of Ludlow over at Slammed & Damned. It feels weird to say that- you know, that someone is watching my movie and writing about it- but I suppose that it simply means that after all this time and all the behind-the-scenes stuff and what have you...it's really real. For those who have shown interest in it, first of all, THANK YOU. Second, the DVD is being assembled. It'll have a commentary track and a brief interview with Shannon Lark. I'll update with information on availability as it...becomes...available.

Mike Snoonian of All Things Horror has gone and declared Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear an "essential horror short film for your collection"! I am duly, DULY honored. If you want to check out the movie that has, as Mike puts it, an "epic one car pileup", well, look to your right. I mean on the computer screen. There's ordering info over yonder! Be the envy of...well, someone somewhere, to be sure.

If you live in the Boston-ish area, you should be psyched: on Wednesday, September 1, All Things Horror is once again hosting their movie night at the Somerville Theater. Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear is showing that night alongside the much-hyped Dead Hooker in a Trunk, Rubber Doll Whore (no idea about that one), and Liz Adams' Side Effect, which alone is worth more than the ticket price. Seriously, go see Side Effect if you can. Visit All Things Horror for tickets and all that...sure, it says Taste the Fear- Taste the Flesh, but I'm pretty sure they're talking about my movie and not some sort of weird energy snack.

noteworthy notes!

I find it interesting that books have trailers nowadays. I suppose I could launch into some "Back in my day..."-heavy essay about how, you know, back in my day we used to browse at the library, and if the blurb inside the front cover sounded good, we'd check the hell out of that book. But! There's no use. The times truly are a-changin'...or they've a-changed or what have you, and a books now have trailers with phasers set to ENTICE. One such book is the forthcoming Ancestor, written by Scott Sigler, my old cohort at the defunct AMC Horror Hacker blog. As Scott himself says, the trailer's got "Guns, guys, chicks, blood, monsters, drool, and a bad word. What more could you want?" Check it out!


Ancestor hits stands on June 22.

Every five minutes, a transplant candidate dies while waiting for a compatible heart, a liver, a kidney. Imagine a technology that could provide those life-saving transplant organs for a nominal fee ... and imagine what a company would do to monopolize that technology.

On a remote island in the Canadian Arctic, PJ Colding leads a group of geneticists who have discovered this holy grail of medicine. By reverse-engineering thousands of animal genomes, Colding's team has dialed back the evolutionary clock and re-created the progenitor of all mammals. The method? Illegal. The result? A computer-engineered living creature, an animal whose organs can be implanted in any person, with no chance of transplant rejection.

There's just one problem: these ancestors are not the docile herd animals that Colding's team envisioned. Instead, Colding’s work has given birth to something big, something evil…something very, very hungry.

As creators become prey in the ultimate battle for survival, Colding and the woman he loves must fight to survive — even as government agents close in to shut the project down, and the deep-pocketed company backing this research reveals its own cold-blooded agenda.

ANCESTOR is at once an action-packed tale featuring a host of deadly, hungry critters and a flawed but heroic group of people trying to survive … and a terrifyingly believable exploration of what can happen when hubris, greed, and madness drive scientific experimentation past the brink of reason. Sigler takes us on the ultimate thrill ride — you’ll be looking over your shoulder long after you’re done reading, just in case.

If you've read Scott's AMC column and/or either of his previous novels (Infected and Contagious), then you know that he kind of, sort of knows what he's doing. By "he kind of, sort of knows what he's doing", I mean that he writes things you don't want to stop reading- which is essential in the world of the horror novel.


In film festival news, June 11 marks the day of Fears for Queers, a GLBT horror film fest taking place in Addison, Texas. Lots of good stuff on the roster- including A Far Cry from Home, written/directed by and starring the inimitable Alan Rowe Kelly. My short film Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear is also in the lineup. Annnnnd, half of the profits are going to benefit Youth First Texas. So go go go!


In other film festivals that are showing Taste of Flesh news, the 2010 premiere of the Viscera Film Festival approacheth (July 17th!!), and you (yes, even you) can help out by becoming a sponsor. Here be the skinny:

What you do:

Donate any amount from $1.00-$99.00.

