Yesterday, first time in almost 2 years. You do what you have to do to survive... and what that is-- what it takes to survive, changes over time.

My favorite poses- Standing Bow

Ingredients
8 Limes
2 tbs Salt
1 tbs Coconut Oil
1 tbs Mustard (not yellow, but creamy dijon would be great)
2 tsp Mustard Seeds
1/4 tsp Caraway Seeds
3 Garlic Cloves,  chopped
1 inch piece fresh ginger, peeled, finely chopped
1  hot green pepper (jalapeño, thai birds eye- -something spicy but not absolutely obliterating), minced
2 tsp Ground Cumin
2 tsp Ground Coriander
1/2 c Water
1/2 c Brown Sugar
2 tbs White Vinegar

Directions
1. Cut limes into 8 weeds each (leave peel on) . Place in a large bowl and sprinkle with salt.
Cover and set aside in a cool dry place, stirring occasionally, for 2 days.

2. Heat oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Add the mustard and caraway seeds and cook for 30 seconds or until the seeds start to pop. Add the garlic, ginger, cumin, coriander and hot pepper.  Cook, stirring, for about a minute, to combine and warm through.

3. Add the limes, water, sugar, vinegar. Turn heat to high. Bring combination to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer, stirring occasionally, for 15 minutes: mixture should be thickened. Add the mustard.

4. Spoon into glass jars and process as usual; let the preserve "set" for 5-7 days before using (dimly for flavor's sake)

I was thinking this was the beginning of bouncy-house season (we have 3 more coming up in the next 6 weeks),

but really, I am enjoying ollaliberry-jam-thumbprint season too much.

My son and husband went to the farmer’s market last week. They came home sad and empty handed. It had been bleak, desolate they said. What crops there were there were big piles of: crops pulled for fear of the heavy frost.

We ate more meat than usual last week; it was warm many days and rainy a few but the frost and snow passed.

This Saturday my son and I went to the market, and the beginning of spring was there. The plant stand back up (missing the week before), some beautiful lettuce. There, over there in the corner, the first tiniest asparagus. And more stands had eggs.

I buy eggs every week at the market. Free range grubbers with delicious brilliant orange egg yolks. But my husband loves a certain stand that occasionally sells eggs, and is usually sold out by the time we get there. And their eggs are at least double anyone else’s prices.

I bought them. I am not sure they are any different from our regular eggs, but oh, how nice to have the choice, to be able to shop from more than one stand.

Thin shell, crispity fried edge. Spring eggs.

I love my friend Stacy’s mother’s food mantra: no bags or boxes.

It’s a goal I strive for, and habitually fall short of, thanks in large part to one culprit: Mac n Cheese. My son is addicted, it is so easy to just use a box, and Annie’s doesn’t contain chemical dyes (I am terrified of red dye and the correlation with ADD).

I’ve found a couple of likely (baked) Mac’n’cheese recipes,and this weekend I bought the required ingredients. And then, on a whim, I made us a bowl of what my husband calls “Mama macky cheese” (bad faux Italian-American accent). Also known as Spaghetti Cacio e Pepe. I think he is right, it must be the original Mac’n’Cheese.

To my surprise, it was a huge hit (I don’t usually think of Pecorino as baby cheese).So much faster than baked Mac n’Cheese, really, just as fast as Annie’s. One more box down.

Mama Mac’n’Cheese
1 lb pasta. Traditionally people use spaghetti, but I like it with penne or rigatoni-- also easier for little toddler hands.
2 tbs extra-virgin olive oil
2 tbs butter
2 tsp freshly cracked black pepper
3/4 c finely grated Pecorino Romano OR 1 cup Parmesan
3⁄4 c finely grated Cacio de Roma (soft Pecorino) OR 1 c mild cheddar
Plus more cheese to serve.

Bring a pot of salted water to a boil. Add pasta and cook until al dente, drain pasta, reserving 1 cup water.

