Good Morning, World

Here's a fun thing I stumbled upon this week -- a 1996 Canadian T.V. movie called Giant Mine (about you guessed it a giant mine) which features our Forever Canadian Boyfriend Scott Speedman in a small, butt-baring role! Scott's been notoriously stingy when it comes to the skin so this is a true treasure. X marks the butt! The entire movie is up on YouTube in the same shitty quality as these gifs so needless to say -- I watched only the Naked Scott Speedman part. But by all means go spend the next 90 minutes of your life watching the 1996 Canadian T.V. film called Giant Mine about a giant mine Who am I to judge? The world's a shitshow, we all need all the 90-minutes-of-distractions we can get. For the rest of us just hit the jump for a couple more gifs...

Good Morning, World

What's that? Did I call it a "good" morning? I did! And on a Monday so less. Listen I've just decided -- and yes get back to me in a year's time and we'll see how resolute I'm feeling -- that I am, in the memorable words of The Handmaid's Tale, "Nolite te Bastardes Carborundorum" aka I am not letting the bastards get me down. We've got each other and we've got Scott Speedman half-naked and I am seeing Nosferatu tonight for the moment that's enough for me, dammit. (These gifs are from a new movie called Cellar Door that Scott stars in with Jordana Brewster which you can rent right here -- has anybody watched it yet? I have not.) Anyway that's my attitude this morning. I wish you good people a good morning and fuck the rest of 'em. On that note hit the jump for a couple more gifs...

Scott, Scott on the Range

We do not get nearly enough Scott Speedman news -- when was the last time I saw him, David Cronenberg's Crimes of the Future? -- so I jumped on this when it got announced yesterday: him and The Handmaid's Tale's stellar Yvonne Stravinski are set to lead a new horror series from producer James Wan! It's called Teacup and it's based on the book Stinger by Robert McCammon and here is how it is decribed:

"The series follows a disparate group of people on a ranch who must come together in the face of a mysterious threat."

Wow, so wildly specific! Also working on the show (I think as the showrunner or head-writer at least although Deadline isn't super clear) is Yellowstone writer Ian McCulloch, so from that fact and that vague description I am guessing this is just Yellowstone with monsters. Which, sure, give me Scott Speedman as a dirty ranchhand in tight jeans and/or chaps fighting monsters, I'll happily watch that. (I'll add that a cursory look at the book's Amazon description offers a lot more info -- think giant space bugs.)

Scott Speedman Five Times

Does anybody else just randomly have that scene in David Cronenberg's Crimes of the Future with the power drill and the backside of Scott Speedman's beautiful head pop into their mind every so often? Is it just me? I don't think we collectively talked about that scene enough -- that was some shit! And now I want to re-watch Crimes of the Future. Perhaps this weekend. (Here was my review at the time, and no, I don't believe I mentioned the power-drill myself.) Anyway let's set the record straight -- Scott Speedman's beautiful head is just fine thank you very much, as you can see in these fine photos for InStyle magazine back in September. Hit the jump for the full shoot...  

I've Seen the Future (Trailer), Baby...

As promise-threatened yesterday with that super-ooky other poster for the film that I shared the first trailer for David Cronenber's Crimes of the Future has arrived and this shit is hardcore -- it's like the past twenty years that DC spent not making Body Horror Movies all knotted up and twisted inside his intestines and this beautiful freak-fest just up and burst out one day through his belly-button, fully formed and thick with mess. Oh my god I am so excited my knees are buckling. 

Starring David's favorite pervert Viggo Mortensen alongside the ever-game Kristen Stewart and Léa Seydoux and hey-ohhh who's that hot bearded boy that we see for a split second there...

... oh right, Scott fuckin' Speedman is in this too, huzzah! Crimes of the Future will play Cannes and then it will hit U.S. theaters on June 3rd -- dude that is less than a month from now! As much as I have enjoyed many of the movies that Cronenberg's made over the past two decades I couldn't be happier that he went back to his familiar stomping grounds and decided to throw it all at us at once in one big deviant nightmare -- when your name has become an adjective it means something to people, I am glad he could embrace it again and show us whatcha still got, baby! My man. 

Scott Speedman Three Times

I'm trapped inside some weird ring of hell today where nothing technology based will obey my commands and so I've been staring at spinning wheels and black screens for hours and I'm on the verge of full snapping, going full postal, but at least I've got these three new photos of the actor Scott Speedman to stare at, maybe talk me down a tad (via). Not really, but they're nice anyway! Hit the jump for them while I try not to hit the jump out my window...

Twinkle Twinkle Little Travis Van Winkle

Been thinking about Travis Van Winkle a lot this week since...