What the Festival does for you:

List your name/Company’s name on the Viscera Festival Website.
Project your name/Company’s name on the big screen.
Hand out any of your promotional material.

What it means:

Your donation of even $1 will help to pay the expenses of the theater, bloody carpet, backdrop, video/photography services, catering, and the organization of the Festival. We believe that women are truly coming together in one of the most difficult industries to break into today. Any donation will help to serve that purpose!

How to do it:

Click the Paypal button you'll find HERE, or send a check/money order to the address located on the same page. Easy, breezy, et cetera.

The festival is going to be six whopping hours of horror films directed by women. Check out this guest list of speakers, presenters, and...guests:

- Brea Grant (Halloween II, Heroes)
- Cerina Vincent (Cabin Fever)
- Amber Benson (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
- Juliet Landau (Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
- Guinevere Turner (American Psycho)
- Felissa Rose (Sleepaway Camp)
- Mary Lambert (Pet Sematary)
- Jessica Harper (Suspiria) (yes, I just said Jessica Harper from Suspiria)
- Alison Anders (Gas, Food, Lodging)

...and more to come. What the WHAT! Unbelievable. Shannon Lark at The Chainsaw Mafia and Heidi Martinuzzi of Pretty/Scary are workin' hard to make this festival supreme; you can help, too, and get your company/website name in front of many eyeballs.

"Festival supreme" sounds delicious, by the way.

a happy day...

...full of happiness. Not like stupid ol' yesterday with its swear word this and its this sucks that. No, my friends, today is about things that are both fresh and exciting- you know, like that Kool & the Gang song "Joanna".

Did you know that Kool & the Gang formed up in 1964? That's so much earlier than I thought. I think their first hit was "Jungle Boogie", which came along in the early 70s...but their REAL mainstream success happened in the 80s, about 20 years after they started. Let Kool & the Gang guide you! Don't give up on your dreams! Show, as they did, what people who like to make up words might call "stick-toit-iveness".

Wow, that last paragraph was very American Psycho of me.

Anyway. Some things!

Thing the first: Because I really don't have enough going on every day, I just relaunched Toosday Toons over yonder at AfterEllen.com. For those of you who have known me for years, I think this marks Toosday Toons v4.0. Every time I think I'm out, et cetera et cetera something something obligatory Godfather III joke. As the title may imply, new strips will appear at AfterEllen on Tuesdays.


Thing the second: Mr. Eric Spudic of Spudic's Movie Empire has initiated a fundraising campaign to pay for radio advertising. Check it out! Or if you're in the Los Angeles area, stop by his store. Or if you're not in the Los Angeles area, check out his site and special order some goodies. It's a good old-fashioned movie store made for browsing and lovers of trash like myself. A gold mine, I tells ya!

Thing the third: The Viscera 2008-2009 DVD is finally on sale! Head over to The Chainsaw Mafia and nab yerself a copy. It's got my short film Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear on it, as well as Lip Stick, one of the films Shannon Lark and I made together. There's also a bunch of other shorts made by a bunch other awesome women. Blam!


Thing the fourth: Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear is now available for pre-order! Yes, you can get a copy of my lesbian vampire fashion doll "epic" to clutch to your very own bosoms. Thanks to the magic of my pal Andrew of Gonzoriffic, the DVD features both the film and a director's commentary track. Since I am the director, it would be safe to assume that the commentary track features me. It's only $5 plus shipping! It's a DVD-R, but it's got a fancy cover and a standard DVD case, totally safe for bosom-clutching. I'm going to try to put up a Paypal button now that will allow you to order directly. Let's see how this goes...I hope this button is gentle. It's my first time!

Thing the fifth: Thanks to everyone who watched the first episode of my new web show Space Girls. I'm hard at work on the second episode, and I promise some very cool guest stars are coming in future installments!
Thing the sixth: The Scare-ening is on tomorror night at 8pm PST. Tune in and listen! Or don't.

