We Named the Dog Indiana

Okay baby -- tonight's Indy 5 night! Spin that dastardly Dial of Destiny because this is really happening. Whatever the hell a "dial of destiny" is. I guess I will know tonight. And I'm not sure if I am excited, terrified, indifferent -- we'll see what the movie delivers and decide then. Which is the way it should be, I suppose -- I just wish I could go in anticipating more. I tried to re-watch Kingdom of the Crystal Skull a few weeks ago and, uhh, didn't make it too far. I think I have tried to re-watch that movie like four times since its release and I never make it all the way through? I definitely haven't seen the ending with the spinning alien nonsense since the first watch, even though that shit's burned into my brain. And not in a good way. Anyway stay tuned for my opinion next week, I will be reviewing this one. I'll be off for the rest of the week for Tribeca stuff -- more reviews will be appearing soon enough! Until then have a good weekend...

Pic of the Day

(click to embiggen) On his Insta today actor and photographer Thomas Kretschmann shared this image he took on the set of a movie called Last Sentinel -- well actually he shared it with Rolling Stone Germany and they put it in their magazine and then he reposted that. The people in the photo are his fellow co-stars Martin McCann (who I thought was tremendously good in the 2015 film The Survivalist, which you need to see if you haven't - it also stars Mia Goth!) and, in the standing position, Emily in Paris actor and extreme hottie Lucien Laviscount. Obviously everything about everything I just wrote, in the context of that photo, delights me. Anyway for some reason the photo is accompanied by the lyrics to 10cc's classic tune "I'm Not in Love" ("It's just a silly phase I'm going through...") so I'm going to put that song here and y'all can listen to it and stare at that photo, the way Thomas Kretschmann truly intended, bless him. 

Good Morning, World

Actor Thomas Kretschmann was kind enough today to share this photo of Alexander Skarsgard on the set of Infinity Pool with us via his Insta -- I keep forgetting that Kretschmann is in the movie, which is the nicest thing to say after he's shared this photo with us I admit. There's just so much else going on in that movie (as this photo explicates) that one does find one's self distracted. (Here is my review in case you missed it.) Anyway thanks Thomas! I promise I will remember your presence from now on!

Which is Hotter?

Although they're still withholding the title of the film from us (boo!) Empire magazine has the first information on the fifth Indiana Jones movie -- the first that wasn't directed by Steven Spielberg it should be noted, which gives me pause, especially since I'm no fan of director James Mangold. But I suppose there's plenty of time before it's out next June, and the movie does have an absolutely stacked and killer cast -- Antonio Banderas, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Toby Jones, Thomas Kretschmann, and the villainous two-some of Mads Mikkelsen and Boyd Holbrook, the latter of whom describes his character as, "a lapdog to Mads, and a crazy one at that." Now raise your hand if you wanna see Mads and Boyd dom-sub it up hardcore! Which brings me to my main question...

online polls

They Got Their German

Oh happy day, I haven't had an excuse to post about Thomas Kretschmann in quite some time! I did think of him a few weeks ago when WandaVision was on, since the character he plays in the MCU (that would be "Baron Wolfgang von Strucker" which somehow is a name I was just able to pull out of thin air, wtf) was tied up with the Romanov twins. But he never showed on that show, even though that would have made sense in the flashbacks...

... so today's news is the first news of a real gig regarding him to cross my path since his one-episode stint on Westworld. (I didn't watch the Penny Dreadful spin-off he was on because fuck that Eva-Green-less bullshit.) To finally make it to the point -- Kretschmann has just been cast in an "undisclosed role" in the fifth Indiana Jones movie! Yes I am sure we have no idea what this German actor will be playing in the big new Indiana Jones movie...

Guten Morgen, Welt

.

I could say that last night's Babylon Berlin post got me in a German Mood and that's why I'm posting this picture of German actor Thomas Kretschmann this morning, but the truth of it is I opened Instagram this morning and this was the first photo that greeted me. I'm always in a German Mood, so that much should always be a given. Anyway I did just learn that Thomas here, who we love from way back, is in the forthcoming Penny Dreadful spin-off series called City of Angels, which I've been paying little to no attention to because there's no Eva Green and why bother if there's no Eva Green? I think it premieres in April. Maybe with Thomas around I'll bite?

.

You Can Count on Claes

.

