How Ungentlemanly of Me

Guy Ritchie's testosterone caper The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare is out in theaters today -- watch the trailer here if you missed it. Starring Henry Cavill and Alan Ritchson and Henry Golding and Alex Pettyfer and Hero Fiennes Tiffin plus that lady from Ambulance the movie is basically just a beefed-up (literally -- I mean look at Alan Ritchson there) version of every men-on-a-mission war movie that Hollywood's been churning out since the 1950s at least. I suppose there are earlier examples than that but they really seemed to come into their own in the '50s, when we decided we really needed to solidify our post-WWII savoir complex. Anyway this one isn't American propoganda, given the British director and international cast -- it's sort of Winston Churchill Propoganda but really it's not anybody propoganda. It's just a goof. And as such it's fine enough, although I really think when people have been calling it "Guy Ritchie's Inglourious Basterds" they've been underselling just how thoroughly this movie is xeroxing Tarantino at times, beat for beat and character for character. Basterds actor Til Schweiger has to play the Chistoph-Waltz-ish colorful Nazi this time instead of playing the over-indulgent Nazi killer that he did previously -- it's Ritchson now who plays that part. The lady from Ambulance puts on a shiny dress for the last act a la Diane Kruger, all for the big party slash showdown. It's remixed enough to be different enough but Tarantino should still probably toss a pie at Ritchie the next time they're in the same room. Anyway yesterday I posted some photos from the movie's premiere where I also mentioned that I got violently sick from food poisoning in the middle of watching this movie so you should obviously take my opinion with a great big grain of salt! I was clearly somewhat distracted! It's a fun enough slab of muscular entertainment. Just the way Henry Cavill likes it.

Go On 'n Goon Out, Henry Cavill

As twas foretold by yesterday's post of Henry Cavill pictures, the trailer for Guy Ritchie's The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare starring Henry Cavill, Alex Pettyfer, Alan Ritchson, Eiza Gonzalez, and Henry Golding has indeed arrived this morning -- it feels like a Kingsman movie meets Inglourious Basterds (right down to the presence Til Schweiger) but I don't really mean that to dismiss it; I actually think it looks fun? Dumb but fun and if Guy Ritchie can perfect "dumb but fun" he'll be doing better than he normlaly does. 

Ungentlemanly is out on April 19th.

Swash Me Buckle, Henry Cavill

While we've already gawped at Henry Cavill's lotta-look on the set of Guy Ritchie's upcoming movie The Ministtry of Ungentlemanly Warfare it's good to have an update via the man himself -- Henry shared these two official photos of him in character on his Insta today, along with the info that a trailer will appear tommorow. I was surprised when I checked -- it's out on April 19th! That's not too far away now. This movie is a veritable who's-who of beefcakery, also starring Alan Ritchson, Alex Pettyfer, Henry Golding, Til Schweiger, Hero Fiennes Tiffin, plus Dunkirk twink Freddie Fox is apparently playing James Bond author Ian Fleming? I have no idea what nonsense to expect from this thing but biceps will be served. 

Who's Atomic You's Atomic That's Who's

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A second trailer for Atomic Blonde - maybe probably my most anticipated movie of the summer - was released a couple of weeks ago and somehow slinked right by me; it's fine though because they're still not showing off James McAvoy in his black mesh tank-top yet which, save seeing the entire movie right now dammit, is all I need to get my grubby eyeballs on ASAP. There is however...

... a flash of mysterious mustachioed man-folk though that caught my grubby eye; for a quick second I thought that was Robert Pattinson but no, definitely not - he's not even in this movie. That said I have no idea who the actor is. Does anybody? Here's another glimpse from the trailer:

He's playing (according to the trailer anyway) the stock character in these kinds of movies of "The Dude who Charlize Loved And Lost And Who Now Haunts Her And Drives Her  Character On Her Brutal Vengeful Quest." IMDb doesn't list any character by that name though, so I'm lost.

But hey look there's Til Schweiger!

And Bill Skarsgard!

Here's the trailer:

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Atomic Blonde is out on July 28th!

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Which is Hotter?

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Today is the 35th birthday of the German actor Matthias Schweighöfer, who's previously had several posts here at MNPP devoted to his most adorable pastiness - click here to caress with your eyeballs all his milky sweetness. Anyway back in 2008 he starred in a movie about the Red Baron, as the Red Baron, called, wait for it, The Red Baron - has anyone seen it? It co-starred Joseph Fiennes and Til Schweiger and Lena Headey and I like all of those people so maybe I should see it?

(It's available on Amazon Prime to watch, by the way.) At first I was tempted to ask you guys which one of those two in that picture just above is hotter, him or Til, but the thought of having to choose myself hurt my brain, so instead we'll ask something much easier and prioritize our sanity just this once...

