Good Vibrations

Totally out of my comfort zone. That's what I did about three months ago. I participated in something totally outside of my comfort zone.

While I have a very ecumenical background and have even meditated before (how I came to do that is a completely  different story), I never sat in a circle with people and chanted the word "OM" for any length of time, let alone 45 minutes. But I believe it is important to step outside of our comfort zone as it is one of the ways we learn and grow.

Before the chanting began, a man spoke. I really enjoyed listening to his teaching. Having grown up attending church every Sunday, I was exposed to weekly teaching/preaching. I learned to discern who was solid about what they were saying and who was just talking. This teacher seemed like the real deal which always makes listening easier.


Once the session started, I thought, "I have no idea how to "do" this but if what the teacher said is true, there really shouldn't be any "right" or "wrong" way for me to do this. I will chant and sit as I've been instructed and do my best not to "get in the way" of whatever happens during this session. Therefore, I sat comfortably, didn't worry about what note my chant was or whether or not it was "in tune" with anyone else.  Then I spent most of the time staring at the jeans of the woman sitting in front of me.


As I stared at the jeans of the woman in front of me, several images came into my mind. I speculated that perhaps this was an indication that I was thinking too much. So, I just stopped thinking, as best I could, anyway. I started to just listen.


I could hear and even feel vibrations. I noticed that there were times when we all seemed to be "in tune" with each and other times I actually heard harmonies. I found this delightful. I have heard that can happen. Sitting in a room and listening to the way things changed tonally over the course of 45 minutes... it was beautiful, lovely and... good.


On that NOTE (pun in tended)... this is a pretty cool thing to watch. 


For me, this demonstrates how important it is to be mindful about who and what we allow to surround us. Eventually, we end up becoming more like the things and/or people around us. These metronomes demonstrate this phenomenon. Ask any woman old enough to have her menstrual cycle and she will probably be able to share examples of how she eventually came to share the same menstrual cycle as the other women with whom she lived or even worked.

A few days after my participation in this OM Healing session, people were killed and injured in the Boston Marathon bombings. Those bombs sent off vibrations that impacted all of us, to varying degrees. 

Throughout that week, I remembered things the OM Healing teacher had said. Love is what is between us. We plug into it or we don't. We practice it and live it out or we don't. I was sad, angry, overwhelmed and at times scared. But then...  there was so much love all of us in Boston had shown each other and the nation and the world in the ways we lifted each other up. There are amazing stories of courage, sacrifice, heroism and love. 

Like the metronomes, menstrual cycles and marathon bombings, we influence those around us. 

What synchrony are you achieving right now? What is influencing you and who are you becoming?

Saint of the Day: Blessed William Carter

Six years ago, I was physically assaulted in my own home. It was a terrifying experience and because of the actions of my then pre-school aged daughter (who was home at the time of the attack), I am still here to tell you about it.

 There are two reasons I am actually saying something about this experience this year.

 1) Most saints and holy people have specially designated feast days. You can sign up to receive "Saint of the Day" email but every day one of my facebook friend's posts what feast day it is and which Saint is being celebrated. I thought I'd look up who is celebrated tomorrow, before my friend posts it. And wouldn't you know it, the saint being celebrated on January 11 is Blessed William Carter.

Who is William Carter? Some guy who was born in London and entered the printing business at an early age. Whoopdeedoo. He entered the printing business. The thing is, he apparently offended public officials with some of the stuff he published which was stuff aimed to help Catholics (this was the 1500s after all) be strong in their faith. Once officials confiscated various items that confirmed his guilt of this "crime," he was arrested and went to prison and was even in prison (getting tortured) when he learned of his wife's death.

William was eventually charged and found guilty (by a jury that met for only 15 minutes) all the while calmly placing his trust in God. He was hanged, drawn and quartered the day after his conviction: January 11, 1584. How long til the Catholic church recognized his entrance into heaven? 403 years. (He was beatified in 1987.)

That all certainly puts a lot in perspective. I guess I can continue to share my story in the hopes of encouraging others in their faith.I had already been thinking of typing up something like this when reason #2 hit me in the face.

 2) Over dinner tonight, my daughter told me about something her class did today which involved students writing down a conflict they have experienced and yet have not been able to resolve. So, she took a piece of paper and wrote down, "I almost saw my mom die before my eyes and now I dream about it every night." And then my daughter proceeded to tell me how someone in the class read what she wrote on the piece of paper and she stoically acted like she didn't know who wrote that and nobody could guess who it was from. And then she bravely approached her teacher later and told her about the experience she had six years ago and cried and unloaded her burden. And it took everything in me to listen with generosity and not burst into tears in front of my daughter as I heard her share her experience strength and hope.

What's the point of sharing this kind of information? Why bother telling people about something like this? I mean, why not simply... move on and be done with it?

Well, we are moving on. We have moved on. But not unscathed.

The assault I experienced had a devastating affect on the marriage I was in at the time. I am no longer married and I can tell you it is because of the consequences of that assault. Intimacy and vulnerability remain mines in the emotional minefield of my life. I am impatient, I feel emotionally taxed most of the time, I lose my temper when pushed too far, and am extremely sensitive to boundaries and having my space honored. But, I have been surrounded by good friends and family who constantly, tirelessly, continue to remind me I am loved and their support and help has been at a level I could probably never reciprocate.

Obviously, my daughter is still impacted by the events from six years ago. She is more concerned for my safety than a child should be and she struggled for years to sleep through the night without a nightmare replaying the events she observed when she was younger. I applaud her for her strength now - and then - but know that she still struggles to feel both emotionally and physically safe. While we make progress, it is a process. It is a wound from which neither one of us has fully recovered. I'm not sure we will. It's more than just a scar. It's more like the screen on a smart phone that gets smashed. Nothing will ever look the same again.

If you haven't ever been through something like my experience, perhaps this opens up your mind and heart to some things. If you have been through something like my experience, perhaps this post helps you know you're not as alone as you may some times feel.

 I spoke with a friend shortly after my assault and she shared a most helpful story.

She said that Chuck Yeager - the first man to break the sound barrier - was ABLE to break the sound barrier because - in comparison to other pilots who had attempted to achieve this - when the plane began vibrating and feeling out of control, Yeager believed that the heavy vibration of the plane would actually calm down after reaching Mach 1. In other words, despite how much noise the plane made and how it probably seemed like he was about to die, HE KEPT GOING. Alison said that I while was probably feeling like Chuck Yeager - my plane falling apart and such - rather than slow down, I should push a little harder on the gas pedal and KEEP GOING. (By the way, as we all know, on October 14, 1947, just as Chuck Yeager had predicted, the aircraft did steady and he passed Mach 1, breaking the sound barrier and creating the first man-made sonic boom.)

So, whenever I freak out about... anything, I try to remember that whenever that happens, isn't it human nature to begin to have doubts about the very thing we work hard to achieve? During those times, I try to remind myself to push a little harder on the gas pedal and just KEEP GOING.

As the Saint of the Day website says: "In an age when religious diversity did not yet seem possible, it was high treason, and practicing the faith was dangerous. William gave his life for his efforts to encourage his brothers and sisters to keep up the struggle. These days, our brothers and sisters also need encouragement—not because their lives are at risk, but because many other factors besiege their faith. They look to us."