Receive Me Brother, With Your Faithless Kiss

A note to everybody in the business of casting and making movies -- hire Matthias Schoenaerts. His specific mixture of sweet, sad, and bulkily intimidating always brings a heap of bang for its buck, to my eye -- I have yet to see a movie that wasn't made a little to a lot better just by Matthias being in it. (Okay maybe A Little Chaos, but that was one hundred percent that terrible wig's fault.) And so it goes for Brothers By Blood,(formerly titled The Sound of Philadelphia), director Jérémie Guez's languorous dissection of crime-family dynamics, set to strike VOD and some theaters this week. (Watch the trailer here.) A textbook case in "Hire Matthias Schoenaerts" if ever there was.

Schoenaerts plays Peter, another one of the introspective boxer-types that he could play in his sleep at this point. But Matthias, bless his bulk, never sleeps, even when he's called on again to be oh-so world-weary -- he remains keenly watchable even at his most somnambulistic, monosyllabic; he resonates like a quiet little bull in the corner of the china-shop standing on its tippy-toes trying so hard to not smash the world. By now Matthias can virtuoso out the tension of that un-smashing -- he's forever the lean-back to a punch, one that doesn't always come. One that might morph into a hug, a big bear one, given the correct alignment of hugging circumstances.

Peter specifically seems to just want to box and blend into the Philadelphia night shadows, but he's unfortunately for him cousins with an erratic and mildly-deranged small-time crime-boss Michael (Joel Kinnaman, hobbling and viper-eyed), who exploits Peter's meat-packing presence to his constant advantage. When the menu calls for intimidation, Michael calls up Peter to his side. Kinnaman, leaning on a cane, somehow inverts his own hulking presence, seeming more like a rat blown up to human-size; scraggly and feral under baggy person clothes. He limps in all the senses.

But besides their violent business relationship Peter and Michael are more than just cousins -- when the movie starts they do seem like friends, semi-confidantes, and at that maybe even the brothers of blood referenced in the title; that final note even moreso as the film metes out their family story in scattered flashback. The boys' crime-history, sordid and sad, becomes their crime-present with overlapping lines of betrayal, all tied and twisted into a crime-future of who knows. No good though. That's for certain in these sorts of stories. Hugs be damned.   

Meanwhile there's also Paul Schneider playing their in-over-his-head old friend, and Maika Monroe as his sister visiting town who quickly becomes The Girl caught in between the cousin-brothers. And in flashback we have a whiskey-faced Ryan Phillippe playing Peter's father, distraught with grief and plotting stupid revenge that will probably cause the whole house, multiple houses even, to crumble. Every past has its moments, some more than most.

But side-characters aside it's mainly the Schoenaerts & Kinnaman Show. And while Brothers By Blood might not be something I've never seen before -- even if Guez does have a great eye for wet city shadows and sad plastered walls, giving this place the sort of dilapidated sense you can smell -- those two actors do manage to make something often worth watching out of some pretty familiar scraps. Are they totally believable as Irish-Americans? That, my friends, is a stretch best forgetting. But they're both immensely watchable all the same, and Schoenaerts in particular, man, the dude just bear-hugs out wonders time and again with whatever you hand him. He fills the screen on his own.

With Brothers Like This...

Oh the hits are coming hard and fast this afternoon -- now I've got the first trailer for Brothers By Blood (which used to be called The Sound of Philadelphia, which it's weirdly still listed as on IMDb) starring Matthias Schoenaerts and Joel Kinnaman! Naturally, as it stars Matthias Schoenaerts and Joel Kinnaman, I have been all over this movie like beard hairs on Matthias' pillow since the moment I first heard about it a couple years back -- it has Matthias playing a guy who's trying to get out of his criminal family just as his close cousin (Kinnaman) becomes more involved with the bad shit. 

Not a plot we've never heard before, for sure -- heck even Matthias has starred in a couple of movies already that sound just like it! -- but I really liked director Jérémie Guez's last film (the post-apocalyptic Zombies-take-Paris flick The Night That Eats the World, reviewed here) and... well you know the "and." It stars Matthias and Joel, for god's sake! It also, for that matter, co-stars Paul Schneider, Maika Monroe, and Ryan Phillippe. Here's the trailer:

Brothers By Blood hits Theaters + VOD on January 22nd.

