Deanna Doss Shrodes

One of my friends takes care of her young adult son 24/7, who is paralyzed from a car accident. Another friend has struggled with infertility for fifteen years. Yet another friend is beaten so bad by her husband at least once a month that sometimes she has to wait two weeks before going back to church so that all the bruises will disappear and no one will suspect. "Why doesn't she just leave?" you say.

To understand where a person is now, it helps to know where they've come from. I believe it's even essential to know where they've come from. Photo Credit: Photo Logic, Creative Commons We often judge people without knowing their story, which is sad. It's pretty pathetic that we judge them at all, but anyway... I was blessed to lead someone to Christ in the last few years who had been out of church for many years. Some had judged them for being away from God or church which only drove them further away.

The book, Fifty Shades of Grey has swept the nation, and the world, for that matter.  The series has sold 40 million copies worldwide, with 32 Million sold in the USA and the book rights having been sold in 37 countries, setting the record as the fastest-selling paperback of all time.   Readership is not limited to unchurched women.  Marsha Woolley, our women's director for Pen-Florida District of the Assemblies of God, asked me to address this subject at our state-wide conference today at the World Center Marriott in Orlando. I wanted the women in attendance to be able to focus on the message without having to keep up with taking notes. So I let them know that the manuscript of my message in it's entirety, would be made available here. Whether you were in attendance or not, you can read my entire message, at this link.    Many pastors, writers and speakers have addressed this message and brought excellent points forward. However, I h...

Years ago there was a man in the church who served in one of the ministries I directly oversaw who would exhibit abnormal childlike behavior when he didn't get his way. Being the direct overseer of the department, I had a front row seat to his tantrums. Actually I would characterize them as reminiscent of "rebellious pre-teen behavior". It wasn't just me who noticed this. In frustration, other church members would sometimes quip, "would you please grow up?!" when he'd have a meltdown.  We'd endure behavior resembling that of a young teen boy who had his video games taken away. One day in staff meeting, our children's pastor mentioned a psychological issue with some adults who were abused as children. They become developmentally frozen --"stuck" at a younger age -- the one at which they were abused.  These adults usually don't progress emotionally beyond that age, unless they undergo therapy or God does a miracle. When our child...

Although twelve people in Bellfonte, Pennsylvania know how they feel about sexual abuse, many other people still haven’t figured it out yet.   Watching the footage on the news last night, after a jury convicted Jerry Sandusky of 45 out of 48 charges of sexual abuse, I had to restrain myself from throwing something at the TV when his wife Dottie came out of the courthouse. The cameras focused on her as some friends consoled and embraced her. Quite frankly, it makes me sick. How many little boys’ would have been spared had Dottie Sandusky simply walked out of la-la land down to the basement?  How many young adult men would not be in need of therapy had she made the decision to refuse to look the other way?   While Dottie Sandusky busied herself doing God knows what in other areas of the house, little boys were living out the most horrifying experiences of their lives.      It is preposterous for anyone to believe that she didn't...

Maybe you're not a professional licensed counselor, a pastor, or someone in an "official position".  Many women choose someone to share with first who is not one of these people.  My friend Melissa Kelly has been in both situations. She's served as the person in the official position of leadership, and also served on the other side of things, just being approached as a friend. I call Melissa a "go to" person. A lot of people trust her with challenging situations and she has unique experience to speak to this. No matter what place you find yourself in today, here's some great advice from her about helping those who are in pain. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog also publishes.     ***     There have been so many times that I have sat at the end of a phone call, Facebook chat/message or next to someone on a pew or couc...

I met Leanne Weber years ago through Pastoring Partners Network . She now serves as one of our amazing PPN writers. Back when I first met her she was pastoring and in the midst of an abusive church situation. I as well as several of our other leaders at PPN walked through that painful journey with her and observed her as she went from hurting to whole. She's got an amazing story to share and the following is just part of it. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.             I am a certifiable mess right now. I cannot get any work done, because I don't even want to be here. I am just...tired. I am tired of dealing with church people. If I was truly called, then I'd be able to handle this. I am sick of the only thing keeping me here being the fact that we have bills to pay, and we are finally in a...

Elise Damaris is another lady I met on my speaking travels and I was immediately impacted by her. She shared some truth that set me free forever. But that's another blog post. :)  Elise is a licensed professional Christian counselor who specializes in inner healing and has helped countless victims of abuse. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.  *** Being in a physically abusive situation at the age of 19, I was quick to find a way out once I was pregnant and my unborn child was in danger. Others aren't so quick to recognize the danger for themselves or their children. As a licensed professional counselor, I worked with a woman who came in with broken ribs, broken fingers and a multitude of bruises, yet she refused to leave . Her son had become a teenager and was now treating her in the same abusive way as her husband. Wh...

Today we are featuring a follow up to yesterday's post by Terri von Wood. If you didn't read Terri's post yesterday, What Verbal Abuse is Really Like and Why We Must Care , I'd highly recommend you go back and read it. Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.   *** Verbal Abuse is insidious.  There is no outward evidence, no bumps, bruises, bleeding or blackened eyes.  There is, however, significant harm being done to your self-image, self-esteem and wounds to your soul that never heal unless specifically addressed. How do I know this? What makes me an expert?  Many of you will not know this about me but I grew up in a home filled with inconsistency, verbal, emotional, and physical abuse.  Imagine you are 9 years old and your mother and boyfriend are fighting again.  You go to the kitchen to get a butch...

In my speaking travels, I meet the most amazing people. Some are connections that go beyond just a night or a weekend of preac hing. One day on my journey, I met Terri von Wood, and we immediately clicked and have been friends ever since.  Just a reminder that all of our guest bloggers this week are available to chat with you in the comment section here on the blog or on my facebook page where the blog is also published.   *** People who have never suffered through or witnessed abuse (including pastors) often don't know how to help women in abusive situations. Knowledge is power and it is my belief that if the church understood the prevalence of abuse, help would be made available.  First, we must acknowledge that the divorce rate is the same  in the church as in the world.  Second, we must understand that the 50% divorce rate does not include all the women who are abused but stay because they do not know what else to do or do not have anyone to tur...