Ohhhh, this might get to finally watch YOU pic.twitter.com/NC3eHEHId5

— My New Dead Pants (@JAMNPP) October 15, 2021

... I tweeted that image; I still haven't started watching You but with that and with the Scott Speedman news (the news: he's on it) I really probably will soon. It's weird how little Travis I have posted here over the years, although to show proof of his longevity I point you to the first "Gratuitous Travis Van Winkle" post I did in 2008 here and the second one I did in 2017 right here, and now here we are, another four years on poring over him yet again -- for someone who I couldn't tell you what I know him from (the Friday the 13th remake I guess?) he's had lasting power! Then again look at him. No seriously look, I have a few new photos after the jump...

Scott Speedman Six Times

While I am incredibly happy to see it happening I didn't expect such a sudden Scott Speedman bump in content coming at me so fast -- I need a breath! The former Felicity actor turned Hot Werewolf was off making the Animal Kingdom series for awhile and then he apparently, IMDb is telling me, he was on Grey's Anatomy... but you could tell me that they resurrected the corpse of Minnie Pearl and she was currently playing a doctor on Grey's Anatomy and I'd believe you. (Sidenote: I am incredibly gullible.) Anyway point being I hadn't seen him in a bit but suddenly in the past couple of weeks he's reasserted himself into my world -- just in time for his role in David Cronenberg's next movie, too. Anyway this shoot is for Schön! magazine (via) and it's heavy on the plaid pants so I am taking this as an arrow aimed straight at my... heart? Sure, heart, let's go with that. Hit the jump for the rest...

You Talkin' To Me

Getting lots of comments about Penn Badgley's series You on my Scott Speedman post from this morning because apparently Scott, without me knowing it, shows up on the new season of that series -- anyway this offers me a terrific excuse to also share these new photos of Penn (via, thx Mac) as I leave the building a smidge early for yet another press screening. I really should watch You at some point, I know, it checks off so many of my boxes. And is there any way for me to use the word "box" again in reference to what Penn Badgley still does for me without it sounding seriously filthy? Probably not. I am okay with that. Hit the jump for more Penn...

Good Morning, World

Been awhile since I checked in on Scott Speedman -- been so long I didn't even know he had started an Instagram account, but he did, and yesterday he shared this photo (under the auspices that Drew Barrymore shared that photo with her audience on her talk show -- way to deflect the need-for-thirst, Scott), and for this we are grateful no matter the circuitous route. Anyway I was about to be like, "What the hell's Scott been up to?" but thankfully I run a movie-blog and I have posted myself what he's up to, but just forgot. He's in the next David Cronenberg movie! A new version of one of DC's earliest films Crimes of the Future -- I actually think all it might share will be a title, but we'll find out soon enough since IMDb has it listed as being in "post-production" when I don't know if I even knew it had shot. Anyway other names in the cast are Cronenberg regular Viggo Mortensen alongside Kristen Stewart and Léa Seydoux -- this is one sexy cool cast y'all.

Future Filling Out Fast

This was a fast update on yesterday's news! Yesterday I reported that David Cronenberg was officially back, set to direct a movie called Crimes of the Future this summer with his boy Viggo Mortensen in Greece, and today we have confirmation along with many more details thanks to Deadline. Firstly, more cast -- it will so-star Léa Seydoux, Kristen Stewart, and (swoon) Scott Speedman. I love Scott Speedman but I never expected to see him in a David Cronenberg movie! I am thinking his Canadian-ness got his pretty pretty foot in the door. 

Moving along I wondered yesterday if Crimes of the Future (2021) might not be a remake of his 1970 film which has the exact same name, but it sounds like it is not... well save one plot-point from the older film I read about in my research yesterday. Here's what Deadline is saying about the new film:

"This is the first original sci-fi script by Cronenberg since 1999’s eXistenZ. It sounds just as ambitious, taking a deep dive into the not-so-distant future where humankind is learning to adapt to its synthetic surroundings. This evolution moves humans beyond their natural state and into a metamorphosis, altering their biological makeup. While some embrace the limitless potential of trans-humanism, others attempt to police it. Either way, “Accelerated Evolution Syndrome”, is spreading fast. Saul Tenser is a beloved performance artist who has embraced Accelerated Evolution Syndrome, sprouting new and unexpected organs in his body. Along with his partner Caprice, Tenser has turned the removal of these organs into a spectacle for his loyal followers to marvel at in real time theatre. But with both the government and a strange subculture taking note, Tenser is forced to consider what would be his most shocking performance of all."

The whole "organ regrowth" thing is apparently in the 1970 film (which I have yet to watch, even though I own a copy), although there's a whole plot about a plague wiping out all the adult women on Earth and the organ thing being a fetishized replacement for birth, which... well it sure sounds like David Cronenberg. As does this new plot! And "Saul Tenser" is such a Cronenberg character name. Couldn't be more giddy about all of this. Kristen Stewart too! Getcha freak on, KStew!