Thing the seventh: I swear I'm going to have a review up here tomorrow, even if it's the last thing I ever do. I hope it's not the last thing I ever do, but if it is, remember: YOU are my favorite reader!

a new thing

Check it: comedian, recurring guest on Ghostella's Haunted Tomb, and friend of the ol' FG Bridget McManus has a new show premiering on LOGO TV in about 13 hours (that's 4am PST, kids, the best time slot in the history of ever)! It's called Bridget McManus Presents: That Time of the Month and it's going to have a bunch of...stuff...on it. You can watch a teaser intro here, but it won't tell you anything about anything. I don't know anything about anything, but I do know this: the premiere episode will feature my short film Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear. KA-BOOM!

Set your TIVOs, or stay up. Or catch it in reruns. Or catch it with Rerun if you have the ability to communicate with the dead. The point is, catch it and getcher lesbian vampire on!

I would also like to mention that next month's episode of That Time of the Month will mark the beginning of an all-new series from yours truly. I'll tell you all about it when That Time draws closer...mua ha ha indeed!

This week on The Scare-ening...

...we've got some amazing guests lined up: Heidi Martinuzzi of Pretty/Scary and Stacie Ponder of Final Girl! They want you (yes, YOU) (but not YOU) to call in and ask them questions and tell them what to talk about. It is destined to be the most glamourous episode of anything in the history of ever, no?

The Scare-ening III: In 3-D will really help you hone your calling in and asking stuff skills in preparation for our guest for The Scare-ening IV, an episode in which you will have a chance to interact with a true horror brainiac, hero, and luminary.

Tune in tomorrow (that's "Wednesday" in weekspeak) at 8pm PST/11pm EST and get yer ask on!

for the THING lover in your life!

Treat him or her to this luscious 20" x 24" acrylic-on-canvas painting by moi!

Put a little MacReady in your home today! Fits with any decor. Don't believe me? Then behold!

Hey horror bloggers!

I have a deal for all my brethren out there who are toiling away in the trenches of horror blogging. Yes, a deal for those noble souls who work tirelessly trying to think up new things for people to read...for those who feel validated by numbers on a stat counter, and even those who are in it because they like horror movies and want to write about them. I present you with the opportunity to...FILL OUT A QUESTIONNAIRE.

I meant to send this around to the owners of blogs that I visit regularly, but I hit some road blocks. One, I don't have everyone's email addresses, and two, I'm lazy. So, HORROR BLOGGERS: send me an email with your name and blog URL, and I will send you the questions. I'm at stacieponder (at) gmail (dot) com. Put "blog questionnaire"...or "bloggenaire" or something like that in the subject line. Oh, and you don't have to be STRICTLY a horror blogger, but you should definitely dedicate most of your real estate to the genre to qualify. Some of my favorite bloggers write about things besides horror and I love them just the same.

Okay, maybe a little less, but don't tell them that.

You can pretend I'm a hard-hitting journalist or something if it makes you feel better. This isn't a contest or anything, and there's no voting for whatever whatever. This is simply about highlighting some other sites, and about giving me the chance to ask cheeky questions. Once the replies start rolling in (or trickling in, or whatevs), I'll begin a running feature here at the Ol' FG. Won't that be exciting? I cannot guarantee that it will be, but life is all about chances.

Edited to add: Kids, I'm getting a great response to this, but to participate, your blog should really be at least 85% about horror in some regards- whether it's movies or what have you. I'd love to feature the blog of everyone in the whole wide world, but I can't. And since Final Girl is a horror blog, I'm going to keep it in that vein. Be honest in assessing your content before you send me an email. Thanks!

Help a brutha out!

Friend o' Final Girl Spazmo left the following inquiry on a post recently:

Ok, the episode (I think it was a horror anthology series, possibly from ten or fifteen years ago) features a woman in a boarding house, her "daughter", and a male tenant. The young girl, whose face is covered by a China doll's porcelain mask, is perhaps a homicidal killer. Or an evil doll.

Anyway, at the end, the man confronts the girl/doll and a crack appears in her mask revealing a section of disgustingly mottled human tissue underneath. The mother saves(?) the man from the thing's murderous wrath and explains that her daughter preferred to be looked upon as a perfect doll, instead of a hideous freak, hence the mask, etc, etc, and then that's the end.