In all the world of movies and television shows there's only one piece of entertainment that my boyfriend has been nagging at me for more information about, and that project is Claes Bang playing Dracula. So this one's for him, and y'all can come along for the ride if you so desire. Dearest love of my life, the three-part Dracula series will air on the BBC starting on January 1st and airing three nights right in a row. And then the entire thing will drop onto Netflix for us Americans on January the 4th. Following up on the trailer that was released at Halloween -- the one that showed this Drac's gonna suck on boys too -- a new trailer's just dropped and here that is:

.

.

It looks like grand trash, I think! I enjoyed Sherlock well enough -- this series is from Mark Gatiss and Steven Moffat, who were responsible for that series -- and so I have a bit of faith this could be a good ride. If nothing else we'll have Claes sinking his teeth into Patrick Walshe McBride...

... and getting lots of gore all caught up in his chest hair, and that will probably be plenty for me. I have to admit I'm getting a little whiff of a Dario Argento's 3D Dracula feel off of everything we've seen too, but... well let's just push those feelings deep deep away for now, like everything associated with that gargantuan disaster.

survey solutions

Anyway several more photos have been released from 

this new series, and I'll share them after the jump...

S Is For Suspiria

.

I had to stop reading tweets out of the Suspiria remake's CinemaCon presentation yesterday after about ten seconds because I didn't want to hear anymore details about specific footage until i saw it all myself, but the general vibe sounds super grotesque, like director Luca Guadagnino really fucking went for it, and about that I am a happy happy clam. Anyway that above is the teaser poster - no word on when we're seeing a trailer yet but t.he movie has a Twitter account now so follow them here and we'll all be the first to see the trailer together!

.

Today was fun. #Suspiria pic.twitter.com/MglzLXOB6n

— Suspiria (@suspiriamovie) April 26, 2018

.

In related news the Metrograph movie theater here in NYC has announced they're doing a Dario Argento series in June, and apparently the man himself is going to be there for some screenings! OHHHH MYYYY GODDDD. It's also a really fantastic choice of films from the director - I love that they're showing The Stendhal Syndrome for one, and not just because of how brain-scorchingly dirty-hot Thomas Kretschmann is in it... not just, I said.

.

All of my immediate future plans are as of now cancelled so I can refresh @MetrographNYC every five seconds until tickets for their DARIO ARGENTO series go on sale pic.twitter.com/DMVeGMN5bT

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) April 26, 2018

Do Dump or Marry: The Lost Boys

.

So did any of you watch Greg McLean's new movie Jungle this weekend? As I told you on Friday it's suddenly available for you to watch, so I hope some of you did. I did! It's not bad! Not the world's most ringing endorsement, I know - it wasn't at all the movie I went in expecting; it's much closer to 127 Hours than it is Wolf Creek. I probably shouldn't have been expecting Wolf Creek anyway, but given McLean's tendencies towards the fantastical Jungle's general true-to-life realism (at least until the hallucinations start in in the last act) was unexpected.

Anyway Daniel Radcliffe gives a solid and convincing performance of mental and physical disintegration in the movie, and the rest of the cast - which includes Alex Russell and Joel Jackson (seen here) as well as Thomas Kretschmann (who you sadly do not see here; since when are you shy, Thomas?) - round it out nicely. Give it a whirl! And besides the good old-fashioned storytelling you'll be rewarded with this skinny-dipping scene. (See more here.)

Left to right that Joel Jackson (in the glasses), Dan Radcliffe in the middle, and Alex Russell on the right. (Click these gifs, they embiggen.) Now give 'em a good long look and tell us in the comments who you'd DO DUMP or MARRY!

.

Rise With Radcliffe

.

I had no idea until director Greg McLean just tweeted this - his new movie, the survival drama Jungle starring Daniel Radcliffe and Thomas Kretschmann and Alex Russell that we've told you about several times (watch the trailer here), is out on demand here in the US today! Here's a link to the Apple Store, which is the only one I can find - that will open iTunes, so be prepared for that. Anyway I should've been paying more attention - McLean's been posting links to reviews of the film all week long and somehow I missed all of that noise. I hope it's good - I liked McLean's last movie (the nihilist corporate melee of The Belko Experiment) quite a bit so it'd be nice to have him on an upswing.

Welcome to the Jungle

.