Pics of the Day

It's been so long since we've heard anything about The Sound of Philadelphia -- the Philly Mafia movie from French writer-director Jérémie Guez (he wrote the very fine zombie-apocalypse movie The Night That Eats the World a couple of years back) that stars Matthias Schoenaerts and Joel Kinnaman -- that I'd somewhat forget it was happening. So I'm happy to be reminded it's not only happening, but imminent, with the film opening up an Insta account on the verge of its premiere at the Deauville Film Fest happening... well right about now, I think? Other hot pieces in the movie -- Ryan Phillippe, Maika Monroe, and Paul Schneider. See all my previous posts here -- hope this is something special, and we get it over here in the States sooner rather than not sooner.

5 Off My Head: Quarantine Watches

.

One of the things that fell by the wayside over these past few strange weeks was my updating of the site's right-hand column where I list the things I have recently watched -- ohh I been watching shit, have I ever. I just hadn't sat down and updated that and that is a problem that multiplies with time, as the list grows longer and the work gets heftier... anyway point is I finally updated it today because I wanted to do this.

What is this, you ask? Besides another example of me jerking myself off (verbally, of course) for an entire paragraph? This is, or is about to be, a list of the best things I have watched so far during these here Quarantine Days. Last week I asked y'all what you have been watching and I got  ton of lovely and appreciated replies, with plenty of suggestions that've been added to my own future-viewings list -- now tis my turn. Here are the five best new-to-me things I have watched over the past 33 days and counting.

The 5 Best Quarantine First-Time Watches

Tales From the Loop -- I have been singing this Amazon Prime series' praises every chance I get on Twitter but inexplicably I have not taken a moment for it here on the site proper (not since the show was first announced way back when anyway) so let me make this clear: Tales From the Loop is my new everything. I've watched it twice now, some episodes three times, and the last time I've done that with a TV show... well in this amount of time I don't know that I have ever done that with a TV show. 

If you don't know what the hell I'm talking about Tales From the Loop is a low-fi sci-fi series produced by Matt "all those Apes movies" Reeves and Mark "Never Let Me Go" Romanek that was inspired by Swedish artist Simon Stålenhag's paintings (one seen above) of giant sad robots standing in prairies and the like. (And yes I am indeed pissed off I didn't buy a copy of his books when I first heard about this series because now they're worth way more money.) The show stars Rebecca Hall and Paul Schneider and Jonathan Pryce and Jane Alexander and lots more people whose names you might not recognize, and it set in a small town in maybe the 1980s -- they never really say and there are technological things that situate it in maybe an alternate timeline than our own. Like giant sad robots, and such. The feeling is Spielbergian melancholy.

.

Ohhh the wonderful sixth episode of #TalesFromTheLoop (pointedly directed by The One I Love director Charlie McDowell) has EVERYTHING -- parallel dimensions, gay stuff, Jon Kortajarena in a towel, more gay stuff, woodpeckers pic.twitter.com/JPHhBaoti2

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) April 5, 2020

.

Emphasis on melancholy. This show is slow (which will bug some people, but is something I love at least when it's done right), and quiet, and very very sad. Kind of Black Mirror every episode centers on a different character in the town coming into contact with a different piece of abandoned technology, and how that interaction spins out -- there is a floating tractor that switches dimensions (in maybe my favorite episode, the gay sixth one with Jon Kortajarena). Unlike Black Mirror most of these characters are interconnected, and their stories all overlap with one another -- the show really rewards re-watches because a person in the background of one episode suddenly gets their own story later on that makes sense of their earlier interactions... 

I didn't mean to write this much about one entry in this list but I could go on and on and on about Tales From the Loop -- this is a five-star recommendation from yours truly. I adore this show, every frame of it, and hope y'all do too. It carried me away from our terrifying real world situation like nothing else has, and like all you hope a piece of entertainment might when trundling in and spending your time somewhere. A wonderful perfect little sad world I love with all my clicking clanking robot heart. Go watch it and report back!

Crip Camp -- This doc has been on Netflix for a few weeks, I hope y'all have had a chance to watch it by now, but if not, do. It tells the story of how a summer camp for disabled kids during the summer of Woodstock led to its own parallel revolution for disabled rights -- how once those kids got a taste of what it meant to be treated with respect and to not be alone in the world there was no going back. It's deeply moving and inspiring stuff, and if that all sounds heady or heavy let me tell you it's also really very funny too.

.

Giving today over to Sergei Bondarchuk’s seven hour War and Peace pic.twitter.com/QgxDwpEijr

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) March 17, 2020

.

