Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

North By Northwest (1959)

Phillip Vandamm: Seems to me you fellows 

could stand  a little less training from the F.B.I. 

and a little more from the Actor's Studio.

Granted I've seen this movie approximately one thousand times but can't you just hear James Mason purring out that rejoinder? God what a voice that man had. I've already used one of these posts a few years back to expound upon the implied homosexual connection between Mason's character and his favorite side-piece henchman played by Martin Landau, but I could go on about how James Mason is like the paltonic ideal of a Hitchcock Baddie for days. Smooth as hell, a gentleman to the end, unspooling a truly ridiculous plot via ludicrous means -- sure why not send Cary Grant to the middle of nowhere to be shot at by a crop duster? Why not, I say! Anyway Mason was born 117 years ago today -- go watch one of his movies! You will not be disappointed. He was always the man.

Happy 65 to Psycho

Happy 65 to Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho today! Just a happy movie about fucking the perfection that is John Gavin for ninety minutes. That's all it is right? This is where you find out that I've never made it past the opening scene, haha. Can you imagine? I wonder if that person exists. If you're that person, contact me. I want to mind-meld with you. It seems like a happier, simpler existence to have. Alas! But we can pretend for this post anyway...

The Monkey in 400 Words

Although it'd be neat if he wants to hang out sometime since he seems like a rad dude (just saying) I don't personally know Osgood Perkins, sometimes actor, son of Psycho star Anthony, and the quickly-becoming-his-own-brand horror director of The Blackcoat's Daughter, Longlegs, and my til-now-favorite Gretel & Hansel. And yet it's impossible to not think while watching his latest movie, the Stephen King adpatation The Monkey, that this feels like an extraordinarily personal movie for the man. 

Like I said -- I don't know him. And yet knowing what I do -- having watched him speak eloquently in Bryan Fuller's horror doc Queer For Fear about his closeted father's tumultuous relationship with the character of Norman Bates and his death from AIDS, and also knowing that Osgood's mother, the actress Berry Berenson, was killed in one of the planes that crashed into the World Trade Center on 9/11 -- the thematic threads of cursed familial chaos passed down patriarchally that thrum though The Monkey feel, you know, fairly pointed! Notable. Of note. Resonant. And then when planes on fire start falling out of the sky? Can you blame me? These thoughts are right there for the taking.

The Monkey also feels the closest Oz has gotten to date to his father's wild late career work -- the absurdly nasty black humor on display here is very close to the Tony-directed Psycho III, or to his father's oh let's say lurid performance in Ken Russell's Crimes of Passion. This movie is bleak and pitch-black hearted and finds the absurd pointlessness of human existence to be a ribald punchline. It's of a piece with the Final Destination movies, but if they were less Rube Goldberg and more Albert Camus on acid. 

It also might be, all due apologies to Gretel, my new favorite movie of Oz's. It'll definitely take a second viewing to decide that because The Monkey is so tonally erratic and balls deep wackadoo that it's hard to decide from moment to moment if this shit's anarchic genius or gallumphing mess. Hell maybe it's both! But in a world of so much personality-free I.P.-driven "content", The Monkey feels so bloody particular, so preposterously gonzo, that I must slow-clap it for audacity alone. (If you liked last year's Cuckoo, which I've come to appreciate more and more with distance for how by-its-own-rules it flew, this should also be your cuppa.)

5 Off My Head: Siri Says 1946

There is a prompt going around Bluesky (ahh remember harmless fun prompts on social media?) asking people to name a favorite movie of 1975 and it reminded me -- I still have a few entries in my "Siri Says" series left to do! It's been so long since I've done one of these posts (since November of 2022 for god's sake; time has absolutely no meaning anymore) let me remind you what the hell I'm talking about -- "Siri Says" began with me asking my phone to randomly choose a number between 1 and 100 and then whatever number it gave me I would pick my favorite movies of that year. For example the last time I did this all those many months ago I got the number "56" so I shared my favorite movies of 1956. 