Thanks to Collider for that there first poster for Greg McLean's upcoming movie Jungle, which we shared the trailer for back in June. In case you couldn't tell it stars Daniel Radcliffe, but besides him there's also Alex Russell and Thomas Kretschmann on board the tale of sweaty survival. There is also a pile of new stills from the movie right here. It's out on October 20th.

And hey did somebody say Thomas Krestchmann? It's Tom's birthday - the German actor is turning 55 today! Click on back through our archives for him (or just click here if you want to get right to the point) if you know what's good for you. And here just for fun are a couple cute pictures of Thomas hanging out with South Korean superstar Song Kang-ho and Ryu Jun-yeol on the set of their new movie A Taxi Driver. (click to embiggen)

Who Will Survive, And Will They Be Hot?

.

Today's turning out to be a real banner "Alex Russell" day - we just reminisced about that time Alex made out with Sullivan Stapleton in Cut Snake on as we wished the latter a happy 40th birthday, and now here we've got a great big fancy movie trailer starring him and Harry Potter to share! And not just that - it was directed by Greg McLean, the director of Wolf Creek and The Belko Experiment.

The film is called Jungle and we previously told you about it right here - it is based on the true story (aka this dude's book) of four backpackers who got lost in the South American jungle and face down all manner of natural foes - the shot of the spider was the moment I squicked out; let's see how long y'all can last!

.

.

To answer this post's title I don't think all the characters are surviving - an awful lot of folks seem to disappear as the story progresses! - but they all stay hot here, at least. Phew. Anyway the film is premiering at the Melbourne International Film Festival in August and will presumably flap its wings across the ocean our way some time after that - this doesn't seem like the sort of project we need to worry about not making its way over, with a cast like it has. (thanks Glenn!) Oh and it also stars Thomas Kretschmann, in case that wasn't already enough sweaty sexiness to go around.

I Am Link

.

--- Big Man Messina - I'm all about sharing old news stories today, as long as they're about hot pieces of course - I totally missed that the oft-nude Chris Messina (who we just discovered last night is a miniature version of a person) was cast as the male lead in Sharp Objects opposite Amy Adams, which is basically Jean-Marc Vallee's Big Little Lies chick lit miniseries sequel. (I know that the term "chick lit" has fallen out of favor because it's seen as a negative but "melodrama" is also seen as a negative, by assholes, so who cares what assholes think.) Sharp Objects was written by Gone Girl author Gillian Flynn and it's about a reporter who just got out of the crazy house who has to go to her hometown to cover the murder of two young girls. Messina is a detective working on the case. He and Adams previously played lovey-dovey in that Julia Child movie, so they must've enjoyed the experience.

--- People Polley - Sarah Polley is in the middle of shooting her Margaret Atwood adaptation Alias Grace for Netflix and we don't know yet when that will be out but she's already announcing what she's doing next - she's signed on to direct a film of Zoe Whittall's 2016 book The Best Kind Of People, which is about a family whose patriarch is accused of sexual misconduct at the school he works at. Anybody read the book? It sounds like something Polley could make magic of, honestly. And I'm sure she could get any actors she wants at this point.

--- Hurrah For Handmaids - Speaking of Margaret Atwood though she's been doing the interview rounds which is always a welcome turn of events - I was riveted by this gigantic piece on her in The New Yorker; it's long but entirely worth it. And Time talked with her and the star of the upcoming Handmaid's Tale miniseries Elizabeth Moss too - you can read that right here. (thanks Mac)
.

--- Super Soldier - Josh Brolin has won the Cable sweepstakes over the likes of Michael Shannon and David Harbour, and will play the buzz-cutted future warrior in Deadpool 2 opposite the beloved beefcake honky Ryan Reynolds. So prepare yourselves for lots of wink wink insinuated sexual heat between Ryan and Josh, I guess. It won't go further than that because duh, but I am sure Ryan will have fun with that.

--- Childhood Sucks - I had totally forgotten that Let the Right One In was getting turned into a TV series by Teen Wolf creator Jeff Davis; I don't remember if I even mentioned it when it was announced. But I know I didn't mention this other news about it, which is actually six months old at this point but I can't believe I missed it - Thomas Kretschmann was cast in the role of a police inspector who's been chasing the vampire Eli around... a role that sounds a lot like Thomas' stab at Van Helsing for that crappy Dracula show, actually. What a weird thing to get typecast as. Anyway all the news about this show was about a pilot back in October so I'm not even sure it's actually a thing that is happening now.

