Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

 ... you can learn from:

Scream 2 (1997)

Cici: Drink with your brains, 

that's our motto.

A happy 49th birthday to the legend Sarah Michelle Gellar today! Yes it's true our beloved Buffy will be turning 50 next year -- I would say don't that make ya feel old but SMG is only a couple of months older than I am so let's just shut up and not think about any of that right now. Jinkies. Let's just celebrate this lady we love so very. Picking her role in the second Scream movie might feel a little random for this post but I maintain that her stellar work at humanizing the character of Cici in such a short window of time is part of why I actually (controversially?) prefer Scream 2 to the first movie. A recent re-watch of the original I Know What You Did Last Summer gave me the same impression -- SMG does Herculean emotional lifting with her screentime in these two 1997 slashers. She's so good! And yeah it blows that the Buffy reboot fell apart but let's hope that now that her kids are raised and she's ready to work again we'll be seeing lots of her shortly. The people demand their Smidge fix!

This Call's For You, Sidney

I'm not going to get too thick into the weeds of the extra-filmic horrors that plagued this latest Scream movie except to say right up-front fuck the producers at Spyglass Entertainment to hell for firing Melissa Barrera for speaking the truth about Israel's ongoing genocide. Anybody who wants to boycott this movie because of that is right on -- in fact here's a good site where you can donate to aid for Palestinians; feel free to spend your money there instead of on tickets for this movie. That big bag of bullshit and Barrera's right to the freedom of speech to express such correct and necessary thoughts are far far more important than any slasher franchise.

Now... spinning around to give the movie a good review feels a bit turncoat, I'll own that. But what can I say -- I enjoyed the damn thing. You can feel the return of Kevin Williamson's voice -- this movie is simple, straightforward, and a shit ton of fun. Scream 7 feels like a return to the first two movies in that it's got that old-school buzzing energy to it -- genuine tension in the stalking scenes, a heap of nerdy callbacks to the past movies (Williamson apes several shots in the original, a movie I've seen so many times now it's fully burned into my brain, so I probably am well past being able to be fair and balanced here). 

It's also got some extreme gore, which I've seen some people pin onto the writers from the last two movies being on-board here but I dunno -- does no one remember Drew Barrymore's intestines hanging out as she hung from a tire-swing for her parents? The first movie has its gnarly-ass moments. Indeed one of the kills here feels like a mash-up of that with a scene from part 2 -- okay I could geek out about this sort of thing for awhile because there are a million references mixed up in here, but that's either 1) not fun for you or 2) it would be fun for you so I should leave you to experience it in the movie theater. So I'll refrain from going down that road. That said there's also a sequence that feels positively The-Burning-esque in its quick and bloody kill-count, which had me giddy. 

But I'm glad I'm not tasked with writing this up anywhere except here on my own little site so I can be as vague as I want to be on all of this -- no need to force myself to explain the plot or ruin any surprises. There's Sidney (Never Campbell), there's a Ghostface (or two), there's a bunch of teenagers getting knives plunged into their bellies while Sidney goes ape-shit with her gun-love (I remain uneasy with how much this franchise sees guns as instruments of heroes). I will say that the motive, when it's revealed, delighted me -- it's a perfect fit for the francise and very very funny. 

And that's the whole of it. I had fun. I left the theater with the same high I had from the first couple of films, which -- I didn't deeply hate the last two movies, not entirely (okay five was pretty bad but the last one was okay) but the magical Williamson touch was very much missing. You feel it, watching this. I've only glanced at the other reviews but I saw the opening Rotten Tomatoes score which is Not Good so I guess I'm going to be an outlier on this. Whatever. I'm right, of course.

Hello, Sydney... Again? Again

The trailer and poster for Scream 7 -- I guess they're just calling it that? Okay -- dropped this morning and here I am, sharing it with you. Now normally I tell y'all I don't watch trailers and I especially don't watch horror movie trailers because they always give away too much. But I couldn't help myself today so I actually watched this trailer. I was too curious, given the mangled-up route this one took to making (what with half of the reboot actors peacing-out), along with those bizarre casting announcements -- Matthew Lillard??? I couldn't help myself. But this trailer is extremely straightforward -- Sidney Prescott and her daughter are hunted by a Ghostface, the end. I feel as if Kevin Williamson (who wrote AND directed this one) has to have more up his sleeve than this -- right? But I guess we'll have to wait until February to find out. Watch:

Scream 7 drops on February 27th.