War & Peace -- Sergey Bondarchuk's epic and I do mean epic 1966 miniseries adaptation of Tolstoy's epic and I do mean epic book got a much deserved hyper-fancy restoration from Janus Films and Criterion last year, and it played some theaters before getting the Criterion blu-ray treatment and I meant so very much to see it, time and time again, but... that sumbitch is over seven hours long! Let me sit you kiddies down and tell you a story -- once upon a time in a kingdom far far away people were busy with these things called "going places" and "doing things." I didn't have time for a seven hour Russian miniseries!
.

Finishing the final part this AM because last night the bf demanded the TV back from my sloth-fest yesterday; nothing like a little "The Burning of Moscow" the start a day out right amirite (This movie's so epic it makes Gone With the Wind look like Gone With the Slight Draft) pic.twitter.com/pVsN55jVkJ

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) March 18, 2020

.
In March of 2020 however, let's just say... I did. I do, and I did, and I am glad I did, because this is one epic that lives up to epic, and one War and Peace that lives up to its title. There is War, there is Peace, and there is everything that that "and" in the middle implies. I really intend to do a post of its own on this film though, there's enough to talk about with it, so let's... wait and see if that happens. Or if I watch Starship Troopers again. Who can tell! How exciting!

Heaven's Gate -- Like War and Peace this was another one that kept falling through the cracks due to ye olden time constraints -- Michael Camino's infamous 1980 disaster, which bankrupted a studio and ruined his career, runs just under four hours long. And more than W&P I felt the sit of this one at times -- there are scenes, hell maybe even entire arcs, that feel excessive while you're sitting through them.
.

Oh my goodness why didn't any of you ever tell me about Jeff Bridges whole thing in Heaven's Gate -- THIS is the 2020 look pic.twitter.com/fYkyESph1f

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) March 27, 2020

.
But that excess, that cumulative effect, does really stun in the last stretch -- this thing is a hell of a downer, but I was deeply moved by what ultimately becomes a monument to life's pointlessness, to man's indifference. Is that really the Mood one wants to soak one's self in during the Current State of The World? Perhaps not! But it hits its mark with a punch square in the plexus.

From Beyond -- Honestly I'm kind of embarrassed to admit this one... but we're all friends here right? You'd never judge me. So here, among friends, I will now admit that I have for all these years thought that I had seen Stuart Gordon's 1986 Lovecraft adaptation starring his favorite gruesome two-some of Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton, and then Stuart Gordon died and I had myself a little mini-fest of his movies (also seen: Dolls for the 50th time, and Castle Freak for the first... which I also recommend for those with stronger stomachs anyway) and I realized ten minutes into From Beyond that holy squids from hell I ain't never seen none of this glorious pink-tinted gibberish before!

No I don't know how that is -- perhaps a slimy sex-monster from a hell dimension slithered into this one and sucked that part of my brain out lasciviously through my ear cavity -- whatever the case I was delighted by what I saw, absolutely delighted. It's perverse and disgusting and offensive and funny as a three foot dick; I loved every single inch.

Runners-up: The Platform on Netflix

Juliet of the Spirits (Fellini, 1965)

A Cold Wind in August (1961)

Jeanne (Bruno Dumont, 2019)

Home For the Holidays (1972)

.

.

If you didn't share in that earlier post I referenced at the start please share with me here in the comments what you've been watching and loving! Or tell me your thoughts on the above things I just talked about! Whatever! Just talk to me, pretty please.

.

There's No Containing Armie Hammer

.

I'm happy to report some happy Armie news after I wrote that negative review of his horror flicks Wounds last week -- he's heading back to Broadway, and not just for any ol' pile of whatever either. He's co-starring in the new show from August Osage County playwright (not to mention Greta Gerwig's favorite sparkly-eyed curmudgeon) Tracy Letts called The Minutes. The show almost won a Pulitzer when it premiered in Chicago in 2017 -- it's been set to transfer to Broadway ever since but got delayed until now. Here's how Steppenwolf's website describes the show as of then:

"In The Minutes, Tracy Letts’s scathing new comedy about small-town politics and real-world power, the writer who brought you August: Osage County exposes the ugliness behind some of our most closely-held American narratives while asking each of us what we would do to keep from becoming history’s losers."