--- And Speaking of horror shows that I forgot were happening a trailer was just released for the series of Stephen King's The Mist, which you can watch and read a little about over at The Film Experience. I wonder how they're fitting this in with the anthology King series called Castle Rock that JJ Abrams is producing for Hulu -- if there will be any big foggy monster overlap, I mean.

--- Hot Cha Cha - I've never seen the campy 1953 Joan Crawford movie called Torch Song but that didn't stop me from laughing my ass off at this take on the movie (as well as some criticism of Feud) over at Shadowplay. Specifically the bit about the movie's black-face routine, which... I mean, my god. Have any of you taken in the spectacle of this movie? I totally need to, right?

--- Peaks TV - The New York Times chatted with David Lynch about the new Twin Peaks, as much as anybody can "chat" with David Lynch - while he doesn't say anything as delightful as he did in that GQ interview I quoted a couple of weeks back he does make it clear that the new show is meant to be seen as a whole:

"Lynch himself will not answer questions pertaining to the plot of the new “Twin Peaks.” Additionally, he insists that the 18 individual installments of the series must be called parts, not episodes, offering a cogent auteur-like explanation: “This is a feature. An 18-hour feature, broken up into 18 parts.”

.

--- And Finally Finally a new trailer for the great-looking Gothic Trash My Cousin Rachel starring Rachel Weisz and Sam Claflin's Surprisingly Big Ass (which we previously discussed here) has been released and I have to say I really want to see this jazz, much to my shock and awe. I mean it's not so far out of my wheelhouse - I adore lurid Gothic Trash, with everybody sweating through their lacy things, after all - this movie just wasn't on my radar at all before the first trailer rolled around.

.

.

Today's Mood

.

Which Is Hotter?

.

(pics via) Thomas Kretschmann works a lot - he's got seven projects in production right this minute - but most of it scoots on by me, unseen, unless it's his don't-blink role in the Captain America saga or something of that ilk. Still I keep my eyes peeled for him because well you know why. He does have two projects coming up that've caught my attention - he is the bad guy (big shock, I know) opposite Dominic Cooper in Stratton (sadly the trailer for this movie turned out to be terrible), and he's starring opposite Daniel Radcliffe & Alex Russell in Greg McLean's film Jungle, which I told you about right here. (We're trying to forget the last Greg McLean movie right now, and be hopeful.) 

So anyway perhaps we'll still get a good fix of Kretch comin' up. But for today, which is his 54th birthday, we look back at two of his roles we've looked at a billion times - where we first saw him (King Kong) and where we fell in lust with him (The Stendhal Syndrome)...

.

I Am Link

.

--- God of Buzz - Mark Ruffalo's been posting some shots on Instagram from the set of the third Thor movie, currently filming, and because Chris Hemsworth has got short hair in the make-up trailer now everybody thinks that Thor might maybe get a haircut! I'd be fine with that, I think Chris is much better-looking with shorter hair, but that's not really what straight-dude comic-nerds are worried about, at least not anywhere save their subconscious. Anyway these pictures could just be Chris before he puts his wig on, so this could be nothing. Nothing!

--- The Devil I Do - I am surprised to see that the Polish demonic possession wedding comedy called Demon, which I saw at MoMA earlier this year as part of their "New Directors New Films" series and which I dug quite a bit, is even getting a release, it's very strange. But a release it is, at least of the limited sort before hitting VOD, and you should most definitely seek it out. The date is September 9th. There is a trailer for it which you can watch right here, although it might be better to go in to this bizarre movie blind.

--- Prison Break - Have any of you seen the Steve McQueen movie Papillon? I have not but it's about to get remade with Charlie Hunnam (who we were just talking about) (okay we're always "just" talking about Charlie, you got us) in the McQueen role and Rami Malek in the Dustin Hoffman role, so I just wondering if I should bother, or wait for this one. Okay, nevermind, looking up pictures of Steve McQueen in prison just now I have convinced myself - I should totally bother.

--- Island Living - Ira Sachs, whose very good new film Little Men is out this weekend and which I will review tomorrow, is setting up a TV project that sounds pretty fantastic - it's called Christodora and it's based on a recent novel by Tim Murphy (anybody read it?) which sounds perfectly tailored to his strengths. It's about the interconnected lives of a bunch of people who live in one East Village building over the course of several decades. Maybe it'll be a New York Tales of the City? Oh and  Cary Fukunaga is producing it.