(I'm going to form a prayer circle that they shock us all 

and Melissa Berrera & Jenna Ortega are the killers.)

(Or Parker Posey. Justice for Jennifer Jolie!)

MaXXXine, You Forgot To Put On The Red Light

I thought George Miller's Furiosa was going to be my greatest disappointment of 2024, but here comes Ti West's MaXXXine to kick Furiosa outta the way with one high-heeled boot and snatch that feeble crown. Both subsequent films in franchises that are named after their leading ladies -- does this mean that I hate Strong Female Characters? Or maybe I just hate shitty movies? Y'all decide -- I'm too spent from drowning in disappointment this whole damned summer.

As a fairly rabid fan of both X and Pearl -- I've never been able to choose a favorite between the two as they hit very different joy buttons making it depend on my mood -- it brings me absolutely nothing but pain to share that MaXXXine did next to nothing for me. The giddiness I felt for the first half an hour or so here watching Mia Goth klick ass -- and even though this movie has very little idea what to do with her Mia Goth never stops kicking ass -- speeded out of me like air fizzling from a gently pricked balloon.

I'm seeing it a second time next week and I am fervently hoping that I'll be less down on it after that, but as it stands now on a single watch MaXXXine just feels like whiff after whiff -- it sets up what oughta be homerun after homerun and then just spins its wheels around them, unsure where to go or what to say or do. Nothing feels very propulsive, or meaningful -- ideas are introduced only to suffocate from lack of oxygen.

Stylistically it's sometimes fun, but only on a surface-level -- yes okay you're using the Brian De Palma split-screens, but where is any sense of De Palma's sleaze and perversion? Nowhere, that's where. It's a heap of red herrings lit up by neon signs. There's no urgency, no danger -- Maxine herself is such a force we never fear for her, and she remains so singlemindedly antisocial that the "friends" she's made, the ones who are in danger, never register enough for us to care when their times to bleed come.

I know there's been some retroactive appreciation for Scream 3 over the past several years -- mostly due to Parker Posey's hilarious turn in it -- but all I could think of watching MaXXXine was Scream 3 and not in a good way. There are half-baked meta allusions about the brutality of behind-the-scenes Hollywood yadda yadda but neither film makes them amount to much. And MaXXXine doesn't even have a Parker Posey to rescue it. It's Scream 3 without Parker Posey! Imagine!

Of course Goth is never bad and she gives it her all, but there's just nowhere for Maxine the character as written to go -- not as this movie shows it anyway. The pieces of the mystery that she finds herself in click into their expected place with a complete lack of surprise, or oomph -- MaXXXine feels like everybody cashed their checks and was halfway out the door before the first clapboard could slap Action. This was so fucking depressing.

It's Asters & Screams All Over

I have spent the past couple of hours fully immersed in pounding out a review (more on that later this week) so I missed until now some pretty big rounds of casting news that hit a little earlier today. Like A24 officially announced Ari Aster's next movie and its cast! It's called Eddington, it's a "contemporary western," and it will star "Joaquin Phoenix, Pedro Pascal, Emma Stone, Luke Grimes, Austin Butler, Deirdre O'Connell, Micheal Ward and Clifton Collins Jr." among presumably other people with lower name recognition. That's one hell of a cast though, especially with Stone fresh of her Oscar win and Pascal fresh off his bottoming-western with Pedro Almodóvar. All they say is "Coming Soon" but I can't imagine "Soon" equals any sooner than 2025 at the soonest. Not sure if the image of the clapboard they also shared means it's starting to shoot right now or if it's been shooting:

Either way, whee new Ari! Three features down and the man can do no wrong from where I stand. But wait that news ain't all the news that broke whilst I was actually off "doing work" (yawn I know). It looks as if the shitbags who operate the Scream franchise these days have fixed one of their two recent major blunders -- our Sidney Prescott herself Neve Campbell is officially back for Scream 7 after bowing out of the last one when the bastards refused to pay her properly. She posted on Instagram a very sweet note about how much she loves playing the character yadda yadda the girl got paid and good for her. 