Starring opposite Armie will be Tony winner Jessie Mueller from Waitress, Fringe and Altered States actress Blair Brown, plus a bunch of other theater actors whose names I don't recognize since I'm not a theater nerd. (Hey I know who Mueller is, that's a lot for me.) This follows Armie's well-enough-received stint on Broadway in Straight White Men, which I saw and even got him to sign my Playbill after, but I can't for the life of me find that picture. You try searching my Twitter account with the word "Armie" and see how much that narrows shit down......

ETA I did some hard digging and found the video:

View this post on Instagram

LOOK AT ARMIE HAMMER AND PAUL SCHNEIDER BEING ADORABLE - and yes I talked to Armie and we made eye contact and his eyes are so so blue #straightwhitemen #armiehammer #paulschneider #broadway #theater #callmebyyourname

A post shared by Jason Adams (@jasonaadams) on Jul 3, 2018 at 6:20pm PDT

Good Morning, Gratuitous Steven Robertson

.

There is a scene in the third episode of the fourth season of the SyFy horror anthology series Channel Zero - the fourth season is subtitled "The Dream Door" by the way - in which our boy Steven Robertson seen here lays down on a bed and has something you could liberally describe as a seizure. It's way more complicated than that, but "seizure" works without giving away the whole show. Anyway until that moment he's presented as a nerdy next door neighbor to the main characters of the show, but as soon as I saw him twitching on that bed I knew we were talking about the Hollywood Idea of Nerd a la Fran Kranz and that Steven Robertson had a killer bod under them clothes, and sure enough one visit to his Instagram marked my suspicions as, per usual, correct. 

I got eyes to see! Anyway I hope we've got Channel Zero fans in the house, because this show is kicking my ass to infinity and beyond and I never hear anybody talk about it, and I wanna talk about it! Please keep in mind I've only watched the first full season (the one titled "Candle Cove" with Paul Schneieder and Fiona Shaw and yes with a cast like this you know Channel Zero ain't fooling around) and three episodes of Season Four so far - don't spoil me! Three episodes into "The Dream Door" and I'm already convinced we've got a Horror Icon in its terrifying manifestation of childhood rage (yes a la The Brood) called Pretzel Jack, a lopsided clown contortionist that crawls out of your closet. Calling him "the stuff of nightmares" doesn't even, uhh, come close.

.

So I have begun watching CHANNEL ZERO (thanks to the ever reliable @theseantcollins rec) and holy humping hell I am going to have so many horrible wonderful nightmares about Pretzel Jack tonight pic.twitter.com/OfTn5pznzA

— Jason Adams (@JAMNPP) January 9, 2019

.

I got about three hours of sleep last night because I was convinced Pretzel Jack was going to pop out of the shadows - the show's got a magnificent ability to up-end your expectations for where and how he might appear, showing him walking through broad daylight for extended periods of time, or throwing a little part of him into the frame suddenly out of nowhere. Invading safe spaces like your psychiatrist's office! It's just masterfully judged and executed horror stuff. Looking it up now I see the entire fourth season was directed by Craig William Macneill, whose "Lesbian Lizzie Borden" film Lizzie with Chloe Sevigny & Kristen Stewart just came out a couple of months ago. (Read my review here.) Dude is a name to watch.

Anyway that's my entreaty to watch the series if you don't already and like to be scared - it is legitimately terrifying, I think, in smart and creative and most importantly terrifying ways. Now let's hit the jump for a few more pictures of Steven Robertson that I snatched off of his Insta...

Great Moments In Movie Shelves #21

.

Today is Wonderful Ben Whishaw's 35th birthday and I really thought that scanning through Jane Campion's 2009 film Bright Star, in which Ben plays the poet John Keats, would offer me up a great library with which to celebrate via Ben + Shelves.

But save this early scene in a book-shop, where Fanny's siblings go and buy her a copy of Keats poetry, there are no shelves in the whole movie to be found! Isn't that nuts?

Oh to be sure there are PILES of books everywhere -- books piled on tables and piled on floors and piled on Ben Whishaw's wee little body, looking so big they may crush him like a wee little bug.

But no proper library or anything of the sort. I wonder if this was an active choice by Campion & cinematographer Grieg Frasier & production designer Janet Patterson -- to have them live among books, books as lived-in things with dustless spines -- or just a happy accident. Anyway the movie does get across...

... the sensation of touching a book, the smell practically, and the way that little bundle of paper can change everything, like gangbusters, so I suppose I can't complain. Happy birthday, Ben!

Who Wore It Best?

.

Rollergirl: Original or Remixed?

.

poll by twiigs.com

.

Happy 45, Heather Graham!