If you've seen this, please let me know what the hell it is and where it's from. Someone once suggested it might be an old Goosebumps episode, but this was creepy as hell and really not kiddie fare. I've wanted to prove this exists outside my imagination so bad for so long; and keyword searching the IMDB has gotten me absolutely nowhere :(

This sounds oh so familiar I'm pretty sure I've seen it, and yet I can't place it. Tales from the Darkside, maybe? Putcher thinking cap on and leave your guesses in the comments! Let's all help put Spazmo's mind at ease, because we all at Final Girl care...and this is the kind of thing that can totally drive a person nutso- trust me. There was one time way back before The Internet when I could not for the life of me remember the name of the sister on Good Times. Why I was trying to remember in the first place, I have no idea; the point is, the question became the bane of my existence. Finally, a couple of days after the subject first came up, I woke up in the middle of the night, going "Thelma! It was Thelma!". My brain could finally rest.

I'd hate to see that kind of torture happen to someone again, wouldn't you?

more me

Hey, did you listen to part one of The Graveyard Show podcast that features moi and Shannon Lark? Well, if you haven't, it's not to late. If you have, you may (or, frankly, you may not) be pleased to know that part two of the show has been posted. If my memory serves me at all, I think we got into a lively discussion about the social responsibilities that actors have (or don't have), and horrordom's favorite vampire movie, Twilight. Give it a listen- all the cool kids are doing it, I swear.

PART ONE - PART TWO

If it helps, you can think of the two parts like this:

I know that doesn't make any sense whatsoever and the whole analogy or metaphor or what have you falls apart as soon as you think about it...but look, I'm desperate for excuses to post pictures of the Sagal twins around here, so I'll take what I can get.

And so will you! And you'll LIKE it!

Big thanks to The Graveyard Show for asking me back, although I find the pressure to not be a boring guest rather stressful. Hooray!

it's time for...a post!

Look, I realize that I've been asking you to click a lot of links lately so you can read things I've written that have been posted at other sites (like Bitch Slap-a-Mania!) or to listen to my yammering about stuff (like part one my interview with The Graveyard Show!) and I apologize. I know how lazy you are, and how taxing clicking can be. I also know that Final Girl is the only site on The Internet that you visit, so you'd rather read everything right here on this very page. I understand, truly. But sometimes- just sometimes- don't you think a little variety is nice? I mean, I love Dunkin' Donuts coffee, but if I had it every day...wait, scratch that. If I had it every day, I would be a...a...I would be, like, a giant, highly caffeinated metaphorical boner that walks like a woman because I would be so happy. In fact, during this vacation of mine I'm running an experiment in which I see how much Dunkin' Donuts coffee I can drink while still managing to sleep at night. Which brings me to my point (I think): you must do some more clicking today, but it's good for your soul.

Late last year, my cyberpal Heather emailed me and asked me to write a guest post for her horror blog, Mermaid Heather, which turns 5 this month. I was duly honored she asked, because Heather's blog is a favorite of mine. She's low-key about the entire affair, in it simply because she loves horror movies. She chugs along quietly, cranking out honest reviews and tidbits she finds interesting. When life doesn't get in the way of her posting, she's quite a juggernaut.

Anyway, I was tasked with writing about a movie that has some sort of personal significance for me. Because I've already written extensively about House of Ass Volume 9, I was left with really only one choice: a little something called Track of the Moon Beast.

Head on over to Heather's neck of the woods to read my spiel, stay a while, and wish her a happy blogaversarystravaganza!

awesome movie poster friday - the MORE CRAP I BOUGHT ON VHS edition!

Man, I tells ya. My friend Eric runs Spudic's Movie Empire and it's a VHS lovers paradise! I can't resist his $1 sales- I walk out with a boxful everytime. If you live in the Los Angeles area and you love BROWSING- and let's face it, only jerks don't love browsing- you owe yourself a trip. He does mail order too, so you have no excuses. NONE I SAY.

AnyIhavetoomanymovies, you can see that on my last trip I got a fucking great haul. Monsters ahoy! My favorite poster is the first one, the Deep Rising poster that calls the special effects team the "Special Effects Team". Why the quotes? Does that mean the FX were done by, like, the director's mom and her quilting club? 'Cause if that's the case, now I wanna see it even more!

Related reviews: He Knows You're Alone, Dead & Buried