The Moment I Fell For... James Marsden

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The teen horror film Disturbing Behavior starring Jimmy and Katie Holmes (and a great little turn from Nick Stahl) was released 20 years ago today and I'm sure I saw it opening weekend in college because I saw all the horror films opening weekend in college right then. In fact they often held preview screenings for us privileged kids - I know I saw Scream 2 and I Know What You Did Last Summer that way so it's possible the same happened for DB. 

Anyway I'm trying to recall if I knew who Marsden was before this movie - he'd done a bunch of TV like The Nanny and Party of Five and Blossom, so it's possible I'd seen him one of those places. He had also done some modeling...

... that I very well might have been aware of, ahem. But I certainly knew who he was after this movie, and apparently so did Bryan Singer because just two years later Marsden got cast as Cyclops in the X-Men movies and we've been blessed with Jimmy ever since.

Any fans of Disturbing Behavior? I honestly haven't seen it since it came out so you'll have to tell me if it holds up - I remember thinking it was decent at the time, but clearly not enough to re-watch it dozens of times like some of its contemporaries, aka the Scream movies and the Ryan Phillippe shower scene in I Know What You Did Last Summer. Speaking of...

... while researching this post I read that Marsden apparently turned down Phillippe's role in 54, which came out this same summer (exactly a month later actually) and I wonder what that story is. It's easy to project some career-based homophobia onto that - Ryan had already played gay stuff at that point in his career but Marsden took a few more years; tell me if I'm wrong but I don't think he did anything gay-ish until 2004's The 24th Day with Scott Speedman?

James hasn't shied away since though, giving same-sex a spin in movies like The Heights and The D Train, so he's forgiven. And I like watching Ryan Phillippe in 54 anyway so that turned out okay. So next up for Jimmy, between Westworld seasons anyway...

... is the Sonic the Hedgehog movie (man I don't know, don't look at me), which funny enough he was just spotted on that set today - see more pictures over here. He is playing a police officer, it seems, and... not a Hedgehog. That's probably for the best.
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Good Morning, World

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If you'd have told me back in 1998 that the male cast-member of The Faculty who'd go on to flash his ass every chance he got would be Shawn Hatosy (and not Josh Hartnett or Usher or hell even Elijah Wood) I'd have said... well I'd have been fine with that then and I am fine with it now. On Southland (see here) and now on Animal Kingdom (with yet another large ensemble of men who should be showing off their asses) Shawn has shown a willingness to throw himself right into a show's gratuitous shower scenes with gusto, and Shawn, we love you for it. Has anybody been keeping up with Animal Kingdom? I am way way behind...

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

The Strangers (2008)

Kristen: She's watching us.
James: She looks like a ghost.
Do you want me to go talk to her?
Kristen: They don't want to talk.
James: Well they want something.
People don't just stand out there, staring
at us like that. They want something.

A happy 10 to Brian Bertino's super great horror film The Strangers today! Here is my original review from when it came out. And our pal Joe Reid wrote up a nice tribute to the film over at Decider this morning, go check that out. I wouldn't go as far as Joe did to call it the best horror film of the past decade (in very related news hey look Martyrs is turning 10 this fall) but it's excellent and very scary indeed, says me. 

And I'm curious - have any of you seen Bertino's two directorial follow-ups - there's the found-footage-esque Mockingbird in 2014 which I personally dug (here's my review), and then there's The Monster, 2016's movie about a mom (Zoe Kazan) and her daughter who find themselves trapped on a deserted stretch of road with... something... stalking them outside. 

I saw The Monster but a check of the archive shows I never reviewed it - I certainly can't do that now, it having been two years since I saw it, but I remember thinking it fine. Of course with something like The Strangers right out of the gate we fans don't really want "fine" - we're still waiting and hoping Bertino will truly terrify us again.

Bertino got a writing credit on the Strangers sequel, The Strangers: Prey At Night, which came out in March (and which you can rent on Amazon right now) but I'm not sure how involved he ultimately was in the end - anyway I coincidentally watched that over the weekend, so here are my thoughts. It doesn't really work. It follows basically the exact same formula as the first movie - the opening introduction to the characters is pretty protracted; it takes the time to let us marinate in their issues. 

In this case it's Ye Olde Nuclear Family, Dad and Mom and Son and Daughter - the latter's a Bad Girl who they're carting off to reform school when dun dun dun they find themselves trapped with masked marauders in a middle-of-nowhere trailer park. All that is fine - Christina Hendricks is once again the best thing in a project well beneath her talents, and Martin Henderson is more DILF than the screen can handle - but once the scares start coming the film relies on the characters acting tremendously stupid time after time after time after time to the point of audience frustration. At a certain point you're just ready for them all to die because of how dumb they've been. 