Meanwhile, heat oil and in a large/deep skillet over medium heat. Add pepper and toast for about 1 minute. Add 1/2 cup pasta water into skillet and cook off a little. Add a pasta, stir. Add hard cheese, stir. Add softer cheese, stir. This should all take about 2 minutes. Add more water if necessary-- gummy isn’t good.
Serves 4.

When J was smaller, we only gave him goat’s milk. It must have been for the year between 1 and 2: before 1 he only had Mama’s milk, and after 2 we transitioned to “regular” (cow) milk.

I tasted it a few times--used it in coffee when we’d run out of our own milk, once just out of curiosity.

It tasted like a richer, grassier milk-- but like milk. We’d given it to J because the fat molecules are more similar to mama milk fat molecules, making it easier to digest, and supposedly, reducing the likelihood of lactose intolerance, eczema, and all kinds of other ailments.

It was pretty expensive though, and it had almost too much flavor for us to drink: it stood out in the coffee instead of blending in. You had to pay attention to the flavor instead of letting it blend it. So once J stopped taking a bottle, it seemed to make sense to transition to our (cow) milk. Ironically, while he loves yogurt and cheese and whipped cream, J isn’t much of a milk drinker; usually he takes a cup of half kefir, half milk.

But reading Goat Song made me curious, again. We used to buy J’s goat milk at Rainbow, and I had a vague recollection that they sold cajeta in the cheese department. After Brad Kessler’s lyrical description of it, I was driven to try it. Well really, I just wanted to try something form the book. I think I just wanted to somehow commune with that book in another way--eating a tomme, cajeta, anything. I would have eaten the book if I could.

Somehow instead of cajeta, though, I ended up with goat’s milk fudge, from a place called Kidding Around With Chocolate. Puns with food aren’t usually a good sign to me.... but maybe I am going to have to re-think that, too.

It was divine. Dark, rich, smoky, creamy,mysterious. One of the best things I have ever eaten. Not fudge, really, more like some sort of hand-held chocolate mousse: there was an airyness to it.

I would have taken a picture but I ate it all.

And I wonder, does J not drink cow’s milk because he is missing goat’s milk? Is his platonic ideal of milk grassy, rich, creamy, instead of bland and quiet?

I thought it was too early to call this Spring,but after 2.5 weeks of being over 65 degrees, oh say 90% of the time
(2-3 cold days in there), I am thinking it is true: a very early spring.
20 years from now will we look back on this year as a harbringer of things to come? I remember visiting San Francisco 15 years ago- the first time ever. It was Late February, and 60s every day... maybe I can just stick my head in the sand and pretend we get this weather every 15 years?

I am not really missing the rain, but the heat leaves me quite confused as to what to cook for dinner, as I weave my way through the stands of the farmer's market. Cauliflower pasta sounds okay, and fish with potatoes. But jerusalem artichokes? kale?  It's just not cold enough.

I bought a lot of meyer lemons,which means another batch of canning, and perhaps some fish with meyer lemon aioli and potatoes-- I bought a lot of potatoes, too.

But last night the nachos just seemed too heavy, andI didn't feel like chili. Instead I baked a cake. Light on the flour. Marmalade from the jar with the broken lid (the real excuse). Some leftover chocolate. It was a good dinner for early spring.

Chocolate Marmalade Cake
10 tbs unsalted butter
4 oz bittersweet chocolate
1.5 c orange marmalade
1/2 c sugar
2 large eggs
a pinch of salt
1 c  flour
1/2 tsp baking powder

Heat the oven to 350 degrees.
Butter and flour an 8 inch cake pan.

Melt the butter over low heat.  When it's almost melted, add chocolate pieces, stir and take off the heat. In a separate bowl, beat the sugar and eggs together, and add the marmalade. Add the chocolate mixture, and stir to combine (it won't, completely, which is fine).
Sift in the flour, salt, and baking powder, and stir to combine.

Pour the batter into the pan. Bake for about 30 minutes, or until the cake has set.

Serve while warm with softly whipped cream.