The game has sort of changed over time though -- since I only have a handful of numbers left (less than ten) I wrote the remaining years down on pieces of paper and I blindly choose one (since otherwise it would take me a billion years to get Siri to narrow it down to a number I hadn't done before). Yadda yadda I was tired of doomscrolling social media this afternoon so I decided to spend some time on one of these posts (they eat up a surprising amount of effort) and here we are. Today I picked the year 1946. And so now I give you...

My 5 Favorite Movies of 1946

Notorious

(dir. Alfred Hitchcock)

-- released on September 6th, 1946 --

It's a Wonderful Life

(dir. Frank Capra)

-- released on December 20th, 1946 --

A Matter of Life and Death

(dir. Powell & Pressburger)

-- released on December 26th, 1946 --

Dragonwyck 

(dir. Joseph L. Mankiewicz)

-- released on April 19th, 1946 --

Beauty and the Beast

(dir. Jean Cocteau)

-- released on October 29th, 1946 --

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Runners-up: Gilda (dir. Charles Vidor), The Big Sleep (dir. Hawks), The Stranger (dir. Welles), The Spiral Staircase (dir. Robert Siodmak), The Postman Always Rings Twice (dir. Tay Garnett), The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (dir. Lewis Milestone)

Never seen: The Best Years of Our Lives (dir. Wyler), The Killers (dir. Siodmak), The Yearling (dir. Clarence Brown), Paisan (dir. Roberto Rossellini), The Blue Dahlia (dir. George Marshall), Great Expectations (dir. David Lean)

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What are your favorite movies of 1946?

Halloween's Ways Not To Die

Let's all go to the movies, let's all go to the moooovies, let's all go to the movies... and have ourselves a snack! I know I shamefully haven't done one of our "Ways Not To Die" series in awhile but since it's the greatest day of the year today I figured we should celebrate and what better way than with one of the greatest death scenes in all of cinema? Hit the jump for our take on the movie theater scene in 1973's Messiah of Evil...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from: 

Rope (1948)

Brandon: The good Americans usually die young on the battlefield, don't they? Well, the Davids of this world merely occupy space, which is why he was the perfect victim for the perfect murder. Course he, uh, he was a Harvard undergraduate. That might make it justifiable homicide.

I have been staring at the spot on my calendar where I'd typed "Alfred Hitchcock's 125th" for weeks and weeks now trying to decide what a proper way to celebrate would be, but now here it is and I haven't come up with anything. Oh, me! The problem with ol' Hitch at this point is I've already written so much about him -- here check our archives and see -- that my words have begun to feel redundant. Over 400 posts, for goodness' sake! I'm sure if I'd actually, you know, bothered to rewatch one of his films recently I could've bulshitted something here, but I kept forgetting and now it's too late. But I'm sure all of this rambling is just as interesting, right? That said they are screening Vertigo in 70mm at the Paris Theater here in NYC at the end of this month, so maybe when I go see that it'll inspire me to be less insipid and actually share a thought or two. Wouldn't that be a feat? Happy 125 Hitch, you masterful menace. Here's to 125 more.

Trap in 250 Words or Less

Fantastic fun with a career best performance from Josh Hartnett -- and to any people who might be like "Has Josh Hartnett given a good performance before?" I say begone before somebody drops a house on you. (Also go watch Penny Dreadful and wash your mouths out with soap.) I was honestly totally enthralled by M. Night riffing hard on De Palma -- not just the very obvious diopter shot but this is very clearly his version of Snake Eyes -- and above all just having fun. I think this period of his career, since Old really, will be looked back on with great admiration for how much fun he seems to be having making movies right now. I know he's been compared to Hitchcock his entire career but he has been earning it for the way his movies are pure entertainment machines that're not at all concerned with making "sense" in a logical way over them just being engines for cinematic playfulness. I had a dumb grin on my face the entire run of Trap, from Hartnett's nerdy girl-dadding to Kid Cudi's hilarious turn -- how was he the only person who recognized what a stone-fox they had in their mix? And then for absolutely no reason Shyamalan has Josh take his shirt off for the last act. Pure joy. This movie's pure silly delight.