Take for instance one scene where one of the characters gets trapped in a car and then just sits there, literally just sits there, and lets the killer walk up and murder them without even so much as swatting a hand. That is a thing that happens. It's incredibly frustrating, especially in light of how gorgeous the movie is at times - there are shots of the lone streetlights hanging above empty roads in misty nighttime air that are breathtaking. But sadly the rest of the movie just doesn't live up to its cinematography's level.

Scott Speedman Two Times

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I just saw that Scott is going to be on Grey's Anatomy? Look at the video - it's him in scrubs! I don't watch that show - I have never watched that show, not even in its halcyon days of Doctor McDreamy - but they sure do just keep on keeping don't they? Hottest batch of TV Doctors ever, I think - they make the cast of E.R. look like a smattering of stump-necked Orcs.

Scott Speedman Four Times

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Ahh, a sweet treat! We don't get Scott Speedman photo-shoots nearly as often as I want to look at Scott Speedman. (via) Have any of you been keeping up with Animal Kingdom? I have not, to my chagrin - I watched about half the first season and I was really digging it but I fell off because oh my god who has any time for anything anymore and haven't had the chance to catch back up yet. Hopefully some day...

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With Theo James... In 3D!

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Every time the ghost of Kate Beckinsale is summoned into my life my boyfriend and I have a laugh about the ads for Underworld 3D which sold the film as "Stare at Kate Beckinsale's boobs in a leather catsuit... in 3D!" so this clip from the new Underworld movie made me laugh -- it's totally selling Theo James' tits in much the same way. Progress, people! This is progress.

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Maybe it's the fact that this installment's directed by a woman? (Good riddance, Len Wiseman!) And hey maybe they can get Scott Speedman to return and make out with Theo James? Just a suggestion. There's still time for reshoots.

Anyway if you're here for more Theo James, as I know you are, I won't let you down -- hit the jump for several more gifs...

How Much Is That Monster In The Window

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One week ago today I shared with you people the trailer for The Monster, the new horror film from the director of The Strangers starring Zoe Kazan and Scott Speedman, and I expressed some confusion over the film's release date -- IMDb said the film was out on November 11th, aka this very day today! Could that even be right? Well it apparently is, says the studio A24...

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A fearless mother & her daughter fight to the death against a grotesque phallic monster. Fuck escapism. Watch THE MONSTER! pic.twitter.com/XoHWjqV0oA

— A24 (@A24) November 11, 2016

Wait..... did they just say
"a grotesque phallic monster"???
I AM SO THERE.

That's No Monster That's Scott Speedman

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How did I miss this?!?!? The trailer for The Monster, the new movie by The Strangers director Bryan Bertino, dropped online a few weeks ago and this is the first I'm hearing about it. Damn. And if you watch the trailer below and wonder why I am illustrating this post with a picture of Scott Speedman since he isn't in the trailer do know he is supposedly in the movie, but I guess his role doesn't fit neatly into the cut they were going for, which simplifies the film down to "mother and daughter on a road in the middle of nowhere with... something." But it looks creepy, Speedman or no Speedman.

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IMDb has the film coming out next week!
But I'm not so sure I believe that.
A24's website doesn't say anything, date-wise.
I guess we'll stay tuned...
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Quote of the Day

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"For years I was so nervous about doing shirtless scenes. I was like, 'Why would I take my shirt off' in this scene or that scene. I'm always very nervous about doing it. Why would my character be taking their shirt off? I would be in abed with a woman and I'd be like, 'Give me a sweater.' These guys were surfers and I thought I know I'm going to have to do it."

... I had to finally do my first shirtless scene and I was going to commit to it. So we started doing the scene and the moment comes and I take it off and finish the scene and the director comes over and says, 'Great job. We're going to go again. Keep the shirt on this time.' It was the shame of putting the shirt back on and the one tear going down my cheek."

-- That's Scott Speedman on Colbert last night - watch the clip here - talking about his role on Animal Kingdom, which begins airing on June 14th. They seem to have realized their mistake and wised up after the fact though, because they sure do play up his shirtlessness in the show's trailers and now in that new promotional photo seen above. And a good thing, too!

Scott speaks the truth though - we here at MNPP have always cherished the moments, few and far too far between for someone of his hotness level, when Scott Speedman has allowed himself to drop the top. When I stumbled upon that scene of him in a speedo on Felicity it was my jaw doing the dropping - I never thought I'd see that! And then there was that long scene in little swim trunks in that movie Barney's Version, which we capped the ever loving hell out of. Anyway the point is - never let anybody discourage you from flashing your finer bits, Scott Speedman.