You know what, somebody give Heather a great role again. When she's great, she's so great, and I miss her. She was really good in her small role opposite Paul Schnieder in Goodbye To All That -- more of that, and less of that VC Andrews junk.

I Say Review You Say Huh

I'm heading off for the holidays in a couple of hours but I just realized that if I don't write up some quick thoughts on some of the movies I've recently watched there's no way in ho ho heck I'll be able to write up thoughts on them in two weeks when I return from the break - my brain's not that sturdy. I do these little review things a lot but seeing as how I'm kinda just staring at the door willing time to evaporate this time around's going to take brevity even more to heart, I fear. I'm being super short, in other words. Prepare your loins for a real quick in and out, everybody.

Two Days One Night -- Marvelous and moving work from the Dardennes and Marion Cotillard, the latter of whom showed me all those surprise critics awards she's been racking up were no French fetish fluke. They all make it seem so effortless, telling this simple tale that feels like a timeless fable and a stinging indictment of capitalism all in one. Like the main character the movie swings moods on a dime, but no step ever rings the slightest bit false. I feel like I don't have to write a lot on this movie right now because I'll write more when it comes time to make my Favorite Movies Of The Year list; that's where me and this movie are at.

Goodbye To All That -- But speaking of effortlessness, Paul Schneider y'all. Nobody's going to be giving him any Best Actor awards, nothing he's doing is the slightest bit showy, but effective? In the affirmative. The movie as a whole I ran kinda hot or cold on - as great as Schneider is I did keep hoping it would swerve off a la Listen Up Phillip and make more time for other perspectives; but then maybe that's just me wishing every movie gave Melanie Lynskey more to do. (Heather Graham is very good in a too small part, too.) One funny side-note: there's a scene in the middle that's super generous to small-town life that reminding me like a lightning bolt of the movie Junebug; it was only just now looking this movie up that I saw Junebug's writer wrote and directed this.

Fury -- I really didn't expect to dislike this movie so much; y'all know that Brad Pitt's haircut was hyping me up all on its lonesome but I'm also a fan of director David Ayer and some of the actors (I am not talking to you, Jon Benthal) and I liked the trailer well enough. But this thing rang hollow from start to finish - lost in search of its own Private Ryan to make us care, failing to notice his brains squished under the tank-tread a full mile back. There was nothing in here that didn't feel cribbed from better movies.

Mr Turner -- Easily one of the most beautifully-filmed movies of the year (hell maybe even the decade) and as gorgeously observed a character study as Mike Leigh, the king of character studies, is capable of making. But good god, the use of light, it'll stop your heart. It might run a little long but that didn't stop me from laying there in a daze soaking it in, detail by detail, scene by scene.

Predestination -- I spend so much time recoiling at Ethan Hawke (never more irritating than in Boyhood, aka this year's critical darling that I'm not on-board with) I forget that in little genre movies like Gattaca or like this movie here that, if he gets out of the way of his affectations, he can actually be pretty alright by me. Predestination's a clever one, much more than it lets on at first, and I enjoyed the ride; it's kind of Cloud Atlas with all the fat boiled off the bone.

The Homesman -- Brutal little thing, isn't it? Didn't see that coming. Loved the score very very much, too. And shocker, Prieto's cinematography's stunning. I was somewhat distracted by the story though - it's like Crazy Lady Central. Why's every single lady in town going crazy? Even surprise-guest Meryl Streep said the word "settee" with bizarre red-eyed menace. This movie should be retitled Prairie Bitches Be Crazy. That's clearly what I'll be calling it from now on, come join me.

Mockingbird -- I saw where it was going fairly early on but this no-budget found-footage horror flick from The Strangers' Bryan Betrino's got... well, if not exactly tricks up its sleeve, elbows. Up its sleeve. Sharp, hey don't get too comfortable elbows, and it's not afraid to use them. Kind of a slow-motion nightmare that plays off its inevitability with a funny mean streak (or maybe a mean funny streak). It does come up with some good answers to the constant found-footage questions of "Why won't these jerks put the camera down???" but I think it could've used one more character, somebody who says eff-this and runs, because that's really where I would've been. And I also wasn't entirely keen on the ending but then I've expressed a wariness with regards to that trope several thousand times before (but I don't want to spoil anything).