But it's not just that -- original Scream writer Kevin Williamson is taking over directing duties of the film! Which I guess makes it official that the directors of the last two movies, aka Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett (aka Radio Silence as they liked to be called), are gone -- there was of course a huge dust-up (bringing us back to the other recent shitty blunder I alluded to above) when the studio canned nü-Scream star Melissa Barrera for making pro-Palestine comments on social media, leading to her co-star Jenna Ortega saying peace-out in solidarity. Anyway since I don't know all of the specifics of who's running things on the movie at this point but I'm keeping myself even-toned on all of this because it's bullshit that they fired Barrera and I'm somewhat hesitant to woop-woop up this Neve news if it means I'm supporting those free-speech-murdering fascists. Even though... I love my girl Sidney forever and ever. So we'll see. I will just decide how I feel later dammit!

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A post shared by Neve Campbell (@nevecampbell)

Friday the 13th's Ways Not To Die

Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives (1986)

I don't have a ton of time to devote to a "Ways Not To Die" post today given I am as of today suddenly in the middle of three, yes THREE, film festivals -- NYFF is still going through this weekend while both NewFest and the Brooklyn Horror Fest kick off today -- but since tomorrow is a real-world Friday the 13th, and one in the hallowed month of October on top of that, how could I not mark the occasion at least quick-like? Thankfully this death scene from the sixth film is short and sweet. Okay having one's face smashed through a metal wall isn't probably exactly "sweet" per se, but I always loved that special effect. Did it ever remind anybody else of this scene in A Nightmare on Elm Street: 

It always makes me think of that. I also always think the girl in this scene is Tawny Kitaen? I know it isn't but she gives off some big Kitaen vibes. And then there's the super cute boy (see below) who's driving the RV who Not-Tawny just boffed and who will, in a few seconds after this, get a knife in the neck. It's got it all! Sex, violence, RVs. A proper Friday the 13th scene, this one!

Hit the jump for links to all the previous Ways Not To Die...

Good Morning, World

I have not yet posted this gif of Josh Segarra in Scream VI

and I feel as if I need to before too much time passes.

So I am posting it this morning. Good morning.

Josh Segarra Eleven Times

I'm really bad about asking for television screeners, and I'm currently very angry at myself that I didn't get around to doing that for the new season of The Other Two -- god I love that show! Y'all watch it right? It's back on HBO on Thursday -- here is the trailer for the new season. It's the first place I took notice of Josh Segarra here (photographed for Bello magazine) (ETA actually I am wrong about this -- I first took notice of him being all hot and hairy and half-naked in the movie Trainwreck in 2015! I had forgotten about this!) but eventually he was everywhere -- on She-Hulk! Taking his shirt off in Scream movies! Singing with Dolly f'ing Parton! And we're very happy about all of it. No matter what else he does he'll always be Lance from The Other Two to me, though -- a sexy lovable goofball. Even looking at this smile-less photo-shoot I expect him to start giggling at any moment, bless him. He's so endearing. Hit the jump for all the photos...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Grand Budapest Hotel (2014)

M. Gustave: She was dynamite in the sack, by the way.

Zero: She was 84, Monsieur Gustave.

M. Gustave: Mmm, I've had older. When you're young, it's all filet steak, but as the years go by, you have to move on to the cheap cuts. Which is fine with me, because I like those. More flavorful, or so they say.

A happy 27 to Tony Revolori today! We have come to like this fella quite a bit over the past few years. But this is a weird coincidence, it being his birthday today, because I was just talking about him on Twitter last night. Specifically his role in the opening scenes of Scream VI -- and if you haven't seen Scream VI yet you should definitely look away, as this gets spoilery! Scream VI is out on streaming now I think so go watch it and come back.

Okay so his character and his roommate -- totally gay right? I have only seen the movie the one time at the press screening beforehand but I 1000% immediately read those characters as boyfriends, and was surprised when everyone I brought it up to afterward didn't see it at all that way. I asked the question in a thread on Twitter and have gotten answers split right down the middle. But I can't do a poll on Twitter anymore (thanks, Elon) so I will do a poll here!

online polls

Gooding Mason, World

Mason definitely puts the "core" in the "Core Four" huh?

