The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day XIII

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Elvira (Cassandra Peterson),

Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988)

"And if they ever ask about me, tell them I was more than just a great set of boobs. I was also an incredible pair of legs. And tell them... tell them that I never turned down a friend. I... never turned down a stranger for that matter. And tell them... tell them that when all is said and done, I only ask that people remember me by two simple words. Any two, as long as they're simple."

Happy Halloween, guys and ghouls!

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The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day XII

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Laura Palmer (Sheryl Lee),
Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me (1992)

"I am the muffin."

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poll by twiigs.com

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The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day XI

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Trash (Linnea Quigley), The Return of the Living Dead (1985)

"Well for me, the worst way would be for a bunch of old men

to get around me, and start biting and eating me alive.

First, they would tear off my clothes..."

Trash tears off her own clothes, dammit!

And she does her own biting, dammit!

The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day X

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Rod (Jsu Garcia), A Nightmare on Elm Street

"I had a hard-on this morning when I woke up, Tina...

Had your name written all over it."

I mean... his name is Rod. Nuff said.

 (see more Rod here)

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The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day IX

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Marion Crane (Janet Leigh), Psycho

"I'll lick the stamps."

Listen, it's just a fact of life - John Gavin asks you to give up respectable girl propriety for a lil' afternoon delight, you put on your best bullet bra and you make a go of it.

Similarly, you then cheat and lie and steal just to get some more. It's just the way it is. Notice that it's not until Marion gets outside of town, far away from the diabolical hypnosis of his spell-casting nethers, that sense begins to work its way back into her. And so she finally decides to wash the lingering stink from that spectacular specimen of man off of herself, and be a good girl again... too late, too late.

The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day VIII

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Chris Hargenson (Nancy Allen), Carrie 

Oh, Billy. Billy. Oh, Billy. Oh, Billy. Billy. 

Oh, Billy. Oh. Oh, Billy. I hate Carrie White. 

I was torn over which "Nancy Allen in a Brian DePalma movie" whore to use - Chris, who mouth-coerces her asshole boyfriend towards villainy, or her good-time-girl in Dressed To Kill... ultimately I came down on the side of Carrie because I always come down on the side of Carrie, but there's always next year. 

Point being, Carrie White might've won our hearts as the virgin in pink ("It's pink, Mama") but Brian DePalma married the girl who will take out her gum and blow you in the front seat of your car, so bad girls win. (Unless the "good" girl has telekinesis, in which case I suppose they don't win so much as die by explosion and fire.)

The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day VII

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Barb (Margot Kidder), Black Christmas

"Capital F, E, little L, LA, TIO." 

Barb's more of a whore in words than a whore in deeds - she doesn't seem to do anything but sit around the house getting drunk all Christmas break. But she never stops talking about sex, and oh what glorious dialogue it is. I do wish I had more opportunities in life to say, "Darling, you can't rape a townie." It just never comes up. I need to run with better crowds. 

Alas Barb's smart-ass sex-fueled comebacks put her on the wrong side of the actual murderer holed up inside their sorority house and she ends up on the business end of a crystal unicorn of all things. Yes, unicorns have business ends. They're like mullets that way.

The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day VI

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Lucy (Sadie Frost), Bram Stoker's Dracula

"Quincey... you're such a beast. 

Will you kiss me, Quincey?"

There's no sating Sadie's thirst! She's got three suitors - hey we did a Do Dump or Marry for them once! - yet she can't help herself from rubbing herself up on every Tom Dick and Werewolf... 

Hell she crams her tongue down her best friend's throat too. Lustful sinning wanton thing, be damned! Or you know, that's how the story goes. But she does so fabulously!

She's gonna wear white, dammit!

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The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day V

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Jules (Anna Hutchison), The Cabin in the Woods

"Let's go Dare."

Does she ever. Poor doomed Jules - doomed by Miss Clairol, no less! In a movie stuffed with smart riffs on the horror genre I don't think any amuse me more than Jules' blonde hair-dye being laced with dumbing-down powder. (Maybe the blink-and-you'll-miss-it zap of electricity they give the knife?)

And Hutchison is really adorable in the role - "I learned it from watching you!" - which makes Jules' arc a hard watch, once you've seen the film a few times especially. And that's a good thing! It is accomplishing what the film wants to accomplish. The slaughter of innocents ain't no walk in the park. Nor is it a shimmy, no matter what Jules might say.

The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day IV

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Judy (Karen Fields), Sleepaway Camp

"She's a real carpenter's dream:

flat as a board and needs a screw!"

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The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day III

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Patrick Bateman (Christian Bale), American Psycho

"Do you take credit card? Just joking." 

While Bateman is surrounded with several literal prostitutes over the course of American Psycho, it's pretty clear that Patrick's the whore here. I mean... he works in finance.

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The 13 Whores of Halloween: Day II

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Lynda (PJ Soles), Halloween

"So who cares? I always forget my chemistry book and my math book, and my English book, and my, let's see, my French book, and... well who needs books anyway, I don't need books, I always forget all my books, I mean, it doesn't really matter if you have your books or not... hey isn't that Devon Graham?"

I must immediately direct you to Lynda's Halloween-Wiki page, specifically this bit of awesomeness:

"It was known that she never learned to moderate her voice, so everything she said was an announcement or a declaration. She was also known for trendy phrases, which she used to exhaustion for a month, then dropped from her vocabulary forever, to everyone's relief. In July the word was weird; in August it was gross; In September, she was calling everyone “Jack.” The October's word was totally."

Totally.

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The 13 Whores of Halloween

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"Show us the goods. 

Gotta keep the customers satisfied. 

You understand what's at stake here?"

-- Sitterson, The Cabin in the Woods  .

"You are a whore, darlin'. We all are.
We take the cash, we cash the check, 

we show 'em what they wanna see."

-- Cristal Connors, Showgirls

Four years ago MNPP celebrated the All Hallows with a look at thirty-one of our favorite horror movie virgins... well we're feeling randier this time around, so this year we're going to give some love to some of our favorite, uh, not virgins. It's more in line with our interests around here anyway, wouldn't you say? So over the next 13 days that is what we will do. Now mind you these aren't going to be in any specific order, and they aren't my picks for the 13 absolute greatest horror movie sluts of all time (although some of them surely are). They're just 13 trollops I feel like giving some love to this year.

So give it up for the whores!
They'd give it up for you!

Guy (John Cassavetes), Rosemary's Baby 

"It was kinda fun in a necrophile sort of way." 

A note: I wanted to start right off with a man-type whore to try and immediately off-set any misogyny that the word "whore" brings to mind. There are all kinds of whores - perhaps the fun slutty ones we love and adore and emulate, or perhaps the types like this that we love to hate and hopefully do not so much try to emulate. Guy renting out his wife's womb to the devil himself for a part in a play (poor Donald Baumgart!) strikes me as a bargain of the most monstrous sort of whorishness. And for what? A little bit of money? And here ya are and it's a beautiful day...

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