Force Majeure - I love how many movies there have been set in the mountains this year! I haven't even had to take any big trips, I've gotten to soak in Alpine splendor all over the place. Not that Force Majeure really has being a pretty postcard on the front of its mind - oh the shots sit there, and they are pretty, but they are totally staring right back at you. Uncomfortable but shockingly funny - this is a movie I'm kinda glad I didn't see with an audience because I'm not sure I wouldn't have stuck out like a sore thumb I was laughing so hard at the exquisitely detailed self-propelled misery of these folks. Anyway I loved every frame and I want to snuggle with this movie (and its big bouncing ginger beard) in my sleeping bag.

Have you guys seen any of these? Thoughts?

.

Who Wore It Best?

Hot-Tub-White-Underpants?

.

poll by twiigs.com

.

A happy 35th birthday to Jesse Bradford today! You can see more pictures of him working that Hot-Tub-White-Underpants look right here. It's a tough look but given the right circumstances Hot-Tub-White-Underpants can be a good look for some people! Just ask Paul Schneider in All the Real Girls...

Good Morning, World

.

A very happy 38th birthday to Casey Affleck today - otherwise known as "The Actually Talented Affleck." Alright so maybe I did call him my least favorite leg of the love triangle in my review of the upcoming Ain't Them Bodies Saints but I didn't exactly say he was bad. Ben Foster was just so good that Casey's mumbling never quite stood a chance. Anyway he was absolutely wonderful in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford and that's what these pictures are from, so there.

Looking at this scene this morning I find myself wishing it played out a little differently (of course I do) - maybe something like the bathtub scene from The Talented Mr. Ripley? Paul Schdeinder needs to get in there with him, it's chilly outside! But no, never, movies are always splashing cold water on my dreams.

We Want To See Them Work It

.

In honor of the release of Steven Soderbergh's male stripper bildungsroman Magic Mike which is out on Blu/DVD tomorrow, we held a lil' contest last week, wherein we randomly chose a winner from the likes of you-all who answered a question I put forth, namely for you-all to name five names that you would cast in the sequel. And I got way more emails for this contest than I have for any other, proving once and for all that I have an audience that likes to look at men in states of undress. (Shocker.) Anyway thanks to everybody for the replies, but we have a winner - congratulations Ty! - whose choices were an eclectically delicious bunch.

"This was a challenging hypothetical. If you'd have asked tomorrow it would probably be different. Thinking about it now I've come up with Takeshi Kaneshiro, Charlie Hunnam, Dominic Cooper, Skylar Astin, and Paul Schneider. Siiiigh, if only."

If only, indeed. Indeed there was so much "if only" going on as I read through your emails I knew I had to do something with them. So how's about a poll? I counted up all of your picks. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's junk-thrusting performance on SNL was obviously fresh in everybody's minds, because he walked away with the top spot handily. Next up came the Chris contingent of The Avengers to round out the top three.

From there on it was a bloodbath. (Sexiest bloodbath ever.) But I leave it to you. Below is y'all's top fifteen vote-getters, from top to bottom (and everything in between). Pick five, and then we'll have a perfectly democratic cast of thong-bearers. I will of course then send the final tally straight to Channing Tatum, who will make it happen exactly as we decree.* (If he's not pissed off that his co-star Matthew Bomer kicked his oh so shapely butt, that is.)

.

poll by twiigs.com

.

* I can make no such promise.

.

Colin Farrell Makes Me Wish I Had Three Hands

.

What is it about that top shot that's making me giggle so much? (Sidenote: I don't actually "giggle.") It's such a ridiculous pose. It's like, "Hey I was totally gonna take a dump in this lawn, but then I saw THE WORLD EXPLODING over my shoulder," or something. Ridiculous. The picture of Colin on the lower-right is right to stare and point mockingly, even though it's more of the same silliness. Although it's more like, "Hey I was just gonna take a dump on this lawn, but then I saw ALIENS INVADING."

Anyway speaking of Colin Farrell plus aliens (sweet transition, me!), the remake of Total Recall's out today! I never got around to mentioning it when it was revealed but we did indeed get confirmation (at Comic-Con, where else) that there's a three-titted hooker in this one. Not that that's a sign of quality (apparently - shockingly! - the movie sucks), but it does imply that Len Wiseman's heart (slash dick) was in the right place. And for once, the right place wasn't Kate Beckinsale! (Ba dum bump, bing.)

On that note, head over to Celebrity Beehive where I've written up what's out this weekend in the movie theaters, maybe even near you. And here's some recent pics of Colin at the beach to wet (whet?) your, uh, appetite. (Appetite?)