--- Action Beats - I think you guys know how deep and hard and long (ahem) my love for Dominic Cooper runs, so I think I can be forgiven here in advance saying that the trailer for his upcoming military-action-thriller called Stratton, which you can watch right here, is a total snooze-fest. I watched the entire thing hoping that it'd at least give me a glimpse of Dominic Cooper & Tyler Hoechlin (or Thomas Kretschmann!) making out, or something, anything, but no, just noise and fury and shaky-cam cliches, blurgh. This is the movie that Henry Cavill dropped out of at the last minute and I am shocked, shocked, to think Henry might've been onto something.

--- The Final Frontier - I haven't been keeping up with this because lord knows once Ryan Murphy starts yapping he'll never stop and we'll know everything from the plot to the size of Matt Bomer's underpants before he's through, but I guess TMZ got some pictures from the set of the sixth season of American Horror Story and blah blah spoilers click over if you don't care. I will say that I think it's a good idea if it's where they are going, and it's not at all what I was expecting either.

--- And Finally we have a date and we have a teaser trailer for Christopher Guest's new film Mascots! The film, which gives sports mascots the Best in Show treatment, will hit Netflix on October 13th; it stars the usual troupe of Guest regulars - you got your Bob Balaban in my Parker Posey! - with some new faces like the terrific Chris O' Dowd (Am I the only person who like Family Tree?), but the teaser doesn't show anybody just yet...
.
.

Lead Me Into Darkness

.

So it turns out I am terrible at what I do here, and y'all need to just flip me the bird and be done with me - I have failed us all! Here I am, in charge of keeping track of shit like this news and where have I been? With my head wedged up Zac Efron's ass instead. I am worthless. Worthless! 

So what am I on about? Apparently a full THREE WEEKS ago it was announced that Wolf Creek director Greg McLean is making a movie this summer in Australia called Jungle, about "three young men who enter the Amazonian jungle with a mysterious guide." The actors attached? Thomas Kretschmann (who I assume is playing the guide; pic via) and Alex Russell (the Chronicle cutie was most recently seen making out with Sullivan Stapleton in Cut Snake) and some dude named Daniel Radcliffe. It's based on a true story, a memoir written by Yossi Ghinsberg.

And as if me missing that news wasn't enough horror to turn you off my blather forever and ever there's also the fact that Greg McLean HAS A MOVIE OUT IN A MONTH that I had COMPLETELY forgotten about. It's called The Darkness (we have posted about it before when it was called 6 Miranda Drive) and it stars Kevin Bacon as the father of a family who "returns from a Grand Canyon vacation with a supernatural presence in tow." It is out on May 11th, for god's sake! There's a trailer, even! Shame shame on me.

.

.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

.

... perfecting my backstroke with Thomas Kretschmann.

Happy 53, Thomas!

.

Good Morning-ish, World

.

We're running slightly late today - I've been busy setting up my new work computer. Anyway remember how I said at the start of this week that things would be scattered around here for a bit? Yeah we're really plunking ourselves down into that now; the next week will be even more touch-n-go. We won't be posting at all tomorrow, and next week... well I have no idea at this point. Prepare thyself! As for these pictures, which are all you really care about, that's Joel Edgerton in Separation City, which we just posted a picture of Thomas Kretschmann molesting himself in the other day - Joel & Tom are in a movie together and I haven't seen it? Blasphemer.

Dig Deeper Thomas Kretschmann

.

Über Kraut Thomas Kretschmann was last sadly seen (spoiler alert) with his brains splattered all over a wall in the Avengers sequel -- I would so watch a prequel involving him and Aaron Taylor Johnson having, you know, exploits or whatever. But didn't that kill shot seem out-of-place violent in Age of Ultron? Kretschmann my Kretschmann deserved finer treatment. 

Anyway I wish Thomas got better work - he's got several projects lined up according to IMDb but when the villain role in the "somehow this isn't straight to DVD" video-game adaptation no-name sequel Hitman: Agent 47 is the highlight, things ain't stellar. He is making a movie with Lee Tamahori, the director of The Devil's Double though! Maybe at least he'll do what he did with Dominic Cooper and give us the Kretshcmann Ass Fest we all desire.

.