Good Morning, Jack Champion

I am making a new rule. If you're going to refer to Avatar and Scream 6 actor Jack Champion (seen here for Behind the Blinds magazine) you may only do so by using his full name, Jack Champion. I mean why go to the bother of being called Jack Champion -- Jack Champion!!! -- if you're not going to use Jack Champion at every given moment? And I really hope this is a rule that Jack Champion has instituted in his own life already. Jack Champion should speak only in the third person. When Jack Champion wants to go get a coffee, Jack Champion tells Jack Champion's significant other, "Jack Champion is going to get a coffee." When Jack Champion is going to bed, Jack Champion says, "Jack Champion is going to bed." None of this "I" shit. You're Jack Fucking Champion! (PS "Jack Fucking Champion" will also accepted.) Hit the jump for the rest of the Jack fuckin' Champion photos...

Good Morning, World

Lots of Mason Gooding in the past week or so! But I suppose that's to be expected with the new Scream movie -- and that shirtless cowboy Halloween costume he wears in it; did I mention that enough times? If you missed my review of the movie on Friday here it is -- if you saw the movie over the weekend tell me what you thought in the comments! Or we can just sit here in a post-Oscars post-time-change daze and stare at more photos of Mason until we're feeling awake. That works for me. Hit the jump for the new photos... 

It's A Scream

There is a new Scream movie in theaters! And I have reviewed it! Click on over to Pajiba to read my thoughts on Scream 6, the latest stab -- hehehe get it -- at this meta-slasher franchise from the dudes who made Ready or Not. And no, spoiler alert, this movie is not as good as Ready or Not. But it's an improvement over the last one, mostly. I mean we see both Mason Gooding and Josh Segarra topless so it kind of has to be, for that alone. 

Happy #Scream6 Day from Mason Gooding pic.twitter.com/AW1tIQjiBK

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) March 10, 2023

But wait hey look there is another movie out today that I also reviewed today, although this is a far less enthralling proposition in every way -- click here to read my thoughts on Champions, the "Woody Harrelson coaches a ragtag misfit crew of Special Olympian basketball players" movie that the world most definitely was not asking for. I mainly just used this review as an excuse to talk shit about sports and sports movies though, so I guess this movie did serve a purpose in one way. (PS fuck you Woody Harrelson for your anti-vaxx bullshit -- you're as good as dead to me now.) In summation... yeah, here is more Mason Gooding:

We have raised a generation of actors who know their every sexy move will be turned into gifs on the internet, and I like that pic.twitter.com/kusILfRtJL

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) March 9, 2023

Mason Gooding Five Times

Scream star Mason Gooding is filling out the pages of Men's Health this month -- you can read the chat with him here, although I imagine you'll want to actually see Scream VI this weekend before you do since I imagine they talk about the movie. I haven't read the interview so I don't know for sure if there are spoilers but best not tempt yourself. Anyway my review of Scream VI will be up  tomorrow I'm guessing, but here's a real spoiler for you -- it's set at Halloween and we see Mason Gooding dressed as a shirtless cowboy. So, you know, go buy your fucking tickets. And hit the jump for the rest of these snaps (although unfortunately, stupidly, they did not recreate the shirtless cowboy costume)...

Good Morning, World

Thanks for the perk-up, Mason Gooding.

I hope your character survive the new Scream movie.

(10 days to go!) We all enjoy the looking at you.

Who's Screaming Now

Sorry that I am posting the Scream VI trailer late this morning -- y'all have no doubt already gone over it with a fine-toothed comb and have figured out who the killer(s) is/are already. (It's a cult isn't it? It's totally a cult of like twenty Ghostfaces.) I was distracted doing a big post of a dude in his underpants. So the usual. Anyway yes the Scream VI trailer has arrived and I'll admit I did watch it -- as you probably know I tend to be vocally anti-trailer especially anti-horror-movie-trailer, since they always give away too much shit. But I need some convincing when it comes to Scream VI -- the last one weren't so great on a revisit, and you add the Neve Campbell pay debacle and my feelings aren't warm-n-fuzzy  these days like they should be with a franchise this close to my heart. That said... this trailer maybe worked on me? I am a New Yorker after all, so my city narcissism is being fed with this one being set in my hometown.

And they pulled the trick that will always get me, every goddamned time -- they put Gale in danger. Putting Gale in danger makes my heart go fast and my breath go short. I say this every time but if they kill Gale... I swear to god... I swear to the devil actually! I don't know. I will see it because of course I will -- I am way far beyond saving -- but y'all tell me what you think. 