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Guten Morgen, Gratuitous Alexander Fehling

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I contemplated connecting the dots on what got me onto an Alexander Fehling kick yesterday but it's not really very interesting - let's just say it started with his fellow countryman Ronald Zehrfeld, who stars in a movie that's playing the Film Comment Selects program here in NYC this weekend, and leave it at that. (And yes, we will be doing one of these posts for Zehrfeld at some point too.) Anyway eventually I was staring at Alexander, and here we are.

If he seems familiar to you and you're not German then it's probably from Inglourious Basterds - he was the Nazi in the basement scene that was drunkenly celebrating the birth of his child. Although it wasn't that that I was recognizing him from at first - it was this post at The Film Experience from last fall's Toronto Film Festival, where Nathaniel named Fehling's performance in the WWII thriller Labyrinth of Lies one of the fest's best.

I remember stowing his name and face (and yes, bosom) away for future reference, and, to bear repeating myself, here we are. Does he look like a blonde Jeremy Northam to anybody else? Anyway I have a ton of pictures of him to share, so hit the jump, and they will be shared.

Who Wore It Best?

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Der Deutsche Bleach n' Buzz: 

Til Schweiger in What To Do In Case of Fire

or Thomas Krestchmann in The Stendhal Syndrome?

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poll by twiigs.com

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See more of Til here and more of Thomas here and here.

A happy 51st birthday to Til!

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Fifty Years Til Schweiger

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We were just talking about the German actor Til Schweiger and his naked body parts in the movie Maybe Maybe Not a dozen or so days ago, and here we are again. No we still haven't seen the movie; it's just his fiftieth birthday today, so's I figure let's remind me. Whether I mean let's remind me to watch the movie, or let's remind me that I like to look at Til Schweiger's naked body parts, I'll leave open for discussion. Til can next be seen in Muppets Most Wanted; I have a feeling he'll probably be clothed for that one, sad face.

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Good Morning, World

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Has anyone actually seen the 1994 German comedy Maybe Maybe Not? It was part of that 90s rash of "straight guy lives with gay guy" comedies; I'm pretty sure that I remember hearing about it specifically even besides the Til Schweiger nudity. (Big besides.) Anyway I feel as if I should watch it... but not because of anything besides the Til Schweiger nudity. That's it. That's what I'm there for.

Pic of the Day

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That would be Gerard Butler and Til Schweiger hanging out in Mallorca recently, via Til's Facebook. I actually thought Til was Steve McQueen (the dead actor, not the black director) for a second and was kind of confused. And then I wondered why Gerry looks so short. They were in the second Lara Croft movie together. Anyway here's a bonus older shot of Til too also via Facebook because... because.

See more of Til here and here and here and here. And every single one of those links are worth clicking on.
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... packing heat for Til Schweiger.

Those shots are supposedly via out-takes from his 2008 film The Red Baron - I would love to see it in motion, but the internet has failed me. I cannot find it. The internet has failed us all today.
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I suppose stills will have to do. Anyway it's Til's 49th birthday today. Happy birthday, Hugo Stiglitz! See lots more of him here and here and here. Or right here, while we're at it! Hit the jump for more.

I Am Link

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--- Blue Suede Bana - Eric Bana is not going to play Elvis, says him, after all. We heard that was a possibility back in October. Then what the hell are you going to do, Eric? Because I sure ain't seeing you enough. Well here's something - he told this to reporters at Tribeca, where his latest movie, a thriller called Deadfall in which he plays a bad guy, was premiering. Him being a bad guy is exciting and THR calls it gory and violent, so cool, but it got mixed reviews and co-stars that Olivia Wilde person I just don't like, so any enthusiasm here is dampened somewhat.

--- Speaking of hot guys playing bad dudes, Til Schwieger and Mads Mikkelson are both playing bad dudes in a movie called The Necessary Death of Charlie Countryman, says DH. The movie actually stars Shia LaBeouf though, so it won't just be two hours of Mads and Til making out on a pile of corpses, unfortunately.

--- Lizard King - Stephen King's 1987 fantasy novel The Eyes of the Dragon is getting turned into something or other - a long-form series? A set of movies? - for SyFy. The arbiter of quality entertainment! I swear I read this book way back when but seeing the title was this whole, "Oh yeah, that's a thing" experience so I'll be damned if I remember shit about it. There are probably dragons? Singular maybe?