Today's Mood

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Peeping Tom (1960)

Mrs. Stephens: I visit this room every night.

Mark Lewis: Visit?

Mrs. Stephens: The blind always live 

in the rooms they live under.

Michael Powell' 1960 horror masterpiece Peeping Tom has hit 4K Criterion this very day -- if you haven't already done so go snatch up a copy of it right here, right now. A movie whose nasty reputation basically destroyed its legendary director's career, I'd honestly call it the horror movie of 1960 knowing full well that a little movie called Psycho also came out in 1960. Lord knows I love me a Psycho but Peeping Tom genuinely disturbs me every time I re-watch it in a way that Psycho doesn't -- Psycho is thrilling in its construction and performances and Hitch's attention to the most minute of its clockwork details, but I get so lost in the Master's wizardry there that I am thinking about things besides being scared when I watch Psycho now. Peeping Tom, on the other hand? It creeps me the fuck out every time. And Criterion's 4K restoration presented here is mind-blowingly gorgeous to boot. This movie is everything!

Charles Melton From Salina, Kansas

There's a totally charming interview (and that photo and yes, I already added it to my Armpit Thread on Twitter) in the New York Times with May December actor Charles Melton that dropped over the weekend (of course it's totally charming, it was conducted by our pal Kyle Buchanan) that I recommend reading, especially if you've seen the Todd Haynes film by now -- most anybody who does walks away with a great big wow stamped on their foreheads with regards to the former Riverdale actor's performance. (Here is my review of the movie.) If you haven't seen it yet fret not, it hits Netflix this Friday. Anyway two extremely random things jumped out at me from the interview -- one, Melton turns on Radiohead's album Kid A in the middle of it, which is a surefire way straight to my heart. And two -- he did his first acting tests in Salina, Kansas, and I can't be the only person who reads "Salina, Kansas" in Kim Novak's voice, can I? If you have no idea what I am talking about -- in Vertigo when Jimmy Stewart rediscovers Novak after her (first, faked) death, she shows him her ID which shows her being from "Salina, Kansas." I told you these thoughts were random! So if you read all of that go buy yourself something nice, you earned it. 

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Vertigo (1958)

Midge: It's wonderful how they've got it all taped now, John. They've got music for dipsomaniacs, and music for melancholiacs, and music for nymphomaniacs. I wonder what would happen if somebody got their files mixed up?

The actress (and Dallas icon) Barbara Bel Geddes was born 101 years ago today -- I was surprised to discover just now whilst searching through my archives that I've been blogging long enough that I did a post when she died in 2005! That was MNPP's first year and I don't usually like linking back to things that far back in the archives but I said what needed to be said then. Her "Midge" in Vertigo is one of my favorite Hitch characters, mostly because of how miserable and defeatist the last moment we see her is. One of the saddest shots in all of cinema!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

49th Parallel (1941)

Johnnie: And now I'm going get so busy

doing nothing, yes sir! I'm going do nothing

like she's never been done before!

The original Sir, one Larry Olivier, was born 116 years ago today. I say this as a person woefully under-schooled on Olivier's filmography -- I've never seen any of his Shakespeare films! -- but do you think he maintains the reputation for Greatest Actor that he still did a couple of decades ago? We've moved on to that being Marlon Brando... or even possibly Daniel Day-Lewis at this point, right?

online polls

As my confession above (that I have never seen any of his Shakespeare movies) reveals, I've never been a huge fan of Olivier's, in the movies I have seen anyway -- for example I've seen Hitchcock's Rebecca a billion times and I have never, not once, walked out of it thinking about him. That said -- ever since first seeing how hot he was in 49th Parallel I have been open to the suggestion that I should explore more of his body of work.