Scream VI is out on March 10th. 

Scream, Scream Again

I realize this is a spoiler for the previous Scream movie but enough time has passed that I don't give a shit -- I sure was glad to see Mason Gooding's name in thecast list for the new movie, reminding me that his character survived that dicey encounter with Ghostface last time around. I guess that makes him the Dewey of the new series -- the one who comes out on a stretcher at the end surprising everybody by not being quite as eviscerated as we'd thought they'd been. I guess we'll see if that stays true for Part VI though, which has just gifted us with its first NYC subway train set teaser trailer this morning...

It's a great tease, promising new ground for a Scream movie by moving the setting to New York -- of course the third film was set in Los Angeles, but everybody knows the New York subway is where all the violence has moved in the 20s, baby. I really hope the film forefronts the New York Post's right-wing hysterical coverage of its violence -- that'd be very funny.

Anyway lots of Scream this week -- if you missed it I wrote about the 25th anniversary of Scream 2 at Mashable on Monday. I don't think I even mention the last film in that piece, even while I make a case with regards to all of the films, specifically all of the killers and the faceless specter of Ghostface itself. Judging by this trailer it seems the new franchise might be carrying on the earlier one's tradition though, of foregrounding survivors over villains -- that would be the best legacy and I hope that's true. We will see on March 10th 2023 when Scream VI hits theaters! Tell me what you think of the teaser in the comments, and I'll share a few more hot photos of Mr. Mason Gooding (via) with you after the jump...

Happy 25 to Scream 2

Scream 2 was released on this day in 1997, and I wrote about the film's legacy over at Mashable -- yes, I think it actually has one beyond just being a scary movie sequel! I think Craven did something interesting here that doesn't get enough attention, and that link goes all into it. Check it out, please and thank you. As for me I have an incredibly vivd memory of seeing this movie -- they screened it early at a bunch of colleges across the country and mine was one, so me and all my friends snagged tickets and went and had a blast. It was a very different experience from seeing the first film, which I did by myself in a very nearly empty theater the weekend it was released. The original was a word-of-mouth hit but by the time part two came out (less than a year later) everybody was on board. Twas a blast, just the way you want to watch a slasher. Kinda like this:

13 Toilets of Halloween #6

Ever notice that Omar Epps' character probably dies with his dick hanging out in Scream 2? I mean we don't see his dick (unfortunately) but he clearly whips it out to pee in the bathroom and then he never seems to put it away before...

... Ghostface stabs him in the side of the head. I think we under-rate what a humiliating death this is -- dead on the floor of the men's bathroom at the local multiplex with a glory-hole in the side of his head and his dick hanging out. Only a gay man would write this shit.

And only a gay man would do an entire post about this nonsense, haha. Anyway ScreamWiki says it's Laurie Metcalf who commits this bathroom kill but that it's Timothy Olyphant who kills Jada Pinkett in her theater seat -- anybody know how they decided that? Whoever kills Jada is wearing Omar's character's leather jacket...

... so I guess they do a whole swap-out thing? Seems overly complicated to me but then the logistics of who's doing each kill in the Scream movies usually make very little sense. That said all of that creepy whispering that Bathroom Ghostface is whispering in the stall ("Billy tell Mommy what you did" et cetera) does seem like it'd be coming from Laurie Metcalf's character, aka Billy's Mommy. In summation, give it up again for Laurie Metcalf in this movie. Queen!

And click here for all of the "Toilets of Halloween"

Gooding Mason, World

Remind me when I'm more in the mood -- i.e. when I didn't just finish a shitty subway commute on a rainy Friday morning that I want real bad to be a Friday evening already -- that I should do a proper gratuitous post on Scream and Booksmart and Love Victor actor Mason Gooding. Because the boy loves taking gratuitous selfies -- the net's littered with them. (His Instagram is a good place to start.) For today I grant y'all just three photos, the above one for obvious reasons (i.e. he's hot and there are gray sweatpants) and the bottom two for obvious reasons (i.e. they're real gay with his upcoming co-star Tyler Alvarez in a movie called Pools, which is about a bunch of bored hot kids pool-hopping one summer. Sounds promising!)