--- Got Bank - A crime thriller called Cut Bank has just lined up a bunch of people I really want to watch in a movie together - Armie Hammer, Ben Kingsley, Michael Sheen, John Malkovich and the delightful Theresa Palmer, who was totally charming in the otherwise mostly terrible 80s-set comedy Take Me Home Tonight that I've been clamoring for more ever since. She's also got the zom-rom-com Warm Bodies with Nicky Hoult coming up. All you need to know about this Cut Bank movie's director is that he's directed episodes of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Win!

--- Toni Time - I am totally indifferent to Dev Patel, so the only reason I'm mentioning his next movie which is called Defiant is because it will co-star someone I am the opposite of indifferent to - Toni Collette. It's about honor killing in India and yadda yadda Toni! This reminds me, I need to check and see what's going on with her reunion with director PJ Hogan called Mental. Shouldn't I be sitting in a damn theater watching this already?

--- High School Debate - All kinds of possible cool casts unloading today - Clive Owen and Juliette Binoche are lining up to star in a movie called Words and Pictures about a high school art teacher getting into a rivalry of sorts with the resident English teacher, over which is for lack of a better word, better - words or pictures. And because it's Juliette Binoche, we will cry. And cry, and cry.

--- Naive Spelled Backwards - Glenn's taking a look back at the year 1994, which he calls his favorite year in film, for a new project, and he starts right off with a winner in the wonderful Reality Bites. My "Wino Forever" tattoo is ringing!

Who The Hell Is Matthias Schweighöfer...

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... and why is in touching my Thomas Kretschmann? Stumbling upon that picture sent me into one of my patented K-Holes (the K is for Kretschmann, of course) where I went looking up all the junk I miss because he makes movies in other countries too, which led me to What A Man, a 2011 comedy written and directed by and starring this Matthias Schweighöfer person. I guess he's a somebody in Germany? From an acting family or what not. He was apparently in Valkyrie here in the US (also with my Kretschmann) but that looks like it might be his only American credit. He's got a cute ass anyway.

(via) But that doesn't mean I like him man-handling my Thomas Kretschmann like this. Hit the jump for more man-handling pics, including a shot of him man-handling my Til Schweiger as well. And then a shot of Kretschmann man-handling Schweiger. And then some more of Thomas Kretschmann, including a couple of NSFW-ish gifs of him looking lovely in 2004's Frankenstein, just cuz.

Good Morning, World

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I suppose it was his face on the New Years Eve poster that got Til Schweiger back on my brain recently - he seemed an odd fit, no? He's not a name here yet there he was stuffed between Hector Elizondo and Josh Duhamel. I guess maybe he sells it overseas? Or they just didn't want to fill another box with champagne flutes? He's got to be more bankable than champagne flutes. I'd rather watch him than half the people on that poster, but I realize I am not the majority. I am not the 99%! Alright, back on point. Til's back in my brain, so I feel like posting some pictures of him. Ta-dah! His birthday was a few weeks ago so we can pretend this is a belated best wishes over that and we ignored the whole NYE thing entirely. 

These shower pictures are from some 2001 movie called What To Do In Case Of Fire. Apparently what you do is you climb in the shower with Til Schweiger. I like that answer very much! I will use it next time I am on fire. And yes, that's how I will die, running around while on fire desperately trying to find Til Schweiger and a shower to no avail until I am dead. There are worse ways to go. (No there aren't.) And after the jump see a random assortment of other pictures I have never posted before.

Gratuitous Tom Wlaschiha

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This news is a couple of weeks old; I just couldn't find the time to get around to it until now. Yesterday's loss is today's gain. If you've read George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books then you know who the character of Jaqen H'ghar is; if you haven't read George R. R. Martin's Song of Ice and Fire books, then you should do that. Either way you'll get acquainted with the character in the second season of HBO's Game of Thrones series as played by the German actor Tom Wlaschiha, who got cast a few weeks back.

Yup, alongside Thrones' already-star Nicholaj Coster-Waldau it's another blond-haired blue/green-eyed Aryan for my stable - all they have to do is find some room for Thomas Kretschmann and Til Schweiger and I'll never have to watch any other shows again. Wlaschiha's a lucky basterd - he gets to hang out with Ayra aka my favorite character in a really great, powerful storyline that's coming up. See a bunch more (some NSFW) after the jump.

I Quit Smoking Three Years Ago Today

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It's been three whole years since my last smoke, and it seems a lifetime. I can't even really remember being a smoker anymore. It seems bonkers. The amount of money I used to spend! God! Not that I've managed to save money now that I don't smoke. Heroin's expensive, after all. Anyway this being my anniversary it's time for the third in my series (Here's Year 1, and here's Year 2) of celebrating my nicotine extinction event by posting a bunch of picture of really attractive fellows glorifying the nasty habit through the virtue of looking so gosh darn attractive while doing it. Mixed messages ahoy!

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