Today's Mood

That is the face of a man who knows how to

cut the cheese when the right moment arrives.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

The Trouble With Harry (1955)

Jennifer: It's too late to say prayers.

Besides, wherever he's going he's there now.

A happy 89 to the great Shirley MacLaine today!

Tell me your favorite Shirley roles in the comments.

Get Busy Living Or Get Busy...

Although there are some exceptions -- and yes I am talking about you, Robert Downey Jr remaking Vertigo -- I'm glad that I pried the stick out of my ass about movie remakes right around the time that Luca Guadagnino put his version of Suspiria into the world. Because I told myself and I believed myself that we'll always have the original thing in the world, so if the new version sucks we can just pretend it didn't happen! Voila, magic! And then sometimes these things don't suck and we're all the better for it.

Which brings me to Oliver Hermanus' 2022 film Living, a remake of Akira Kurosawa's film Ikiru -- a lot of people got really hung up on that! But I'm glad I wasn't one of them because I found Living profoundly moving. Mostly thanks to Bill Nighy's Oscar-nominated turn (he should have won), but not just -- the gorgeous score and Hermanus' camera-work and the supporting turn from Aimee Lou Wood (she should've gotten a Supporting Actress nomination dammit). Point being I adore this film. Here's my 2022 Sundance review. And it's now (getting to the reason for this post) on blu-ray today! Pick up your copy here. I wish they'd release the scene of Nighy singing "The Rowan Tree" in the film so I could embed that; maybe I'll have to go add it to my own YouTube page some time. That'll convince you to see the blasted movie if you haven't yet!

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Birds (1963)

Lydia: I wish I were a stronger person. I lost my husband four years ago, you know. It's terrible how you depend on someone else for strength and then - suddenly all the strength is gone, and you're alone. I'd love to relax some time. I'd love to be able to sleep.

When we talk about terrific performances in Alfred Hitchcock movies we really should mention Jessica Tandy in The Birds more -- even though she was only six years older than Rod Taylor as her son I never don't believe her as his mother, and she's so touchingly broken in it. She's a perfect mirror image of Tippi's character and other choices and pathways for women in ways the fascinating film only hints at. Plus Tandy's soundless scream after finding the farmer's pecked-out eyeholes is one of the greatest displays of fear ever put on celluloid: 

Anyway The Birds came out sixty years ago today! I've seen it dozens of times and every time I do all I can think of is how angry my mother told me she was once at the ending because nothing happens, lol. Gotta love Hitch at his most experimental! And speaking of -- there's a really good piece over at Inverse today that talks to a few filmmakers, including Skinamarink's Kyle Edward Ball and Tar's Todd Field, about how influential the lack of a score in The Birds was on their work. (I do take issue with the piece's mention of the A Quiet Place movies though, because those are absolutely slathered in obnoxious braying score and that totally ruins them, for me anyway.)

10 Off My Head: Putting the Wild in Wild Life

So who went and saw Cocaine Bear this weekend? I did, I did. It was fine. I'm surprised I can't rave more about a movie where Margo Martindale gets her ass gnawed on but the movie really needed some punching up, I thought -- it came up slightly short on everything it was aiming for. It wasn't scary enough, it wasn't funny enough, it wasn't camp enough. It was a little bit of those things, and it had moments. But there was a tension in the film between how straight director Elizabeth Banks wanted to play it and how far off the deep-end she wanted to go and the movie never quite resolved that.

Still I'm glad it exists (PS hey Alden Ehrenreich's biceps in that last scene) and I hope its success at the box-office sets off a "When Animals Attack!" craze, because that's one of my favorite sub-genres of movies. Indeed for no other reason than I felt like thinking about these movies this morning, here is a list of ten of my totally random favorites, all of which totally get the balance right between bonkers and bite, and which are all streaming right now. Cuz why not? it's Monday dammit.

10 of my Favorite "When Animals Attack!" Movies

Slugs (1988) -- streaming on Tubi

I've posted about Slugs on this here website more than Slugs could possibly deserve, but it was partially filmed in my hometown when I was in Junior High; how could I not be obsessed with it? I didn't see it until I was adult though and thankfully it's a blast -- over-the-top gross and totally knowing about how ridiculous it is. You'll never look at chopped lettuce the same way again!

Day of the Animals (1977) -- streaming on Shudder

Not only does this movie star 70s horror icons Christopher George and his lady Lynda Day George -- the royal couple of Pieces, wherein she delivers the greatest line reading in the history of cinema -- but this movie also features Leslie Nielsen playing a wicked creep who dies topless wrestling a grizzly bear in the pouring rain. Look up "cinema" in the dictionary and it is just a photo of that. 

Frogs (1972) -- streaming on Pluto

Sam Elliot. Versus frogs.

Rogue (2007) -- streaming on Prime

This was director Greg McLean's follow-up to his masterpiece Wolf Creek and I feel like I remember it undeservedly falling through the cracks at the time and you never hear people talk about it anymore, but god it's a blast. Definitely tilts toward the scary side over the funny side, but Greg McLean does scary really well! I haven't seen this in awhile, I think I might revisit it myself. 

Food of the Gods -- streaming on Plex

With these older ones you do have to warn people about real animal cruelty happening on-screen, and yes this movie does kill a ton of rats on-screen in its big finale. But it's still one of my faves -- gigantic chickens and mosquitoes, man! You can't go wrong. 

The Uninvited -- streaming on Shudder

This is a recent acquisition unto my heart -- I only saw it for the first time a few months ago, thanks to its presence on Shudder. But as that gif above tells you,  I have chosen my heart's path wisely. About a cute little kitty-cat who gets exposed to radioactivity and then starts puking up a demon cat that kills a bunch of basic bitches (and George Kennedy!) onboard a yacht, this movie completed me.

Squirm (1976) -- streaming on Tubi

We've reached the point in the proceedings where I just feel the need to gesture wildly at the images and say, "LOOK! LOOK AT THAT! HOW COULD YOU NOT WANT TO WATCH THAT MOVIE???" But seriously. I don't remember much about Squirm's plot -- I should say "plot" -- but do I remember the scene pictured above? You bet your bottom dollar I do. You don't forget mountains of earthworms swallowing people up easy. 

Razorback (1984) -- streaming on Apple

I could have filled this list with nothing but movies from Australia, land of the demon animals -- indeed 1978's Long Weekend isn't on this list today but it's a must-watch and not just because its leading man wears the shortest-shorts I have possibly ever seen on-screen. But Razorback is also a classic and it's FINALLY getting a big blu-ray upgrade in just a couple of weeks -- this movie didn't have to go as hard as it does, but it's absolutely gorgeous in that very specific 1980s way and I can't wait to watch the upgrade to relish in its weird beauty.

Eaten Alive (1976) -- streaming on Shudder

Speaking of going hard -- Tobe Hooper's wackadoodle gator-romp fever dream sure is something else, innit? Set at an isolated swamp hotel that's as artificial looking at anything in Querelle this movie has wigs popping off and swamp-hookers and the most annoying dog ever put on-screen. It's about as bonkers as these movies go, and covered in that sleazy gunky feeling that only Tobe could muster. God I adore it.

Black Sheep (2006) -- streaming on Tubi

I gave this movie about deranged people-eating sheep a mixed-review when it came out in 2006 but I've been dying to re-watch it and haven't gotten around to it, so me including it here is really just me reminding myself to re-watch it. But I bet I'll be more forgiving of what bugged me about it now than I was then; I didn't used to be as delighted by goofiness + gore as I am today -- obviously I've regressed as a human being, but time will do that to you. 

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So what are your favorite Animal Attack movies?